A Bunch Of Regular A**holes

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(I operate an ice cream parlor in a small seasonal family resort. Business is slow and the shop is intended to be run by one person. Ice cream is served in the customer’s choice of a cup or in one of three different types of cones, which are stored in plain sight, right behind the ice cream freezer. A couple walks into the shop; they are my only customers at the time.)

Me: *genuinely happy, because these are the first people I have seen in a while* “Hey, guys! How are you doing today?”

(Neither of them responds; they just walk up to inspect the different flavors visible through the glass freezer. I don’t really let it get me down; this happens a lot.)

Me: “Let me know what I can get you, whenever you’re ready.”

Woman: “Cookies and cream.”

Me: “Sure thing! In a cup or a cone?”

Woman: “Cone.”

Me: *I point to each of the types of cones on display as I say their names* “Sure. Would you like a sugar cone, cake cone, or this big waffle cone for an extra 50 cents?”

Woman: “Regular.”

Me: “Sorry, which type of cone? I have this smaller sugar cone here on the left, this flat one in the middle is the cake cone, and this big one here on the right is the waffle cone that costs an extra 50 cents.”

Woman: “I said, ‘regular.’”

(She jabs her finger vaguely in the direction of the entire rack of cones from the opposite end of the counter, but I have no way of telling which one she’s pointing at. I make a judgment call based on my best guess at where she pointed and pick up a cake cone.)

Me: “Sure, would you like one scoop or t—”

Woman: “No, d*** it. Listen to me. I want a regular cone. Regular. I’m speaking English here!”

Man: *to me* “Yeah, dude. Come on, she said it three times now. Are you having a bad day or something?”

Me: “Woah, hey. Different people mean different things when they say, ‘regular.’ I’m just trying to get you what you want. Is that the small sugar cone on the left, or the big waffle cone on the right?”

Woman: *yelling* “I DON’T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE MEAN! I’M AN AMERICAN AND I WANT A REGULAR F****** CONE. I AM NOT SOME [RACIAL SLUR]. I AM SPEAKING F****** ENGLISH. REGULAR! REEEEEEGUUUUULAAAAR!”

(My patience is wearing thin. I carry the whole cone rack over and put it on the counter in front of her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to need you to stop yelling. I still don’t know what kind of cone you want. ‘Regular’ isn’t one of the options, no matter what country you come from. The small cone on the left is the sugar cone. The big cone on the right is the waffle cone. Say one of those words, or point to one, or leave. Those are your choices.”

Woman: *points to the sugar cone, which is the smaller one of the two* “That one! The regular cone! We call that a regular cone in America!”

Man: “How do you work in an ice cream shop and not know that?”

(I scoop her the ice cream and try to recollect myself before handing it to her.)

Me: “There you are. Sorry about the confusion. Can I get you anything, sir?”

Man: “Yeah, rocky road on a big regular cone.”

(I guess correctly that “big regular” means “waffle,” since at least he used some sort of descriptive word for me to go by. I scoop his ice cream and ring them both up. The man pays for them both with cash, and I hand him back the change.)

Me: *in complete cheerful customer service autopilot* “There’s your change. Have a nice day!”

Woman: “F*** you.” *she grabs the man’s hand with the change, fishes through it, extracts two pennies, and slams them angrily into my tip jar* “Here’s what your customer service was worth to me!”

Put A Lid On Your Totally Reasonable Demands!

, , , , , , | Working | October 18, 2017

(I stop at a frozen custard shop to pick up some treats to take home for my family. The shop takes orders and then calls out items as they’re ready. I order three items “to go.” Soon, the employee is at the window calling out one of the items I’ve ordered, but without a lid, so I figure it isn’t mine. Eventually, though, I go to the window.)

Me: “Is that the [item] I ordered?”

Employee: “Did you order [item]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: *tries to hand me the item*

Me: “To go…”

Employee: *looks at me blankly*

Me: “…which means it needs a lid.”

(The employee grabbed a lid, put it on the item, and handed it to me. She then tried to hand me the next two items I’d ordered without lids, too; I had to tell her they also needed them.)

Should Have Put A Lid On That Comment

, , , | Right | September 28, 2017

Me: *while finishing a customer’s order* “And would you like a lid on your ice cream?”

Customer: “Sure. Wait… what does a lid do?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “It just keeps the ice cream in while you’re driving, right? I’m okay, then.”

A Sprinkle Of Unreasonableness

, , , | Right | August 31, 2017

(We have two windows at our ice cream stand. I overhear the first exchange at the other window.)

Customer #1: “These sprinkles are stale!”

Manager: “Actually, ma’am, the sprinkles we serve here are crunchy, not soft. I assure you, they’re fresh.”

Customer #1: “I demand a refund!”

Manager: “Since you’ve already eaten the whole cone, I can’t do that for you. I’m sorry.”

([Customer #1] walks away, seemingly understanding. [Customer #2] is from a completely different party. They seem to be strangers. At my window:)

Customer #2: “I’m sorry, but that’s awful!”

Me: “What?”

Customer #2: “She should have gotten a full refund!” *to her husband* “Isn’t it awful? She said the sprinkles were stale, and they laughed at her!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our sprinkles are crunchy, not soft, so sometimes people mistake them for being stale.”

Customer #2: “Still! This is awful customer service. She should have gotten a manager.”

Me: *pointing to the manager with whom [Customer #1] spoke* “She is a manager.”

Customer #2: “That’s an outrage! She shouldn’t be a manager.”

(The manager in question has been working our shop for ten years and is phenomenal.)

Customer #2: “I’m taking my business elsewhere! Now, can I get a small vanilla cone dipped in chocolate?”

(I made her the cone and she proceeded to yell at me about the first customer’s mishap for no less than five minutes. I almost burst into tears, and there was a line of over 15 people behind her!)

Living On The Edge

, | | Right | August 24, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy health-related experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

(At an ice cream shop)

Me: “Would you like any mix-ins with that?”

Older woman: “Yes, I would like almonds. But not too many, because I’m allergic, and if I have too many I will die.”

Me: “…”

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