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Cane You Please Reexamine Your Perceptions?

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2023

I had surgery that made walking uncomfortable, so I used a cane to get around the store where I worked. A customer approached me.

Customer: *In the most condescending tone* “Could you find someone to help me with questions about computer networking equipment?”

Me: “I would be happy to help you with that, ma’am.”

She blinked in surprise and gestured to my cane.

Customer: “Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were, like, a bag boy or something.”

Apparently, in her mind, a cane means a mental disability, and the only job a person like that can do is bagging her purchases.

Sounds Like He’s Polishing A Turd

, , , , , , , | Right | February 9, 2023

I work as a manager in a small perfumery. A guy no older than twenty approaches the counter and slams a bottle of perfume on it, making everything shake.

Me: “Can help you?”

Customer: “I want to complain and get a refund!”

Me: “All right, what’s your complaint?”

Customer: “I bought this perfume a week ago. One of your employees told me it was going to cover up most smells and make me smell of pine, and yet when I went to a party yesterday, everybody told me I smelt like somebody had taken a s*** in a pine yard and made fun of me all night!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir, but we cannot refund you, only offer you a different perfume in exchange for the old one.”

Customer: “Don’t bother! I want my money back; I have no use for perfumes that can’t make up for skipping showers!”

Quit Needling Me, Little Bro!

, , , , , | Related | February 8, 2023

CONTENT WARNING: Needles

 

When my brother was first diagnosed with diabetes, he was eleven years old. He didn’t do the insulin injections himself, and he didn’t have his pump yet, so he had me or one of our parents do them. For some reason, I was his person of choice.

One night, as I was eating supper, I saw my brother put down his food at his place across from me and then come to hover behind my chair.

Me: *Slightly passive-aggressively* “Can I help you?”

Brother: *In a super-sweet tone, with a large smile* “Yes!”

Me: *Pretending to be super frustrated with him* “I will stab you.”

Brother: *Still overly sweet* “Thank you!”

Bending Your Employees Until They Break

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 7, 2023

During the global health crisis, I worked in a small, family-owned warehouse. The warehouse manager was a gung-ho type who wouldn’t take excuses of any kind for not showing up for work.

Every year from March through July, we were in our busy season. Workers typically worked 6:00 to 4:45, though I worked 6:00 to 5:00.

In April 2021, I came down with the [contagious illness], and a bad case of it. I was completely bedridden, with coughs, fatigue, body aches, and a fever. I called off work, and everything seemed to be okay.

Two days later, however, I was called and asked if I was well enough to come in. I responded that I was not. The warehouse manager then stated that as soon as my quarantine was over — ten days after diagnosis, the following Monday from this call — I was required to come back in.

Monday rolled around, and I was still coughing, fatigued, and running a fever. As required, though, I dragged myself to work. Within an hour and a half of being there, the owner sent me home because I spent too much time coughing and wasn’t fast enough in picking orders due to fatigue.

The next day, the warehouse manager called me and directed me to come in at 5:30 every evening (after everyone was gone) and work on receiving the daily orders from our vendors. Once again, I dragged myself in, worked on what I needed to, went home, and passed out.

After that week was over, I was again expected to come in and work a normal shift. Because I had been pushing myself so hard, though, I wasn’t recovering well at all, and my cough had worsened.

On Tuesday, I couldn’t take it any longer; I went to the doctor. They took a chest x-ray and then sent me home. An hour later, I got a call from the doctor that I needed a CT scan, and I needed it TODAY. They managed to find an opening for one that day close to my home. It turned out that I didn’t have blood clots in my lung as they had suspected but just a very bad case of [illness]-induced pneumonia.

I was given strict orders by the doctor to not go to work until I had recovered. By the time all was said and done, I missed a month of work before I was healthy enough to return.

Seven months later, the warehouse manager came down with a light version of [illness]. He took the full two paid weeks off, stating that he didn’t want to push himself too hard. I still suffer from the “long” version of the illness — limited smell, reduced immune system, lower stamina — all because they pushed me hard to come in.

No, the irony and hypocrisy were not lost on me. I turned in my two-week notice a couple of months later.

Lettuce Be Clear About This, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2023

This was many years ago when there was an E. coli outbreak that affected lettuce. Salads of all kinds were pulled out of restaurants and stores for weeks.

I was working as a server, and the recall had been in place for about three weeks when two ladies were seated at my table.

Customer #1: “I would like a house salad as my side, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any salads available right now due to the recall. Is there something else you would like?”

Customer #1: “No, I’ll take the salad. I don’t think those outbreaks are real. It’s just the government testing on us. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Customer #2: “You’ll have to get something else. It doesn’t matter that it’s not real; they don’t actually have any lettuce, and the government will shut them down if they try to sell it during their test.”

Customer #1: “Oh, that makes sense. I’ll just need a moment to decide, then.”

Me: “No problem. I’ll be back to check on you.”

I’ve often wondered over the years if the second lady believed in the lettuce conspiracy or if she just knew how to deal with the first lady well.

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Lettuce Be Clear About This