Laura: The Last Airbender

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2018

(I’ve just ordered a coffee and have been asked to provide my name for to be called out.)

Me: “Laura.”

Cashier: “How is that spelled?”

Me: “L.”

Cashier: “K.”

Me: “No, L as in ‘Lima.’”

Cashier: “That doesn’t start with a K.”

Me: “I know. It starts with an L.”

(She shrugged and wrote something down on the cup. Several minutes went by and everyone’s name except my own was called, until there were no customers waiting. I asked about my order and the same cashier presented my cup. When I looked on the cup, my name was spelled “Korra.” I can’t remember if I heard it being called, but it sounded familiar enough that I Googled it. It’s from an “Avatar: The Last Airbender” spinoff. I guess the cashier was a fan.)

He’s Ray Off Course

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I work in a bookstore.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have any books by Ray Bradbury?”

Me: “Yes, I know we’ve got—”

Customer: “Wait, not Bradbury. Brown.”

Me: “Ray Brown? I’ll have to check.”

Customer: “Okay. And his name’s not Ray…”

You Shall Not Boarding Pass!

, , , , , , | Working | December 5, 2018

(My husband, daughters, and I are preparing to leave for our first trip to Disney World, so we’re all very excited. I have a somewhat unusual name. For clarity’s sake, let’s say that my full legal name is “Penelope Piggott-Montmorency,” but I always go by “Penny.” We’re Canadian, so we need passports to fly.)

Employee: *checking my boarding pass and passport* “Did you know that your boarding pass says, ‘Penny,’ but your passport says, ‘Penelope’?”

Me: “Oh, I always go by ‘Penny,’ so that’s what I put when I was booking our flights. Is that a problem?”

Employee: “Um, yes. Don’t you remember the airline website telling you that you have to use the same name as the one on your passport?”

Me: “Oh, boy, you’re right. I totally forgot.”

Employee: *continues to hang on to my documents* “I’m thinking seriously about not letting you get on the plane.”

Me: “What?!” *my kids start to cry* “But we’re going to Disney World! Is there anything I can do? I didn’t mean to use the wrong name! And you can see that the photo in the passport is definitely me.”

Employee: *smirks* “Rules are there for a reason, ma’am.”

(Just then, another airport employee joins us.)

Employee #2: “What’s the problem here?”

Employee: “She’s trying to board with a boarding pass that has a different name from her passport.”

Employee #2: *glances at documents* “You must be kidding. How many ‘Penny/Penelope Piggott-Montmorencys’ do you think the world has? Especially ones whose pictures match the woman standing in front of you? Let her and her family on the d*** plane.” *to me* “Enjoy your trip, ma’am. But next time, make sure you book your flight with the name ‘Penelope,’ just to avoid this kind of hassle again.” *glares at colleague*

(Ever since then, I’ve used my full legal name every time I fly, even when it’s domestic.)

The Name That Launched A Thousand Rebuttals

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 4, 2018

(I have just had my first child and am visiting my parent’s place. My brother’s friend and his wife are also visiting.)

Friend: “Hi, [My Name], I heard you had a baby.”

(I show my daughter to him.)

Friend: “Ooh, she’s tiny. What did you call her?”

Me: “Her name is Cassandra.”

Friend: “What sort of name is that? I hate these modern made-up names. Just because you can make up a name, it doesn’t mean you should be able to use it. You should just give her a traditional name, a name that’s been around for years.”

Me: “Three thousand years isn’t long enough for you?”

Friend: “Yeah, sure, three thousand years. How come I’ve never heard of it?”

Me: “Ever heard of the Trojan wars? Helen of Troy?”

Friend: “Of course I have, but what’s that got to do with what you named your daughter?”

Me: “Cassandra was Paris’s sister; it’s a Greek name.”

Friend: “But Paris is in France; why would it have a sister, and why would you choose a [racial slur] name?”

(I am speechless. Just then his wife comes up to us.)

Wife: “Oh, for God’s sake, [Friend], will you stop being a f****** s***head?! Cassandra is a lovely name. Sorry about that [My Name]; I’ll take my idiot of a husband home.”

Friend: “But it’s not a real name.”

Wife: *dragging him out the door and screaming at him* “WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE F*** UP?!”

That’s The Way We All Became The Nuhsolicitores Bunch

, , , , , | Working | December 1, 2018

(We have a “No Solicitors” sign above our doorbell; it’s pretty hard to miss, and my dad has little patience for people who ignore it. One day, someone rings the bell and my dad answers the door. They immediately start a sales pitch.)

Dad: “Wait, wait. Hold on. Did you see this sign?” *points to sign over doorbell*

Salesperson: “Uh… Yes?”

Dad: “Then do you not understand what ‘No Solicitors’ means?”

Salesperson: *pauses* “Isn’t it your name?”

Dad: “What?”

Salesperson: “Yeah, I thought it was your name. Like, it was Italian? ‘Nuh Solicitores,’ right?”

Dad: *stares at him for a minute and then just shuts the door*

Page 3/1912345...Last