Time To Exterminate That Joke

, , , | Healthy | February 20, 2018

(This is my first time at a clinic with more than one doctor, and we’re not sure which one will see me.)

Me: “This is going to be fun. Who’s going to be my doctor?”

Dad: “Doctor Hu?”

Me: “Yeah, who?”

Dad: “You can say you saw Doctor Who when you actually mean Doctor Hu!”

Mom: “I’m sure Doctor Hu is sick of this. He has to know by now.”

Dad: “He’s Chinese; he’s not going to know.”

Mom: “I’m sure he does.”

(I do end up being seen by Doctor Hu.)

Dad: *big grin, with a singsong voice* “Doctor Hu.”

Doctor Hu: *frowns* “No Doctor Who jokes, please.”

Mom: “Exactly.”

Me: “Sorry.”

Son Of A ‘Sen

, , , , , , , | Related | February 20, 2018

(My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few weeks, but things are getting serious, fast, so it’s time to have the “please tell me we aren’t related” discussion, before we move ahead. As we’re both clearly of northern European descent, it is a slight worry. Names have been changed, but the sentiment is the same.)

Me: “Do you have any Webers in your family?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “Any Kleins?”

Boyfriend: “Nope!”

Me: “Mayer?”

Boyfriend: “Nuh-uh.”

Me: “Lamberts?”

Boyfriend: “Nope, the only Germans I have are Fischers.”

Me: “Okay, well, that’s my dad’s family back to the great-great-grandparents, so I think we’re good there. How about Petersen?”

Boyfriend: “Uh… Yeah.”

Me: “Well, crap. Who’s a Petersen?”

Boyfriend: “My mom.”

Me: *disappointed, because this guy was really something special* “Dang it! My mom’s a Petersen, too.”

(We both kind of mope for a minute, before a thought strikes me.)

Me: “Wait, with an ‘en’ or an ‘on’?”

Boyfriend: “’On.’ I mean, it was ‘en’ before we came through Ellis Island, but that was like four generations back, at least. We’re Norwegian.”

Me: “Oh, thank heaven! We’re Danish! And that line came over three generations back.”

(Cue a round of relieved laughter before we continue, and ensure that we’re not related for at least four generations on all sides. We’re fine, and get married only five months later. So, of course, at the wedding reception, my new brother-in-law gets clever.)

Brother-In-Law: “Hey, Peterson!”

(A good portion of the crowd turned, some rising halfway before they realized what was going on. My uncle smacked him lightly upside the head.)

“Lovely” Left For Lunch, Link Up Later

, , , , , , | Working | February 17, 2018

(I am essentially the backup receptionist at my office, meaning that I take my work down to the reception desk and answer the company phone when the regular receptionist takes her lunch. Today, I get a rather interesting phone call. According to caller ID, the caller is a regular customer.)

Me: *picking up the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Hello, lovely! How are you today?”

Me: *incredibly weirded out* “Um… Good. How are you?”

Caller: “Oh! Wrong lovely! Can you transfer me to [Coworker], please?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Not that you’re not lovely! I just… I should stop talking now.”

Me: *laughs* “One moment.” *I transfer him*

(I asked the receptionist later, and she said that that customer usually addresses her as “lovely.”)

Wouldn’t Name My Kid After This Teacher

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 9, 2018

(My son shares a name with a character in a series of children’s books. I understand the series is popular and often read to children of his age, but I have never been a fan of the character. The books themselves are fine, but that character, I just can’t stand. If it weren’t for a promise I made my great-grandfather, he would have a very different name. He comes home from school and tells me that they read a book in class today and the teacher told the whole class that my son was named for the character. I tell him to tell the teacher, “Mommy says I’m not named after the book character.” He says he did, and then a few days later, he says the teacher read another book in the series, and again claimed that he was named for the character. He also says that some of the kids are making jokes about him being like the character. I arrange a meeting with the teacher to discuss this.)

Me: “If [Son] told you that he wasn’t named for the book character, why did you say he was?”

Teacher: “Oh, I just figured he didn’t know what he was talking about. I mean, with a name like [Son], who else could he be named for?”

Me: “There are plenty of possible namesakes besides the stupid [species of character]. He could be named for, oh, [Famous Historical Figure], [Famous Author], [Secret Identity of a Superhero], or any of the many politicians, actors, artists, or other authors who share his name. Or, maybe, just maybe, he is named after the man who saved my great-grandfather’s life in WWII.”

Teacher: “Well, I already told the class he was, so I’m not going to tell them otherwise.”

Me: “Fine. Whatever. Just stop pointing it out every time you read a book to the class. They are starting to tease him.”

Teacher: “Oh, no. I always point out when kids are named after book characters; it helps the class relate better to the books.”

Me: “BUT HE ISN’T NAMED AFTER THE CHARACTER AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE COMPARED TO HIM!”

Teacher: “But the class thinks he is; that is all that matters.”

(After much more yelling, and a talk with the principal, I finally had to have my son transferred to a new class.)

The Name Game: It’s On

, , , , | Working | February 6, 2018

(My boss has a common name with a very uncommon spelling. While she can be fairly forgiving about people spelling it incorrectly, it does annoy her when repeat offenders don’t learn even after years. Yes, years. She’s also pretty good at spelling other people’s names right.)

Boss: *snarls*

Me: *questioning look*

(She shows me an invoice from a supplier. Splashed across the top is her name, spelled incorrectly. We’ve been dealing with this supplier for at least half a year, if not a full 12 months.)

Boss: “Next time I email [Supplier, whose name has three common variations], remind me to spell her name wrong.”

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