This Style Of Discipline Is Totally Armless

, , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(I’m helping a family with several young children. One of them seems very interested in our armless mannequins.)

Boy: “How do you guys make those?”

(Before I can say anything, the mother speaks up.)

Mom: “If they catch you stealing, they take you into a back room, cut off your arms, and then pour gunk all over you and let you dry! And when it’s done they bring you out front and put you display, like those guys!”

The Flaunting Is Haunting

, , , , , | Right | May 9, 2018

(I work at a place that specializes in men’s suits and formal attire. Two men come in during a quiet period and begin browsing our selection, all the time making small talk to each other.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man #1: “Not right now. Please leave; we’re discussing important decisions!”

(He makes a shooing gesture at me, and I duly return to the register. The two keep walking around, nattering endlessly to each other, before the man who spoke turns and walks right up to me.)

Man #1: “Well, maybe I’ll come back and buy the whole store next time.”

(I look up, caught off guard by this comment. Believing it to be a joke, I smile and nod.)

Me: “Sounds like a plan, sir.”

(The man suddenly looks offended.)

Man #1: “What? You don’t believe me? Don’t think I’ve got the money to clean you out?”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry?”

Man #1: “How do you know I’m not a millionaire? I could have the finances to buy this whole store and slap my own brand on it!”

Me: “What? What are you talking about?”

Man #1: “How would you feel, knowing you just cost this place the biggest sale ever? Why should I buy anything, now that I know it’s staffed by incompetent, judgmental d**ks?”

(I’m getting rather ticked off by this guy’s attitude, but before I can say anything, one of our regular customers comes into the store.)

Me: “Oh, good afternoon, [Regular].”

Regular: “Hey there, [My Name]! Have you got more of those [Brand] shirts I called about?”

Me: “Sure, just over there.”


Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s my job to help all customers with their queries.”

Man #1: “Yeah, well, guess what? You suck at it!” *he pulls out his wallet* “See this? There’s been over $5,000 in this at any given time, and now your store ain’t gettin’ a penny of it, because you’re a worthless s***. I’m a millionaire, and I demand respect!”

Regular: “Actually, I doubt that.”

Man #1: “What? And who are you to judge?”

(The regular customer pulls out a business card, revealing himself to be a rather well-known local entrepreneur.)

Regular Customer: “Well, last I checked, my net worth was around 4.1 million, meaning that technically, I am a millionaire. With that in mind, I can honestly tell you that anyone who actually knows how to manage money to be this successful knows that part of being a good businessman is not to insult others, or to flaunt your wealth as means of belittling them, so your behavior is highly suspect. Second off, if you’re worth as much as you say, you’d also know how insanely stupid it is to carry large amounts of cash on your person, as that makes you a prime target for thievery. Granted, you may indeed have won a lot of money, or come into it, but even so that’s no excuse for being an a**hole. Certainly you can rest assured I’m never going to want to do business with you now, if this is how you act in public!”

([Man #1] sputters and looks at the card, the color draining from his face. His friend finally leans over and speaks up.)

Man #2: “Dude, we’d better go.”

(They hurry out of the store, leaving my regular customer shaking his head.)

Me: “Wow, uh, thank you immensely! Your timing was impeccable there!”

Regular: “Don’t mention it. I run into jerks like that far too often during the course of my day. Heck, the reason I shop at places like this rather than the more upscale locations is because I usually can rest assured I won’t run into any more!”

One Racist, Two Racist, Three Racist, Ha Ha Ha

, , , , , | Friendly | May 8, 2018

(I’m Romanian but have lived in the USA for a few years now, and I’ve never had a noticeable accent. I’m looking for something to wear at a party while quietly talking on the phone with my grandmother who does not speak English. I am quiet enough to talk to her without disturbing the other customers. After a few minutes one of them taps my shoulder.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Stranger: “Yes, stop speaking that gibberish; it’s annoying! Speak English, like any good American does.”

Me: “Sir, if you don’t mind, I’m speaking to my grandmother, and she doesn’t speak English.”

Stranger: “Well… She should learn!”

Me: “You want a woman in her late 60s who rarely leaves Romania to learn English?”

Stranger: “Yes… Wait, Romania’s a real place?”

Me: “Yup, and as a reply to your earlier statement, I am, in fact, not American.”

Stranger: “But you don’t have an accent!”

