Third Time Afortunado

, , , , , , , | Working | June 12, 2018

(I am working in a department store around the holidays. In the days leading to Christmas, we are slammed with customers every day. Although my name is uncommon, I somehow end up working with two other girls who have the same name. I work registers, one works stock in the back, and another is a shift manager, and we all look very different from each other. I’m checking out customers when my coworker tugs my shoulder.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with something?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: *gestures towards customers in front of her* “Can you explain the return policy to them?”

Me: “Why? You’ve been here longer than me.”

Coworker: “But I don’t speak Spanish.”

(I’m Native American, so it’s a pet peeve of mine when people assume I’m Mexican because it leads to other insults. So, naturally, I get offended.)

Me: “And what? Because I have dark skin, I must speak Spanish?”

Coworker: “What? No!” [Store Manager]—” *who is not working that day* “—told me you spoke Spanish.”

Me: “No. I don’t. Are you sure you have the right [My Name]?”

Coworker: “Hmm.” *speaks into walkie* “Hey, [Assistant Manager], which [My Name] speaks Spanish?”

Assistant Manager: “Uh… Honestly, I don’t know. Page [My Name #2] up. She’s on the floor right now.”

(We page [My Name #2] to come to the register.)

My Name #2: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Do you speak Spanish?”

My Name #2: “No. Why? Who told you that?”

(It turns out that the store manager told the other managers that [My Name] could speak Spanish, but failed to mention which of the three could. Of course, it ended up being the one who worked stock in the back and didn’t have a walkie.)

Man, Have They Got A Problem

, , , , , , , | Healthy | June 6, 2018

(I’ve gone to the emergency room. I get checked in through triage, and the nurse gives me the appropriate paperwork and sends me to the next waiting area. I drop my paperwork into the tray at the waiting area as instructed and take a seat. There are five or six other people already waiting. Every few minutes, a nurse will call a name and direct that person to an exam room.)

Nurse: “[Female Name that isn’t mine].”

(Nobody responds.)

Nurse: *repeats*

(Still no response.)

Nurse: *looks directly at me* “Are you [Female Name that isn’t mine]?”

Me: *a male, shakes head* “No, that’s not me.”

(The nurse disappears after that. A short while later I’m called by the same nurse and sent to an exam room. The nurse pulls open the curtain and there’s already someone there. She seems surprised by this but directs me to another room and leaves the curtain somewhat open as I sit down. The doctor comes in to see me after a few more minutes.)

Doctor: *reading his papers* “Okay, [Female Name that isn’t mine], looks like you’re here for [not my issue].”

Me: *still a male* “No, I’m [My Name], and I’m here for [my concern].”

(The doctor looked up for the first time and saw me. He was obviously confused, but double-checked his papers and walked out. I saw him go to the occupied room I was sent to initially. I don’t know why they were so insistent on me being that woman.)

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine

, , , , , | Healthy | June 4, 2018

(I’m a CNA at a local nursing home. I take care of one elderly gentleman in particular that I’ve developed a very good relationship with. He calls me “Sunshine” because of my sunny demeanor, very blonde hair, and love for yellow scrubs. I am chatting with him one evening when this exchange happens:)

Me: *telling a story* “And my friend said, [My Name], what did you do now?”

Resident: *looks confused* “Sunshine, who is [My Name]?”

Me: *laughing* “[Resident], I’m [My Name].”

Resident: *pondering this for a moment…* “No, you’re not. You’re Sunshine! End of story!”

(It made my day!)

Would Be Easier To Find Robin Hood

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2018

(I work at a place that is well-known for its bridal registries. In order to find the registry, I have to know the full — first and last — name of the registrant, with correct spelling.)

Me: “What’s the last name of the bride or groom?”

Customer: “[Common Last Name].”

Me: “Okay, what’s the first name?”

Customer: “Robin.”

Me: “Robin with an I or with a Y?”

Customer: *looks as me as if I’m stupid for a moment* “With an I!”

(I look up the name, but as it’s a nationwide database going back ten years, it’s not uncommon to have a dozen or even more than a hundred brides with the same name.)

Me: “What’s the wedding date?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “Some time in September!”

(That still leaves two registries. Instead of asking more questions, I quickly look up their locations. If one of them is local, it’s probably the right one. Neither is.)

Me: “Okay, is Robin getting married in New York or Nevada?”

Customer: “Neither! She lives here in town and has all her life. I’m her mother’s best friend, so I know that. The wedding is in [Nearby Town]! I don’t understand why this is so hard!”

(I do a little backtracking and try spelling Robin as “Robyn” and then just type in “Rob,” in case her name is really Robbin or something similar. Nothing pops up.)

Me: “Sorry this is taking so long, but I don’t have any Robin [Last Name] getting married here in the metro in September. Do you know the groom’s name?”

Customer: “NO! I know they’re registered here! Just find the registry!”

Me: “I apologize, but I am not having any luck with this search. Just double-checking, her name is R-O-B-I-N, and her last name is spelled [only spelling of very common Last Name]?”

Customer: “I already told you that!”

Me: “Then I’m sorry, but I can’t help you any further. Either they have not registered, or she’s registered under some other name. Maybe you could call someone and double-check? Sometimes brides register under their married names.”

(The customer walks away in a huff, muttering about bad customer service. Ten minutes later, I am helping another person when the original customer cuts to the front of the line. Wanting to avoid a scene, I finish my customer and gesture to another employee to take over my register so I can help her.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Sarah. Sarah [Last Name]. Robin is her mother.”

(I found the registry right away!)

Puff! And You Have A Doctorate

, , , , | Healthy | May 29, 2018

(I’m taking my cat in for a checkup. My name is Dr. Smith; the cat’s got an odd, definitely non-human name. Let’s say it’s Puffles.)

Receptionist: “Puffles?”

(I get up and come over with the cat in a carrier.)

Receptionist: “Hello, Miss Puffles. So, the cat’s name is Dr. Smith?”

Me: “No. My name is Dr. Smith.”

Receptionist: *squinting at the screen* “It says here that your name is Puffles, and the cat is Dr. Smith.”

Me: “I don’t know how that happened, but it’s wrong.”

Receptionist: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I can assure you that this cat doesn’t have a doctorate.”

(The cat can’t even figure out how to fall off a chair, and yet it gets my PhD!)

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