New Lengths Of Stupidity

, , | MD, USA | Right | November 9, 2016

Email from customer about an item she just purchased: “Your listings says that the item would be 20″ wide, but it didn’t say how wide twenty inches was. It is way bigger than I expected!”

Talk Too Mulch

| MI, USA | Right | July 12, 2016

(It’s just a few days before Memorial weekend and the store has lots of sales going on; mulch being on of the hot items this year. Both my coworkers and I are getting fed up with people asking what color the “natural” mulch is.)

Customer: “What color is your natural mulch?”

Coworker: *totally deadpan* “It’s purple.”

Customer: *sounding excited* “Oh really?”

The Sedan Plan

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Right | July 8, 2016

(My mom and I are at the hardware store, waiting to get a plywood sheet cut. There is a lady with her six-year-old grandson getting help before us.)

Customer: “I need two ten-foot-long two-by-six boards, and one sixteen-foot-long two-by-six. And I need help loading them.”

Employee: “No problem, ma’am.” *to us* “I’ll be back, but it will take me a little while to load these.”

Mom: “Oh, we don’t mind waiting. Don’t worry about it.”

(He leads the lady and her grandson to the front of the store and we stand around chatting for a few minutes. The employee then comes back, pushing the cart with the boards loaded.)

Employee: “I’ll be able to help you sooner than I thought. She was trying to fit these in her sedan.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “She said she was going to hang them out of her window. When I told her I couldn’t help her and that she needed to find another way to transport them, she said she was going to [Other Major Home Improvement Store] and get them to help her.”

Mom: “Why? Do they have a psychologist there?”

How To Troll(ey) Yourself

| Ireland | Right | June 17, 2016

(I’m sitting at the customer service desk when I notice a lady dump a load of items on top of a load of display boxes. She disappears off into the shop again and after a few minutes comes up and dumps more stuff on the boxes. The next time she comes back I go over to her with a trolley.)

Me: “Hi there! Thought you could use a trolley!”

Lady: “Oh, thank you! That’s a big help.”

(The lady proceeds to put all her items into the trolley before wandering off into the shop for more things she needs, leaving her trolley full of shopping behind her. A few minutes later she comes back, this time struggling to carry three 10-litre buckets of paint. My manager comes out onto the floor and notices her.)

Manager: “You’ll put your back out carrying those! Let me get you a trolley.”

Lady: “Oh, I’m fine thanks. I already have one here.” *gesturing at the paint that she put on the trolley* “Man, I wish there was an easier way to carry these things about.”

(The lady walks off into the shop again. My manager turns around and looks at me confused.)

Me: “I don’t think she understands how trolleys work.”

Irrational Name Calling

| NY, USA | Right | June 4, 2016

(I work at the customer service desk. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] of [Town] customer service; how may I direct your call?”

Customer: *irate* “I have been waiting weeks for my order and I’ve heard nothing from you! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. Can I have your phone number to pull up your order?”

Customer: “Every time I call it’s the same thing. You people never actually do anything!”

Me: “Well, I apologize if you’ve had a bad experience but I know nothing about your order and unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to help you without pulling up your order to see what’s going on.”

Customer: “Who am I speaking with?”

Me: “Customer service.”

(I refuse to give out my name to irrational customers.)

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