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That Sounds Great For Business

, , , , , , | Romantic Working | April 22, 2022

When I was in high school, I worked at a pool store selling pools, spas, and chemicals. It was owned by a married couple that, to put it nicely, needed couples therapy. They would fight frequently and both had a temper.

One day, they were both at the store in the back warehouse screaming at one another about something or other. In walked a regular customer. This was one of the customers that would come in from time to time just to talk to one of the owners, and not about actual pool-related topics.

I greeted the regular with the usual spiel.

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Regular: “I need to talk to [Owner].”

I was kind of panicking, and I resorted to the classic telemarketer-on-the-phone lie.

Me: “I’m sorry, but [Owner] isn’t here right now.”

Regular: “I know he’s here; his truck is out front.”

Now I figured there was no other way of handling this with grace. I put my finger up to my mouth in a shushing motion.

Regular: “What do you mean?”

I kept my finger to my mouth and actually verbally said, “Shuuuush.” The regular customer stopped talking for a moment and heard them screaming at each other from the back warehouse.

Regular: “Oh.”

Me: *Lowering my finger* “Yeah. You’re welcome to go interrupt them if you like, but I’m not paid enough for that.” *Shrugs and chuckles awkwardly*

Regular: “I think I’ll just come back later.”

Me: “Sounds good!”

Don’t Mix Love, Work, And Drugs

, , , , , , , | Romantic Working | April 15, 2022

My supervisor was sleeping with an associate. Eventually, as most work shenanigans do, theirs burned out and got ugly. [Associate] was at the register next to mine with several people in line waiting to check out when [Supervisor] approached. He stepped between the woman finishing her transaction and the one waiting to start. When the first woman left, [Supervisor] handed [Associate] a piece of paper.

Associate: “What?” *Looks at the paper* “A drug test?!”

Supervisor: *Smiling* “All employees agree to remain drug-free throughout employment. Drug tests may be performed at any time for any reason.”

Associate: “Are you serious?”

Supervisor: “I scheduled you an appointment at [Nearby Clinic] in twenty minutes.”

[Associate] left, took her drug test… and did not come back. [Supervisor] left at the end of his shift and also did not come back. Rumor has it that before [Associate] left for her test, she told Human Resources that [Supervisor] had sold her cocaine and marijuana at a discount for sleeping with him and allowing him to steal things when he went through her register. Security reviewed the tapes and he was consequently fired.

Should’ve Had Reservations About This Reservation

, , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: americanslang59 | February 25, 2022

I am the front-of-house manager at a trendy restaurant. It isn’t “upscale” but it’s a local restaurant that receives incredibly good reviews from national media. It’s the type of place you take a date to impress them. Part of this is due to the food; part is due to the service.

On a somewhat slow Saturday night at 7:00 pm, I answer our phone.

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for 8:00 pm.”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Can you help me with something?”

Me: “What do you need, sir?”

Customer: “I need to make the night extra special. Can you set the table up with flowers?”

Me: “That’s not a problem. We have fresh flowers delivered for décor every few days so I can make a bouquet for you.”

Customer: “Do you have greeting cards?”

No? But it is a slower night, and we have a market next door where I could send a server to grab a card.

Me: “What would you like it to say, sir?”

I struggle to keep up with his rambling, but the gist is about how much he loves this woman.

By this point, I’m thinking, “Holy s***. This guy is proposing.” I tell some of our servers and everybody is stoked because none of us have ever seen a proposal before. We go all-out on this table.

Eight o’clock rolls around and there’s no sign of this couple.

Eight-fifteen comes and a couple walks in the door. I think it’s them, but I’m not sure. The guy looks incredibly nervous; he’s sweating bullets. The woman seems very tired and lethargic. Then, the guy asks for a table for two. The server walks him to a table. He sees the table with flowers and asks to sit at that table. The server tells him it is for a reservation, and he says, “Yeah, that was me.” Weird start, but okay. We seat them there.

The woman opens the card and reads it. She doesn’t seem that interested; she just sets it to the side. Every employee is watching this table from the corner of their eyes, waiting for something to happen. But they are silent. The only words spoken are their drink orders to the server.

After their drinks come, they order some food and sit in more agonizing silence.

Then, the woman turns to the guy.

Woman: “Do you think this is going to change anything?”

And the fighting started. Once the shouting began, it became clear that this wasn’t a proposal. The guy had cheated on her and was trying to win her back.

The woman stormed out of the restaurant. The guy started crying, chased her, and didn’t come back.

