Coke Addiction Is No Laughing Matter

I have an aunt who doesn’t get invited to family functions very often. Stuff like this is why.

It’s my grandma’s birthday. My dad and his siblings, including my aunt, decide to treat her to a new restaurant my grandma has wanted to try ever since they opened. We make reservations, arrive, and are seated, and our server comes over to take our drink orders.

Aunt: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Server: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have Pepsi products. Would Pepsi be okay?”

Aunt: *HUGE dramatic sigh* “Well, I only drink Coke, so no, Pepsi’s not okay.”

Server: “I’m sorry. Is there something else I can get you? We have [other drink choices].”

Aunt: *Another HUGE dramatic sigh* “No. I only drink Coke. Nothing else. Why don’t you serve Coke?”

Grandma: “[Aunt], that’s enough! Be nice to her or leave. I don’t want you to ruin my birthday dinner just because you’re a snob.”

Aunt: “Mom, you know I only drink Coke! Pepsi just tastes awful to me. I don’t know how you people can be okay with drinking it.”

Grandma: “Then leave. Go home and buy your own Coke.”

Aunt: “Well, they could find a way to get me a Coke.”

Grandma: “They don’t serve Coke! I’m not joking, [Aunt]. Shut up and order something else, or leave.”

My aunt starts fake crying, but when she finally realizes that nobody is on her side, she stands up and shouts, “I’m never coming to this restaurant again!” and storms out the door.

My grandma turns back to our server, who has been standing at our table the entire time looking like she wants to cry for real.

Grandma: “It’s not your fault, dear. She’s always been like that. My other kids, as you can see—” *gestures around the table* “—are perfectly normal, so I don’t know where she gets it from. Anyway, you’re doing great, so don’t let an entitled b**** like her get to you. If you need to take some time to calm down, that’s okay. I think we’re all still deciding what we want to eat, so you can head back to the kitchen for a while while we look through the menu.”

Our server nodded and walked back to the kitchen. The rest of the night went very well. Those of us still at the table had a great time, the food was delicious, and the server was wonderful once she realized that my aunt really was the crazy one in my family. We left her a huge tip, and we’ve gone back to the restaurant a few times for special occasions, but we’ve never invited my aunt to join us.