About eight or so years ago, I dated a guy who ended up being a jerk. He was jealous and possessive. He didn’t start out this way, but after two months, his true self came out. 

One day, [Guy] picked me up from my house as he had done several times over the past two months. He asked if I wanted to eat at a specific restaurant because that’s where he wanted to eat, and I said yes. 

Once you leave my house and get on the main highway, it’s a straight shot to the restaurant — less than five miles. I had lived in this town my whole life, so I knew my way around. [Guy] was also very familiar with it and had no trouble finding anything before, and he had been to the restaurant several times with no issue. 

As we are driving to the restaurant, my best friend called and asked me a simple question. As I was answering her, [Guy] raised his voice.

Guy: “Don’t get me lost.”

Me: “I won’t.”

He then started pointing at random businesses including a bank, a gas station, and a grocery store, asking if that was the restaurant. 

I knew he was trying to get me off the phone, and I told my bestie I would call her later and hung up. [Guy] then suddenly remembered where the restaurant was. 

He answered calls when we were out from his friends when we were out, and I never said anything. I rarely did this unless it was one of my kids calling. 

After the meal, I was ready to go back home immediately as [Guy] had made comments about my bestie taking up too much of my time throughout dinner. He pouted and whined. He said that I didn’t need friends; I had him.

My road at the time was pretty simple to find; there was a fire station at the end of the road and you couldn’t miss it. 

On the way home, [Guy] purposefully turned too soon on another road. I let him know he had turned on the wrong road. He ignored me and kept going. At that point, I was frustrated with this guy.

Finally, after a few miles, he acknowledged that he had turned down the wrong road.

Me: “There’s a gas station coming up on the right; you can turn around there.”

[Guy] drove right past it and decided to turn into the police station parking lot. He then decided to drive behind the building and past the sign that said, “No admittance — authorized vehicles only.” I pointed out the sign before he drove past, but again, he ignored me. I was freaked out that an officer would come out and we would be arrested or something. Luckily, nothing happened. 

On the drive home, he continued to complain that my job was in the way, and he started in about my kids, who were also taking up too much of my time, and how it was unfair to him that we couldn’t see each other every day.

I was furious but kept quiet, and I broke things off with him the next day.

Me: “You need to find a woman with no job, kids, or friends if you want someone to spend every minute of every day with. I have a life outside of you!”

He stalked and harassed me after that. It took a restraining order to get him to stop! I later found out I wasn’t the only one.

I had researched him before we went out and found nothing on him. That was because he had lived in another state for a short time before moving back to the neighboring town. He had been dishonest about where he had lived previously. 

I am now married to a police officer, and I live in another state far away from this creepy guy.

I am a manager called to the service desk to appease a customer. The weather is snowy. The customer is livid and holding a prepaid phone and some headphones.

Customer: “I had to sleep outside last night, and it is all your fault! I demand compensation.”

I’m guessing the cops kicked him off the bench outside our store or he was camping in our loading dock.

Me: “What happened, sir?”

Customer: “I had to sleep outside because of you! I bought this [prepaid] phone yesterday, and it didn’t work right! How are you going to compensate me?”

Me: “I don’t understand how a phone led to you sleeping outside. Can you tell me more?”

Customer: “Are you stupid? Yesterday, I bought this phone. I made one call and it cut out, but my girlfriend needed the phone. She got mad when it didn’t work and tried to kick me out of her motel room. I didn’t want to leave, so she called the cops. They said I had to leave, and I didn’t have anywhere to go. So, I had to sleep outside. I want compensation!”

Me: “Well, that is unfortunate, but we aren’t going to compensate you for that. You get a few minutes free with your prepaid phone purchase, but after that, you do have to pay. You can return the headphones, though.”

The customer makes some mocking sounds and swears at me, including calling me a few names.

Me: “If you aren’t going to speak to me respectfully, you need to leave.”

Customer: “You can’t make me leave. I’m going to call the cops for fraud!”

Me: “Go ahead, sir. In the meantime, you need to leave.”

Cue more mocking and foul language, and more refusing to leave.

Me: *To the security guard* “Call the cops. He doesn’t have a working phone.”

He suddenly shuts up when the hamster in his brain gets on the wheel. He suddenly realizes that the cops may provide him with tax-payer-subsidized accommodation.

Customer: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been treating you. I’d really appreciate it if you could just return the headphones and I’ll be on my way.”

Me: “We can do the return, but I am not calling off the cops until you’ve left the building.”

The return went well. The cops were called off. Relationship status is unknown.

When [Friend] told me this story, I just HAD to get her permission to share it. She gave it, so here we go. Fair warning: I fear the number of IQ points that may be lost in reading this.

[Friend] started dating [Idiot] about two years before this incident. Things seemed to be going all right between them. She told me he was a bit of a derp and sometimes incredibly oblivious to some things. He couldn’t pick up subtle cues, and even suggestions flew over his head with about a mile of airspace between his skull and the suggestion. She originally chalked it up to him being on the autism spectrum, as she has a few other friends who have similar problems picking up cues. So, she just switched her behavior from “talking to neurotypical” to “talking to neurodivergent”, and the bumps smoothed out for a while.

All was well and good.

Then, the talk of taking the relationship seriously came up — marriage, becoming a family, etc.

And that’s when the relationship began to die.

[Idiot] announced that he wanted to DNA test [Friend]’s kids to make sure they were his — the kids who were five and three when [Friend] and [Idiot] started dating.

[Friend] said she had to come to a full stop in the conversation for several seconds while her brain rebooted.

Friend: “They’re not your kids. You know they’re not. My ex-husband and I had them together before I ever met you.”

Idiot: “Yeah, and now that we’re getting married, they’ll become mine. I just want to DNA test them to be sure of it.”

