To Steal A Phrase

, , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(I am a customer, shopping for a new shirt. I’ve picked up a few to try on, but I can’t see one of the ones I want in my size.)

Me: “Excuse me, but do you have this shirt in a large?”

Employee: “Let me go check in the back.”

(She goes to the stockroom and returned a moment later with a shirt.)

Employee: “It was the brown, right? Here you go!”

Me: “Oh, great! Can I steal that from you?”

(Then I realize what I said.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh! I mean, ‘buy!’ ‘Can I buy that from you?’”

(I did end up buying the shirt.)

Now We Know Why The Wife Ran Away

, , , , | Right | March 9, 2018

(It is an average day for me at the large clothing outlet store where I work. Whilst on the shop floor, a man in his late 60s suddenly approaches me. He moves directly towards me and gets my attention. It is not uncommon for customers to inquire about our products, so I prepare for what I presume will be a clothes-related question by fixing a professional smile to my face.)

Customer: “Have you seen my wife?”

(I do not know this man, never mind his wife.)

Me: *taken aback* “Er, no, sorry… What does she look like?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “Never mind!” *pointing at my name badge* “So much for ‘Happy to help’!” *walks off*

(My name badge literally just contains my name. Nowhere does it say, “Happy to help,” which isn’t a slogan used by our company. My name does not even contain any of the letters used within the words “happy,” “to,” or “help.”)

Dress Socks

, , , , | Working | March 3, 2018

(I am helping a woman find a dress for a wedding she obviously doesn’t want to attend. She is in a bad mood for most of the time she is in the store. Everything I suggest she says she doesn’t like, though it’s in a nice way.)

Customer: “I love this dress, but I am too flat-chested for it.”

Customer’s Friend: “You could always put some socks in there.”

Me: “Our socks are on sale.”

(I am waiting for the woman to get mad at me; luckily, she starts cracking up.)

Customer: “Thanks, I needed that.”

A Temporal Pair-Of-Socks

, , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I work at an inexpensive chain clothing store. The return policy is fairly standard: 30 days with a receipt. It is a slow weekday morning so I am the only cashier. A well-dressed woman with an expensive-looking purse comes in and walks up to the register.)

Customer: “I have a return.” *starts to dig in her purse*

Me: “Okay, would you like to exchange it for something else, or just return it?”

Customer: “Just return them. I was cleaning out my husband’s closet and found them. There’s no receipt.”

(She shows me a pair of hideous maroon and olive tube socks. The packaging is still intact but doesn’t look like any brand packaging I’ve ever seen at the store, so I know it must be really old.)

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I scan the socks, and the computer burps out an angry error message.)

Me: “I’m sorry. The computer isn’t even registering these as an item we sell; I can’t return them.”

(My manager has been hanging out nearby. She stays quiet but walks up behind me and starts writing something down.)

Customer: “But they came from here. Look at the tag!”

(I turn my computer screen so she can see it and I scan the socks again.)

Me: “See? The system won’t let me do anything. These socks definitely weren’t sold in the last 30 days.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess it was worth a shot.”

(Really? A single pair of old socks was worth your time? And my time? Keep in mind she doesn’t seem to be the type that’s strapped for cash. Several minutes after the customer leaves, my manager returns to the registers with a smirk on her face.)

Manager: “I just looked up that item number. Those socks were sold in 1997. For $1.89.”

Not Everyone’s Cup Of C

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(I’m working at a very well known lingerie store when a man walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hello, I am looking for a bra for my wife, since it is our anniversary.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help! Do you know her bra size?”

Customer: “Um, no, I don’t.”

Me: “Well, do you at least know either the band size or the cup size?”

Customer: “Eh, no, I don’t.” *uses his hands to gesture grabbing his boobs* “I mean, they’re big, but not that big.”

Me: “That sounds like a C-cup. Right this way.”

Page 1/4812345...Last
Next »