The (In The) Red Wedding

, , , , , | Friendly | April 8, 2019

(After Hurricane Katrina, my church sends a group of volunteers several times to a “sister parish” in Mississippi to help clean up and rebuild. During one such trip, I drive with a younger priest originally from Vietnam to the nearby home improvement store to buy some supplies we need and pick up some stuff ordered previously. We go up to the business desk where the clerk and priest greet each other, obviously knowing each other well. After the clerk rings up the purchases, the priest and clerk immediately begin serious dickering over the total. After much back and forth, eventually, they settle on about 10% off after the priest promises to officiate the weddings of both the clerk’s children for free. Just then, the priest remembers something we have forgotten and runs off to get it.)

Me: “You know, the church doesn’t actually charge for weddings.”

(Note: they do suggest a stipend.)

Clerk: “Oh, I know that. We would have given you guys the 10% off, anyway, but Father loves to dicker, so I let him have his fun!”

Might Not Be A Veteran But Is Always Starting A War

, , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(I’m at a home improvement store to return some paint after deciding the color didn’t look right. I get in line behind an older man with a cart full of paint. He has four one-gallon cans and one quart can. I have no idea why he is in the return line, as colored paint is non-returnable. The clerk calls for the next person and it is his turn. He tells the clerk that one of the one-gallon cans is empty and only there as a color match — odd because you really only need the lid. She begins to ring up his items for sale when he tells her he’s a veteran.)

Clerk: “Okay, I’ll need your service photo ID.”

Customer: *starts fumbling through his wallet* “I don’t have it with me. But I have…”

(He empties his wallet of all kinds of cards onto the return desk, none of which are the requested ID.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to have the photo ID. It is our policy so I can apply the discount.”

Customer: “I have this card, this card, this card…”

Clerk: “Sir, it has to be their photo ID.”

Customer: *still pushing other cards at her*

Clerk: “Sir, if you want me to apply the 5% discount, I have to see your service card with a photo ID.”

Customer: *now getting agitated, begins to make exaggerated gestures to the regular checkouts on the other end of the store* “Well, they applied it last time and I didn’t have it.”

Clerk: “Whoever it was shouldn’t have.”

Customer: “Ma’am, I’m a veteran. I served my country. I did my time. Why would I lie about my service? I served my country.”

(This sounds like a scam. I want to say, “Why would you lie about being a veteran? Oh, I don’t know… maybe for a 5% discount?”)

Clerk: “I can’t apply the discount without the ID.”

Customer: *goes into a full, loud rant and throws his credit card at her, accepting that he’ll have to pay the full price* “This is disgraceful! Disgraceful. I’m going to call in a complaint. I will.”

Clerk: “Certainly, sir. Please sign here.”

Customer: “Disgraceful. I’m going to complain about you!”

Clerk: “Okay, sir.” *directs her attention to the line that has grown behind me* “Next.”

(I state my transaction while he is leaving. Once he’s gone:)

Me: “Did you want me to put a call in to counter his complaint?”

Clerk: *laughs* “No, it’s all right.”

(I did, anyway. It was probably an empty threat, but I didn’t want her to get in trouble for upholding policy.)

Oh… You Mean THE Living Room?

, , , | Right | March 22, 2019

(I’ve just been to the gym, so I’m fairly spaced out and not really thinking. I’m definitely the idiot here.)

Me: “I’d like to buy that bookcase. May I have it delivered?”

Shop Assistant: “Sure. Where’s it going?”

Me: “…In the living room?”

Shop Assistant: “Er…”

Me: “Oh. Oh!” *gives address*

Near Death And Blind

, , , , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(I am walking a family of two around my department, trying to help them get the correct products to paint their kitchen. When it comes to color choices:)

Adult Grandson: “Meemaw, she needs you to choose the color you want.”

Meemaw: “Shoot, I don’t care! You choose; you’re going to live longer than me, anyway!”

Adult Grandson: “Meemaw, I’m colorblind!”

(In the end, Meemaw chose the yellow, and I ended up choosing the brown for the cabinets. Hope they like it!)

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 14

, , , | Right | March 16, 2019

(I work in a store that sells various kitchenware items, including electrical products. A perfectly pleasant lady whom I have just served at the till approaches me at the door on her way out.)

Customer: “Dear, can I ask you a quick question?”

Me: “Sure! How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, you probably can’t do anything about this, but I have a [Brand Name] food mixer that I purchased, but never have used. It was over a year ago, but it’s just too powerful! I switched it on once, but it scared me! Am I able to return it to you? Can you do something with it?”

(Our policy includes a several-year guarantee on electricals, so returning it with a proof of purchase would be totally fine in this case.)

Me: “Oh, no! Okay, do you have a receipt for it?”

Customer: “I expect so!”

Me: “Then that’s fine. Just bring it in to us and we can issue a refund to you with your store receipt.”

Customer: “That’s wonderful! It’s from [Different Store], and I’ll bring it in next time!”

Me: *blink* “Wait, I’m sorry; did you purchase the mixer here?”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear, from [Different Store]. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Ah. I’m afraid so. We can’t accept returns or issue refunds for products purchased from other companies, I’m sorry.”

Customer: *visibly disappointed* “Oh. Right… Even with a receipt?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh. Well… What would you suggest I do with it?”

Me: “Hmm. Have you considered eBay?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a good idea! I’ll get my daughter to help me with that!”

Me: “All right, then; good luck!”

Customer: “Thank you, dear!”

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 13
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 12
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 11

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