Customer: “What size cup does your $3 ice cream come in?”

I show him the cup.

Me: “This cup. It’s good for two scoops plus a topping.”

Customer: “I’ll get the chocolate and the Oreo, and I’ll have the hot fudge, the crushed nuts, the crushed cookies, the rainbow sprinkles, and the strawberries.”

Me: “Okay, sir, that will be $5.”

Customer: “No! It’s $3!”

Me: “Each extra topping is fifty cents, and you had four.”

Customer: “You said two scoops plus toppings!”

Me: “Two scoops plus a topping. Singular.”

Customer: “You are inconveniencing me by not making that clear! You need to give it to me for $3 as compensation.”

Me: “[Manager], can you please help this customer?”

Manager: “You don’t want to pay for the extra toppings?”

Customer: “This idiot here didn’t tell me they cost extra!”

Manager: “He did tell you that the $3 deal is good for one topping. I heard him. Extra toppings are extra; it’s in the name.”

Customer: “But your stupid idiot here can’t communicate properly, so I shouldn’t be charged for his incompetence.”

Manager: “Forgive me, sir, but it’s rich that you’re calling us stupid when you’re unable to grasp the concept that things cost money.”

The customer did not enjoy being called out and stormed out. This is why we confirm the price BEFORE we make their order.

I’m in an ice cream shop, and another customer is there with a teenager, I assume is her daughter.

Customer: *Places order.*

Employee: “Okay, ma’am, your order number is six… seven.”

Customer: “Oh no!”

Customer’s Daughter: “Oh yes!”

Me: “Would you like any toppings?”

Customer: “Gummy bears.”

Me: “We don’t carry those.”

Customer: “Yes, you do!”

Me: “No, we don’t, ma’am. We do have—”

Customer: “—Go to the back and get me some! Stop being a lazy b****!”

Okay, she wants to call me a b****, then I can be a b****.

Me: “Oh, yeah, you’re totally right. I’m withholding all the gummy bears from you personally. We have them in the back, and I’m just lying.”

Customer: “You think you can get away with talking to customers like that?”

Me: “I’ve been here twelve years and have remained the most reliable worker here in all that time, so yes, I think I do.”

Customer: “…well, you USED to have gummy bears.”

Me: “I’ve never seen them.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you had them before you worked here.”

Me: “You heard me say twelve years, right?”

Customer: “Well… maybe they’re just out of stock on the days you’re working!”

The customer was sooo adamant about being right, I almost wanted to see how many more increasingly outrageous mental hoops she would jump through, but sadly, I had a line, so I had to let her die right there on her little hill…

I work in an ice cream store in a fancy part of Manhattan. A group of moms with babies in two-thousand-dollar strollers comes into the store one weekday afternoon. They’re part of some mom meetup group. A few of them are looking at our flavors and whispering among themselves. 

One of them steps forward and leans in, also whispering.

Customer: “So… is it true?”

Me: “Is what true?”

Customer: “The milk that you use to make the ice cream? Is it… you know…” 

I’m about to tell this woman that I have no idea what she’s talking about, when my manager walks over and says loudly:

Manager: “No, ma’am. Our ice cream is not made with breast milk. That is just a rumor that’s been going around social media, and like most things on social media, it’s totally fake.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, why not?”

Manager: *Not the response he was expecting.* “Uh, well, it’s just not really feasible for a lot of reasons, but primarily because it would require a lot of breast milk. Cows are much easier to access.”

She looks around at her mom buddies, who nod and give her approval to ask something.

Customer: “Do you think we could donate our milk?”

Manager: “I don’t even know how to respond to that except a big fat no.”

The moms seem saddened by this news, and all shuffle out without buying anything.

Manager: “The Upper East Side will be the end of me, I swear…”

I work at an ice cream store. Everything about the place, from the name, color scheme, pictures on the wall, and the selection of food at the counter, indicates that we are solely an ice cream store. We don’t even sell drinks.

Customer: *After looking at the menu for a few seconds.* “What kinds of soups do you have?”

Me: “We don’t sell soup, sir. This is an ice cream store.”

Customer: “Yes, your ice cream looks very nice, but I want to know what kinds of soups you have?”

Me: “Uh, vanilla… if you wait long enough?”

Related:
No Soup For You! Part 13
No Soup For You! Part 12
No Soup For You! Part 11
No Soup For You! Part 10
No Soup For You! Part 9