The Ending Of This Story Is The Cherry On Top

, , , , , , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I run a fresh produce stall every Sunday at a local market. Everything is homegrown by either my dad or my grandpa. I’ve had people try to haggle on prices but as it’s extremely popular and we usually run out by the end of the day, I refuse.

I’m serving a customer when I see a guy in his fifties pick up a bunch of grapes and walk off, eating them. There’s not much I can do. Fifteen minutes later, I’m just finishing serving a customer when the guy comes back and starts picking through the cherries, eating the ones he likes, and spitting the seeds back into the box.)

Me: “Excuse me. Please don’t do that.”

Guy: “What? Don’t tell me what to do.”

(As I can no longer sell the cherries, I grab the box, roughly five kilos.)

Me: “Look, you already took a bunch of grapes and now I can’t sell these. You need to either pay for the grapes and the cherries or leave and not come back.”

(The guy turns red with anger.)

Guy: “Listen here, b****. I can do what I want. Since you’re not going to sell them, just give them to me.”

(The guy goes to grab the box.)

Me: “Leave now. And don’t come back; you’re no longer welcome here.”

(He goes to grab me when my previous customer grabs him by the arm.)

Customer: “Mate, I’d leave her alone if I were you, unless you want me to kick you from one end of the carpark to the other.”

(The guy goes to take a swing at him but realises that he’s at least 6’6” and almost all muscle.)

Guy: “It’s all s***, anyway. All you do is buy stuff at the supermarket and mark up the price.”

Me: “You seem to like it, considering you’ve eaten at least $10 worth. Now leave.”

(The muscular customer is still holding the guy by one arm.)

Customer: “Pay the nice lady for what you’ve eaten and made unsellable, and if I ever see you harassing her or anyone else here again, I’ll be using you for footy practice.”

(The guy reached into his pocket, pulled out $20, and threw it at me. The customer let him go and he ran off. I thanked the customer and offered him a refund and extra fruit but he declined. It turned out that his girlfriend was another stall holder, and from then on we always got stalls next to each other. I’m going to be a bridesmaid at their wedding in a few months!)

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It’s Too Early To Figure Out Earlier

, , , | Right | March 19, 2020

(I work in a little information booth on a university campus, distributing information on everything from buses to professor’s office phone numbers. It’s a very early Monday morning, which means my brain hasn’t been fully engaged yet.)

Customer: “Hey, I need to get to the corner of [Street #1] and [Street #2]. Which bus should I take and when does it leave?”

Me: “Well, you can take the A or the P; both leave every half hour, so the next one would be at 10:30. They pretty much take the same route up until those streets so either one would work.”

Customer: “Okay, so if I take the A at 10:30, will it get there before the one leaving at 11:00?”

Me: *thinking I’ve just misheard or am still a bit dull from getting up so early* “Um… Well, as I said, both buses take about the same route to get to those streets, so either will work.”

Customer: *in a patronizing tone* “Just listen to me, okay? I just want to know if the A leaving at 10:30 will get there before the one leaving at 11:00?”

Me: “Yes, the one leaving earlier will get there earlier.”

Customer: *happily* “Thanks!”

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332

Their Coffee Knowledge Is Not Strong

, , , | Right | March 3, 2020

(My mom owns a coffee roasting company in northern Indiana. Once a year, we sell coffee at a booth at the county fair. My sister and I help her sell coffee and give out samples. A middle-aged man approaches me wanting a sample. For context, it’s important to know that stronger, more caffeinated blends are always our lighter roasts rather than our darker roasts simply because when the beans are roasted for longer it burns out a lot of the caffeine in the bean itself.)

Customer: “I need to try a cup of your strongest coffee ASAP.”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I try explaining to him the process of how the beans are roasted to make stronger coffee — people tend to think darker roasts are stronger because of the taste — but he cuts me off mid-explanation.)

Customer: “I know about all that; I know my coffee, kid.”

Me: “Okay, good to know.” *hands him his cup* “There you go, sir. Have a good one!”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

(As he starts to walk away, I see him sip the coffee, stop walking, and sip it again. He turns around and storms back to the booth, getting in my face.)

Customer: “What the h*** is wrong with you? Cut the bulls*** with me right now because I know this isn’t your strongest roast.”

Me: “Sir, I tried to explain to you that lighter roasts have the most caffeine; you said you wanted the strongest roast we had and that’s it right there.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Thanks.”

(He sipped one more time and just walked away.)

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373

There Is No Policy Against Karma

, , , , , | Right | January 23, 2020

(I work at a cell phone kiosk and have been selling a new cell phone to a snooty and entitled customer. She has been rude the entire transaction but is thankfully finishing up her purchase.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, we’re almost done. Would you like some insurance on the phone? We have a plan where you can pay an extra $7.00 a month to secure your phone, or you can pay $95 upfront to have your phone insured for any damage — not covering loss or theft — for two years. It’s more money upfront but less in the long run.”

Customer: “Do I look like I need insurance?”

Me: *not realizing there was a look of someone not needing insurance* “I suppose not, ma’am. Here’s your phone and have a wonderful day.”

Customer: *already on her phone* “Yeah, yeah.”

(She turns on her heel and then immediately trips over from the turn and the phone slips from her grip, shattering the screen completely. It’s all I can do not to burst out laughing.)

Customer: “MY PHONE JUST BROKE! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!”

Me: “I could sell you a new phone?” 

Customer: “Do you honestly think I’m going to spend another $700 on another phone?!”

Me: “With the insurance, it only would’ve been $30.”

Customer: “Fine, let’s do that.”

Me: “I’m afraid you already declined the insurance and I just saw you break the phone yourself after the transaction was complete; there’s nothing I can do.”

(The woman screeched for a manager and tried to claim I’d broken her phone. The security cameras — which are from every possible angle — showed right away what had really happened. She threatened to call the police but nothing came of it. I have yet to see her return to the store.)

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Unfiltered Story #181229

, | Unfiltered | January 4, 2020

After ringing up a small order and telling the customer how much it is, she then proceeded to put some money on the counter. It was about $1.50 too little.)

Me: “Uhm… That is not enough.”
Customer: “Well, this is what I have, so this is what you get.”
Me: “You can’t do that!”