They Will Coupon And On And On…

, , , | Right | June 29, 2018

(We are having a sale in which almost everything in the store is 50% off. With the sale, our registers are not accepting coupons of any kind. We have already explained the situation dozens of times today, but many customers have become irate because they can’t use their coupons. The manager has gotten tired of explaining.)

Manager: “Okay, I have some signs to display to let people know that we can’t accept coupons.”

(The manager puts signs everywhere, including on the counter right behind the register. A customer approaches the register.)

Customer #1: “So, I have this coupon; can I use it?”

Me: “No, with the sale we have right now, we are unable to accept any coupons.”

(She pays and leaves.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], your signs aren’t working.”

Manager: *taping a sign right on the register at customers’ eye level* “Now there’s no way they’ll miss it!”

(Immediately, another customer approaches.)

Customer #2: “So, can I use this coupon?”

Me: *screams internally*

What The Check Are You Playing At?

, , , , , | | Right | June 8, 2018

(I’m an assistant manager. We can accept out-of-town checks, but we can’t accept out-of-state ones. This has something to do with the way out-of-state checks are handled when they bounce. Basically, if a check from an out-of-state bank bounces, then it is handed over for a criminal fraud charge, as opposed to a local bank where we just hold the bounced check for several days before trying again, and if it fails then, take the person to civil court for the funds. A lady comes into the store to purchase some items, and is paying by check. Since all checks require manager approval, and I am the only one on duty at that time, I head over. When I get there, I see it’s drawn on a Florida bank.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but store policy is that we can’t accept checks from out of state. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “G**d*** you, I need this for my Christmas! You’re going to accept that g**d*** check, or I’m going to call the police on you! It’s legal tender!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, a check is just a promise to pay. However, if you write that check, and it bounces, then you would be facing criminal charges and arrest. I’d wager that would ruin your Christmas more than me not accepting it.”

Customer: “Well, [Large Retailer] takes it!”

Me: “Yes, they’re a multi-state company, and they can afford to do it, since they have locations just about everywhere. We, on the other hand, only operate in Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina. So, it’s the policy.”

(The woman is beside herself, and storms out the store, pausing only long enough to knock over several racks of clothing, shove one of the other clerks, and several boxes of shoes. Another customer comes up to me.)

Other Customer: “Hi, I’m an off-duty cop and saw everything. Would you like to call it in? I can speak with the lady; I can see that she’s sitting in her car.”

(I do, and he brings her back in with other officers. We head back to the office, where she’s going on and on about how a check is legal tender, until one officer tells her that it’s not true, and spells out the Georgia law that I’m trying to protect her from.)

Officer: “What do you want to do?

Me: “I want her escorted from the store, and barred from shopping here ever again.”

(He agrees, informs her of this, and escorts her out. Fast forward exactly one year. I’m the store manager now, and I notice in reviewing my checks that someone on my day off took a check from Florida that bounced. I call the young clerk into the office and explain what she did wrong. She relates how the woman had noted that she’d had problems in the store the year before, and had only came back after a previous assistant manager had quit — I hadn’t quit, just been promoted. I describe the lady from before.)

Clerk: “Yes, that’s her. And I saw her again today, looking through the jewelry department!”

(Thinking fast, I told the clerk to stall the customer, while I called the police. Once the police arrived, I handed over the check, and noted the previous incident. The officers and I headed up, only to have the lady turn around and see me. The moment our eyes met, she dropped everything and took off running for the front door. Somehow she misjudged where the door was, and instead ran face-first right into the window beside it, knocking herself out. She ended up cuffed for fraud, as well as shoplifting; she had pocketed several bits of jewelry. A couple weeks after Christmas, I got a call from my district manager about the whole thing. Not only was the lady wanted in two states for fraud, she’d bilked the company out of several thousand dollars. She’d go to various stores and pull one of two acts, either playing innocent, or using the “[Large Retailer] does it” ploy and get clerks to accept the checks. The problem was, the checks were forgeries, and the bank they called on didn’t even exist. The lady was facing some SERIOUS jail time as a result of it.)

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Social Insecurity Number

, , , , , | | Legal | June 5, 2018

(I am a new hire at a popular clothing retailer, but I pick everything up rather quickly. The process for looking up a customer’s [Store] credit card is much like every other store that has a credit card — I require the driver’s license, and the customer inputs their own Social Security number. The following occurs when I am looking up a customer’s account because she forgot her card.)

