Makeup Won’t Cover Up That Kind Of Ugly

, , , , , | Right | April 3, 2018

(I am standing two customers at a posh department store.)

Customer #1: *a rather pretty, larger young woman* “Do you have any liquid foundation to help cover my blemishes? I’m going on a date.”

Sales Lady: “Of course. Let me show you our range.”

([Customer #2] is impatiently waiting to be served, standing behind [Customer #1]. She mutters loud enough for everyone to hear.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, it’s called sandpaper. No one could cover that much ugly. Who’d want to date a fat someone like that?”

Customer #1: *turns around and glares at the woman, who just looks smug* “Fat is better than being vindictive, nasty, vain, and jealous.”

Customer #2: *turns red in the face* “How dare an ugly b**** talk to me like that? People like you don’t belong in places like this; go home and eat another hamburger!”

(Being larger myself, I get very angry when others are judged on their looks, so I speak up.)

Me: “Hey, lady. A pretty face can’t hide how ugly and nasty you are inside. It’s basic human decency to treat others with respect; if you can’t do that, then you’re the ugliest person on Earth.”

([Customer #1] and I high-five.)

Customer #2: “I see ugly and fat b****es stick up for each other.” *glares at the sales lady* “What are you going to do about this?”

Sales Lady: “I support human decency, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Well, I’m not going to shop in a place that serves that kind of person and has rude staff.”

(She threw her items — a bottle of liquid foundation and a bottle of perfume — on the floor, where they smashed open, making a mess. Then she headed toward the department store exit. The sales lady quickly called security and stopped the woman, telling her she had to pay for the items she destroyed. As she was dragged off by security, we could hear her yelling throughout the store about the fat, ugly people, and how it was their fault.)

Unfiltered Story #108167

, | Unfiltered | April 1, 2018

I work in an office where my colleagues man a telephone help line for a computer rostering program. I do not use the program, do not have access to it and don’t know anything about how it works. I will answer the helpline calls if my colleagues are busy though, and take a message. On this day there are several people off sick so I am taking messages.

Me: Hello [Helpline] this is Susan. How can I help you?
Caller: Are you an admin person?
Me: No I am not, we do not have an admin person here. How can I help you?
Caller: Well I need help with [program].
Me: All of our helpline staff are currently busy, if you give me your name, user ID and phone number I will get them to call you back shortly

Caller then calls back a few hours later and immediately hangs up when she hears me. This happens all day. I don’t know if she ever got any help!

A Superior Comeback

, , , , , | Related | March 26, 2018

(I am about seven or eight and fighting with my mum over something. She’s telling me to do something, but has no better reason than, “because I say so.” I don’t know the word for “child abuse” in Vietnamese, but I have been reading a lot of books, including a Vietnamese translation of “Romance of the Three Kingdoms,” a quasi-historical account of one of the bloodiest civil wars in Chinese history.)

Mum: “You’re getting a beating if you don’t behave! You are being rude and disrespectful!”

Me: *using terminology that is more suitable for a military setting* “Well, you are abusing your position as my superior!”

Mum: *stunned*

(Never one to waste an opportunity, I took advantage of my mum’s shocked silence and skipped away to another part of the house before she could say anything. Somehow, I successfully weaseled my way out of a beating that day. Sadly, it didn’t work the second time I tried it.)

Never Free From The Three

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2018

(A customer wants to buy a couple of pieces of fabric she’s found in our remnant bin. Remnants are supposed to half the price, but seeing as there’s a half-price sale on, I give her a further discount.)

Me: “You can have that piece for $3.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “$3.”

Customer: *questioning* “$3?”

Me: “Yes, $3.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “Three. Dollars.”

Customer: “That fabric’s usually $6.”

Me: “No, it’s $12.99 usually.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “Full price is $12.99.”

Customer: “No, how much do I get it for?”

Me: “$3, which is less than you should be paying for this length.”

Customer: “$3?”

Me: “Yes, $3.”

Customer: “How much was it?”

Next Customer: “$12.99; she’s already told you.”

Customer: “Oh… So, how much for that piece?”

(She hands me another fabric that is over-sized to be a remnant. I haven’t seen this fabric before; it’s a new one.)

Me: *after looking at the fabric* “This is soiled; you can have it for $3, as well.”

Customer: “Soiled?”

Me: “It’s got dirty marks on it.”

(She then stands for a couple of minutes, looking at the mark over and over.)

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it. How much?”

Me: “$3; $6 for both”

Customer: “$6?”

Me: “YES, SIX!”

(She finally paid. She does this every time, trying to get extra discounts.)

Not So Little, Anymore… Or Ever

, , , , , | Working | March 22, 2018

(For weeks, a woman that I work with has been excitedly telling me that her little niece from another state is coming to stay with her for a few days. For the record, this coworker is in her mid-thirties, married but childless, and she is always talking about her little niece.)

Coworker: “You’ll meet my little niece today; [Husband] is dropping her off on his way to work so she won’t be at home alone.”

Me: “Oh, that’ll be nice”

Coworker: “Yes, it’ll be so cute! She’s going to help out here, but I am a bit worried about what I am going to tell [Husband’s Sister] about what she did last night.”

Me: “Oh?”

Coworker: “Yes. She decided she wanted to see [Major City], so we took her there, but she also wanted to go and see [Notorious Part of the City].”

(That area used to be well-known for having brothels, but has cleaned up over the last ten years and become a respectable location.)

Me: “Oh, that area’s not so bad now.”

Coworker: “But I still have to tell her mother, and I know she wouldn’t be allowed to do that sort of thing at home. It’s her first time away from home.”

(About half an hour later, I see my coworker talking to a woman.)

Coworker: “Oh, [My Name], my little niece is here. Come and meet her.”

(I look around for a child.)

Woman: *looking embarrassed* “Oh, come on, [Coworker]. When are you ever going to stop calling me that? I’m five years younger than you!”

Coworker: “But you were little when I first met you!”

Woman: “No, I wasn’t; I was fifteen.”

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