Good Thing The Boss Didn’t Ovary-act

, , , , , | Working | September 9, 2020

I am a commercial electrician, which means I work on fairly large projects on a few acres of land or multiple-story buildings. We construction workers tend to screw around with green hands — new workers — often. Some of us dislike it — I particularly don’t like it — but this kid is on a new level.

We are having a slow day, mainly waiting on material.

Foreman: “Hey, [Green Hand], can you go check with [Supply Manager] to see if we have any fallopian tubes?”

A few of us stifle laughter but I am thinking there’s no way he’ll fall for that.

Green Hand: “Fallopian tubes? How many?”

Foreman: “One or two is fine.”

Green Hand: “Okay, I will be back in a bit.”

All of us burst out laughing after he leaves, even us who normally would stop it. It’s about a five-minute walk to the supply area. The rest of the story I am informed of later. 

Green Hand: “Hey, [Supply Manager], do we have any fallopian tubes?”

Manager: *Without skipping a beat* “No, I don’t think we do. You should check with [Superintendent]. He may have an idea.”

He walks to our super’s office, which is another five-minute walk.

Green Hand: “Hey, [Superintendent], do we have any fallopian tubes on order?” 

He asks this in front of a lot of higher-ups, and our superintendent normally doesn’t have tolerance for people screwing around, but [Green Hand] caught him on a good day. [Superintendent] sighs and grabs his radio.

Superintendent: “Who’s screwing with the new guy? Because I have to admit, that’s pretty funny.” *To [Green Hand]* “Hey, kid, when they ask you to get a part you’ve never heard of, Google it before asking anybody next time.”

[Green Hand] looks confused, pulls out his phone, and then pulls out his radio.

Green Hand: “Funny, guys. Very funny.”

Some people might find it mean, but the green hand learned two lessons: always check, and if it sounds stupid, there’s a 70% chance it isn’t a part or tool.

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Falling Levels Of Education

, , , , | Right | July 14, 2020

I work in Yosemite and we’re doing construction on the trail to Yosemite Falls. Later in the summer, the Yosemite Falls dry up and I overhear a tourist ask an employee in the uniform.

Tourist: “Will they turn the falls back on as soon as they finish construction?”

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No Work And All Play Makes Jack A Broke Boy

, , , , , , | Working | June 30, 2020

My aunt recently moved into a new house and has to do some renovations, so she’s hired a worker from a local construction company to do so.

He set off a big red flag on his first day on the job; he was asked to clean out the gutters, and yet he didn’t bring a ladder. This meant he had to climb out of the window onto the roof to clean them, dealing some damage to the shingles in the process.

For some reason, my aunt still goes with this guy. Unsurprisingly, it only gets worse.

The next day, he comes in to install a curtain pole on one of her second-floor windows. When it comes out crooked, this happens.

Aunt: “Why is this thing crooked?”

Worker: “What do you mean? It’s up the right way.”

Aunt: *Sighs* “Okay, measure it again, then.”

The worker uses a TAPE MEASURE instead of a bubble level to see if the curtain pole is level on both ends, using the SOFT CARPET to base it on.

Worker: “Again, it looks level to me, ma’am.”

Aunt: *Pause* “Okay, repeat what you just said to me and think about it.”

Worker: *Pause* “I said it’s level?”

Aunt: *mental facepalm*

At this stage of the renovations, she now has several big, ugly holes in her wall due to the worker having to realign the curtain pole.

On another day on the job, the guy says he’ll install plumbing and connect them to some washing machines in an upstairs room, which my aunt bought specifically FOR the new house. She gets back from an errand, and no progress has been made on the room OR the washing machines. My aunt looks on her back porch and catches this guy talking on the phone to one of his friends about a potentially lucrative music commission he got assigned, as he is apparently a composer, as well. My aunt, who the guy still hasn’t noticed, loudly announces that she would like to see how it turns out. The guy doesn’t last too much longer after this.

When my aunt texts the guy to tell him that she is changing to a different company — no surprise there — he still has the gall to try to guilt-trip my aunt into paying through their last series of texts.

Worker: “I would like to remind you that you still have not paid for my services. Please do so as soon as possible, as I’m struggling and need to put food on the table for my family.”

Aunt: “Man, are you serious right now?! I told you in person why I’m not paying you, and apparently, I have to tell you again! When I asked you to clean the gutters out, you didn’t even bother to bring a ladder.

“When you installed my curtain pole, you didn’t even bother to use the proper equipment to see if it was level, instead half-a**ing it using a tape measure and the carpet, and left a bunch of holes in the wall you didn’t even bother, nor offer to fix!

