They’re Not Going Far In Life

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(We not only rent equipment, but sell bulk material — topsoil, sand, and gravels, etc. We load customers’ vehicles, but cannot tie down loads or do maintenance on their vehicles for liability reasons. A customer has just had a large, top-heavy piece of equipment loaded into the bed of a pickup.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good to go as soon as you tie that down.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I don’t have anything to tie it with. Do you have any ropes?”

Me: “No, unfortunately, we don’t do that anymore as they were never returned. All we have is twine, and you’re welcome to that.”

Customer #1: “It’s okay; I’m not going far.”

(Later, another customer has just had half a yard of gravel loaded into a utility trailer that looks like it hasn’t been on the road since the 1950s. The threadbare tires are so flat that the trailer is practically riding on the rims.)

Me: “Ooh, that doesn’t look good. If you can pull around to our service bay, we have an air hose so you can top the tires up.”

Customer #2: “It’s okay; I’m not going far.”

(Later, yet another customer has rented a 40-foot extension ladder — 20 feet long and quite heavy. He has us put it on top of an old compact car with no roof rack. We give him some cardboard to protect what’s left of his paint.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good to go as soon as you tie it down.”

Customer #2: “I don’t have any rope. Can’t you do that?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can’t; you have to do that.”

Customer #2: “Well, what do I do?”

Me: “Well, we can give you as much twine as you need, but you have to tie it down yourself.”

(The customer takes about half an hour and half a mile of twine to strap down a ladder that’s far longer than his car. Finally, he’s done.)

Me: “Are you sure that’s going to hold it?”

Customer #2: “Sure. Besides, I’m not going far.”

(The customer was traveling to another town about 30 kilometers away. Sadly, just about everyone who failed to understand their responsibility to safely transport goods or equipment had the same answer: “I’m not going far.” We had a running joke that there must be a vast, subterranean city beneath us, as nobody seemed to ever go “far,” and feared for those who had to share the road with these stunned weekend warriors.)

What A PIN-Head

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(A customer walks up to my cash register.)

Me: “How are you doing today? Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *abruptly* “No, I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; I will have you out of here as quick as I can!”

(I ring up his purchase quickly and then wait for him to pay. He pulls out a card.)

Me: “If it’s debit you use the chip reader; if it’s credit you slide the card.”

Customer: “It’s debit.” *swipes the card*

(The screen puts up the message I just told him and tells him to put the card in the chip reader.  I also repeat what I just said. He ignores me and swipes three more times.)

Customer: “Why the f*** isn’t this working?”

Me: “Because it’s debit, sir; you have to chip it.”

Customer: “Why the f*** didn’t you say that? You’re wasting my f****** time! I told you I was in a hurry.”

(I’ve learned at this point to not argue with customers and apologize to him for my lack of attention. He then enters the wrong debit pin, so his purchase is denied.)

Me: “Sir, it says you entered the wrong pin. Will you try again, please?”

Customer: “Are you f****** stupid? You must be if you work here.”

(He re-enters his pin wrong two more times and I hesitantly tell him it’s still wrong, knowing he’s getting angrier and angrier.)

Customer: “What the f*** is wrong with you? You’re doing this on purpose, you stupid b****! Give me my f****** purchases right now!”

(His wife, who is apparently still looking around, walks up.)

Customer’s Wife: “What’s wrong?”

(His attitude immediately changes.)

Customer: *fake sweet* “Nothing, honey. I was just explaining to this young girl that she really should have been trained better before they put her up on the registers all by herself, as she obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She keeps saying my PIN is wrong.”

Customer’s Wife: “Maybe that’s because we switched banks last week and you’re entering in the wrong PIN, and should apologize to her for being a condescending jerk.”

(He gets bright red and tries entering a different PIN, and this time the transaction goes through.)

Customer: *glares at me* “Nice to see you finally got your s*** together; you really wasted my time.”

(In a voice just as fake as the one he acquired when his wife showed up, I hand him his bag and apologize one more time.)

Me: “Sorry for not knowing your private personal bank information; you have a good day.” *huge fake grin*

(He blushes an even brighter red and snatches the bag out of my hands.)

Customer: “Whatever.” *stalks away, leaving his wife behind*

Customer’s Wife: *genuinely apologetic* “Sorry, sweetie.”

Me: “It’s okay; he’s not the worse I’ve had by far.”

Customer’s Wife: “Now I’m even more sorry. What’s wrong with people nowadays? If it’s any consolation, I’m going to burn his dinner tonight.”

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Will Have An Electronic Chip On Their Shoulder

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(My store, since late 2015, has been forcing customers to use the chip on their cards, if they have one.)

Me: *seeing the customer with a chip card* “Sir, the register isn’t going to let you slide that card; it has a chip.”

Customer: “The stripe works, too!”

