(I’m visiting my boyfriend from out of state. He takes me to a local ice cream store, and since it’s slow, we’re talking to the one employee there.)

Employee: “Oh, where are you from?”

Me: “I’m originally from Washington state, but I’m living in [State] now.”

Employee: “Oh, so, that’s… in Mexico, right?”

(My boyfriend buries his face in his hands and is trying not to laugh.)

Me: “No, it’s in the northwest United States. Up near Canada?”

Employee: “Oh, so you’re Canadian! Your English is really good! How long did it take you to fly over? Or did you take a boat?”

(I couldn’t even think of a witty response.)

(I work in an ice cream parlor. I am training a new employee, showing him how to measure scoops, proper sundae technique, and the like. I have just demonstrated how to ring up a sale for a family in the lobby when I hear a sound, a very particular sound that sends my blood cold. Everyone who has kids knows exactly what sound I am talking about. It’s that weird little cough-choke sound that means only one thing: vomit is nigh. I hurriedly grab one of the large empty ice cream containers, but I am too late. The adorable little moppet EXPLODES, producing an incredible –and actually rather impressive — amount of bright green vomit. Everything within five feet of the kid is doused. The parents are in shock. The new hire is slack-jawed and turns to look at me in horror.)

Me: *grinning and slapping him on the back* “So… guess who’s the new guy?”

New Hire: *slumps dejectedly* “Aww…”

Me: “Nah, just kidding. I’ll help. Let’s show you where the bucket and sanitizer are.”

(I work at a pretty well-known ice cream chain over the summers. One mid-evening in August, an older lady came in and ordered a soft serve. It came out to be around $3 and change. After getting the soft serve from the machine, I set it on the stand and start ringing her up.)
Me: So a medium soft serve will be [amount]!
(Starts digging through her fanny pack for the correct amount of change, but after a moment gives up and hands me 2 toonies ($2 coins). By the time I process the sale and give her the change, the ice cream has been sitting for a few minutes.)
Lady: Oh, no way! That’s too melty! Give me my money back.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry about that – it’s no trouble, I can grab you another one.
Lady: Not if it’s going to be as melted as this one.
(I get another cone and fill it with soft serve, making sure to pour a little extra out of the machine (sometimes the first few drips aren’t quite frozen enough.) The lady finally leaves, but not without complaining about the price of her ice cream.)
(A few minutes later, she STORMS back in and slams the soft serve on the desk.)
Lady: No way, not a chance. Just give me my money back.
(She hands me back her change and I give her two toonies, slightly flustered but trying to keep it cool. She leaves and I have no choice but to throw out both the soft serves. Wouldn’t you have it, a few minutes later she storms in AGAIN.)
Lady: Excuse me!! I gave you a $5 bill, and when I returned for my money back you only gave me $4. You owe me another dollar!
Me: You gave me two toonies, ma’am. I gave you back the right amount.
Lady: No, I paid $5! Give me my dollar!
(So I, a very sensitive and flustered 19 year old girl, as I was nearly on the verge of tears, dig out her receipt as calmly as I can.)
Me: Look, your receipt says $4.
Lady: WHATEVER, I’m not arguing this anymore. I’m NEVER coming back here again!
(My supervisor said something about people not respecting younger workers as I went to the back room to collect myself, but when the rush for that evening cleared out, we both agreed – that lady was crazy!)

(My sister and I are at a Gelato shop. She is lactose intolerant so can only have sorbet. )

Sister: Hey, I’m really sorry but I’m about to ask a really dumb question.

Employee: What’s the question?

Sister: *In a really meek and embarrassesed voice* Is the chocolate sorbet dairy free?

Employee: … yes the sorbet is dairy free

(My sister is blushing profusely at this point and I’m trying not to laugh)

Sister: Sorry, I just have to ask! The last place I went to, the server confused sorbet with Gelato and I got really sick!

Employee: *laughing* No problem. This is definitely dairy free sorbet. Cup or a cone?

Sister: cone please

(We got our frozen treats and my sister’s was 100% dairy free!)

(It is twenty minutes to closing. I’m ringing up a customer buying chocolate as her husband is almost literally drooling over the ice cream.)

Husband: “Excuse me. Do you give out your ice cream for free at the end of the night?”

Me: “Um, sorry. No, we don’t.”

Husband: “Aw, really? You should!”

Wife: “We should complain! Bring it up to your boss!”

(I awkwardly laughed and finished ringing them out and they left. I’m still trying to figure out what happened and why they thought we would give away something that doesn’t go bad overnight and is a frozen product.)