Time To Black Face The Truth

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 6, 2019

(I go to a pet store to purchase some food for my pet bird. I am describing my lovebird, who happens to be a blue mutation, black-masked lovebird. When I describe him, I say he has a “black face, white collar, blue body, and a purple spot on his tail.” Some lady — who happens to be holding the leash of a black lab — gives a massive gasp, does the pearl-clutching gesture, and proceeds to lecture me:)

Woman: “Don’t say… that term! That’s racist! How can you be in public when you use that language?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was talking to the cashier who inquired about my bird food purchase. I have a lovebird. I was describing his colors to her.”

Woman: “And you responded with a racist slur?!”

Me: “No… I didn’t. He is a black-masked lovebird. That’s literally his species. I said he has a black face.”

Woman: “You can’t say that!”

Me: “I just did.”

Woman: “Hasn’t your mother taught you to have respect for other ethnicities? That’s racist!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a difference between putting on makeup to offensively portray an ethnicity and using a similar term as a physical description for an animal.”

Woman: “There is no way to use… that term… inoffensively!”

Me: “Okay, I’m done trying to educate you.”

Woman: “You can’t ‘educate’ someone by claiming that racial terms are okay!”

Me: “Look, lady, I’m buying food for my bird. Buy the dog food for your black lab–” *she gasps again and looks outraged* “–and leave me alone.”

Woman: “You’re doing it again! Don’t call him a ‘black’ lab! Call him a ‘dark lab’!”

(I just rolled my eyes and walked away. I don’t understand this mentality.)

Not A Very Sedate Sedation  

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2019

(I take a day off of work to have a routine dental procedure that requires light sedation. My manager gives me the day off, but forgets to take me off of the schedule. I let her know, and she says that she will take care of it. Fast forward to the day of the procedure. Everything goes fine, and I am home. I am still really out of it from the sedation, though, when the phone rings.)

Manager #2: “[My Name], why aren’t you here? You’re on the schedule.”

Me: “Wah? I spoke to Sunny and he said that I was okay.”

Manager #2: “What? Sunny is the bird!”

Me: “Sunny said I could take the day off to see the Tooth Fairy, and when I come back on Monday, we will count all the fish and give the baths.”

Manager #2: “Allll right, then. See you on Monday? I think?”

(When I got back on Monday it turned out that [Manager #2] texted my manager who filled her in on what was going on, and assured her that, no, I was not on drugs.)

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Unfiltered Story #178402

, , , | Unfiltered | November 29, 2019

(I work at a local fish store. A guy comes in looking for some new fish for his tank.)

Me: What are you looking for?

Guy: I have a lot of chicklids [sic] and I’d like more.

Me: We have a lot of *cichlids*. I’ll show you…

Guy: Yeah, I’ve been doing chicklids [sic] for a while so I’m pretty good with them.

(Proceed to show him our selection, he starts asking about compatibility. I ask more questions and find out he has a 20gal tank with an Oscar, and Acara, a couple geos, a polypterus, and more… He swears he’s going to get a new tank soon.)

Me: I really can’t recommend anything for your tank until you get something bigger. Your tank is already pretty full, eh?

Chicklid guy: I mean, not even that one? (Pointing to a six inch geo heckelii)

Me: No, that’s *already* too big for your tank. You really need to wait until you get your new tank set up.

Chicklid guy: What about another one of those [polypterus]?

Me: No, really, your tank is very full. You *really* should just wait…

Chicklid guy: Well what if I get some smaller fish? [points at neon tetras]

Me: Your cichlids will eat them, and anyways your tank is still too full…

Chicklid guy: What about [some other fish]?

Me (trying really hard not to get frustrated): Sir, there is not a single fish in this store that I will recommend for your tank. Your tank is too small and none of the fish we have will do well in your tank. You just don’t have room for ANY more fish until you get a bigger tank set up.

Chicklid guy: …Not even [other fish]?

Unfiltered Story #177734

, , | Unfiltered | November 19, 2019

I work in a pet store as a supervisor we have a very adorable very crazy umberella cockatoo.

The cocokatoo is hand reared and while still a teenager is higly bonded with me so is for the most part perfectly friendly.
On one very busy stormy day (he hates when its stormy out he get very scared of the rain hitting the tin roof) our cocokatoo is out mostly on his stand or on my arm (to settle him i take him on my jobs with me)
A customer sees this and follows me around, every chance he got he tred to pet the bird.
Me: Sir please would you stop trying to pet the bird? It doesn’t know you and like all signs posted around state h can bite.
Customer: Well he’s not biting you.
Me: He is very attacted to me and currenlty upset which is the only reason hes looking for my affection right now otherwise hed be playing with his toys on his stand.
Customer: So i can hold him (he proceeds to try take the bird who has now moved away from the customer from my lower arm and is now hanging onto one pigtail and my shoulder)
Me: Sir, please back up (wth that i get my keys out and head to the night cage to put the bird away as hes starting to get annoyed)
As i get to the cage the bird comes back down to my arm ready to enter the cage and I give him a pat. As i turn to put my arm up to a perch the customer throws himself at my arm and the bird jumps onto my body as the customer hits my arm.
Me : (call’s another safe member) sir move away or you will be bared!
Customer: This is a pet shop i just want to pet him! (he moves forward as i’m liftin the bird into the cage which i get into myself to sheild the bird from the customer bird decides hes had enough and goes to bite customer lucky i moved and bird gets my nose instead- thankfully just a quick nib as it sees its me its got)
Customer: That bird must hate you. (and with that he walks off)
I put the bird away do some tricks to calm it down and lock the cae up.
Customer 2: can you help me (blood still pouring from my nose)
Me: em not currently (i did point out the other staff member who was right next to me though)

Unfiltered Story #177724

, , | Unfiltered | November 18, 2019

( I work in a pet store that sells cats. One day, man came in with a grown cat.)

Man: Hi, we bought this kitten a while ago, and it started to grow each night, and it now looks like a cat. I am very confused, and hope you guys would do better next time when selling products. I would like to exchange it for an actual kitten.
Me: Sir, all kittens grow up to be cats. And we can’t control anything about it.
Man: Well why can’t they make me a custom cat?
Me: Excuse me?
Man: (Looking at me like I know nothing) Tell me, where do cats come from? Hmm?
Me: Well, when two cats mate, they make a litter of multiple cats.
Man: What? Why the heck did they hire you!? You know nothing! They make cats at the pet factory!
Me: Sir, did you even go to high school?
Man: AUGHH! Bring me your manager! Now!
(I bring over my manager)
Manager: What’s the problem?
Man: Why did you hire this idiot? He knows nothing about animals! I asked him some questions, and he refused to answer! Then he started to chase my cat around the store! He should be fired.
Manager: No, I saw the whole ordeal. YOU know nothing about the reproductive system.
Man: BUT CATS ARE MADE IN FACTORIES! I READ IT ON GOOGLE! GOOGLE NEVER F*****G LIES!
Me: Sir, please stop swearing! There are children here.
Man: OH, SO THERE ARE F*****G CHILDREN? WHO F*****G CARES? I DON’T! YOU MOTHER F*****S OWE ME TWO OF EVERY PRODUCT IN THIS F*****G STORE!
Manager: That’s it. GET OUT!
Man: NEVER!
Manager: Don’t make me call the police.
(Then, just on cue, a police officer walks in with a police dog.)
Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs away.)
Police officer: What was that about?
Manager: Nothing. But can I offer you a free bag of dog treats?