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“Candy Incoming!” Will Be One Of Our T-shirts!

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2022

I work in concessions for college sports. Today is one of the biggest football games of the year against the college’s biggest rival, so we are absolutely slammed. Officially, I’m a runner for the night, but the runner for the register next to mine has to make a quick bathroom trip, so in the meantime, I’m getting food and bottled drinks for his register, listening to customers for orders since the cashiers are terrible at calling them back and don’t like leaving the registers, trying to restock dwindling supplies, and pouring cups of hot cocoa and coffee.

I’m a little overwhelmed.

I’m in the middle of filling a hot cocoa when I hear this order at the nearest register.

Customer: “Just a [candy], please.”

The candy rack is within reach, so I grab his candy. However, I have my finger on the button to pour the hot cocoa and don’t want to leave it, since it’s our biggest item of the night, and every second counts.


I chuck it through the air, and it slides perfectly halfway across the counter. The cashier blinks like she’s not sure what just happened, but she’s already rung the order through so there’s not much she can do.

Customer: “Woah. You guys are dedicated!”

I would’ve said something in return, but I already had two more orders to fill!

Avoid Your Xs

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2022

I’m working a stall in the mall. It’s the start of the week and I’m going through the new stock replacing the sold stuff. We have had quite a few bad parts come from our supplier, so I’m drawing an X on the packet and putting them into a box with “Do not sell” written on it.

Customer: “What are those?”

Me: “Oh, damaged or defective parts. We have plenty of good parts on the shelves.”

Customer: “Can I look through them? I don’t mind if they are a bit tatty.”

Me: “Sorry, they are not for sale.”

Customer: “Oh, come on. I will pay.”

Me: “Sorry, no. We sold them before. More often than not, people want a refund or bad-mouth us online because it’s damaged. We only sell good products.”

Customer: “You are going to lose a sale.”

Me: “Well, I will just get a full refund from my supplier. I’m not going to lose anything.”

Customer: “That is just stupid.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s the rules.”

He complained for a while, before not buying anything anyway. My point was proven when another customer tried to return a case — she had no receipt and no idea when she’d bought it, and she didn’t even have the phone that went with it — with one of my big Xs on it.

But That’s Where All The Good Crunchy Bits Are!

, , , , , | Working | March 25, 2022

During college, I work in a concessions stand. I am alone in the stand, working a very slow game. We have a standard coffeemaker, but since I’ve never drunk coffee, I have no idea how to use it. There’s not much left in the pot when I get there.

Customer: “I’ll have a cup of coffee, please.”

Me: “It’ll be from the bottom of the pot. Are you feeling brave?”

I had this conversation several times with several different customers. Every single one of them laughed and ordered something else. I ended up not selling that bottom-of-the-pot coffee; when my coworker came along, she dumped it and showed me how to brew a fresh pot.

She Pushed Her Own Buttons

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2021

I run a store selling things like buttons, stickers, and shirts. I frequently set up at conventions, and typically, I bring a friend to help me run my booth. At this particular event, I’ve left my friend in charge while I run to get us food. When I come back, a woman is arguing with my friend.

Customer: “No, you have to give me my money!”

Friend: “Ma’am, I’m not the booth owner—”

Me: “Woah, what’s going on?”

Customer: “Butt out, b****!”

Friend: “Ma’am, that’s the owner and artist.”

The woman turns to me.

Customer: “I want a refund. I got one of your s***ty shirts and it fell apart before I could get home!”

I’m already suspicious, since I use pretty high-quality shirts, and I haven’t seen this woman before.

Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

Customer: “No, I paid cash!”

Me: “That’s okay, I record all my cash sales, too. Do you know which shirt you got and about when?”

Customer: “It was this one, and I bought it when the vendor hall opened today!”

She points to a design I have on display. I immediately cross my arms and look right at her.

Me: “Ma’am, it’s probably best you leave.”

Customer: “What?! I want my refund!”

Me: “You’re not getting s*** from me. Take your scam and leave.”

Customer: “I want my f****** refund!”

Me: “I’m not refunding you for something you never bought!”

Customer: “How do you know I didn’t buy it?!”

Me: “Because that design is brand-new and hasn’t had any sales yet.”

The woman starts SCREECHING and reaches for me. I dodge her and go and hide behind my table. She then starts to rip apart my display board of buttons.


Other Person: “No need.”

I looked, and one of my booth neighbors had already brought security over. He had seen her arguing with my friend and got a weird feeling, so he went ahead and grabbed security. They were only going to kick her out, but she started screaming at them and trying to assault them. She ended up arrested.

Luckily, only a couple of buttons were damaged, and not bad enough to take off my display. I offered my booth neighbor a free shirt as a thank you… and he chose the design the woman claimed to have bought.

Typical Smarch Events

, , , , , | Right | October 6, 2021

I’m at work at a ski and snowboard park on a busy Friday. We have a ladies’ clinic going on as well as the usual rush of people. Due to some poor planning from the event coordinator as well as my boss, we are slammed. I’m the only cashier and I have a line out the door.

At one point during this madness, my boss is up front helping to run out orders when a customer comes up to ask a question.

Customer: “So, when is the men’s clinic?

My boss just gives him a blank stare.

If this guy was genuinely asking I would have been nice, but he is trying to be a d**k on purpose.

Me: “It’s on February thirtieth!

Customer: “When?

Me: “February thirtieth! That’s when we have our men’s clinic this year!

Customer: “Oh! Okay, thanks!” *Strolls off, happily.*

Now With Smarch And Gebruary!