Not A Fan Of The Product

| Barrhaven, ON, Canada | Right | January 27, 2017

(I pick up the phone. The customer complains about an air conditioner he bought, saying it doesn’t work.)

Caller: “The air conditioner doesn’t work. It gives cool air. I want cold air.”

(I sense it might be a case of flipping the control knob on the unit from cold to fan.)

Me: “Have you flipped the knob to cold air? It might be on fan.”

Caller: “No. It gives cool air; I want cold air.”

(I go through various options. The customer keeps complaining the unit puts out cool air and he wants cold air.)

Me: “What air conditioner do you have, sir.”

(The customer reads off the brand.)

Me: “Sir, you’ve bought a fan.”

Talking Back To The Customer

| Barrhaven, ON, Canada | Right | January 26, 2017

(I work on the floor at a home improvement store. The store is just one big warehouse. When we are out of a product, sometimes customers ask me:)

Customer: “Could you look in the back?”

(I wave my arms and show them the floor to ceiling racking, and say:)

Me: “This is the back.”

New Lengths Of Stupidity

, , | MD, USA | Right | November 9, 2016

Email from customer about an item she just purchased: “Your listings says that the item would be 20″ wide, but it didn’t say how wide twenty inches was. It is way bigger than I expected!”

Talk Too Mulch

| MI, USA | Right | July 12, 2016

(It’s just a few days before Memorial weekend and the store has lots of sales going on; mulch being on of the hot items this year. Both my coworkers and I are getting fed up with people asking what color the “natural” mulch is.)

Customer: “What color is your natural mulch?”

Coworker: *totally deadpan* “It’s purple.”

Customer: *sounding excited* “Oh really?”

The Sedan Plan

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Right | July 8, 2016

(My mom and I are at the hardware store, waiting to get a plywood sheet cut. There is a lady with her six-year-old grandson getting help before us.)

Customer: “I need two ten-foot-long two-by-six boards, and one sixteen-foot-long two-by-six. And I need help loading them.”

Employee: “No problem, ma’am.” *to us* “I’ll be back, but it will take me a little while to load these.”

Mom: “Oh, we don’t mind waiting. Don’t worry about it.”

(He leads the lady and her grandson to the front of the store and we stand around chatting for a few minutes. The employee then comes back, pushing the cart with the boards loaded.)

Employee: “I’ll be able to help you sooner than I thought. She was trying to fit these in her sedan.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “She said she was going to hang them out of her window. When I told her I couldn’t help her and that she needed to find another way to transport them, she said she was going to [Other Major Home Improvement Store] and get them to help her.”

Mom: “Why? Do they have a psychologist there?”

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