Moaning Myrtle Goes Shopping

, , , , | Right | February 14, 2020

(In our fitting room, we always ask for names. My current customer is an average-looking woman in her late fifties.)

Me: “And can I get your name, please?”

Customer: “Today?”

Me: *a little surprised* “Um, yes?”

Customer: “Oh, let’s see… I guess Myrtle.”

(I write the name down and the customer starts giggling.)

Customer: “That’s my shopping name!”

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A Real Joan Groan

, , , , | Right | February 13, 2020

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. Can I get your first and last name, please?”

Customer: “My name is Joann [Last Name].”

Me: “And is Joann spelled with an E?”

Customer: “No, with a J.”

(Later in the conversation:)

Me: “Okay, let me just verify that I’ve got all your information correct. Your name is Joann, spelled J-O-A-N-N…”

Customer: “No, that’s J-U… Wait, can you spell that again?”

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Look Hu’s Talking

, , , , , | Working | February 11, 2020

(I have just gotten a new officemate who is also new to the company. He knows people on our team well enough but is still learning names from other teams that we have to collaborate with. He is attempting to send an email to someone on a particular project.)

Officemate: “What’s Albert’s last name?”

Me: “Hu.”

Officemate: “Albert. He works on the [Project]…”

Me: *sensing the spirits of Abbott and Costello disturbed and rising from their graves to haunt us* “His name is Albert Hu. H-U.”

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What’s Your Nname?

, , , | Right | February 10, 2020

(I’m trying to look up a customer’s file. For translation’s sake, let’s say the name is Johnson.)

Me: “You said your name was Johnson, right? How do I spell that?”

Caller: “Well, it’s the same as how you pronounce it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t find your file.”

Caller: “How hard can it be? It’s just Johnson!”

Me: “You said Johnson, right? Not Johnsons?”

Caller: “Yes, Johnson. With a double N!”

Me: *pause* “Thank you, sir, I found your file.”

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Sailed Past That Being An Issue

, , , , | Working | February 6, 2020

(I am on break at work and scrolling through social media. I see a post that says your sailor name is the color of your shirt and the name of your first pet. Note that I am white and my coworker is black.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]! What was the name of your first pet?”

Coworker: “It was a dog named Lady.”

Me: “Your sailor name is—”

(I pause as I realize that she is wearing a white shirt.)

Coworker: “What?”

(I don’t know her very well as she just joined the team, and I don’t want to make a joke she may find offensive, so I just show her the post.)

Coworker: “My sailor name is White Lady! I love it!”

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