I have an aunt who doesn’t get invited to family functions very often. Stuff like this is why.

It’s my grandma’s birthday. My dad and his siblings, including my aunt, decide to treat her to a new restaurant my grandma has wanted to try ever since they opened. We make reservations, arrive, and are seated, and our server comes over to take our drink orders.

Aunt: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Server: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have Pepsi products. Would Pepsi be okay?”

Aunt: *HUGE dramatic sigh* “Well, I only drink Coke, so no, Pepsi’s not okay.”

Server: “I’m sorry. Is there something else I can get you? We have [other drink choices].”

Aunt: *Another HUGE dramatic sigh* “No. I only drink Coke. Nothing else. Why don’t you serve Coke?”

Grandma: “[Aunt], that’s enough! Be nice to her or leave. I don’t want you to ruin my birthday dinner just because you’re a snob.”

Aunt: “Mom, you know I only drink Coke! Pepsi just tastes awful to me. I don’t know how you people can be okay with drinking it.”

Grandma: “Then leave. Go home and buy your own Coke.”

Aunt: “Well, they could find a way to get me a Coke.”

Grandma: “They don’t serve Coke! I’m not joking, [Aunt]. Shut up and order something else, or leave.”

My aunt starts fake crying, but when she finally realizes that nobody is on her side, she stands up and shouts, “I’m never coming to this restaurant again!” and storms out the door.

My grandma turns back to our server, who has been standing at our table the entire time looking like she wants to cry for real.

Grandma: “It’s not your fault, dear. She’s always been like that. My other kids, as you can see—” *gestures around the table* “—are perfectly normal, so I don’t know where she gets it from. Anyway, you’re doing great, so don’t let an entitled b**** like her get to you. If you need to take some time to calm down, that’s okay. I think we’re all still deciding what we want to eat, so you can head back to the kitchen for a while while we look through the menu.”

Our server nodded and walked back to the kitchen. The rest of the night went very well. Those of us still at the table had a great time, the food was delicious, and the server was wonderful once she realized that my aunt really was the crazy one in my family. We left her a huge tip, and we’ve gone back to the restaurant a few times for special occasions, but we’ve never invited my aunt to join us.

A customer calls late in the afternoon on a Friday, when most insurance adjusters are gone for the weekend and body shops are closed. His truck was in an accident for which he was not at fault, and he’s looking for an update on his claim, as there have been delays due to a part that was hard to find.

Customer: “I haven’t had a vehicle for weeks now! Why is this taking so long?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like the part they were looking for was located two days ago, so we’re probably just waiting for it to arrive.”

Customer: “I called the shop yesterday and they said they were still waiting for you!”

Me: “It seems the part was ordered by the appraiser, who works for us and not for the body shop, so it’s possible they weren’t yet informed when you called. But I can confirm it’s been located.”

Customer: “Well, I’m still without a truck!”

I check his contract, which includes coverage for a rental, even in the case of an accident in which he’d be at fault.

Me: “Oh, has a rental not been offered to you? I see that it’s included in your coverage and would be covered in any case since you were not at fault.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been nice and didn’t take one.”

Me: “Well, sir, I don’t know what to tell you. You pay for that protection specifically so that you’re not without a vehicle during repairs if the body shop doesn’t have a courtesy car to offer, especially if the repairs take longer than the four expected days we initially thought they would last.”

Customer: *Pause* “I’ll call back on Monday for an update.”

Related:
Absolutely Trucking Mad

This story takes place several years ago, before our store is able to switch over the POS to accept the chip on debit/credit cards. Every cash register has several layers of tape over the chip slot, a small sign saying, “No chip reader,” on the machine, and the screen of the machine says, “Please SLIDE card,” with the word slide actually being in all caps. Of course, this doesn’t stop people from still attempting to insert their cards. But this one lady takes the cake.

She is attempting to insert her card, but the tape is stopping her, of course. 

Me: “Ma’am, you actually have to slide your card here; our systems just aren’t set up to accept chip payments yet.”

Customer: “Well, my card has a chip and I use the chip everywhere else I pay. I don’t see why I can’t just use it the same way here. This is stupid and just confusing. How was I supposed to know that you can’t take the chip?”

Me: “I agree, ma’am, the process can be confusing. We tried to make it a little less confusing by blocking off the chip reader and posting a note saying we don’t accept chips. But if you will just slide your card right here for me, we can finish up your transaction.”

She then starts to peel the tape away from the chip reader in an attempt to insert her card.

