Pound For Pound Cheaper

, , , , , | Right | August 23, 2018

A friend was getting married in Newport, Rhode Island, which has expensive hotel rates. My family chose a lower-priced hotel just outside the city that was still in the network they had advertised on their wedding webpage.

Another friend attending the wedding searched for less expensive hotels and found one at a great rate in another neighborhood outside the city. When they went to put the address into the GPS, it couldn’t find where they were going. Frustrated, they looked at their confirmation email. The reason they had found a hotel at such an inexpensive rate was because they booked it in Newport… England. They didn’t notice the pound symbol next to the price.

Luckily, the hotel we were staying at still had a few open rooms, and they were able to cancel their other reservation.

These Delays Are Heating Up

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(I work in the deli department, and on weekends we close the store at six. We are a little late closing because there were customers finishing up their shopping, and we are now cleaning the last slicer and preparing to go home. A lady and her child sneak their way into the store right before we lock the doors.)

Customer: “Can I get a sandwich?”

Coworker: “We are currently closing right now—”

Customer: “Please? It’s an easy one.”

(We ask our manager, and she says yes, since it’s easy.)

Coworker: “Okay, what kind of sandwich?”

Customer: “Chicken salad with lettuce and tomatoes.”

(My coworker goes to work on it.)

Me: “Is that all you need tonight?”

Customer: “No, I need two more sandwiches. I’m waiting for my other daughter to get here.”

Me: “Um… Is she in the store?”

Customer: “She should be.”

(Her child looks around the store but comes back shaking her head.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your daughter must have gotten locked out of the store. We already closed the doors tonight, since we close at six.”

Customer: “Oh. Hang on; I’ll call her.” *a minute later* “Okay, we need two chicken parm sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go to make them. We are all starting to get annoyed, since it’s now 6:15 and we want to go home. These sandwiches I’m doing need to be heated up. I heat them up for three minutes each, so they are really hot.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “No, thank you. That’s all… Wait. These sandwiches feel cold!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I did heat them up for three minutes each. We don’t toast the bread, so that’s probably what you feel.”

Customer: *giving massive attitude now* “Well, I don’t like it. They are way too cold. Heat them up for four minutes longer!”

Me: *extremely irritated, but acting nice* “No problem, ma’am.”

(Four minutes later.)

Me: “Here you are, ma’am. Are they all right now?”

Customer: “They are a lot better! Why didn’t you do this from the start?! And you should have a sign saying when you close!”

(We do; it’s on the door right when you walk in.)

Me: “Anything else, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I’m all set… Actually…”

(She then proceeds to ask for multiple types of salads and entrees in our case, and asks for sliced cheese, so now we have to clean the slicer over again. Then, she finally leaves.)

Manager: “So much for it being quick.”

(We all left at 6:45, and as we were leaving we saw her just now getting to the cashier to pay for her stuff.)

Literally Defies Explanation

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2018

(My friend and I are selling tickets to a show at our university. A group of four women come in and order five tickets. We check them out and they wander over to merchandise on the other side of the hall. Several minutes later, a man walks by our table without buying a ticket. I flag him down when we finish dealing with the customer he had walked around.)

Me: “Sir, do you have a ticket?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(My friend and I look at one another.)

Friend: “I’m sorry, but we don’t remember you buying one from us.”

Customer: “But I didn’t.”

Me: “But you have a ticket?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can I see it?”

Customer: “No.”

(My friend and I exchange another worried look.)

Me: “Sir, where is your ticket?”

Customer: *points across crowded lobby* “She has it over there.”

Me: *to friend* “Is he pointing towards [Staff Member]?”

Friend: “I have no idea.”

Customer: “[Unintelligible Name] has my ticket.”

Me: *to friend* “Do you know her?”

Friend: “No?”

Customer: “She has my ticket!”

(Awkward pause.)

Me: *to friend* “Waaaait… the group who bought five tickets.”

Customer: “Yes, my wife bought it!”

(Couldn’t just explain yourself, huh?)

Dealing With Stupidity: That’s A Wrap!

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2018

(I am working the board for the night, which is where all of our sandwiches are made during late-night. A customer comes in and orders a sandwich. I make it, and it is passed out to her. She takes a seat in the dining room. A few minutes later, she walks up to the counter, sandwich in hand, not looking too happy.)

Coworker: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “This sandwich is ice cold! The meat isn’t even warm!”

(I have just made a fresh pan of hamburger patties, and they had just come up before her order, so I know that this isn’t true. If anything, it should be hot enough to burn her mouth.)

Coworker: “Sorry about that. We can warm it up in the microwave for you, if you’d like.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The coworker brings me the sandwich, and knowing well that the meat is not cold at all, I simply unwrap the sandwich, stand there for about thirty seconds, then place it in another wrapper and hand it to be passed out.)

Customer: “See? Now it’s nice and hot. I can feel the heat through the wrapper. Thank you!”

“Because… People” Is A Standard Answer

, , , , | | Working | June 1, 2018

(My coworker and I are talking about an ongoing project we’ve all been working on, when the curator walks in the door. Before he catches on to the conversation, I turn to him and ask the following:)

Me: “[Curator], why is everything always so complicated?!”

Curator: “Because human beings are garbage.”

Me: “…”

Curator: *walks away*

Me: “…”

Coworker: “You can always trust [Curator] to put a positive spin on things.”

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