You Love To See It: A Teenager With A Heart Of Gold
My sister went through a rather rough time a few years ago. Her husband had passed away years ago leaving her with two young children, and then the oldest of the two was diagnosed with a serious, potentially fatal illness when he was six. Thankfully, he pulled through and is mostly fine now, but back then, we were all very worried.
In addition to the fear any mother would feel, there was also a real financial strain. Her son needed medicine and doctor visits, and it was all rather expensive for a single mother. She was struggling financially, but she was vehemently opposed to accepting charity or allowing her family to assist her despite these struggles. She accepted only the bare minimum necessary to ensure that she could afford what her son needed and made personal sacrifices to try to make up the rest.
She also needed to take the eldest to various appointments, and she had some obligations of her own, meaning she frequently needed a babysitter, but she loathed the expense of one. I’d babysat when I could, but my own work and other commitments limited when I was available. She had been getting an older teen that lived in a nearby development to do it and seemed satisfied with her, but then, one day, my nephews started talking about their new babysitter, one they evidently loved
I asked about this new sitter, and it seemed that the younger brother of her usual babysitter had requested permission to tag along with his sister and help at no cost, just to get babysitting experience so he was better equipped to sell himself as a sitter later. Once his sister got a part-time job of her own and basically retired from babysitting, he naturally took over as the regular babysitter for evenings and weekends. which my nephews seemed quite okay with. I was only mildly upset that they begged for him to babysit them over me, honest!
Eventually, there was a family event going on. My sister had originally stated that she wasn’t coming since she didn’t want to pay for a babysitter for a day and travel expenses. I goaded her into it by suggesting that, since I needed a babysitter anyway, I’d pay for one for all three of our kids and cover any of her travel expenses. My sister was reluctant to agree, but she did since it was a rather important event to miss. I picked her up at her house while leaving my daughter there to be babysat by this new guy her kids adored.
I was really shocked at how young he looked when he arrived. I would have been apprehensive about trusting someone that young if I didn’t know he had been babysitting for my sister for a while and gotten glowing reviews from both mother and children. We were running late — my fault — and I was trying to pay him really quickly as my sister rushed to get everything together within earshot of us.
Me: “So, how much do I owe you?”
Babysitter: “Well, I sort of have a policy of paying what you think is reasonable.”
Me: “I can match whatever [Sister] is paying, plus a little more for [My Daughter]. How much would that be?”
Babysitter: “Umm, no, that’s fine. I always offer to do the first sitting for free, anyway.”
Sister: “Okay, done. Come on. Ready to go?”
Babysitter: “You’re late. Go ahead. You can pay me when you get back.”
He was acting oddly — as if he were either uncomfortable saying an amount or unsure what he should say. I wasn’t sure why, but I was in a hurry, so I figured I’d sort it out when we got home and had more time rather then pressuring him right that minute, leaving just a $20 for pizza with them.
As we were driving, I asked my sister what his usual pay was, and she quoted me an absurdly low rate. As she explained it, she paid his sister an already low rate, and he had argued that since he was younger, had trouble selling himself as a male babysitter, and was still just trying to prove to others that he could babysit, he should get a lower rate than his sister. None of that changed the fact that his rate was so tiny I was surprised any teen would be willing to work for it. For her part, my sister seemed to half-believe his claims. I think she may have suspected things were low, but given her financial situation, she was willing to believe him when he claimed it was reasonable despite her own doubts.
When we got back, her youngest son woke up when he heard us come in, so my sister was dragged back to his bedroom to try to settle him, leaving me to talk freely with the babysitter.
Me: “Does [Sister] really only pay you [absurdly low sum] an hour?”
Babysitter: “Well, I do tell people they can pay what they think is reasonable.”
Me: “She told me you suggested it. Is that what you have others pay you?”
He looked around as if to make sure my sister wasn’t listening in.
Babysitter: “No. Most people actually offer a really good pay if you let them pick — better than I would have asked for. It’s usually [pay range], but don’t tell [Sister] that, please.”
Me: “You’re intentionally charging her less?”
Babysitter: “She doesn’t have a lot of money, and [Nephew #1] and [Nephew #2] aren’t even hard to watch, so I don’t mind. The hardest part was convincing her not to pay me more, so please don’t say anything to make her think it should be more.”
Me: “That’s really kind of you. You’re right; if she knew it was charity, she probably would insist on paying more, so we’ll keep that a secret.”
Babysitter: “Good, thanks.”
Me: “No, thank you! But I’m paying you today, so how about [amount 30% higher than the higher range he said people usually pay]?
Babysitter: “That’s way too much!”
Me: “You said people get to set their own rate; that’s what I’m offering. If you don’t take it, I’ll just raise it higher on you. Consider it a thank-you from someone who wishes she could help her sister more directly.”
He hemmed and hawed a little bit but eventually accepted the cash. After confirming that my daughter enjoyed his sitting her, he also was made my own go-to babysitter. He had to deal with the terrible hassle of being paid more than his going rate whenever he babysat for me, but somehow, he managed.
