Dad Has A Few Grams Of Sense

, , , , , | Related | June 20, 2018

Father: “No, you can’t get a big ice cream. You won’t eat it. You’ll get a small one.”

Boy: “But Daddy, a medium one, please.”

Father: “They don’t have medium — only big and small — so I’m getting you a small.”

Boy: “Mediuuuummmm, pleeeease!”

Father: *looks at the display next to the window saying, “small 120g 2PLN, big 200g 4PLN”* “One medium 120-grams ice cream, please.”

Boy: “Oh, thanks, Daddy!”

Time To Be Short With The Scammer

, , , | Right | May 8, 2018

(I manage an ice cream store. This started happening on a weekend morning when I am the only one in the store, right after we open, before there is any significant amount of change in the till.)

Customer: “I’d like a scoop of [flavor] on a sugar cone.”

Me: “That will be $1.49.”

(The customer hands me a hundred-dollar bill.)

Me: “Do you have anything smaller? I just opened and I don’t have much change yet.”

Customer: “No, I’m sorry. Is there any way you can make this work?”

Me: “Hold on. Let me try.”

(I dig through the till and the change bag in the office until I find enough change, largely in ones, to give her back what I owe her. I then count it back the old-fashioned way: twice to myself, and then once to her.)

Customer: “Thanks!” *goes out to the car, and then came back inside* “I’m short $5.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t think that’s possible. Do you mind if I count it again?”

(She lets me count it, and sure enough, it is $5 short.)

Me: “Oh my, I’m sorry, let me get your $5.”

(She leaves, and I chalk it up to an early morning and too many ones in the pile. The next day she comes back in, orders another single on a cone, and pays with another hundred. I, again, try my best to get her change, count it four or five times, and send her on her way. She, AGAIN, says it is short: $10 this time. I counts it again, and it is… so I give her the $10 and let her go. Two days later, SHE COMES BACK IN.)

Customer: “I’d like another scoop of [flavour] on a sugar cone, please.”

Me: “Sure, but first I need to make sure you have correct payment.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Well, over the past three days, my drawer has come up short twice. Saturday it was $5 short, and Sunday it was $10 short. I’m no longer accepting bills over $20 until after two pm, in an effort to make sure that nobody gets shorted: us or the customer. What will you be paying with today?”

Customer: “Well, all I have is this hundred.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot accept that.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous; I’ve been using them all weekend!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

(She left. I still can’t imagine why someone who walks around with hundreds in their pockets would need to lift $15, but I do know that she was stealing from me. After she tried it with a few more employees, I had to call the police and have her banned from the store.)

Not One Of The 31 Flavors

, , , | Right | March 29, 2018

(I work in an ice cream shop. The phone rings and, as the manager on, I answer it.)

Caller: “Hi, do you sell Pepto-Bismol-flavored ice cream?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Like the stomach-relief stuff. Do you have an ice cream flavor like that?”

Me: “Uh, no, we do not.”

Caller: “I have a headache; will ice cream help that?”

Me: “I really am not sure.”

Caller: *in a chipper voice* “Okay, thanks!” *hangs up*

Me: “What the f*** just happened?!”

Time To Start Stereo-Typing Up Your Resignation

, , , , , , , | Working | March 2, 2018

(My daughter and I are getting ice cream. My daughter orders chocolate, which makes the cashier look concerned. At first I think that they’re maybe out, but she then smiles and shows us to a table. When our ice cream comes, the cashier drops the bowls down and walks off without a single look. My daughter tells me she has been given strawberry ice cream, instead. I take the bowl back to the cashier.)

Me: “Excuse me? You have given my daughter strawberry ice cream. She wanted chocolate. Are you out? She would prefer vanilla, instead.”

Cashier: “No, but I can’t give her chocolate.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “Because that reinforces her racial stereotypes.”

(I’m a bit dumbfounded by this.)

Me: “So, instead of asking her if she wanted something else, you chose for her?”

Cashier: “Yes. Pink, because she’s a girl.”

Me: “So, reinforcing her gender stereotypes?”

Cashier: “Exactly!”

Me: “Well, since I’m her father, I think I’ll decide what stereotypes she’ll have ‘reinforced’ for the time being. I’m afraid I’m not as keen on this high-concept bull-s*** as many of you young people, so could she please have some chocolate ice cream? Not because she’s black, but because it’s her favourite flavour.”

Cashier: *flustered* “But strawberry is pink!”

Me: “She doesn’t like strawberry, so can she have chocolate, like she asked?”

(She eventually gave my daughter what she wanted, but spent the entire time trying to lecture us whenever she walked by on the importance of gender stereotypes and lesbianism. We left after her third attempt.)

An Expensive Round Of Ice Creams

, , , , , | Right | February 27, 2018

(A woman comes in with three little boys and one older girl. They get four ice creams, all in our special flavor, and a few water bottles, and they stay around eating for a while so I remember them pretty well. A few hours later, one of the little boys comes back in.)

Boy: “Hi, can I have a receipt from when we were here before?”

Me: “The register will only let me print a receipt from the most recent transaction, so do you mind if I write it by hand?”

Boy: “That’s fine.”

Me: “You had four kiddies and two waters, right?”

Boy: “Yes.”

(I give him the receipt and he leaves. About five minutes later, the one older girl comes in.)

Girl: “I’m sorry, but I need the receipt to say what time we came in.”

Me: “The register won’t let me print your receipt anymore; you were in here hours ago.”

Girl: “Well, can you guess what time we were here and write it down?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I have no idea when you were here.”

Girl: “Well, we locked our dog in the car, and he died, and now the police are after us, so we have to prove we weren’t in the ice cream store for too long.”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t help you.”

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