Me: “Yes, I know it does, but it won’t read it that way be—”

Customer: “MY STRIPE WORKS!”

(He tries to slide it with both the machine and me instructing him to insert the chip portion of his card.)

Customer: “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO USE MY CARD! JUST TELL IT I DON’T WANT TO USE THE F****** CHIP!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I ca—”

Customer: “Well, then! F*** you and this d*** store!”

(He storms off.)

Me: *thinking* “Yeah, sorry we are trying to be more secure.”

Screaming About Everything Including The Kitchen Sink

, , , , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(I work in home improvement, and sell anything from toilets to fancy shower heads. I just sold a woman a kitchen sink last week. I get a call.)

Caller: “There is no cut-out template for this sink! You should have made me one when I picked the sink up last week! My counter guys will be here tomorrow!”

Me: “Oh, is this the cast iron sink from last week?”

Caller: “Yes, who do you think it is?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s been a busy few days! That sink is a 33×22 and just drops into a hole, so whoever is installing your counter tops should be able to just simply cut out the normal template for a sink.”

Caller: “We don’t have a template! That is the problem! How will they install tomorrow?”

Me: “The sink is the normal size for a kitchen, and has a normal shape to it. The counter installers should be able to simply cut a hole based on that. A lot of companies only send out templates if there is an unusual shape to the sink, or if it is not the average size.”

Customer: “Do you not understand that I don’t have a template?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I am saying that the counter installers should not need one for this sink. It’s a normal, rectangular 33×22, so they just need to cut the same hole they would for any sink.”

Customer: “God, you don’t get it. Make me a template!”

Me: “I don’t have the means to create a template. You need a specialized printer for that. The company who makes the sink will have them online and you can take the file to a print shop, but with this size of sink, just tell your counter installers to use the basic template. They will be able to measure the sink and see what hole to cut. Have they seen the sink yet?”

Customer: “So, will you print me a template or not?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the means to print that for you. But you just need to talk to your counter—”

Customer: “You are refusing to print one for me?”

Me: “If I had a printer capable, I would happily print a template. However, my store does not have these. You would need to go to a print shop, but I would suggest calling your counter installer and giving them the sink dimensions. They will be able to install it with no problems.”

Customer: “I’m going to report you for refusing to help me!”

Me: “Ma’am, you may report me if you wish, but you just need to tell your counter installers that you have a basic 33×22 top-mounted sink. They will be able to install it.”

Customer: “Unbelievable!”

(I never got a complaint and she never called back. I’ve never had someone refuse to listen so stubbornly before.)

A Sail Fail Tale

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(It’s springtime and the weather has finally gotten warm out, so naturally, as a home improvement store with a garden center, we are busy for the day. It’s the week before Memorial Day, so we have deals going on. Our particular company has special deals for contractors and professionals, so they get coupons. I’m working at the contractor’s end of the store as their cashier. [Customer #1] places his items on the counter.)

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer #1: “I’m okay, thanks.”

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, yeah, I found everything fine.”

([Customer #1] then punches in his phone number at the pin-pad so that the transaction is recorded on his professional account.)

Me: “All right, your total is…”

Customer #1: “Hold on! I have coupons.”

(The customer proceeds to pull out his phone and show me an email advertisement for deals we have in the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those aren’t coupons. Those are just advertisements telling you what is on sale currently.”

Customer #1: “No, these are coupons! I shop here all the time; I usually get a discount. Hold on. Let me find them.”

(He proceeds to show me ANOTHER email advertisement that he received.)

Me: “Sir, those are the same thing. They aren’t coupons; I can’t accept them.”

([Customer #1] then proceeds to shoot me a nasty glare. My line has started a queue with two more customers behind him.)

Customer #1: “Well, I guess that means you’re going to hold your line up until I find a coupon!”

Me: “Would you like me to suspend—”

Customer #1: “Nope! They can wait until you give me some kind of discount!”

(Both customers are looking at him rather disgustedly, like they can’t believe what they’re hearing. [Customer #1] then proceeds to point at the piece of MOULDING I have in my hand that he’s purchasing.)

Customer #1: “See? Thirty percent off of paint accessories! That’s a paint accessory!”

(The moulding is $9. I’m fed up with this customer, as are my other customers in line.)

Me: *takes 30% off of the item* “All right, sir, there you go! Your total is $89.36.”

([Customer #1] pays, giving me a triumphant look before leaving. [Customer #2] approaches.)

Customer #2: “I’m glad you dealt with that, because if you didn’t I was going to say something.”

Customer #3: “That guy was an a**hole. I got the same exact email ad, and I’m not running around purposely holding up lines and blaming the cashier!”

Me: “Thank you both for being patient with that situation!”

(Both customers paid and left, complimenting me on a job well done as they went by. The fact he threw a fit over non-existent coupons just to get $3 off was the real kicker!)

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