“When you were told to install plumbing upstairs, you not only did nothing during the time I was gone, which should have been more than enough for you to get started at least; no, you spent that time talking on the phone about another job!

“That’s an entire month down the drain with almost no progress on my house! You want your money? Go find a client for a commission; of course, with an experience like this, it sure as h*** won’t be me! Do you want to know why you’re not getting a d*** cent out of me for this job? There’s your reason! There are your reasons, plural!

“And I’m sure as h*** not going to regret this. I am more than perfectly capable of doing most of these tasks; I’ve moved into multiple houses and performed repairs on all or most of them. I hired you because I wanted to, not because I needed to. Goodbye, and do not contact me again.”

A few days later, she got a call from the construction company itself, saying she had been “constantly rude and abusive” to one of their employees, and they were also inquiring about the payment. She cleared the situation up and they said they’d look into it. They also said they were now VERY interested in talking to [Worker]. Apparently, he had been getting similar complaints from lots of his clients.

A few weeks later, when she checked the website of the construction company, [Worker]’s contact information was no longer there. Thankfully, the company she switched to actually did the work they were assigned, and her new house looks amazing!

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Constructing A Pretty Good Point

, , , , , | Working | June 17, 2020

My in-laws own a building restoration company, mainly dealing with old brick structures. They will not do new construction. 

City council meets with local business owners to try to combat low employment rates, especially among people with any sort of criminal record. 

Mayor: “You own a construction company; why not take on a few more employees with less desirable records?”

Father-In-Law: “Well, you see, it’s building restoration. I can only take on workers with experience in old construction or a background in engineering.”

Mayor: “Nothing wrong with training new, hard-working citizens, though.”

Father-In-Law: “Sounds good, but it won’t work. Everyone has to come back clean on the background check; we often work unsupervised in businesses, even the occasional bank after hours. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”

Mayor: “Fine. Just know you are being unreasonable.”

A few months later, the mayor hires my father-in-law to repair the sinking front steps of his home. He sends out a guy who’s 6’4” and 250 pounds and has tattoos from his neck to his fingertips and rippling muscles. He’s the sort of guy that you wouldn’t want to cross. He is a life and fitness coach, and an extremely nice guy. He doesn’t know the first thing about repairs.

He knocks on the front door with a toolbox, and the mayor just about calls the police. Instead, he calls my father-in-law to ask about him.

Father-In-Law: “Oh, yeah, he works for me; he applied a few weeks back. I thought about what you said and figured I’d give him a shot. He got out early on good behavior; I think it was felony assault and possession of narcotics.”

Mayor: “And you sent him out to my house?”

Father-In-Law: “Well, yeah. You pushed for more felons to be hired! Thought you’d love to see the results. Is he working okay? Or are you afraid he’s going to rob the place?” *Laughs* “He’s a good guy, never went to prison. Just showing you that image is part of business.”

He sent someone to actually reset the steps after the call.

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“The Last Bits” Of Realization

, , , | Right | April 15, 2020

It is a very hot summer and I decide to wear my favourite dress. I’ve had it for years and it has lost its elasticity. It’s not the most flattering dress anymore and since I am overweight, it adds a few more pounds visually. However, since it is hot, I decide to go for comfort instead of style. 

I’m heading home from spending the night elsewhere and I come across a construction site blocking my path. I need to go to the other side and there is literally no other way to get there unless you cross that site. Construction people have made a “safe path” and employees are present to help people if needed. I head to the small stairway.

Employee: “Miss, miss, wait! One moment, I’m coming!”

A middle-aged man runs towards me. He doesn’t hurry; he actually runs. He offers his hand.

Employee: “Mind your step, miss, one more… Do you want me to take your suitcase?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you. It’s not heavy.”

The man stays close to me over the sandy path.

Employee: “It must be getting heavy for you in this heat.”

Me: “Oh, not really. I’m fine.”

We reach the other side and the man offers his hand again and helps me out of this sandy pit.

Employee: “Good luck, miss, with the last bits!”

I thank him and am amazed by this kind and chivalrous behaviour. By no means was the man pushy; he was genuinely being supportive and kind. I continue, and halfway, I come across to someone I hadn’t seen for years.

Acquaintance: “Oh, hi, [My Name]! You’re looking great! When are you due?!”

It then hit me. The dress made me look pregnant. The man who’d just helped me thought he was helping a heavily pregnant lady. But I’m sorry, sir. I am just fat.

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