A Not-So-Smooth Transaction

, , , | Right | May 16, 2018

Customer: “What kind of smoothies do you have?”

Me: *lists off smoothies*

Customer: “What’s in the Superfruit smoothie?”

Me: “It has a bunch of lesser-known fruits, so let me take a look at the ingredients real quickly.”

Customer: “Oh, it has fruit in it? I don’t want a smoothie with fruit.”

Their Listening Skills Are Toast

, , | Right | April 23, 2018

Customer: “Do you do salmon and scrambled egg?”

Me: “Yes, sir, on either a bagel or toast.”

Customer: “D***, my friend is looking for egg and salmon.” *his friend is nowhere to be seen*

Me: “We do that.”

Customer: “You do salmon and egg?”

Me: “Yes, sir, on a bagel or toast. Do you mean by itself?”

Customer: “He really wants it.”

Me: “We can do it by itself, too, if you like.”

Customer: “I don’t know. Do you do it?”

Me: “We can, yes.”

Customer: “I’ll just go to the bakery.”

(He then left, and wandered off down the street — in the wrong direction for the bakery. I’m really not sure how I could have been much clearer that we were able to help him… Or what he was hoping to find at the bakery!)

Have Low Egg-spectations Of Their Staff

, , , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(I’m eating breakfast in the café of a well-known supermarket chain, chatting with an extremely friendly elderly couple at the next table over who still seem to be waiting for their meals. One of the staff comes over with two jacket potatoes and I am treated to this exchange:)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, again, about having to change your order; unfortunately, we just can’t provide scrambled eggs.”

Wife: “It’s fine; don’t worry! We were happy with the breakfasts, otherwise, though… My husband just cannot eat fried eggs!”

Waitress: “I know. I’m very sorry. I couldn’t tell you the reasons, but it’s an issue of Health and Safety. We’re not allowed to poach or scramble eggs. We can only fry.”

Me: *leaning over* “But isn’t it easier to safely scramble an egg than fry one?”

Waitress: “I know; it’s just what we have to do.”

(I think [Supermarket] needs to revisit their risk assessments if their catering staff aren’t officially trusted with an egg!)

This Joke Is At Least Ten Years Old

, , , | Right | April 15, 2018

(At the time of the story, my future husband and I are still attending university, and we are regulars at the little cafe in the engineering building. Today, I’m particularly hungry.)

Bartender: “G’day. What will you be having?”

Me: “A coffee and one of those…” *pointing at the kourabiedes* “…what’s their name, here.”

Bartender: *offended* “What do you mean, ‘What’s their name’? We’ve had them for ten years, and…”

Husband: “What? We don’t want ten-year-old pastries, man; we want fresh ones!”

(And that’s how we were never allowed into that cafe again.)


Complaining Is On The Menu

, , | Right | April 13, 2018

(I work at a well-known cafe. There are two sets of registers, but the menu only hangs over one set. We do have a lot of paper menus for our guests to look at, which also list all the ingredients to our food. I am working at the registers that don’t have menus hanging over them. An elderly woman approaches my register.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! How are you this afternoon?”

Customer: *angry* “I’m fine, except for the fact that I can’t even see your menu! This is such an inconvenience that I have to strain my eyes to see it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Would you like a paper menu? They list all of our items so you can see them up close and personal.”

Customer: *ignores me and orders as if she already knew what she wanted*

Me: *finishes ringing her up* “Okay, that’ll be ready shortly. Thank you, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

Coworker: “Why did she complain so much about the menu if she already knew what she wanted?”

Me: “You got me.”

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