Their Fish Are About To Be Liquidated

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | May 25, 2017

(I am working the fish department when a customer comes up to me, smelling very strongly of marijuana. His eyes are bloodshot and his pattern of speech is a bit off.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Do you have liquid food for fish? My baby fish are too small for normal food.”

Me: “Um, I really don’t think so since they would be breathing it in and that’s not good for them. But we can look?”

(I lead him to the fish food section.)

Me: “It doesn’t look like we do. What are you feeding the adult fish?”

Customer: “Flakes but they are too big!”

Me: “Maybe you could just crumble the food smaller for them?”

Customer: “You know what? That could work… Thank you!”

(Not sure how he thought fish were going to eat liquid food while they are floating in water.)

Don’t Like Your Dog-Gone Attitude

| USA | Right | May 19, 2017

(I work at a shop near a pet store but I’m often there to visit my friends who do work there, and their pets. On this visit I’m sitting on the ground petting my friend’s dog.)

Customer: “Excuse me? Do you work here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Customer: “Is that your dog?”

Me: “No, it belongs to the girl who works here.”

Customer: “Where is she?”

Me: “She’s in the back helping someone. She should be back in a minute.”

Customer: “Can you lock him up?”

Me: “What? No, he’s not my dog.” *at this point the dog, who’s tied up, is sleeping in my lap*

Customer: “Well, can you put him in the back?”

Me: “No, he’s not my dog and I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Well—” *she gestures to the small dog she’s holding* “—my dog can’t be around other dogs. He’s a rescue and I don’t know how he’ll behave. You should get rid of that dog.”

(Her dog doesn’t really seem to care about anything going on around it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this isn’t my dog so I can’t move him.”

(She started to again tell me why I should get rid of this other dog in a pet store but because I didn’t work there I gave the sleeping dog a snuggle and left.)

Chewing Them Out For All The Wrong Reasons

| Omaha, NE, USA | Right | May 14, 2017

(I adopted two very active dogs. I take them to the store with me, and they run with my bike on the bike paths; I toss their food in my bike carrier. As I’m locking my bike and the idiot dogs are bouncing all over, a woman starts yelling about dog abuse. A manager comes outside.)

Customer: “She—” *points to me* “—made those poor dogs RUN with her bike!”

Manager: “Yeah, those dogs think that’s fun. They run here weekly.”

Customer: “But, they were running!”

Me: “Yup. That’s why they were at the shelter. They’re obnoxious, hyper dogs. Thus, I bike; they run. Thor, stop jumping!”

Customer: “But, they’ll get tired!”

Me: “That’s my attempt.”

Manager: “I’ve never seen those two wear down.”

Me: “I said attempt. I made no claims of success.”

(Later on, her little yappy dog has a chewy at the register. I’m at the register across from her.)

Cashier: “Aww! Pup needs to put his chew on the counter for check out.”

Customer: “Oh, Fido left his money at home.”

Cashier: “Well, then guess you’re buying Fido’s chew.”

Customer: “I didn’t pick it out!”

Cashier: “Well, your dog has chewed on it, so you get to buy it.”

Customer: “But I didn’t pick it out!” *stamps her foot like a toddler*

Guy Behind Her: “Lady, buy the d*** chewy.”

(As we were leaving, she was muttering about dog abusers again.)

They’re Stored In Order Of Lives Left

| USA | Right | May 2, 2017

(I volunteer with a small cat rescue. Because we have no brick-and-mortar location for adoptions, we place our cats in adoption centers in several chain pet stores. There are spaces for five cats in this store, but there are times when not every space is full, depending on who is ready for adoption. Every Wednesday night, I go in to clean the cages and play with the cats, as a supplement to the care they get from the store employees. Tonight, an employee and friend of mine has stopped in to update me on a food situation, and we get to talking about the kinds of crazy customers a person encounters in a pet store.)

Employee: “I had this one guy… he came in when we only had a few cats in the adoption center. I talked to him about who we had here at the time, but nothing was really matching with the kind of cat he was looking for. I was about to tell him how you guys have a website and other locations, because they always seem surprised that you have more cats in other places, and not just the few they see here. But I never got that far… He asked if we had more cats in the back.”

(I start to laugh.)

Me: “Are you serious?”

Employee: “Yes! Can you imagine? Pallets of cats, all stacked up!”

(After years of retail, I thought I’d heard all of the “magical back” stories, but I guess not!)

I Don’t Drink But Give It A Few Customers…

| NH, USA | Right | April 26, 2017

(I have just clocked out and am ready to go home; however, the cashier who is usually at the front isn’t there for some reason, most likely putting away some returns or in the back room. I have also taken off my nametag at this point.)

Customer: “Hey, can you check me out?”

Me: “Uh, I guess… I just clocked out, but I don’t know where my other coworker is… It’s okay; it’ll only take a second.”

(As I’m ringing up his purchase, I call for my coworker over the loudspeaker, but she is nowhere to be found. I assume she’s in the back room where it is almost impossible to hear the intercom.)

Me: “Huh, weird. I wonder where she is? Anyways, your total is $27.99.”

Customer: “She’s probably out smoking crack behind the store.”

Me: *unable to comprehend what I just heard* “Uh… no?”

Customer: “No? Maybe smoking a joint, then?”

(I look at him to see if he’s joking, but he seems completely serious.)

Me: “Uh… probably not. She’s probably in the back room and can’t hear me.”

(I finish the transaction quickly and start to head out the door.)

Customer: “And where are YOU going?”

Me: “I told you I already clocked out, so I’m going home.”

Customer: “Yeah, go home and drink away your problems, you f****** alcoholic!”

Me: “Sir, what makes you assume I drink, or that my coworker does drugs?”

Customer: “That’s what all of you ingrates spend your money on! If you just went to college, you’d have a real job and wouldn’t have to drink or do drugs!”

Me: “Uh… I’m actually a student at [College]. This job is so I can pay for my food, cable bill, and my art supplies. Also, I’ve never drank in my life.”

Customer: “Liar!”

Me: *giving up* “Whatever. Have a nice night.” *goes to leave*

Customer: “Why are you so rude?”

Me: “Trust me, if I knew that you would be accusing me and my coworkers of drinking and doing drugs, I would have just left you at the counter.”

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