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She Pushed Her Own Buttons

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2021

I run a store selling things like buttons, stickers, and shirts. I frequently set up at conventions, and typically, I bring a friend to help me run my booth. At this particular event, I’ve left my friend in charge while I run to get us food. When I come back, a woman is arguing with my friend.

Customer: “No, you have to give me my money!”

Friend: “Ma’am, I’m not the booth owner—”

Me: “Woah, what’s going on?”

Customer: “Butt out, b****!”

Friend: “Ma’am, that’s the owner and artist.”

The woman turns to me.

Customer: “I want a refund. I got one of your s***ty shirts and it fell apart before I could get home!”

I’m already suspicious, since I use pretty high-quality shirts, and I haven’t seen this woman before.

Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

Customer: “No, I paid cash!”

Me: “That’s okay, I record all my cash sales, too. Do you know which shirt you got and about when?”

Customer: “It was this one, and I bought it when the vendor hall opened today!”

She points to a design I have on display. I immediately cross my arms and look right at her.

Me: “Ma’am, it’s probably best you leave.”

Customer: “What?! I want my refund!”

Me: “You’re not getting s*** from me. Take your scam and leave.”

Customer: “I want my f****** refund!”

Me: “I’m not refunding you for something you never bought!”

Customer: “How do you know I didn’t buy it?!”

Me: “Because that design is brand-new and hasn’t had any sales yet.”

The woman starts SCREECHING and reaches for me. I dodge her and go and hide behind my table. She then starts to rip apart my display board of buttons.


Other Person: “No need.”

I looked, and one of my booth neighbors had already brought security over. He had seen her arguing with my friend and got a weird feeling, so he went ahead and grabbed security. They were only going to kick her out, but she started screaming at them and trying to assault them. She ended up arrested.

Luckily, only a couple of buttons were damaged, and not bad enough to take off my display. I offered my booth neighbor a free shirt as a thank you… and he chose the design the woman claimed to have bought.

Typical Smarch Events

, , , , , | Right | October 6, 2021

I’m at work at a ski and snowboard park on a busy Friday. We have a ladies’ clinic going on as well as the usual rush of people. Due to some poor planning from the event coordinator as well as my boss, we are slammed. I’m the only cashier and I have a line out the door.

At one point during this madness, my boss is up front helping to run out orders when a customer comes up to ask a question.

Customer: “So, when is the men’s clinic?

My boss just gives him a blank stare.

If this guy was genuinely asking I would have been nice, but he is trying to be a d**k on purpose.

Me: “It’s on February thirtieth!

Customer: “When?

Me: “February thirtieth! That’s when we have our men’s clinic this year!

Customer: “Oh! Okay, thanks!” *Strolls off, happily.*

Now With Smarch And Gebruary!

Saying What You Mean: THAT’S The Ticket!

, , , | Right | September 1, 2021

I work in a small kiosk selling travel cards for the local transport in my state. You can use either a travel card or paper tickets; however, we do not sell paper tickets as we do not have the system to print them. We direct people to the machine if they wish to purchase a paper ticket.

Customer #1: “I want a ticket to the hospital.”

Me: “You can get paper tickets from the fare machine on the platform.”

He does so. [Customer #2] comes up two minutes later.

Customer #2: “Hi, do you sell travel cards here?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer #2: “Well, that man wanted one.”

Me: “He didn’t ask for one, though.”

Customer #2: “But he wanted one and you just sent him away.”

Me: “But he asked for a ticket; when people say ticket, we think ticket, not card. There’s a difference.”

Customer #2: “And he wanted a card.”

Me: “And he didn’t ask for one.”

Customer #2: “Well, you should know that he wanted one.”

Annoyingly, [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] weren’t even travelling together. They just happened to meet just before coming to me.

There’s A Tahini-Weeny Problem With That

, , , , , , | Right | June 8, 2021

Our summer frozen dessert stand has a tropical theme. There is a signpost with arrows and distances pointing to various distant beaches and other vacation destinations. One says, “Tahiti — 6,089 miles.”

Teenager #1: “Tahiti. What’s that?”

Teenager #2: “I think it’s some kind of sauce made from sesame seeds.”

He’s Smoking From The Ears

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2021

On Sundays, I work at the cigarette kiosk in my store, and due to panic buying, we have barely any stock. During the day I’ve been cussed out several times by angry customers, but this is by far the worst!

Customer #1: “Twenty [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re out of stock of those, I’m afraid.”

Customer #1: “Fine, twenty [Other Brand].”

Me: “Sorry again, but we don’t have those, either. We currently don’t have much of anything, because everyone seems to be stocking up because of the vi—”

The customer just suddenly snaps and slams his hand on the desk.

Customer #1: “Just give me my f****** fags, c**t! I know you b*****ds are keeping them aside for yourselves!”

I instantly lose my apologetic demeanour.

Me: “You know what, mate, just go away. I’m not serving you; of what little we have you get nothing. I was gonna offer you [Third Brand] because it’s similar to your second option, but not now. Goodbye!”

The customer lifts his hand off the desk, scrunches it into a fist, waves it slowly at me, and storms off without another word. I turn to the next customer, who has said nothing throughout.

Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Jeezo… I’ll just take that third one you mentioned.”