Yanya, Meet Janya

, , , , | Right | August 22, 2019

Me: “Can I have your name, please?”

Caller: “Tanya.”

Me: “Is that Tanya with a Y, or Tanja with a J?”

Caller: “Tanya with a T.”

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A White Dress Stress

, , , , , , , | Working | August 21, 2019

My two friends, both women, got married this spring. [Friend #1] has had her dream wedding planned since she was a kid, while [Friend #2] has always said she’d be happy with a courthouse wedding, but went along with [Friend #1]’s plans since she didn’t have a strong opinion one way or another.

They were getting married in [Friend #1]’s hometown, and [Friend #2] travels a lot for work, so [Friend #1] was the one onsite coordinating a lot of things, to the extent that [Friend #2] had only done one quick walkthrough of the reception venue a week before the wedding, while [Friend #1] had been in frequent communication with the manager there and had met her in person several times. It’s also important to note that [Friend #2] has a gender-neutral name.

The day of the wedding, after the ceremony at [Friend #1]’s church, two disasters struck almost simultaneously: [Friend #1]’s dress was stepped on and torn, and the reception hall called to inform them that there was an issue with the seating chart, and they needed them down to resolve it ASAP. Luckily, my friends had scheduled a bit of a break in time between the ceremony and the reception, so [Friend #1] went with her mother, who is a seamstress, to fix her dress, while [Friend #2] headed to the reception to deal with the problem there.

When [Friend #2] showed up at the reception venue, the manager got very confused, and asked her what she was doing there. [Friend #2] was very surprised to get that question, as she was still in her large, white dress, and informed the manager that she was having her wedding reception there that afternoon and needed to speak to her.

The manager immediately began sputtering and saying that there must have been some mistake, that another wedding party had already booked the venue, that [Friend #2] needed to tell her party to move on, and that they simply couldn’t accommodate them without any notice… And [Friend #2] began panicking, thinking that somehow their booking had been canceled and they wouldn’t have a venue for the evening.

It took about five minutes before the manager and [Friend #2] actually began to listen to one another, at which point they realized that the wedding the manager was speaking about was [Friend #2]’s wedding. She had only ever met [Friend #1], heard her refer to her fiancée by a gender-neutral name, and assumed that she was marrying a man. Then, when she saw [Friend #2] show up in a white dress, talking about her wedding reception that night, she thought some crazy bride had shown up to try to bully her way into the venue.

Luckily, [Friend #1] and [Friend #2] had a good sense of humor about it, and like to joke that [Friend #2] almost got everyone kicked out of her own wedding. And in case anyone was wondering, the seating issue was resolved easily, and [Friend #1]’s dress was mended so well, you never would notice the seam.

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Her Own Little Name Game

, , , , , | Friendly | July 26, 2019

(I have taken my daughter to the mall so she can play on the indoor playground. While we’re there, a little girl of about five or six years old strikes up a conversation with me.)

Girl: “My name is Kaylyn.”

Me: “That’s pretty.”

Girl: “Yeah, but sometimes my mom calls me Emma.”

Me: “She does?”

Girl: “Well, that’s actually my name. But I call myself Kaylyn.”

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Where No Blue Potato Has Gone Before…

, , , , , , , | Right | July 21, 2019

(I am telling a few of my coworkers that the customers do not listen to us until after they are done speaking. I tell them we could say the most ludicrous things, and they would not even bat an eye.)

Me: “I could tell them my name was Blue Potato, and it would not matter.”

Coworker: “No way! You can’t do that!”

(My phone rings just then, and I smile and look my coworker in the eye.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Location]. My name is Blue Potato. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I need to—“ *call proceeds normally and I smirk at my coworker*

(After the call:)

Coworker: “I can’t believe you did that! That was a one-time thing, though.”

(To prove my point, I introduce myself as characters from various fandoms — everything from Star Trek, Firefly, and various cartoons. I’m having such fun with it that I start keeping a notebook page of it. No one, and I repeat no one is batting an eye at all the strange names. Not even Princess Leia or Princess Peach, even though I am a man with a fairly deep voice. I’m having fun with it and decide to do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Again, no reactions. I get another call, and with gusto, I introduce myself.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Location]. My name is Shredder. How can I help you today?”

(A very sweet-sounding, grandma-type voice responds.)

Customer: “Well, Shredder, I have a problem I was hoping you could help with.”

(I got a laugh out of it with my coworkers afterward, not only about how long I was able to keep going with the joke, but the fact that the one who did catch me was not caught off guard at all by my name. We nicknamed her “Cool Granny.”)

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The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 8

, , , , , | Learning | July 16, 2019

(When I am in sixth and seventh grade, the entire female population of school is abuzz with excitement for the Twilight books. One of my best friends at the time happens to have the last name Cullen. This is a regular occurrence for people who haven’t met her before:)

Girl: *seeing my friend’s name written on her folder, backpack, etc* “Oh! You like Twilight? Which one are you ‘married’ to?”

Friend: *exasperated* “None of them! I was a Cullen first!”

The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 5

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