Corporate has decided to ban all sampling indefinitely in lieu of all the very busy days and panic buying. I was just informed of this a few hours before this incident. I am working the counter while my manager is stocking the shelves in front of the cases. An older man comes up, smelling like alcohol, and I go to assist him. Everything he says is slightly slurred but still understandable.

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

 A customer is pointing vaguely at the hot case where everything is chicken.

Customer: “How much is this chicken?”

Me: “Which chicken?”

Customer: *louder* “The chicken!”

Me: “The fried chicken, the baked chicken, the chicken tenders?”

Customer: “Just give me a sample of your chicken salad.”

I start to grab a sample cup and spoon, but my manager, who has been watching, tells me no samples.

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re not giving samples right now.”

Customer: *Angrily* “Why not?”

Me: “Due to the viru—”

The customer completely cuts me off.

Customer: “F*** you and your mom!”

Me: *Calmly* “May you be blessed with the same kindness you show everyone else.”

I just moved on to help the next customer and my manager followed the first customer upfront and made sure that he wasn’t allowed to buy his beer.

(So this happened to my friend and not me)
Customer: Excuse me, do you people do special cuts with the pork lion?
Friend: I’m sorry, the what?
Customer: The pork lion! *gestures to indicate a vaguely log shaped thing*
Friend: Oh! Pork loin?
Customer: Yes!!

I work at a store that sells a number of chicken products. A customer walks up while I am serving another and asks for two cappuccinos. I was sure I had misheard him, and as I’m fairly new there figure maybe he is a regular I haven’t met and that my boss might know what’s going on. So I direct him to my boss.

Customer: I need my two cappuccinos!
Boss: We sell chicken.
Customer: No, I just paid for my cappuccinos! I need them!
Boss (pointing at our display cabinet): But we don’t sell them, we sell chicken.

It took a few minutes for him to be convinced, even though there is nothing to suggest that we sell any kind of coffee. He walked off, and a few minutes later re-appeared at a table his partner had been waiting at with two cappuccinos in hand.

Coworker:
“You know, when I was younger, I thought of Thanksgiving as ‘the day we eat turkey.’ Then, I got this job and realized 99% of Americans eat turkey every g**d*** day of their lives. So, what’s so g**d*** special about Thanksgiving?”

Me:
“Thanking Jesus for making gluttony socially acceptable?”

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m trying to order a sandwich. They have three types: beef, chicken, and vegetarian.)

Me: “One beef chicken, please.”

Deli Worker: “Uhm… sorry?”

Me: “One beef chicken.”

Deli Worker: “I’m sorry miss?”

Me: “One beef chicken, please.”

Deli Worker: “So beef or chicken?”

Me: “What?”

Deli Worker: *points at the selection, smiles*

Me: “Oh, my God, I’m such an idiot. One beef sandwich, please.”