Doesn’t Know What The Truck He’s Talking About

, , , , , | Working | May 15, 2018

(I receive a call from a truck driver asking for directions. There are two exits from the interstate, both clearly marked as to which direction they go. The first exit goes west, and the one he should take goes east and exits two miles further down the road. I’ve given the same directions many times, and the occasional driver will take the first exit and head the wrong way, so I always reiterate that the correct turn will be the second. Later, the driver checks in but is highly upset. When asked what the problem is, he says he got an expensive ticket for driving off the truck route, and he expects reimbursement for his trouble. I’m not the one checking him in, but I can hear him and my coworker from where I am, around a corner and not immediately visible from the driver’s entrance.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry you received the ticket, but why do you think we should pay for it?”

Driver: “I called for directions and the broad I talked to told me wrong. I took the exit she said, and the highway went west. I knew I needed to go east so I went east. The road took me into downtown, and next thing you know I was pulled over and given the d*** ticket!”

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], did you talk to the driver from [Company]?”

Me: *rounding the corner* “Yes, I did, and I reiterated with him, and asked for his understanding, that he was not to take the exit for [First Exit] but continue on the interstate to the exit for [Second Exit]. If he took the wrong exit, then willingly ignored the, ‘no trucks,’ signs and turned east, anyway, it’s his own doing.”

Coworker: “Does that sound right, [Truck Driver]?”

Driver: “Maybe. But she’s a girl; what does she know?”

Coworker: “She knows that you don’t take the [First Exit] to go east, and she knows that you don’t ignore the, ‘no trucks,’ signs when you are given perfectly good directions to keep you on the truck route! Now, back your rig into dock two, and [My Name] will get you unloaded.”

Driver: “What about the ticket?”

Me: “What about it? Consider it a costly lesson in following directions!”

Driver: *addressing coworker* “Are you going to let her get away with that?”

Coworker: “Are you going to get the trailer unloaded, or would you rather you be refused and have us call your company to tell them why?”

(The driver backed into the dock, and when he returned, he refused to even look at me the entire time I was unloading the trailer. After I signed off on his paperwork and he was leaving, he commented again about me being “a girl,” and that I shouldn’t be allowed to give directions or unload trucks. My coworker called his company to report his behavior and, although the trucking company continues to make frequent deliveries to the store, we’ve never seen that driver again.)

Their Brain Is Offline

, , , , | Right | May 9, 2018

(I work in a home improvement store.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Where are your pools?”

Me: “I don’t think we carry pools in the store.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I saw them online.”

Me: “Yes, we have several, but they are indeed online.”

Customer: “So, where are they?”

Me: “They are online only.”

Customer: “But where are they in the store? I know you have them because I saw them online.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we only carry a few pool accessories in the store, like pool salt.”

Customer: “Oh, then would the pools be by the salt, then?”

Me: “No, all of our pools are online only.”

Customer: *to a different employee walking by* “Excuse me. Where are your pools?”

She Almost Blue Up

, , , , , | Right | May 2, 2018

(A customer comes in with a microwave in its box in their cart.)

Me: “Hi, how we doing today?”

Customer: “Crappy.”

Me: *lifting the microwave box out* “So, what was the reason for this return?”

Customer: “It blew.”

Me: “Blew up? Well, that’s not good. Were you using it at the time?”

Customer: “NO. It’s not blown up.”

Me: “But you said it blew.”

Customer: “Listen here, you moron: it’s blue. B. L. U. E.”

(This prompts me to blink and then raise an eyebrow. As I start to open the box, my manager comes over, and the customer begins to get in a huff.)

Customer: “What, you don’t trust me? You’re just racist like everyone else.”

Me: “Honestly, I’m just curious. I’ve never seen a blue microwave before.”

(She starts going off on a rant about how we’re obviously racist, while my manager shoots me a quizzing look. I shrug and open the box, then pull out the foam.)

Customer: “I knew I shouldn’t have come here, with you stupid racists. I’m going to complain. You idiots don’t know what you’re doing. I wanted stainless steel, and that moron back there sold me a blue microwave.”

(At this point, I know exactly what’s wrong, and try to chime in, only to have her yell at me to shut up. The manager is trying to explain, but she’s not hearing it. Halfway through her latest rant, I finally manage to get a bit of the film up, and I grab it and pull hard. There’s a LOUD ripping sound, revealing the stainless steel underneath. The customer looks at me in shock, and I shrug.)

Me: “It’s not blue now. The film, you see: you have to take it off. It protects the stainless steel.”

(The woman reluctantly took the microwave back. About twenty minutes later, while I was at lunch, the lady’s husband came back. My manager came looking for me, and I came out. The lady’s husband handed me a large pizza from the local pizza place, and then chuckled, saying that he’d tried to explain it to her, but she wouldn’t listen to him. The pizza was her idea to apologize for making an idiot of herself. Free lunch. I can’t complain.)

English To Gibberish Dictionaries On Aisle Four

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2018

(A customer approaches a coworker and I standing together.)

Customer: *while twirling his fingers around* “Do you have one of those things that’s like a shape with holes and feet? It’s kind of like a–” *gestures* “…but not a circle?”

Coworker: “Uh…” *while turning and pointing to me*

Me: “Yep, conduit clamps; aisle three, about a quarter way up on the left.”

(I walk that way with the customer and the coworker following behind.)

Me: “Here they are, in a variety of sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, this is exactly what I was looking for. I asked two other people, and they didn’t know what I was talking about. Thank you so much.”

(As I’m walking back to my department with the coworker again….)

Coworker: “Thanks. I knew if anyone here was fluent in spoken and signed gibberish, it would be you.”

Using A Different Rule Of Thumb

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2018

(A female customer orders three six-foot-long boards. When she leaves, she looks happy with her purchase. She returns around an hour later, very angry, hitting her boards across the doorway.)

Customer: “DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO MEASURE PROPERLY, DUMBA**?”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I ordered three six-foot-long boards for my shelving, not three twelve-foot-long boards! I want a d*** refund and my new boards free!”

(I look at the boards. There is no way they could be twelve feet long.)

Me: “These look like they’re the correct length.”

Customer: “NO, THEY’RE NOT, YOU LITTLE S***. LOOK!”

(She pulls out a smartphone and opens a photo of a ruler in her gallery. She slides the phone across the board, counting.)

Customer: “SEE? SEE? IT’S DOUBLE WHAT I ASKED FOR!”

Me: “…”

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