Arabian Plights

, , | Learning | December 28, 2017

(This cafe is near campus and most of the staff are students. The owner allows any staff to put on music. Recently, international staff have been putting on songs in their own languages.)

Older Customer: *nicely* “What music is that now?”

Staff #1: “Oh, this one is Arabic.”

Older Customer: “The h***?! Is this place overrun by terrorists now?

Staff #1: “What? No!”

Older Customer: “It’s terrorist music!

Staff #1: *open mouthed*

Staff #2: “Are you calling me a terrorist? I’m just Arab.”

Older Customer: “Go back home you Muslim terrorist!! What’s that song about? How you want to kill us all?

Staff #2: “I said I’m Arab. But I’m not Muslim; I’m Christian.”

Older Customer: “You liar! You are all Muslims over there.

Staff #2: “My parents are Muslims and the very reason I’m here in America is because my parents don’t accept my decision to be Christian.”

Older customer: “…” *slowly walks off*

Staff #1: “Does he even know there’s Arabic and Islam courses at the university?”

Staff #2: “Probably not, or he’d have a fit.”

Staff #1: “I’m not sure he’ll be back now. He’s actually been in here a lot asking about the foreign songs.”

Must Taste Sacrilicious

, , , , | Working | December 26, 2017

(It is the week before Christmas, so nearly every business is playing Christmas carols, including the cafe that I’m in. Apart from me, the only other people in there are the two workers behind the counter.)

Carol: “…holy infant so tender and mild.”

Worker #1: *mumbling to herself, but still loud enough for me and the other worker to hear* “Just like a chicken wing.”

Me & Worker #2: *glance at each other in total silence, then both lose it*

Worker #1: *looking between the two of us* “What?”

Not Your Typical Psychic-Next-Door

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2017

(I work in a coffee shop situated on a strip of psychic shops in a downtown “witch city.” It is one of our busiest days.)

Customer: *cutting to the front of the line* “I have a question.”

Me: *continuing to make drinks* “Okay, shoot.”

Customer: “What are the hours of the psychic shop next door?”

(Baffled because the hours of said shop are in enormous white lettering on the shop window, I just look at her.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know off the top of my head, but if you—”

Customer: *loudly* “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Me: “I’m s—”


Me: *fed up at this point and trying to finish orders and get other people served* “I just don’t! But if you look on the window, I’m sure the hours will be there.”

(The woman starts to storm off.)

Me: *calling after her* “I’m sorry, but I’m not psychic!”

Baht Nothing

, , , , , , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)

Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”

Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”

Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”

Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”

Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”

Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”

And That’s How The Not-Free Cookie Crumbles

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer I’ve never seen before comes in and gets a sandwich, pays for it, and goes to wait for it to be made. He then asks one of my coworkers:)

Customer: “Could I have a cookie as well?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

(The customer helps himself to a cookie from the jar. He gets his sandwich and sits down to eat it. Then my coworker asks me:)

Coworker: “Did he pay you for a cookie?”

(Of course he didn’t pay for it, since he didn’t ask to get a cookie until after he paid, so I go over to him.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you have to pay for that cookie.”

Customer: “She gave it to me.”

Me: “Um, no, she didn’t just give it to you for free.”

Customer: “She said I could have it.”

Me: “Yeah… to pay for.”

Customer: “Well, how much is the cookie, then?” *getting out his wallet*

Me: Fifty cents.”

Customer: *as he’s pulling out a dollar bill* “Absolutely pathetic; making me pay for a stupid cookie.”

Me: “Yeah, it is pretty pathetic that you can’t afford a fifty-cent cookie.”

(He paid me the fifty cents and didn’t say a word after that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat and leave that fast before.)

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