Saying, “Heidi Ho!” At Work

, , , , , , | Working | May 11, 2019

(My first job out of college is working as a front desk/helpdesk engineer for a third-party IT company. For some reason, my boss can’t remember my name.)

Boss: “Heidi, can you come in here for a minute?”

(My name is not Heidi or anything close to it. In fact, my name starts with a C. I am the only female who works at the company at the moment, so I get up and walk into his office with a frown.)

Me: “Um, were you looking for me?”

Boss: “Of course. I called for you.”

Me: “Yeah, but, uh… My name isn’t Heidi.”

Boss: *hesitates* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Well, if it is, then the last twenty-some-odd years I’ve been using the wrong one.”

Boss: *laughs* “Right, makes sense. So—“

(He went into what he’d wanted to ask me. Afterward, he still called me Heidi and I corrected him a few times, and then I realized he was doing it on purpose because he thought he was being funny. I’d mostly yell back, “Not Heidi!” while doing whatever he’d asked. It would be funny when we got new techs because they’d always get these really confused looks on their faces as I’d get up, and they’d lean over and ask, “Who the f*** is Heidi?”)

Not A Rewarding Name

, , , , , | Working | May 9, 2019

(There is a specific store where I usually go to buy rabbit food. They have some sort of rewards program, and this exchange happens every time I check out. Note that my name is unusual and the spelling and pronunciation do not match particularly well.)

Cashier: “Do you have a rewards account? We can look it up by your phone number.”  

Me: “Yes, I do. It’s [number].”  

Cashier: *punches it in* “Okay, that’s [Mispronounced Name]?”  

Me: *sigh* “[Correct Pronunciation].”  

Cashier: “Oh, did we spell it wrong?”  

Me: *perhaps internally* “No, my parents did. Just ring up the rabbit food.”

We Tire Of Online Names

, , , , , | | Right | May 9, 2019

(The place where I work has a business model based on the following facts. The first is that many companies will not ship to Canada, or charge a massive fee to do so. The second is that we are a hop and a skip from the US/Canadian border. Normally, when our customers come in for their packages, it’s just a matter of verifying their ID and making sure that they are properly registered in our system. There’s a fair bit of paperwork involved, but everything tends to run smoothly. On this particular day, which is busy due to the holiday season, a customer comes in demanding a set of tires. My boss looks up his account, and I overhear some of what goes on.)

Boss: “I don’t see any tires under your name.”

Customer: “It came under [Wildly Different Name].”

Boss: “If it came to [Different Name], then they’re [Different Name]’s tires. He has to come to pick them up.”

Customer: “No, they’re my tires! [Different Name] is my eBay account; everyone knows that!”

Boss: “We don’t know that! We don’t know who the heck [Different Name] is! Do you think we hire what’s-her-name, the psychic lady?”

Customer: “[Different Name] is my eBay account! They’re my tires!”

(After some back-and-forth, my boss has had enough.)

Boss: “[Coworker], could you take care of Mr. [Different Name]?”

(My coworker came and got the guy’s information, and they eventually settled the matter and headed outside to give the guy his tires. When my coworker came back, we learned that the guy announced that not only would he be leaving and taking sixty friends with him — we doubt he has six friends, let alone sixty — but he also claimed he’d get Toronto’s senator to shut us down. Buddy, we’re on the USA side of the border; I doubt you could do much if you WERE a Toronto senator, and given how popular we are with the rest of our customers, trying to shut us down would be political suicide.)

Molly And Noelle, Joining Forces

, , , , | Working | May 6, 2019

(My name is Molly. For as long as I can remember, I have always hated it. Passionately. One of the most annoying reasons is that as a child, whenever I was introduced to adults, they would sing “Good Golly, Miss Molly” at me. And they always thought they were the most funny and clever person for thinking to do it. One day, I’m at my favorite cafe and one of the waitresses who knows me spots me and smiles.)

Waitress: “Good Golly, Miss Molly… Sure like to ball!”

Me: “DON’T!”

Waitress: *still smiling* “Aw, why? It’s fun.”

Me: “I’m just soooo sick of it. Please, I know you’re trying to be funny and welcoming, but it’s just really grating on the nerves. You, of all people, should understand.”

Waitress: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You really expect me to believe that every Christmas customers don’t see your nametag and start singing your name at you?”

(She looks pensive and confused for a moment before I start singing…)

Me: “The First Noel, the angels did say…”

(The waitress’s eyes go wide with understanding. Her name is Noelle.)

Waitress: “Oh, God! Never again! I’m so, so sorry!”

Seemed Like Destiny Initially

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 20, 2019

(I work in a pretty large chain store. My coworker and I are chatting and the topic of names comes up. She says her parents have the same initials.)

Me: “Their relationship must be fate!”

Coworker: “They’re divorced…”

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