A Rash Of Odd Questions

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2017

(I work in a deli. It is basically closing time, and I am pretty tired.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Oh, hey! Didn’t see you there. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this weird rash. What do I do?”

Me: “Uh…”

(Basically, I spent ten minutes helping a guy with a rash. In a deli. With no medical experience. But lots of salami.)

Too Chicken To Go To Your Competitor

, , , , , , , , | Right | October 24, 2017

(At our supermarket deli, we sell two types of oven-roasted chickens. The supermarket brand is barn-raised and comes in a brown bag, while the name-brand is free-range, $1 extra, and comes in a green bag. We cut the chickens in half upon request. It is one to two hours before closing, and the oven has been turned off for the day so it can be cleaned. Our large batch of cooked chickens has managed to sell really well; there is only one “normal,” or barn-raised, chicken and two of the name-brand, free-range chickens left in the warmer. A customer comes up to the counter.)

Customer #1: “Hi, could I please get half a chicken?”

Me: “Sure thing! Just the normal one, or did you want the free-range?”

Customer #1: “Just the normal one, thanks.”

(As I get out my plate and scissors, another customer pipes up.)

Customer #2: “Can I have the other half?”

Me: “Yep, no worries!”

(I cut the chicken and give each customer half. The customers leave, satisfied. At this point, another customer who has been standing further away, but who has been eyeing the warmer this entire time, approaches the counter.)

Customer #3: “I’d like a hot chicken, please.”

Me: “Okay. We’ve sold out of our normal chickens, but you can grab a free-range one right here.” *gestures towards two free-range chickens remaining, only $1 more than the barn-raised ones*

Customer #3: “No, I don’t want the free-range one; I want the normal one.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m really sorry, but it’s 7:30 and our oven has been turned off for the day so it can be cleaned, and this was our last batch—”

Customer #3: “Don’t just say sorry. I can’t eat ‘sorry.’”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Um… Well, there’s a [Roast Chicken and Chips Store] just next door, so you can try there—”

Customer #3: “I don’t want their chicken. I want a [Supermarket Brand] chicken, now.”

(At this point, I am completely at a loss. Thankfully, my coworker comes back from her break, and I wave her over and quickly explain the situation. My coworker is a few years younger than I am, and has far less patience for difficult customers than I do.)

Coworker: *talking slowly like she’s talking to a five-year-old, complete with over-dramatic hand gestures* “We’ve run out of our normal chickens tonight. We only have the free-range ones left.”

Customer #3: “I don’t want the free-range chickens.”

Coworker: *continuing her condescending tone* “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but our oven is being cleaned, so we can’t magic up a chicken for you. If you like, you can always go next door and grab a chicken from [Roast Chicken and Chips Store].”

(They go back and forth a little while, and I have to clench my teeth so I don’t start laughing. The customer keeps reiterating that he “can’t eat ‘sorry’” and “wants a [Supermarket Brand] chicken.” Thankfully, the late hour means it’s relatively quiet in the store, and nobody else comes up to the deli during this exchange.)

Customer #3: “Maybe I’ll just take my business to [Rival Supermarket], then.”

Me: *in the politest, most helpful voice I can muster* “You’re welcome to do that, if you like.”

Customer #3: “That’s all you have to say? You’re just going to let me go to [Rival Supermarket]?”

Me: “You’re a free person, sir, in a free country. I’m in no place to stop you from doing what you want to do.”

([Customer #3] seems to stammer a bit, then shrugs his shoulders.)

Customer #3: “I just feel like I came all this way from [Suburb ten minutes away] for a hot chicken, and I deserve at least a voucher or something.”

(My coworker, who has gotten well and truly sick of dealing with him, whips around.)

Coworker: “You want a voucher? Okay, we’ll give you a voucher.”

(She rifles through the drawers until she finds the vouchers for free chickens. I stop myself from pointing out that the customer “can’t eat vouchers.” Instead, I turn back to the customer.)

Me: “You say you’re from [Suburb]? Next time you come here late like this, just give us a call earlier during the day and tell us you want to reserve a chicken. All you have to do is give us your name and the time you’ll come to pick it up, and we’ll keep one aside for you, so this doesn’t happen again.”

