Still Trying To Ketchup As An Adult

, | NY, USA | Right | May 8, 2017

(I was waiting in line to get some French fries while at a Renaissance Faire and the guy ahead of me in line is being condescending to the girl taking his order.)

Customer: “Honey, this shouldn’t be taking all day; do the people back there need me to show them how to use a deep fryer?”

Employee: “They’ll be ready soon. They’re constantly making new ones so it doesn’t take too long.”

Customer: “Well, it’s already been taking too long, so what are you going to do about it?”

Employee: “There’s really nothing I can do to speed it up. When they’re done you’ll get them.”

(The customer then walks over to the next counter, grumbling the whole time. I walk up and place my order, which coincidentally I had been waiting to do for as long as the guy had been waiting for his fries. After paying, I went and stood next to the other customer and waited for our orders.)

Customer: “Jesus, can you believe this s***? It shouldn’t take so god-d*** long!”

Employee: “Okay, they’re ready!” *brings out two plates of fries and places them on the counter*

Customer: “Thanks. You gonna put ketchup on ’em for me or do I have to wait another ten minutes for that, too?”

(She sighs because she is so obviously done with dealing with this guy and reaches in front of me, grabs the ketchup bottle, and squirts a bunch on his fries. Then she walks away and takes another customer’s order.)

Customer: *to me* “Christ, did you see the stupid look she gave me? It’s just putting ketchup on some fries. It’s not like it’s rocket surgery or something.”

Me: “Well, it seemed to be too hard for you to understand, so props to her. Hope that rocket surgery goes well for you.”

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The Advice Is Very (En)Grave

| SK, Canada | Working | April 11, 2017

(I’m training to become an engraver at a mall kiosk. The orientation handbook is very long, in depth and… kind of odd. The best part is:)

Book: “Do not use stairs alone. They may be traps.”

She Is All Over The Map

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Right | December 18, 2016

(I work for a cell phone accessory shop inside a mall as the primary repair technician. Appointments are made through a third-party call center, and then an email with details is sent to our store; we don’t interact with a customer until they show up. A woman shows up at our kiosk with a sheet of paper in her hand.)

Customer: “I’m supposed to drop off my husband’s phone to be fixed. He said the place was here in the mall, but I can’t find it.”

(I realize that she believes we were an actual shop and not a kiosk. I check our appointments.)

Me: “We can certainly help you out. We have an appointment scheduled at 12:30 for [Husband]. Is that him?”

Customer: “I’m pretty sure this isn’t the place. He said it was called [Store], by Starbucks.”

(She obviously can’t see Starbucks behind her.)

Me: “Yes, that is us. It’s a little early, but you can still drop off—”

Customer: “No, I’m definitely sure this isn’t the place. Thank you for your help.”

(She leaves, and presumably finds another phone repair shop because she didn’t come back. Four hours pass and a man walks up to the kiosk.)

Man: “Excuse me; I’m here to pick up my phone. My wife dropped it off earlier.”

(I ask for his name, and he tells me. I realize that his wife was the woman from earlier. I inform him what happened. He rolls his eyes in disbelief.)

Man: “That woman couldn’t find water if she fell out of a canoe! I told her exactly where you guys were, and even drew her a map!”

(I had wondered what that paper in her hand was.)

In The Right Sample Age

, | Overland Park, KS, USA | Working | December 12, 2016

(I’m at the mall doing some shopping, and see that they have a kiosk up that opens every holiday season, specializing in processed meats and cheeses. There is an older gentleman trying to get people to stop and try some samples. He is pleasant and smiling. I’m in my late 30s and get mistaken for younger quite a bit. I have a smooth complexion, with crows feet if you really look, and I’m only 4’10”.)

Me: “Sure, I’d love to try some samples. What do you have?”

Kiosk Gentleman: *hesitating* “Sorry, little miss, you have to be over 15 to try these.”

Me: “I’m 37.”

Kiosk Gentleman: “Oh! Uh… sorry, you look like a kid that was running around here earlier. She had on a similar sweater.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I promise I’m old enough for samples. I used to work at one of these kiosks as one of my first jobs nearly 20 years ago!”

No Screen To Protect You From Dumb Employees

, | Eugene, OR, USA | Working | December 8, 2016

(My mom and I are at the mall running some errands and she asks me if I’d like to stop at our cell phone provider’s kiosk to see if they can replace my screen protector which is cracked. For emphasis, my screen protector is cracked not my phone’s actual screen. I catch the attention of one of the kiosk’s employees.)

Me: “Hi, I need to replace my screen protector. I got it at your store when I bought my phone. Can I buy a new screen protector here?”

Employee: “Well, what brand was it?”

Me: “Oh. I don’t know.”

Employee: “Well, you need to contact that company about getting a replacement.”

Me: “Oh, no. I’m not looking for a replacement. I was just hoping I could buy a new screen protector here and have you guys put it on.”

Employee: “You need to contact the company and then fill out the form to get a replacement.”

Me: “But I just want to BUY a new screen protector.”

(At this point I gesture to the case in the kiosk that has glass screen protectors in it.)

Employee: “Yeah, you need to contact the company.”

(My mom is bristling at this point and about to go off, but I shake my head at her and thank the employee and then walk about 20 ft. to a glass screen protector kiosk. They replace my screen protector with no problem, a two-week warranty, and a discount on my next replacement.)

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