I sell precast concrete structures (manholes, septic tanks, etc.), and sometimes we get calls from folks all over the US looking for stuff, but we only deliver in New England; anywhere else, shipping is your problem. Normally, when I explain this to those people, they accept and look elsewhere.

Caller: “I want a quote for a single catch basin.”

Me: “Where will it need to get to?”

Caller: “California.”

Me: “We only deliver in New England. I can get you a quote, but you’ll need to factor in your own shipping.”

Caller: “What?! Why? I’ve never had to order something and organize my own delivery!”

Me: “We’re not a huge company, and we sell very niche, specific products. We’re just not outfitted to organize delivery too far from our address.”

Caller: “You expect to get business this way?”

Me: “We get plenty of local business, actually. It’s strange that you called us from California when we’re on the East Coast. Surely you have a closer supplier.”

Caller: “They’re all very expensive.”

Me: “I think when you factor in the scope of shipping large, heavy orders across the continental US, then it becomes significantly more expensive than shipping the same product from just several towns over from you.”

Caller: “You should just deliver it for free!”

Me: “And you should expect that you’re not going to save money by ordering 6000lb of concrete from the other side of the country.”

Caller: “Cheap a** East Coast mother-f*****!” *Click.*

Suuuure. I’m the cheap one.

I’m managing a home renovation job, including modernizing a lot of the electricals and wiring. I’m discussing wiring up the light fittings in the bedrooms with a day laborer I was managing:

Me: “So, each guest bedroom has three fittings, and the master has five, so that’s eleven in total that need wiring—”

Day Laborer: “—Whoa. Wait, eleven?”

Me: “Two bedrooms with three, one with five, that’s eleven.”

Day Laborer: “I have to run wires to all of the lights?!”

Me: “Uh… yeah?”

Day Laborer: “I can’t just run it to one room each?”

Me: “How do you think the lights are gonna work if they’re not wired up?”

Day Laborer: “I thought once the room had power, everything inside it had power.”

Me: “Aren’t you a trained electrician?”

Day Laborer: “Yeah?”

Me: “Can you tell me where you trained? I want them to know they’re sending guys out into the world whose professional understanding is that electricity enters a room and just, sort of, makes itself available…”

I’m a construction super. I was doing demolition on a job in a mall, and the place was absolutely torn up. The storefront faces the inside of the mall, and the back opens directly to the parking lot.

A lady came in through the back.

Lady: “I want to speak to a salesperson.”

Me: “A salesperson? For what?”

Lady: “A Tesla salesperson!”

To be fair to her, the multispace Tesla charging station was behind the unit, but…

Me: “Miss, you had to walk through piles and piles of studs, carpet, and torn up drywall to get to me. I think Tesla probably has fancier showrooms.”

She looks around, suddenly realizing the state of the space she’s currently standing in, and vents her embarrassment toward me as an angry shout of:

Lady: “Well, you should have the doors locked if you’re not open!”

She turns back and storms out, and would have stormed through the doors if there had been any…

I work in construction and renovation. My coworker is on the call with someone who enquired about our services in the past.

Coworker: “So you ended up going with our competitor?”

Pause.

Coworker: “And you’re acknowledging that we specifically warned you that this would happen?”

Pause.

Coworker: “And you want us to come out and fix their f***-up?”

Pause.

Coworker: “And instead of paying us, you want us to hash it out with our competitor because you already paid once?”

Pause.

Coworker: “Yes, I do believe you’re in the ‘find out’ half of the equation that’s quite common in our industry. Good luck, and seriously, thank you for the phone call. It’s been a long week, and I really needed the laugh.”

I work for a housebuilding company producing and assembling windows, doors, and similar parts for houses. Usually, we are contracted by property developers who order our parts plus assembly on the houses. Every communication must go through the property developer; if a client has a complaint about our parts, they must contact the property developers first and only them.

Due to warranty regulations (and because the property developers want it so), we’re not allowed to process any complaints by clients as long as the house isn’t finished and five years afterwards. So, if clients complain directly to us, we explain to them that we can’t process their complaints (simply telling them that we don’t have direct contracts with them, only with property developers) and refer them to their property developers.

Most understand it, but some don’t. And there’s one very special client:

To keep the story short, I’m paraphrasing the messages (it was communicated via email) in the style of conversation. It happened when his house was finished last year.

Client: “Your windows are crap! Those aren’t the ones we paid for! We paid for glasses of SSK V [safety glass class]; I think you assembled windows of SSK IV! I want them replaced right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you aren’t happy with our windows, but due to the warranty policy, as your house is still inside of five-year-timeframe, please contact your property developer. Your property developer will then get to us with your complaint.”

Client: “No! These are your windows, replace them! I paid you to assemble the SSK V windows! Not the fake s*** you actually assembled!”

Me: “If these windows of the wrong SSK were assembled by mistake, we’ll gladly replace them for free. But first, you need to contact your property developer, as we don’t have any contracts with you and therefore aren’t obliged to do anything for you.”

Client: “Your customer service is terrible! I will complain about everything to my property developer, that’s for sure!”

Uhm… yeah? That’s what the clients should do in the first place?

Some days later, one of our property developers contacts us. He’s one of the most experienced and certified experts for house building in general. He’s strict but fair to any party. He’s one who prefers results over schmancy-fancy building processes.

Property Developer: “Hello, I have a client here who says the windows he has assembled for his house are fake and don’t have the SSK class he paid for. I checked these windows by myself, and they indeed have the correct seal of quality saying SSK V. I pointed this out to him, but he still doesn’t believe it and keeps demanding that we replace the windows with “the real ones”. Do you have some sort of official documentation for the SSK V windows? By the way, he complained about horrible customer service and says that you insulted him and laughed at him. When I asked him about those emails, he said he deleted them by accident and can’t show them to me. I have a feeling here, and I have known your company for years, but I have to ask.”

Me: “Sure. Here’s the attachment of official documentation and our e-mail communication with this client.”

Sometimes property developers CC us into the emails with clients, so we stay in the loop and react fast if necessary. Same here. [Property Developer] is now talking to his client:

Property Developer: “Hello, I’ve communicated with the housebuilding company about your windows. Though I want to say first, we worked with this company for many years, and this company has an excellent rate of trustworthiness. I have never seen them intentionally assembling parts of lesser quality. They were happy to send me the official documentation of your windows. Oh, and they sent me the communication between you and them. I want to remind you that I did instruct you right from the beginning of building the house that you have to contact me first and only me.”

Client: “They are lying! Those e-mails and this documentation are fabricated! I complained to them because it’s my right to do so! Now, replace those fake s*** with the windows I paid for!”

Property Developer: “I’m sorry you’re unhappy with the windows, but I can tell you they are the right ones. And yes, you might have the right to complain. But the housebuilding company has absolutely zero obligation to even answer to your complaint because it doesn’t simply have a contract with you. We’re responsible to you, not them. And no, we won’t let them replace the windows unless there is proof. If you want, you can have your windows evaluated by a third-party expert. If our windows indeed aren’t those you paid for, we will pay for the evaluation, and the housebuilding company will replace them for free. But I have to warn you, the evaluation is very expensive, and you have to pay for it if the windows are correctly assembled.”

Client: “Oh, you can count on it to pay for everything! I will get those fake windows evaluated, and you better pay for everything!”

Some weeks later, the third-party expert has evaluated the windows. You can guess the result. And you can guess who has to pay for the evaluation (over €3,000). I can’t exactly say I was unhappy to hear about it…