A Picture Of Retail Hell

, , , , , | Right | April 8, 2019

(At my store, if a customer is placed on hold for sixty seconds, the phone starts ringing back to alert the front end that someone is still on hold. I happen to be walking by and hear the phone ringing back, so I make the colossally stupid decision to pick it up and see if I can assist the customer.)

Me: “I’m so sorry for the wait. Who were you holding for?”

Customer: “Jesus Christ! You people have had me on hold for ten minutes! I need help, and don’t transfer me back to that guy! He doesn’t know what he’s doing! Get me someone who knows what they’re g**d*** doing!”

(First, only women are on the front end today, and second, I can see she has been on hold for a whopping 93 seconds.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. I’ll help you personally right now, but there’s no need to swear at me.”

Customer: “I didn’t swear.”

Me: “All right, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Ugh! I ordered some things off a registry last week, and one of them isn’t going to come in time for the shower! I need you to print me 5×7 color photos of the items, and I’ll come by to grab them.”

Me: “I apologize for that, ma’am. I can definitely print you pictures, but our printers only do black and white, and they will only print one size.”

Customer: “What?! When I was there last week, the pictures were in color on the screen!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the website is in color, but again, our printers only do black and white.”

Customer: “Ugh! Fine! It was a platter and a snow blower.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, could I just have the email address you used to place the order?”

Customer: “What? Why? Why do you need my email?”

Me: “I’m going to pull up the order so I can see exactly which items you ordered.”

Customer: “I just told you! It was a platter and a snow blower!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we sell a lot of those items online, and I want to make sure I print the right pictures.”

Customer: “Ugh! Fine, it’s [email].” *said super fast, so I have to ask her to repeat it twice, pissing her off even further*

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m just going to put you on a brief hold so I can step to a computer and print that for you.”

Customer: “Fine. This is taking forever!”

(I put her back on hold and step literally 15 inches away to pull up her order, when I find that the computer is frozen. I pick back up to let her know I haven’t forgotten her and that I just have to run to another computer, of course leading to another bout of b****ing.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I do apologize, but I’m not able to find that email address in our system. I’ll just need your name.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is the worst customer service I’ve ever had! I would never recommend anyone shop or register with you!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am—“

Customer: “Stop apologizing! Just look up the order! My name is [Customer]!”

(The email address is misspelled in the system, which isn’t surprising if she said it as quickly and rudely when the order was originally placed as she is now.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ve got those pictures for you, and I’ll have them at the front desk for you when you come in.”

Customer: *sudden change* “Oh, thank you so much! What was your name? Thanks so much!”

(And that’s why I have resolved never to voluntarily pick up the phone anymore.)

Unfiltered Story #145498

, , , | Unfiltered | March 29, 2019

(I work behind the customer service desk at a grocery store. A woman called the store the complain about the lobster she had just bought.)

Me: “Hello, (grocery store), this is (my name), how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, um, I bought five lobsters and I think something’s wrong with them.”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Customer: “Well, when we cut into them, they were still… jiggly.”

Me: “Did you cook them?”

Customer: “We ordered them steamed. They were black, I thought that was a part of the steaming process.”

Me: “…Alright, well, um, bring them in then, I guess.”

(They somehow hadn’t noticed that the seafood department had gotten their order wrong, and instead of just boiling the lobsters themselves, they decided to just cut open “not quite dead yet” crustaceans. I had to refund them in full.)

Unfiltered Story #143683

, , , | Unfiltered | March 16, 2019

(I am shopping at a grocery store in a long line.  A man answers his cell phone while in the 15 items or less line)

Wife on phone:  Honey, I don’t feel good.  I need you to provide dinner to the kids.

Husband:  OK.  (The man gets out of the 15 items or less line and comes back a few minutes later with some pesto sauce and some yogurt.  He pays and the cashier is on to the next customer.  His phone rings.)

