Will Have An Electronic Chip On Their Shoulder

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(My store, since late 2015, has been forcing customers to use the chip on their cards, if they have one.)

Me: *seeing the customer with a chip card* “Sir, the register isn’t going to let you slide that card; it has a chip.”

Customer: “The stripe works, too!”

Me: “Yes, I know it does, but it won’t read it that way be—”

Customer: “MY STRIPE WORKS!”

(He tries to slide it with both the machine and me instructing him to insert the chip portion of his card.)


Me: “Sorry, sir, I ca—”

Customer: “Well, then! F*** you and this d*** store!”

(He storms off.)

Me: *thinking* “Yeah, sorry we are trying to be more secure.”

Screaming About Everything Including The Kitchen Sink

, , , , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(I work in home improvement, and sell anything from toilets to fancy shower heads. I just sold a woman a kitchen sink last week. I get a call.)

Caller: “There is no cut-out template for this sink! You should have made me one when I picked the sink up last week! My counter guys will be here tomorrow!”

Me: “Oh, is this the cast iron sink from last week?”

Caller: “Yes, who do you think it is?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s been a busy few days! That sink is a 33×22 and just drops into a hole, so whoever is installing your counter tops should be able to just simply cut out the normal template for a sink.”

Caller: “We don’t have a template! That is the problem! How will they install tomorrow?”

Me: “The sink is the normal size for a kitchen, and has a normal shape to it. The counter installers should be able to simply cut a hole based on that. A lot of companies only send out templates if there is an unusual shape to the sink, or if it is not the average size.”

Customer: “Do you not understand that I don’t have a template?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I am saying that the counter installers should not need one for this sink. It’s a normal, rectangular 33×22, so they just need to cut the same hole they would for any sink.”

Customer: “God, you don’t get it. Make me a template!”

Me: “I don’t have the means to create a template. You need a specialized printer for that. The company who makes the sink will have them online and you can take the file to a print shop, but with this size of sink, just tell your counter installers to use the basic template. They will be able to measure the sink and see what hole to cut. Have they seen the sink yet?”

Customer: “So, will you print me a template or not?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the means to print that for you. But you just need to talk to your counter—”

Customer: “You are refusing to print one for me?”

Me: “If I had a printer capable, I would happily print a template. However, my store does not have these. You would need to go to a print shop, but I would suggest calling your counter installer and giving them the sink dimensions. They will be able to install it with no problems.”

Customer: “I’m going to report you for refusing to help me!”

Me: “Ma’am, you may report me if you wish, but you just need to tell your counter installers that you have a basic 33×22 top-mounted sink. They will be able to install it.”

Customer: “Unbelievable!”

(I never got a complaint and she never called back. I’ve never had someone refuse to listen so stubbornly before.)

A Sail Fail Tale

, , , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(It’s springtime and the weather has finally gotten warm out, so naturally, as a home improvement store with a garden center, we are busy for the day. It’s the week before Memorial Day, so we have deals going on. Our particular company has special deals for contractors and professionals, so they get coupons. I’m working at the contractor’s end of the store as their cashier. [Customer #1] places his items on the counter.)

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer #1: “I’m okay, thanks.”

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, yeah, I found everything fine.”

([Customer #1] then punches in his phone number at the pin-pad so that the transaction is recorded on his professional account.)

Me: “All right, your total is…”

Customer #1: “Hold on! I have coupons.”

(The customer proceeds to pull out his phone and show me an email advertisement for deals we have in the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those aren’t coupons. Those are just advertisements telling you what is on sale currently.”

Customer #1: “No, these are coupons! I shop here all the time; I usually get a discount. Hold on. Let me find them.”

(He proceeds to show me ANOTHER email advertisement that he received.)

Me: “Sir, those are the same thing. They aren’t coupons; I can’t accept them.”

([Customer #1] then proceeds to shoot me a nasty glare. My line has started a queue with two more customers behind him.)

Customer #1: “Well, I guess that means you’re going to hold your line up until I find a coupon!”

Me: “Would you like me to suspend—”

Customer #1: “Nope! They can wait until you give me some kind of discount!”

(Both customers are looking at him rather disgustedly, like they can’t believe what they’re hearing. [Customer #1] then proceeds to point at the piece of MOULDING I have in my hand that he’s purchasing.)

Customer #1: “See? Thirty percent off of paint accessories! That’s a paint accessory!”

(The moulding is $9. I’m fed up with this customer, as are my other customers in line.)

Me: *takes 30% off of the item* “All right, sir, there you go! Your total is $89.36.”

([Customer #1] pays, giving me a triumphant look before leaving. [Customer #2] approaches.)

Customer #2: “I’m glad you dealt with that, because if you didn’t I was going to say something.”

Customer #3: “That guy was an a**hole. I got the same exact email ad, and I’m not running around purposely holding up lines and blaming the cashier!”

Me: “Thank you both for being patient with that situation!”

(Both customers paid and left, complimenting me on a job well done as they went by. The fact he threw a fit over non-existent coupons just to get $3 off was the real kicker!)

Well, Mow My Lawn And Paint Me Purple

, , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(I work in the paint department of a local home improvement store. Our phone system has three options for callers: power equipment, paint, and retail. For some reason, callers never pay attention and just choose a random one. I usually get repair calls at the paint department. I figure I’ll have a little fun after the tenth time the wrong call comes through.)

Me: “Paint department. [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, is my lawn mower ready for pickup?”

Me: “Oh, geez, sir, I don’t know. Let me go check the shaker to see if it’s done.”

Caller: “Wait… What!? What kind of operation are you runnin’ here?!”

Me: “It was a joke, sir. This is the paint department.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t want to paint my lawnmower! “

Me: “Okay, sir! I’ll just transfer you to repairs. You have a good day, now!”

Caller: “D*** kids, always trying to paint my lawnmower!”

It’s A (Lint) Trap!

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2018

(I am working returns when one of the customer service guys asks me to take a call. Picking up the phone, I speak to a rather nice, young-sounding woman who notes that she purchased a washer/dryer set when our store opened about six months ago, and everything ran fine until just recently. Now she’s having trouble with the dryer. She wants to know if her dryer is covered under warranty and what we might do to fix it. Since our policy is to find out as much about the problem before sorting out if it is covered or not, I ask a few questions.)

Me: “Does the dryer turn on?”

Woman: “Oh, yes. It’ll turn on just fine.”

Me: “Is it not heating or drying the clothing?”

Woman: “Oh, that works fine, I suppose.”

Me: “Well, that pretty much covers it. What exactly is the nature of your problem?”

Woman: “Well, it starts fine, but every time we use it, the d*** thing catches on fire.”

Me: “Fire?”

Woman: “Yeah. Fire. We have to shut it off and douse it, or it’d burn the house down.”

Me: “Uh… Yeah. Just curious, you know to empty the lint trap, right?”

Woman: “What’s a lint trap?”

(At that point I realized that not everyone should own appliances.)

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