Me: “If you mean that ridiculous, vaguely Eastern European accent you hear from the Count on Sesame Street, then I’m sorry to disappoint. Frankly, I’m tired of this conversation, and FYI, the US has no official language. There is no law mandating I should speak it even when the person I’m speaking to doesn’t.”

(I returned to my call and walked away. Later on, I saw the same person being escorted out for cursing at a cashier who spoke Spanish to an elderly man who had trouble pronouncing some words in English.)

Too Much “Happy”

, , | Working | April 24, 2018

(I’m in a fitting room when I notice something odd about the store music: Pharrell Williams’s “Happy” is playing, but instead of the full song, it’s some weird karaoke version. It’s basically background vocalists repeating, “Because I’m happy,” on a six-second loop. Over the time I’m in the fitting room, I come to realize that the karaoke version has gone on for far longer than the actual song and shows no signs of stopping. Later, I find an employee. The song is still playing, and it’s been about 20 minutes since I first noticed it.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: *turns around with a look of utmost despair*

Me: “So… About the music…”

Employee: “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We can’t do anything about it. It’s been like this since we opened. No one can figure out why it won’t stop.”

Me: “Oh. I’m sorry. At least the store’s closing soon, right?”

Employee: “That’s the only thing keeping me from running out the door right now.”

(I tried to continue shopping, but the song was just too annoying. I left without buying anything, feeling sorry for the employees who couldn’t do the same. To this day, that song makes me cringe.)

Their “Pretty Woman” Moment

, , , , | Working | April 20, 2018

(I need a new dress for my high school graduation ceremony. My mother will pay for it, but since she does not have much free time, it is decided that my older sister and I will go to our favourite fancy clothing store, look through their collection, put a reservation on our favourite dresses, and return the next day with our mother. I am 18, and my sister is 20. When we reach the store shortly after opening on a weekday, we enter the floor that has what we are looking for, only to find it completely empty of other customers or employees. There are, however, signs everywhere stating that you are not allowed to try on dresses without an employee present, so we go and search for one. On the far end of the floor, we find two women in their 50s behind some registers.)

Sister: “Hi, we are looking for a graduation dress!”

Employee: *stops talking to her colleague, looking rather annoyed* “Sure, come with me.”

(She leads us back out onto the floor. While walking, my sister tells her what we have in mind:)

Sister: “We need a graduation dress for my sister. The ceremony is at [date], and since it will be warm, we need something that has a fabric that is not too heavy. We thought about something with [sleeve style], maybe combined with [skirt style].”

(While my sister is in the middle of describing what we are looking for, the woman stops in the middle if the floor, next to one of the signs, and points to a connecting room.)

Employee: “Cocktail dresses are over there.” *walks away*

Me: “But wait!”

Sister: “Well, we tried! Come on. Let’s check out these dresses.”

(We spend the next hour in the room trying on dresses. The woman does not check on us or offer to help even once. With our two favourite dresses, we return to the registers. The woman is again chatting with her coworker and throws us a nasty look when she sees us. When we ask her to reserve the dresses for us, she complies but throws a look at her coworker that clearly says, “Who are those annoying brats trying to fool?” At home, we tell our mother about the woman’s behaviour. It’s clear to us that she did not deem us worthy of her time, thinking we would not buy anything. Since we are young adults looking for a dress for a specific occasion only a few weeks away, with clear ideas what we are looking for, we do not understand where she would get that idea from. When the three of us return the next day, the same woman is at the register again. We point her out to our mother.)

Mom: “Hello. My daughters reserved some dresses. I would like to see them.”

(The woman recognizes us, but quickly covers her shocked expression with a big smile.)

Woman: “But of course! Your lovely daughters were here yesterday! We looked at so many dresses, and they picked out some really nice ones!”

(She brings the dresses and keeps blabbering to my mother about us and the dresses, acting as if she had been helping us the whole time yesterday. She actually turns out to be really helpful when my mother wants to see some other dresses, finding one that was exactly what we have been looking for and looks perfect on me. We did not find it the day before because it was in a completely different room! My mother buys the dress, but does not leave a tip as would be usual in a store like this. The woman’s face drops when she sees that. Later, in the car:)

Mom: “Well, can you believe this woman? Does she think you do not talk to me? I would have given her a big tip for her help, but not when she treated you that way yesterday!”

(I hope that woman learned her lesson: even if you do not think someone is going to buy something, do the job you’re getting paid for!)

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