Customer #3: “No, that won’t be necessary.”

Me: *feigning concern* “I just don’t want you to have to go through the trouble of driving all the way here, as you said, and finding out we’ve run out of chickens. It’s really simple; you just have to ring up and tell us next time to save you a chicken.”

Customer #3: “No, I know what to do for next time. It’s fine.”

(The customer got his voucher and left. I suspect that he waited until all the barn-raised chickens had been bought so he could try and wheedle a voucher out of us. Judging from his reaction to my last suggestion, he was probably a repeat offender!)

The Loss Of Fried Chicken Is The Ultimate Tragedy

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(Two days after Hurricane Irma, our store has reopened. We lost power over the weekend and had to throw out all our frozen and refrigerated stock. We won’t get a delivery until tomorrow. The deli department can’t even serve any customers, and we’re here just to clean everything up and toss out the spoiled food.)

Customer:Excuse me!

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; this department is closed.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. You’re here. I need fried chicken.”

Me: “I’m afraid our stock is all bad, ma’am. We’re not able to serve customers today. We get our delivery truck tomorrow.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you can’t serve anybody?!”

Me: “We lost power in the storm and everything went bad.”

Customer: “But I need 100 pieces of fried chicken!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have any.”

Customer:Do you know what a f***ing inconvenience this is?!

(She storms away.)

Me: *muttering* “Yeah, it’s not like people lost their homes in the d*** thing, or anything.”

It’s A Deli-cate Matter

, , , , | Working | October 5, 2017

(Our deli has struggled for months with an increasingly bad staffing issue. We are just about to get a new assistant manager. The scheduling on this particular day, a Sunday, is so awful, that our last coworker, an elderly lady, is forced to stay by herself and take care of all the cleaning while still dealing with customers, since we’re not allowed to stay late, and everyone else leaves too early for any major cleaning to be done. As I’m just about leaving, the deli’s phone rings.)

Me: “[Deli], how can I help you?”

Manager: “Hi, can you cook a pizza for [Manager #2]?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but I’m about to leave making, [Coworker] the only one back here, and she’s busy with customers and all the cleaning, too. I really don’t think she’ll have time.”

Manager: “But it’s for [Manager #2]. Can you just write that down?”

Me: “Uh… sure.”

(I put the phone down and relay the request to my coworker, who just confirms that there’s no way she’ll have time to cook and prepare a pizza. As I’m walking to the time clock, I see the manager that requested the pizza. Since she isn’t the one who called for the pizza, I decide to tell her my coworker will be unable to cook the pizza.)

Manager #2: “What? I don’t understand! Why can’t she just cook a pizza? I’m the customer, here. All she has to do is cook it; why is that so hard?”

(Suddenly, the our new assistant manager turns the corner.)

Assistant Manager: “Maybe because they only scheduled THREE people in the deli, all day, ON A D*** SUNDAY!”

(With that, [Manager #2] quieted right down. Suddenly, I had faith that maybe, with a new understanding leader, things might be okay.)

Self-Aware Takes Care

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(My boyfriend works late on Valentine’s Day, so as a surprise, I call up one of our favorite restaurants to get some dinner.)

Employee: “[Deli Name], how may I help you?”

Me: “Hi there. I’d like two [sandwiches] for carry-out. I’d like those to be ready at about 7:15 tonight. You guys close at 7:30 tonight; is that correct?”

Employee: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: “Okay, be honest. Is it a total d*****-bag move on my part to request food that near to closing?”

Employee: *laughs* “No, it’s not. See you tonight.”

(At 7:15 pm:)

Me: *walking in the door* “Hi. I called in a carry-out order this morning.”

Employee: *laughs out loud and points at me* “You’re the one who’s not a d*****-bag!”

Me: “Haha, yep, that’s me. So, I’m still not one then?”

Employee: “Heck no! Here’s your food. I put some extra chips in there for you.”

(Sometimes it pays to be self-aware.)

Page 1/3012345...Last
Next »