He Needs A Nanny, Not A Girlfriend

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 25, 2022



I got food poisoning in college. My boyfriend offered his apartment to rest during the day; it was more comfortable and private than my dorm, he had classes all day, and his roommate was already gone for winter break. He came back in the evening while I was asleep.

Boyfriend: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Boyfriend: “How are you feeling?”

He slipped his hand up my shirt.

Me: “No.”

I pushed his hand away.

Boyfriend: *Disgusted sound* “Did you sleep all day?”

Me: “Uh, mostly.”

Boyfriend: “I know you’re sick, but you could still, like, load the dishwasher or make dinner or something. My mom always had the house clean, even when she was sick.”

He tried again for my shirt.

Boyfriend: “I can make you feel better.”

Me: “I came over because I’m sick, not because you need a housekeeper or a mom. Stop touching me. I’m serious.”

I slapped his hand and he withdrew.

Boyfriend: “You really didn’t do anything all day?”

Me: *Sarcastic tone* “Well, I threw up a couple of times.”

Boyfriend: “When my mom was sick, she still took care of me and my dad!”

I started to stand up.

Boyfriend: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m going back to my room.”

Boyfriend: “But—”

Me: “I can’t talk to you right now. I’m sick. I’m angry. I have to go. I’ll call you later.”

I called him the next day but he rejected the calls. Then, I found a letter taped to my door saying we should no longer see each other because his mother didn’t like me. My friends and I referred to him as “Oedipus” for a long time.

Congratulations On Dropping That Baggage!

, , , , | Romantic | January 1, 2022

I just got out of a horrible nine-year relationship. I had to flee, actually. In hindsight, the entire relationship was nothing but gaslighting, but I managed to reconnect with myself and got out moderately safe.

My ex has been on the verge of stalking since I left. I was still somewhat under his influence, I guess, right a few days after I ran away, so I agreed to have “just one last talk” with him two times. I had agreed on five minutes by the front door, but of course, it turned into more than two hours inside his house where I got extremely uncomfortable and very, very tired. It was nothing but telling me how much I hurt him and what a complete b**** he thought I was and always had been.

After I blocked his phone number and social media accounts, he started hanging around my workplace. I ignored him, got friends and colleagues to walk me home, and told him I would get the police involved if he didn’t stop. I made it very, very clear that I never wanted to see him again.

It’s blissfully quiet for a few months until he sends me a text from his work phone. Shoot, forgot he had that!

Ex-Boyfriend: “There’s still mail coming in for you.”

Me: “Leave it by your door when you’re at work so I can pick it up.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “It’ll get stolen. Come get it.”

Me: “Fine. I’ll come by and pick it up, but only that. You hand me my mail and I will leave right away.”

He agrees. I ring the doorbell on date we agreed on.

Ex-Boyfriend: “Just come in for five minutes.”

Me: “Okay, bye!”

I start walking.

Ex-Boyfriend: “Wait! This is really important mail! There are some other things you left behind, too.”

Me: “So give them to me.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “I just don’t understand why you have to be so hostile when I’ve been nothing but nice over this whole ordeal. Won’t you give me just five minutes?”

Me: “No. This is not what we agreed on. Bye.”

I walk away and he actually comes running after me.

Ex-Boyfriend: “Stop! I really want to give you your stuff back!”

Me: “Last chance, then. If I follow you to that door, you hand over my things and that is it.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Don’t scream at me. I still have to live on this street.”

Me: “Bye.”

I walk away.

Ex-Boyfriend: “No, wait. I’m sorry! I’ll get your things.”

He gets two little boxes but doesn’t hand them over. He’s suddenly shaking with anger and speaking really aggressively.


I smile calmly, turn around, and start walking, calling the friend I’ll be spending the night with.

Me: *On the phone* “Hi!” *Pauses* “No, I didn’t get my things back.” *Pauses* “It’s okay, I know where we stand. I knew already, of course, but now I’m really sure.” *Pauses* “Yeah, it was…”

My ex comes running after me. I turn around.

Me: *To my ex* “NO.” *To my phone* “Could you stay on the line, please?” *To my ex* “You stop right there. You have absolutely no rights with me whatsoever. You never speak to me again. You stay away from me. As for my stuff, burn it for all I care. I haven’t missed it; it can’t be that important. Go away right now!

I turned around and kept talking to my friend. My ex actually continued to follow me to the end of the street, but I completely ignored him and he left. I blocked his work number, too. I haven’t seen him since.