Rabbits Are My Number One And Two Favorite Animals

, , , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(I work as an animal carer for our local petting zoo which also has a child day-care center for children aged 0-4. Off course the children love all the animals and are always curious what we are doing. One morning I am on my way to feed our rabbit groups near to where the children are playing. A cute little girl of about three follows me to the pens.)

Girl: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I am going to feed the rabbits and give them some water.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Well, I think they would like to have something to eat and to drink just like you do.”

Girl: “Will that make them pee and poo?”

(Trying to keep a straight face.)

Me: “Yes, they will need to pee and poo.”

(The girl seemed satisfied and I allowed her to pet one of the rabbits for a moment before she went off to play again.)

The Single Biggest Surprise

, , , | Romantic | July 28, 2017

(For years, I used to be single and in the end I started to get really unhappy about that. Since it really became a big issue, lots of friends and coworkers start to give me advice. In some cases I ask for this; in most cases, I don’t. In all cases, I feel uncomfortable with the advice and ignore most of it. I sign up for several dating sites, but don’t get any real life dates from it, frustrating me even more. Some people say I should go on Tinder, including one who had advised me not to go on a dating site, since it is all on looks. Other people start “advising” me I should just wait, as if I hadn’t done that and as if waiting means it will all work out in just a few weeks. I decide there’s no system and that I’m tired of all the nosy people around me, so I quit dating for a while. A few months later, I start feeling lonely again and sign up to a better recommended dating site. At first, the experiment seems to fail again, but then, a nice girl starts talking to me and we have a really nice chat. From that, the dating starts and a few months later she asks me to be her boyfriend. More than a year after that, we decide to go live together. After five months living together, I meet some old friends who used to give me lots of advice about dating.)

Friend #1: “How is everything with you and [Girlfriend]?”

Me: “Good. And how’s your love life?”

Friend #1: “Single again. Had a girlfriend. Didn’t work out.”

Friend #2: “Well, I know the feeling.”

Friend #3: “Don’t worry, lads. I’ve been dating for years. But somehow…”

Friend #1: “Wait… This is a historical moment! [My Name] is the only one here who isn’t single!”

(Which really gave me the feeling I was right to ignore them all along.)

When An Ex Cancels Out Another Ex

, , | Romantic | July 27, 2017

(Five years ago, the ex-girlfriend of a former roommate married my ex-boyfriend. That was one year after I had broken up with him. I didn’t attend their wedding, but we are friends. I get invited to her birthday at their bungalow in the woods. This conversation happens while passing each other in a doorway, with no other people in earshot:)

Me: “Your house is lovely! It must be a breeze to live out here.”

Her: “It is! Oh, why don’t you come live here? We could be [Ex-boyfriend]’s wives together!’

Me: *awkward blank stare*

You’ll Pay For That Comparison

, , | Friendly | July 25, 2017

Me: “Hey, can I hitch a ride with you?”

Friends: *teasingly* “I’m not a taxi!”

Me: “I know. I’m not paying you, am I?”

Fat Chance That’s A Baby

, , | Related | June 28, 2017

(My boyfriend asked me to marry him while we are on vacation and we decide to wait to tell our family until we were back. This happens while at my parents’ house.)

Me: “So [Boyfriend] asked me to marry him and I said yes!”

(My parents congratulate us.)

Brother: *puts hand on my stomach* “So, am I going to be an uncle now?”

Me: “No, that’s just fat.”

(Yeah, thanks, little brother. Really makes me feel secure with my body!)

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