Customer: “This is just all wrong. I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. Everywhere accepts these chips; it is an absolute law that all places of businesses have to accept the chip.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that is not true. The law is more of a compliance issue that says that because we do not accept chip cards, if anything fraudulent happens then the non-compliant company is held liable for all charges instead of the credit card company. Our company is still a little behind, although I have heard that corporate does plan on implementing a new system soon that would be in compliance. However, if you want to purchase your items today, I’m going to have to ask you to remove your card from the chip slot and slide the magnetic strip on the back of your card, please.”

She finally attempts to swipe her card but does it so roughly that the machine swings around while she’s halfway through swiping causing an error. 

Me: “Ma’am, you’ll have to realize your card, please. The machine moved just a little bit which caused an error in processing.”

Customer: “No, I already swiped my card; you’re just attempting to steal my money.”

Me: “I can assure you, I would not risk losing my job just in an attempt to steal $15 from you. Also, I have no clue how to even do that, and lastly, your account is not charged until a receipt prints out. If you want, I can hold the machine steady for you while you slide your card again.”

She then proceeds to pull a $20 out of her wallet and fling it across the counter at me.

Customer: “Here, just take it in cash, and if I see money missing from my account later, I will be coming back up here and having a talk with your manager.”

Obviously, she never came back to speak with a manager.

I work in a deli/convenience store where you have to order your sandwich on a touch-screen. Some customers get confused about this, especially if they’re not from the area, so I’m used to coming around to help.

Customer: “How do I order two of the same sandwich?”

Me: “You have to order it on the screen. Pick lunch and dinner.”

Customer: “But how do I order two?”

Me: “I’m getting there. Do you want a hot or cold hoagie?”

Customer: “I want two.”

Me: “You can change the quantity at the end but you need to pick what kind of hoagie you want first.”

Customer: *Picks cold hoagies* “How do I get two?”

Me: “What kind of meat do you want sir?”

Customer: *Picks Italian* “How do I get two?”

Me: “We’re almost there. Just pick the toppings you want.”

Customer: *Picks toppings* “How do I get two?”

Me: “Hit ‘update quantity.’”

The customer hits update quantity and buttons with numbers appear.

Customer: “How do I get two?”

Me: “Just hit the two.”

The customer hits the four and completes the order.

Me: “Okay, sir, you can pay with your slip at the front.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

The customer goes to pay. I go to the deli and make the four sandwiches he ordered. I call his order number when they are ready, placing the sandwiches on the counter.

Customer: “Why the f*** are there four sandwiches? I wanted two!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you ordered four and paid for four, so that’s what I had to make.”

Customer: “Well, you did a terrible job of telling me how to get two sandwiches if I ended up with four!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. But you paid for four sandwiches so these are all yours.”

Customer: “Well, I only want two!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

I start buzzing for the manager.

Me: “We can give you a refund on two of them if you want.”

Customer: “No, forget it. The cashier is probably just as f****** stupid as you are!”

He took two of the sandwiches and stormed out.

Related:
A Two Too Much

I’ve been delivering with a third-party food delivery app to earn some extra cash. Today, it is insanely hot. It is still around ninety degrees at six pm. As a result, most of my deliveries are for ice cream.

I get to the ice cream store and see a line outside. Due to the current health crisis, only a few people are allowed inside at a time.

The owner of the store is outside controlling the line and answering questions. He notices me standing there.

Owner: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m picking up an Uber order for [Customer].”

Owner: “No problem. [Employee], can you get the order for [Customer]?”

As the employee walks inside, I see someone walk up and open the door to the restaurant. The owner stops him. 

Owner: “Can I help you?”

Other Delivery Driver: “Yeah, I’m picking up a [Third-Party Delivery] order. I’m going inside to get it.”

He continues to try to walk in.

Owner: “Sir! You have to wait out here; it’s too crowded.”

Other Delivery Driver: “No, it’s fine. I’m just picking up an order.”

Owner: “Yes, I know. One of my employees will be out and she’ll get it for you.”

Other Delivery Driver: “So, it isn’t ready?”

Owner: “No, dude, it’s probably ready. I’m just waiting for someone to grab it.”

Other Delivery Driver: “So, it’s not ready?”

Owner: “It’s ready! Just give me a minute.”

Other Delivery Driver: “F*** this. I’m not waiting for f****** ice cream. I’m canceling the order.”

Owner: “JUST WAIT ONE MINUTE! IT’S READY!”

Other Delivery Driver: “No, f*** this. You don’t know how to run a business. I’m canceling the order.”

He walked away. That whole thing took less than a minute. Right after he left, the employee came out with my order and I left. I feel bad for the guy’s customer. Hopefully, he wasn’t able to cancel the order and someone else picked it up for them.

Related:
Literally Scream For Ice Cream, Part 5
Literally Scream For Ice Cream, Part 4
Literally Scream For Ice Cream, Part 3
Literally Scream For Ice Cream, Part 2
Literally Scream For Ice Cream