(During a heated debate in my Sociology class about the pros and cons of immigration, the discussion turned to illegal immigration.)
Student: “I pay my taxes. If I have to pay sales tax, I think they should too!”
(Customer calls in asking about her balance and bank charges. Just to emphasise this conversation take place over a telephone.)
Me: “Your balance is [amount] into an unplanned overdraft but you have until 3 pm tomorrow to credit your account and you’ll avoid any charges.”
Her: “Hmmm, well I got some money but I won’t be able to get into my branch tomorrow. Can’t I just pay it in over the phone?”
Me: “From another account?”
Her: “No from the same account.”
Me: “I’m not sure I understand, the account is overdrawn. You need funds from another source.”
Her: “I know, I have some from my account.”
Me: “You mean cash?”
Her: “Yeah could I do that?”
Me: “No, you would have to go into your branch to pay that in.”
Her: “I just said I can’t make it to my branch! Why can’t you just pay this in? You’re a bank aren’t you?!”
Me: “Excuse me, but just how would you expect me to pay this money in?”
(Silence, during which I would like to imagine she is looking at the money and the phone, trying to jam it in there or something.)
Her: “But it’s from my account! Can’t you just take it off the overdraft!”
Me: “I understand what you’re saying, but unless we invent a teleporter to transfer your money directly into your account it will be impossible for me to take a cash payment.”
Her: “But I’ll be charged! If I get charges I want them refunded, this is ridiculous! I can’t understand why you can’t just put my account in credit!”
Me: *dying a little on the inside* “Me neither, me neither…”
Me: *notices customer walking into the store* “How can I help you today?”
Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for $10.”
Me: “Actually, that sale ended yesterday.”
Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”
Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVDs at?!”
Me: “My job…”
Customer: “How about if I give you $5?”
Me: “…sure.”
(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the customer’s money. With the additional five dollars, this adds up to the normal retail price so there have been no savings.)
Me: “Have a happy holiday.”
Customer: *winks at me*
This story is part of the Problems That Resolve Themselves roundup!
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(This was my last week at a very lousy sales job working for a major jewelry manufacturer that deals exclusively with jewelers on a screened account basis.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Manufacturer]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I need a price check on a diamond.”
(We go through a drawn out process of finding the stone he wants: a large carat, high-grade diamond. I quote him the price in the system.)
Customer: “That can’t be right! That’s too expensive!”
Me: “It’s the price I have in the system, sir. If you like, we can look for a different piece?”
Customer: “NO! It has to be that one! Are you sure that’s the right price?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “Are you absolutely certain?”
Me: “Absolutely, sir.”
Customer: “And that’s in dollars, right?”
(At this point, I’m fed up and not really concerned with whether I get fired or not at this point. I answer in my most sincere deadpan.)
Me: “No, sir. That’s in woodchucks. We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks.”
(I hear a bark of laughter from one of the call monitoring agents on the next row, which gets even louder when the customer asks if I’m serious.)
This story is part of the Cheapskate Customers roundup!
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(A customer comes in to a video game store, obviously angry.)
Customer: “Hello, I’m here to return these two games.”
(Hands me the two games and the receipt.)
Customer: “For this game, I want my money back; for this DS game, I want a different game. It’s the same price so I don’t have to pay the difference.”
Me: “Okay, ma’am.”
(I scan the receipt and fill out the return information.)
Me: “Ma’am, your total will be $19.56.”
Customer: “What?! Why is it going to be so much if it’s the same price as the other DS game?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, you got this game for free.”
Customer: “If I would’ve paid for it, it would have been the same price so I don’t owe nothing!”
Me: “You didn’t pay anything for this game, so you won’t get anything back.”
Customer: “But if I would’ve paid for it, it would’ve been the same price. Let me speak to your manager.”
(I call my manager.)
Manager: “Well ma’am, as my employee was saying, you didn’t pay anything for this game. Therefore, you will not get your money back for something you didn’t pay for.”
Customer: “But if I would’ve paid for it–”
Manager: “You paid nothing for this game.”
Customer: “But if I would’ve paid–”
Manager: “Get out of my store.”
Customer: *walks out in a huff*
This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.