Wife on phone:  Well.  Since you didn’t respond and you’re taking your sweet time coming home, I’ve decided to cook dinner.  And when you get home, you’re responsible for finishing this pound of spaghetti.

Husband:  Dear, I responded to you that that’s fine.  Since I’m at the grocery store, I’ve picked up some yogurt to go along with dinner.  I’m also planning on making pesto.

Wife on phone:  The kids already had yogurt for lunch.  Why are you pushing me like this?  Listen, it’s easy, I’ve already got the spaghetti done and I’m waiting for you to get home.

Husband:  Wait – now I’m confused.  Was I making dinner or not?

Wife on phone:  Like I already told you, you’re responsible for dinner.  I’ve already got the spaghetti done and no we are not eating more yogurt for dinner.

Husband:  OK, so I’ll just grab a vegetable and bring it home instead of the yogurt.

Wife on phone:  No, I just told you, you’ve got spaghetti.  Just come home already.

Husband:  Well, now I’m confused even more.  Am I cooking dinner or not?

Wife on phone:  Why do you keep pushing on me?  This isn’t complicated!  Stop being a jerk already!

Husband:  So…  do I grab a vegetable or not?

Wife on phone:  You know what?  What ever.  You’re being a jerk.  All you needed to do was make the spaghetti.  It’s not that complicated and the kids already had yogurt, so don’t bring any home.

Husband:  Dear… I am very very confused.  You want me to make dinner, but you’ve already made the spaghetti.  And I understand the yogurt, which is fine.  But, what are they going to have along with dinner?  I understand the not having multiple yogurts in a single day.  So, while I’m at the store, I can grab a veg…

Wife on phone:  You know what?  Fine, be that way.  You’re such an asshole.  I’m making the spaghetti.  When you get home, you can make a plate of your own.  And, I’ve lost my appetite just by talking to you!


Husband:  (Everyone is just staring at the man, who is standing there shaking his head in disbelief)  This happens around the same time each month…

(He drops off his shopping in his car then comes back in and grabs some assorted vegetables.  Who ever you are, good luck with your crazy wife!)

Unfiltered Story #141587

, , | Unfiltered | February 22, 2019

Two ladies are shopping together and one runs over to the yogurt section I’m working next to.

Customer (to her friend): I’m looking for my yogurt! They always sell out of my flavor before I get here, it’s the best one. Banana!

I look over and realize she’s looking for an item we don’t sell.

Me: I’m sorry, we don’t sell banana-flavored by Brand1. We have banana by Brand2 and banana cream pie by brand3 and brand4, though.

Customer: I always look for it here but it’s the best one so it sells out before I get to it. Everyone likes banana for some reason.

Me: Actually it’s not there because we don’t sell it. Some of our other locations may, but we only have those other brands I mentioned. I’m sorry about that.

Customer: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just check back next time I’m in, you sell out of my flavor so fast!

me: *dies inside*

If You Spend $200 On A Calculator, You’re Not Good With Numbers

, , , , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I work at a small chain grocery store at the customer service desk. This woman calls in claiming to have been triple-charged, and I tell her to come in the next day with her receipt.)

Customer: “Hi. I spoke to [My Name] on the phone yesterday, and she told me to come in today with my receipt for a refund.”

Me: “Hi! Yes, I was the person you spoke to yesterday. Let’s take a look at your receipt.”

(I look at her receipt, and she has a total written down next to her balance that is $20 less.)

Me: “Ma’am, you got your three free items. You purchased three and got three free. Here, I’ll circle it for you.”

(I circle the free items in red and the paid items in green.)

Customer: “No! You’re wrong! My total should be $82.91 and not $102.91! I was overcharged!”

(I take out my calculator and calculate her total which comes up to her subtotal.)

Me: “Ma’am, your total is correct. You weren’t overcharged. I promise.”

Customer: “No. You’re wrong. I’m going to go home and calculate my total on my husband’s $200 calculator, and if it’s different than what I paid, I’m coming back for a refund.”

(She never came back.)

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