I have a landline phone which came with my apartment. I exclusively use my cellphone for all business, so all calls on the landline are scams.

I answer the phone one day.

Me: “Hello.”

Scammer #1: “Hi, I am [Scammer #1] from Microsoft and I am calling about your computer.”

I’m pretty sure his name is fake. I try to suppress my glee at this scam as they are my favorite to mess with.

Me: “Oh, dear, what is wrong?”

Scammer #1: “We are receiving signals from your computer about [some made-up issue that I don’t care to remember].”

Me: “Oh, give me a second to log into my PC. It will take me a second.”

He’s probably thinking he has an easy mark. 

Scammer #1: “Sure, take your time.”

I mute my phone, log in to YouTube, and open my anti-scammer video. Then, I unmute the phone. As the scammer waits, I play a video of dial-up modem sounds.

Normally, that is where the story ends, but you probably noticed the “#1” in the scammer’s name.

The next day, the phone rings again.

Me: “Hello.”

This scammer has a different voice but gives the same name.

Scammer #2: “Hi, this is [Scammer #2] calling from Microsoft.”

Me: “Really, we are doing this again? I would have thought that after what I did yesterday I would be on your do-not-call list.” *Hangs up*

Let’s see if they call back tomorrow.

A woman comes into our shop, walking directly toward the counter where I am working. She puts a purse she visibly bought from us on the counter.

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get a refund for this purse.”

Me: “Hello! I’m really sorry, but according to store policy, we don’t give out refunds.”

Customer: “What do you mean by that?”

Me: “It means that, unfortunately, you can only get store credit for the item or just exchange it for something of equal value. Store credit doesn’t expire, so if you don’t want anything else, it is probably the safest choice!”

Customer: “But I don’t want store credit or another item, I just want my money back. I’m from Europe and I won’t be coming back to your store ever again. This is ridiculous; no one told me about this.”

Me: “We have a sign right here on the counter and it is printed on every receipt we give out to customers.”

Customer: “Well, anyway, I don’t want anything from this store so you are going to give me my money back right now; just find a way. And be quick. I don’t have all day.”

I went to the back of the store to ask the owner what to do. She told me to process a refund just to get the customer out of the store.

I went back to the front to tell that woman about the good news. She didn’t have the receipt and didn’t remember when she’d gotten it, so it was a pain to retrieve it from the system, and when I finally found it, she didn’t even have the proper card to get the refund on, since it was her husband who bought the item in the first place.

Every time I asked for anything, she would just throw a fit and be rude to me, so I ended up having to get her the refund anyway. She stormed off without even a thank-you or a goodbye.

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 50
Refunder Blunder, Part 49
Refunder Blunder, Part 48
Refunder Blunder, Part 47
Refunder Blunder, Part 46

I own a small shop in a very touristic area. As a courtesy, we will accept American money, but we give back change in Canadian money. It’s our legal currency before all, and it’s so rare that we get American money that it isn’t worth keeping a full set of change for it. Most tourists (from anywhere) will opt to use credit cards, which we accept, too.

I’m working in the back when I hear screaming coming from the front, so I go to see what’s the matter.

A lady is having a full temper-tantrum because she’s getting Canadian money back for her very precious and expensive — her words — American money. She’s contesting our exchange rate. We are not a bank, and the exchange rate changes every day, so we round it up every week or so. She keeps calling us thieves, crooks, and whatnot. Then, she starts calling our currency “monopoly money” and worthless.

She rejects paying by card, claiming we’ll clone it or something. All of this is under the eyes of a mortified but silent husband. At this point, I’m done with her; I’d rather lose a sale and have her out of here.

Me: “Okay, it seems we won’t reach a satisfactory solution here, so keep your money, we keep our goods, and have a nice day.”

I gesture to the door.

Customer: “What? No, I want those things and I can afford them! I’m not poor!”

Me: “No, we are done here. Please leave.”

Customer: “No! I’m not leaving without my things!”

Me: “Yes, you are. Bye.”

I open the door to incite them to leave.

Customer: “No! No! NOOO!”

She flails about and knocks down a nearby display, breaking multiple items.

Customer: “I want my stuff! You can’t make me leave! You can’t!“

Me: “Okay, now you can stay to pay for those.”

Customer: “I ain’t paying for any broken crap!”

Me: “You break, you pay.”

Customer: “No, I want my stuff!”

She points to what she selected first; it’s still on the counter. I have had enough. I gesture to my employee to keep her busy for a few minutes while I go call the police. Thankfully, the station is only a few streets away and they make it while she’s still here.

Two officers walk in and ask what’s going on. Before I can reply, the lady butts in.

Customer: “Arrest them both, right now! They are thieves, trying to force me from my precious and expensive American money! I’m not buying anything and they won’t let me leave without giving all my precious and expensive American money to them!”

One of the officers tries to talk her down into a calmer attitude, taking her to one side. The other starts asking my cashier and me for our version. I retell him everything and show the pile of broken items with the emptied display right beside him. I also offer to go watch the security camera in the back with him. He accepts, and when we come back, both officers exchange a little chat.

Officer: “So, what do you want to do?”

Me: “I would just like her to pay for the destroyed items and leave.”

Customer: “I didn’t break anything! It’s them! They broke it all and they are trying to pin it on me to rob me of my precious and expensive American money!”

Officer: “We watched the security camera; we clearly can see you throwing that display down. We suggest you pay for the broken items, or we will have to arrest you for destruction of merchandise.”

She looks concerned and says she’ll agree to pay, to everyone’s relief. My cashier scans all the boxes of the broken stuff.

Cashier: “Okay, it’s [total], please.”

Customer: “Okay, here.”

My cashier extended her hand, but the lady didn’t put the expected money or card in it. She instead spit in her hand!

She was handcuffed and arrested for assault on my cashier and destruction of merchandise. As she was dragged out to the police car, the husband, who had watched everything from a distance, offered to pay for the broken items, so the destruction of merchandise charge was dropped.

He could not talk off the assault charge.

In the end, they went away after the officers took all our depositions, and I gave a copy of the camera footage. I also gave my poor cashier the rest of the day off.

Related:
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 6
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 5
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 4
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 3

I work at a call center for an airline. A passenger calls, already upset, because a third-party booking site charged her infant for an adult ticket. I agree that this is wrong and she should call the ones who issued the ticket to refund that ticket and rebook. 

Caller: “Well, you’re the airline. Why can’t you do it?”

Me: “The third-party has your money and they are the ones in control of your reservation. The only information we have in our system are the flight details, but we can’t even see how much you paid for the ticket. It is them that made the error, but they are perfectly equipped to handle this situation so they can help you with no problem!”

Caller: “I waited on hold with you guys for half an hour and you won’t even help me!”

Me: “If I could, I would refund it for you, especially since you are calling within the same day as booking your ticket. Unfortunately, though, you bought the ticket through a third-party and, as I said, they have your money, not us.”

Caller: *Outraged* “You guys make this mistake and then won’t even help me! I’m never flying with you again!”

Customers always come up with the most creative names for the act of tapping the card on the terminal in order to pay. (P-pad, By-pass, Paypal, etc.) This, however, was one we hadn’t heard yet.

Customer: “Do you have the ‘touch down?'” *Gestures with his card*