Customer: “You know, someday they’ll find out this is illegal.”

(I stare at her blankly a moment, not knowing who “they” are or, to be honest, what “this” is. I worry she’s about to accuse me of being a criminal.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Someday they’ll find out it’s illegal for you to ask all this information.”

Me: “Well… I never see your SSN, ma’am, nor do I input any of your info. I just—”

Customer: “Well, someday! It’s totally illegal, asking for such personal info. Someone will end up causing you legal trouble, and it’ll all blow up in your face.”

Me: “Well… this is how every credit card account is looked up, you know. Even [Popular Nationwide Grocer/Retailer] does this, not just us—”

Customer: “Oh, I know! But there’ll be a class-action lawsuit someday! You’ll see!”

(The thing that baffles me the most is that to sign up for the card alone, she would need to give me the ID, the SSN, and additionally her phone number, street address, full name, and yearly income. How she didn’t see the irony is beyond me.)

Double Deceit

, , , , | | Working | May 25, 2018

(I have been working at [Skater Clothing Outlet] for a few months. As a newer sales kid, I have yet to lose my wide-eyed wonder of the job. I have therefore been always eager to help everybody; I sometimes get in a little trouble for my over-enthusiastic lack of a filter. I have never had a customer complain about me, nor have customers ever mentioned me directly to my manager, until one day. We are having a meeting like any other; it’s a week before black Friday, so we are prepping for our big sale. Everything is normal until the end of the employee meeting.)

Manager: *in a serious, you’re-in-trouble voice* “[My Name], I need to speak with you in private.”

(All eyes turn to me, I can hear murmurs from the crew gossiping amongst themselves as I follow my manager.)

Manager: “I had a woman come in today, and she had a few serious words with me about you.”

Me: *scared stiff* “O-oh… What about?”

Manager: “She said that–” *her face suddenly lightens up* ”–you were fantastic. She brought her daughter in, and whatever you did you made that girl smile for the first time in years.”

Me: *suddenly very relieved* “Oh, thank God. Why did you make it seem like I was in trouble?”

(She grins.)

Manager: “Because that’s what she did to me! She walked in all mean-looking and angry. She went all–” *she puffs up like an angry soccer mom* “–‘Are you the Manager?!’ I thought you murdered her dog or something before she lightened up.”

Sued To Satisfaction

, , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(I’m next in line at the cash register when a middle-aged woman shoves me out the way.)

Woman: “Last week that dress was only 80€. Now I come back today and it’s 110€.”

Cashier: *to me* “I’m sorry.” *to the woman* “Yes, we had a promotion last week for that brand but it has already ended.”

Woman: “NO! This is false advertising! Give it to me for 80€!”

Cashier: “The promotion has ended. That has nothing to do with false advertising.”

Woman: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR 80€ OR I’LL SUE THE H*** OUT OF YOU!”

Cashier: “I’m just going to call a manager. One second, please.”

(The annoying woman now looks incredibly smug as she apparently — as do I — expects them to cave in. After a minute a manager comes over and the cashier relays the story to him.)

Manager: “I see.” *fumbles around his pockets and hands the woman a piece of paper* “That’s the card of our lawyer. As you threatened to sue us, our employees are, as per policy, no longer allowed to talk to you. For further communications please contact the number on the card. Thank you and have a nice day.”

(The manager walks away and the cashier motions to me to step forward and starts scanning my purchase.)

Cashier: *ignoring the woman* “Do you have a loyalty card?”

Woman: “You can’t be serious. I’d still would’ve bought it!”

Me: *also ignoring her, to cashier* “No, thank you.”

Cashier: “Do you need a bag for 5¢?”

Woman: “Don’t you know how much I buy here?! Sell it to me for 110€ or I’ll take my business elsewhere!”

Me: *grinning uncontrollably, to cashier* “No, but thank you.”

Cashier: “All right. Have a nice day.”

Woman: “WHY IS EVERYONE IGNORING ME?! HELLO? I WANT THAT DRESS NOW!”

Me: “Thank you, I’m having a great day already.”

(Best. Policy. Ever.)

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