Friend: “Let me see if I understand this. Do you… Do you actually think my children’s DNA will… change… to become biologically yours?”

Idiot: “Obviously. I just want the confirmation on paper, is all.”

There was a long conversation about how DNA didn’t work that way, with his rebuttal that adopting them would make them BECOME his. Then, there had to be a conversation about how becoming his children would only happen on paper, and in the legal system. She had to explain that, no, the children would NOT magically transform into his own biological children once the paperwork was filled out. He kept insisting that EVERYBODY said the kids became theirs once adoption happened. She explained the concept of “adopted children are loved just as much as if they were biological”, and that was what that meant. He insisted that everything pointed to kids BECOMING “theirs.”

[Friend]’s mom eventually had to become involved to back [Friend] up. His DAD had to become involved to back [Friend] up. A few books had to get involved to back [Friend] up.

[Idiot] was furious! He couldn’t understand why people would EVER adopt a kid if the kid didn’t “become” the actual, biological child of the people who took them in. He went on about how stupid and selfish it was for kids to retain the DNA of the sperm or egg donor! How could any kid who wanted to be adopted REFUSE to change one little thing so they could have parents?! “DNA doesn’t work that way” is a bulls*** excuse!

He ranted and raved, and right in front of his own parents, he told her that if her kids weren’t going to become his kids, then the marriage wasn’t going to happen.

He told her that he would give them all a week to change their minds and agree to be his biological kids. He said that WHEN they stopped being selfish, and WHEN the DNA test proved it, he would take the kids in.

Friend: *To me* “And that’s how the relationship ended.”

Me: “Uhhhh, wait. Hang on. Was he just looking for an excuse to break it off? Did he just get cold feet, or want to date around some more, or…?”

Friend: “Nope. He really is just that stupid. His mom called me on the sly and very gently suggested that I just break it off with [Idiot], because no matter how much she and his dad talk to him, he’s adamant about it. He’s even saying that he will never date a woman with kids from here on out unless they agree to change their DNA to become his if the relationship becomes serious.”

So, [Friend] is single again, having dodged a tactical nuke.

For the record, the father of [Friend]’s kids is still fully in the kids’ lives, has full parental rights, and has 50/50 custody, so adoption wasn’t even on the table. It just didn’t come up in the conversation due to the stupidity of the DNA topic taking over [Friend]’s brain space.

I met a guy back at the end of college. We were on our first date when someone walked by with a golden retriever. The dog sniffed us as he passed, his tail wagging like crazy.

Me: “What a happy boy.”

Date: “Dogs are stupid.”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Date: “Pets. Like, what is the point?”

Me: “Companionship, affection, someone to come home to? A therapist that won’t judge you?”

Date: *Shaking his head* “That’s what a wife is for.”

Me: “So… no pets in your future, then.”

Date: “Absolutely not.”

Me: “Oh. Okay, well… I don’t think we will have another date after this, so—”

Date: *Stunned* “What?”

Me: “Did you want to finish the meal, or I can just give you cash now? I’ll pay for everything so you aren’t out any money.”

Date: “Over f****** dogs?!”

Me: “Is there anything that would change your mind?”

Date: “No. Would you give up having pets?”

Me: “No. Look, I don’t want to disrespect you by continuing something with no future. I love pets and I will always have them, so—”

Date: “You’re serious.”

I put down enough money to cover both of our meals, plus a tip.

Me: “Thank you for your time. Good luck with dating.”

[Date] spent weeks texting me, noting all the reasons it was better to not have pets. Bullet dodged!

One of my biggest pet peeves is being told to do something that I am already doing. My second biggest pet peeve is being cut off when I am trying to talk. My at-the-time girlfriend did it CONSTANTLY, and it pissed me off to no end.

One day, I am dealing with customer service for a certain delivery company that delivers both food and people.

Me: “Hi. I recently placed a wrong order, which I cancelled, followed by the correct order. I have not yet been refunded. How much longer will it be?”

Company: “We do not issue refunds after two days.”

Me: “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. I am not asking for a refund for my second order; that one was fine, no complaints. I am asking about the first cancelled order. I just need to know how much longer it will take for the refund to be processed?”

Company: “Yes, we do not issue refunds after two days.”

Me: “I’m not sure you understand. I cancelled the order within seconds of placing it. The order was never made, never delivered, never happened.”

Company: “Yes. Out of fairness to our restaurant partners, we do not issue refunds after two days. In the future, you should contact us immediately if you want a refund.”

Just then, my girlfriend comes into my apartment. We both live in the same building and have keys to each other’s units, and we’re both used to just coming over when we want.

Me: “So, I’m talking with [Company] customer service, and they’re saying they don’t do refunds—”

Girlfriend: “Just tell them you’re not talking about the second order, you’re talking about—”

Me: “Do not tell me to do what I am already doing!”

Girlfriend: “Just tell them you’re not talking about—”

Me: “Do not tell me to do what I am already doing!”

Girlfriend: “Just tell them—”

Me: “Do not tell me to do what I am already doing!“

Girlfriend: “Just let me talk, just let me talk…”

So, I pause. I let her talk on the off chance that she is going to say something — literally ANYTHING — that is not exactly what I know she is going to say.

Girlfriend: “Just tell them that you’re not talking about the second order, you’re talking about the first—”

Me: *Pointing at the door* “Leave.”

Girlfriend: “But I—”

Me: “Leave.”

Girlfriend: “I just—”

Me: “Leave.“

She made an exasperated sound and finally left. Before she arrived, I was mildly frustrated. After she left, I was so mad I was SHAKING.

She later refused to apologize, even after I spelled out exactly how she had crossed my boundaries while I was literally BEGGING her not to. In fact, she expected an apology from ME. The kicker? SHE is the one that made me cancel the order because she changed her mind after the order was placed!