Death By Chocolate, Part 9

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

I am giving out free samples at a kiosk in a superstore. Today, I am handing out chocolate-covered pomegranate when a man in his thirties comes over.

Me: “Hi, would you like to try some dark-chocolate pomegranate?”

Customer: “Of course!” *takes a sample*

Me: “Thank you for trying some today!”

Customer: “I’m glad I got four candies instead of three. You could have killed me.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Three pomegranate seeds. It symbolizes ‘Fruit of the Dead.’ I could have died.”

Me: “Uh, ‘Fruit of the Dead’?”

Customer: *Dead seriously* “Yes. In Greek mythology.”

He looks somberly at his pomegranate candy.

Customer: “I’m very superstitious.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Don’t give people three pomegranate seeds. Don’t.”

He walked away, staring at me for a while.

Related:
Death By Chocolate, Part 8
Death By Chocolate, Part 7
Death By Chocolate, Part 6
Death By Chocolate, Part 5
Death By Chocolate, Part 4

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Who Doesn’t Love Dragons?, Part 2

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2020

My husband and I operate a gift shop that sells handmade ceramic items. One day, we are participating in a craft show where we have dragons, ceramic eggs, and orbs for sale, among other items. A little boy around five years old comes into the booth with his mother. 

Boy: “Mommy, look at the dragons!”

Mom: “They look very nice, but they’ll break; please don’t touch.”

Boy: “Mommy, dragon eggs! I bet if we get one of these, a dragon will hatch!” 

Mom: “Honey, I don’t think so.”

Boy: “Please, Mommy, can I have one? I bet a dragon like this purple and orange one will hatch from the purple egg with spots.”

Mom: “Not right now. Let’s go look in the next booth; your Dad is over there.” 

Boy: “But Mom…”

Twenty minutes later, she is back without the little boy.

Mom: “I have to have this egg. If for no other reason than the memory of that conversation. He’s going to spend days checking this egg.”

Every time we sell one of those eggs, we smile wondering if he’s figured out what type of dragon is going to hatch. 

Related:
Who Doesn’t Love Dragons?

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When You Almost Became THAT Customer

, , , , , | Right | July 7, 2020

I’m the customer in this story and I’m quite pregnant, so I’m not as sharp as I normally am.

Cashier: *Taking my order* “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi. Can I have a medium half coffee, half hot chocolate?”

Cashier: “Sorry, we don’t have that here.”

The cashier points to available selections on the menu above her head.

Me: “Sorry, some places call it a mocha.”

I normally don’t just ask for a mocha because some places put whipped cream on it.

Cashier: “We don’t have the machine for it.”

Me: *Still not getting it* “So, you aren’t able to just mix a coffee with hot chocolate?”

Cashier: “I’ll tell you what. I can use this [Hot Chocolate] mix and stir it into your coffee for you. We can’t normally do it because it’s not a menu item.”

Me: “Oh! Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry! I just figured it out. Thank you! I’m so sorry for being so stunned!” *Laughs*

The cashier was so gracious and patient with me. I literally had no idea what she was talking about until she reached for the packet of powdered hot chocolate. I felt like such an idiot leaving and immediately thought of Not Always Right.

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Their Brain Really Needed That Carb On Carb

, , , | Right | June 9, 2020

I have biked over to the next town, some twenty miles, so when I arrive, I am quite tired and hungry. I go to a small hot dog stand while pondering if I should get a hot dog in a bun or a hot dog with mashed potatoes, which basically is what is offered.

The guy looks at me strangely as I order and scratches his head a little about payment. 

When I get it, I say, “I did order this, didn’t I?” while looking at my bun with mashed potatoes.

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Unable To Cushion The Blow Of How The Real World Works

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2020

My village frequently holds a “buy local” fair, where I sell handmade items. I frequently give people discounts — as long as they are nice and I am still making money on the product.

Customer: “These cushions are £3 in [Big High Street Store].”

Me: “That’s nice. My versions are £10, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Give me one for £3. That’s what [Store] sells them for.”

Me: “I am afraid I hand-make my cushions; that’s why they’re slightly more expensive.”

Customer: “You’re ripping me off! They’re only worth £3; [Store] sells them for £3!”

I want to get rid of her.

Me: “I can give you one for £8, but any less than that, I am making a loss.”

Customer: “£3.”

Me: “£8 is the lowest I can go. Any less than that and I won’t make any money.”

Customer: “BULLS***! [Store] sells exactly the same thing for less!”

Me: “That’s because their cushions are of a lower quality; plus, I am not working hard for absolutely no return for someone who has done nothing but be rude to me.”

Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER NOW!”

Me: “Hi. Self -employed. I am the boss, manager, cashier, and manufacturer. If you don’t like it, piss off.”

The customer then left, screaming about how my products were rubbish and no one would ever buy them. I ended up leaving halfway through the penultimate day, because I had completely sold out.


This story was featured in our May 2020 roundup!

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