There’s A Tahini-Weeny Problem With That

, , , , , , | Right | June 8, 2021

Our summer frozen dessert stand has a tropical theme. There is a signpost with arrows and distances pointing to various distant beaches and other vacation destinations. One says, “Tahiti — 6,089 miles.”

Teenager #1: “Tahiti. What’s that?”

Teenager #2: “I think it’s some kind of sauce made from sesame seeds.”

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He’s Smoking From The Ears

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2021

On Sundays, I work at the cigarette kiosk in my store, and due to panic buying, we have barely any stock. During the day I’ve been cussed out several times by angry customers, but this is by far the worst!

Customer #1: “Twenty [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re out of stock of those, I’m afraid.”

Customer #1: “Fine, twenty [Other Brand].”

Me: “Sorry again, but we don’t have those, either. We currently don’t have much of anything, because everyone seems to be stocking up because of the vi—”

The customer just suddenly snaps and slams his hand on the desk.

Customer #1: “Just give me my f****** fags, c**t! I know you b*****ds are keeping them aside for yourselves!”

I instantly lose my apologetic demeanour.

Me: “You know what, mate, just go away. I’m not serving you; of what little we have you get nothing. I was gonna offer you [Third Brand] because it’s similar to your second option, but not now. Goodbye!”

The customer lifts his hand off the desk, scrunches it into a fist, waves it slowly at me, and storms off without another word. I turn to the next customer, who has said nothing throughout.

Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Jeezo… I’ll just take that third one you mentioned.”

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Cash In Hand Is Worth None In The Bush

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2021

I do face-to-face work for a ticketing company for public transport. I deal with all sorts of angry, rude, and confused customers on a daily basis for ten hours a day. As there is only one person on for ten hours in a small kiosk, we don’t accept cash nor keep it on-site for safety and security reasons. We have about four signs on the window acknowledging that we don’t accept cash but people still try.

Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

Customer: “I want a [Company] top-up card, please.”

Me: “Sure. There is a deposit of $10; how much credit would you like?”

Customer: “$10.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $20 all together.”

I get the EFTPOS machine ready and place it on the desk in front of him. He places a $20 on the counter.

Me: “Sorry, we don’t accept cash here.”

Customer: *Annoyed* “Wow. Okay.”

He starts going through his wallet to find his card, taking his time. The machine times out so I reenter the total and place it on the counter.

Customer: “It’s strange that a government agency doesn’t accept legal tender. Money is legal tender.”

Me: “We just don’t keep cash on site for safety and security.”

Customer: “Yes, but a government agency should accept legal tender. I’m a bush lawyer so I know what I’m talking about.”

Me: “We just can’t accept cash for safety and—”

Customer: *Condescendingly* “Yes, I know but I’m a bush lawyer and you should be taking my cash because it’s legal tender! Government agencies must accept legal tender!”

Once he was finished going on about being a “bush lawyer,” he reluctantly did the transaction by card. When he left, I looked up the definition of a bush lawyer.

A bush lawyer is a person claiming legal or other knowledge who is unqualified to do so.

I couldn’t contain my laughter!

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Employees Are People, Too

, , , | Right | February 27, 2021

I work in a stand in a mall. The top shelves of the stand have glass covers and are where most of our product is laid out. I spill a glass of water on the floor whilst serving a customer, so when they buy their items and leave, I run to the restroom to get some paper towels. We don’t have our own restroom; we use the public ones.

When I come back, I have three groups of people around the stand waiting for me, which is normal. What isn’t normal is that one couple has decided they couldn’t wait for me to come back, so they opened the shelf themselves and checked out the products.

I am shocked and just stare at them as I go behind the stand.

Customer: *Annoyed* “Oh, so it’s rude that we took a look around ourselves?”

Me: *Deadpan* “Kind of, yes.”

Customer: *Still annoyed* “But you not being at your workplace isn’t rude?”

Me: *Deadpan* “No. Am I not allowed to use the restroom?”

She gasped and mumbled something under her breath as they walked away. Honestly, the nerve of some people.

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Stepping A Foot Into Math

, , , | Right | January 25, 2021

I’m the manager of a concession stand in an amusement park. We have hot dogs that are much larger than your average one; each one is a foot long. We call them Bubba dogs. A customer is staring at the menu, holding up the line for everyone else while her family stands silently.

Guest: “What’s a Bubba dog?”

Me: “That’s our footlong, all-beef hot dog! They’re in that case right there; you can see them!”

Guest: “But how big are they?”

Me: “A foot long, ma’am.”

Guest: *Stares* “So, how big is that?”

Me: *Faltering* “Um, about this big?”

I hold my hands a rough distance apart. The guest’s mother and husband are looking exasperated at this point, and each of them chimes in.

Mother: “It’s twelve inches, dear.”

Husband: “Honey, she just said it’s a foot!”

Guest: “Listen, it’s math! Math was never my strong point!”

I have no idea what to do so I weakly gesture, again, to the clear glass case right next to us with the Bubba dogs in it. The guest looks at them and obviously just now realizes her obliviousness.

Guest: “Oh, that’s too big! Just give me a regular hot dog.”

After they received their food and walked away, I could still hear her protesting to her family that “math was never her strong point.”

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