CONTENT WARNING: Animal Abandonment, Attempted Animal Injury

My mom is never wrong; if she says two plus two equals five, that’s the right answer. I invited my boyfriend over for dinner. He had met my mom numerous times and knew to believe what she says with caution. After dinner, we were all sitting in the living room when my mom brought up a report she saw on Facebook.

Mom: *Reading the story aloud* “‘Sources say the driver opened the passenger side door and pushed the dog out before leaving. Another person at the rest stop took the dog in and is trying to find the person who abandoned the dog in the first place so that the appropriate charges may be pressed.”

Younger Sister: “If I ever see anyone dropping a dog out a car window, I’m gonna be crawling in that window.”

Mom: “[My Name] almost got arrested over a kitten, remember?”

Younger Sister & Me: “What?!”

Boyfriend: “When?”

Me: “That’s what I want to know. Mom, what are you talking about?”

Mom: “Yeah. It was the guy driving, and you went to the gas station—”

Me: “[Younger Sister] saw a guy swerve toward a kitten on the road and followed him to the [Gas Station] on [Street] to tell him off. He went to the bathroom and called the police, who basically told her to mind her business and left.”

Mom: “No, it was [My Name].”

Me: “No, it was [Younger Sister].”

Mom: “No! It was [My Name]!”

This became a whole argument. My mother kept insisting it was me, even though the gas station in question was a small single-location station that only existed right outside my sister’s college, nowhere near our hometown. We all had to agree to disagree because Mom was refusing to admit she was wrong.

My boyfriend eventually made an excuse and left. He didn’t answer my calls or messages for a few days, and then I got this.

Boyfriend: “Look, you’re really nice, but there are clearly huge parts of your history that you are keeping from me. I’m not comfortable being with someone so aggressive, especially if you’re not honest about it. I wish you the best, and I hope you seek anger management.”

I tried to call to explain AGAIN that it wasn’t true, but he had already blocked my number. I showed my mom and my sister the text. My mom still swore up and down that it was me, not my sister. I don’t know if it’s just her usual stubbornness or that mixed with early signs of dementia (Mom just turned fifty), but it is frustrating.

CONTENT WARNING: Domestic Abuse, Mention Of Murder

I’m the author of this story, and this one has the same then-boyfriend. There were lies and other bad situations. After one incident, he “apologised” by gifting me a pretty tennis bracelet.

Boyfriend: “It was actually my ex’s, and she returned it to me she didn’t want it anymore when we split up. I’m just regifting it so it’s not wasted. I spent several grand on it as it’s platinum with alternating diamonds and rubies.”

I worked in a jeweller’s and had experience with this.

Me: “You should get your money back; you’ve been scammed. It has the hallmark of 925, meaning it is silver, and rubies are red, not bright pink.”

He yelled at me that 925 was platinum and that I was stupid and whatnot, so I left it. And I also left the bracelet when I finally left him.

For some reason, he decided to give it to me again, and as I didn’t have the energy to deal with his BS, I just took it with the plan to throw it away. I was stopped by my mum, who felt that it would be a waste because it was “pretty”.

A year later, I unearth the bracelet accidentally. I decide to take it to a shop to see if I can sell it. The jeweller there asks if I know what the stones are.

Me: *Dryly* “Well, I was told it was a platinum bracelet with diamonds and rubies.”

Jeweller: *Looking extremely awkward* “I’m really sorry, but it’s unlikely that it is…”

Me: “Oh, yes, the metal has the hallmark of silver, and rubies aren’t pink. I said this to him. He yelled that it was. He yelled that I was stupid and that I didn’t know anything. I worked in a jeweller’s for three years, but I know nothing. I doubt the stones are even cubic zirconia; they have no sparkle. I know it’s worth jack s***. F*** all. Absolutely nothing. Honestly, I want to throw the f****** thing down a drain or smash it up, but apparently, that’s a waste! So, I’m stuck with looking at that pretty thing I’d normally love but I so f****** hate. I hate what it stands for. I don’t want anything but for it to f*** off out of my life.”

The jeweller is staring and I realise how emotional I’ve gotten.

Me: “I’m… sorry about that… and the swearing.”

Jeweller: *Slowly* “My sister was killed by her partner. I’m glad you’re away from him.” *Pauses* “Also, I can give you a choice. You’ll get a voucher for [Expensive Local Coffee Shop], regardless of choice. That’s yours. I can even join you if you want company, even if it’s not to talk or say anything, but you can talk if you need to, as well. Or you can go alone; it’s fine. I won’t be offended. But your choices are… I take the bracelet from you today and gift it to like… a charity for abuse victims. They can choose to sell it to raise money or give it to someone who’d appreciate it and not know its history. Or, you can come round to the back, take my jeweller’s hammer, and smash it. It’s not a waste to do that, as you’ll benefit from it — and that’s not a waste. That’s never a waste.”

I ended up giving it to the jeweller to be gifted on; I don’t really have the personality to break something. And I still chat to the jeweller.

Related:
Crossing The Line From Hangry To Unacceptable

One day, while back in college, I had just left a school magazine photoshoot where we had to wear all black, so I was wearing black pants, shirt, and shoes.

I stopped at a discount retail chain on the way home. I was wandering the aisles looking for candles. I kept seeing this woman in heels with a very vexed vibe about her. She was walking quickly and had a prominent scowl. Her heels clicked loudly all throughout the store.

I eventually found the candles and took my sweet time smelling each one to decide what I wanted. The lady I saw before stomped into the aisle, and I looked up at her for a second.

I do not like talking to random strangers, especially seemingly angry ones, so I didn’t say anything and continued smelling candles. But after a minute or so of her sighing and making disgruntled noises, she said:

Woman: “I’m having such a s*** day!”

Me: *Sheepishly* “Oh. That sucks.”

Woman: “My boyfriend and I just bought a house together, and I found out he’s cheating! I found him with the b**** this morning! Ugh, I was dumb to make such a big decision with a snake. I’m gonna throw all his stuff out!”

And so on.

Me: “D***, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Feeling awkward and thinking the conversation had ended after some silence, I tried to shimmy out of the aisle.

Woman: “This place has coupons, right?!”

Me: *Confused* “Umm, I don’t know.”

Woman: *Angrily* “Shouldn’t you know?! I mean, I saw it in the store’s newspaper!”

Me: *Still confused* “I don’t know anything about that.”

Woman: “I don’t understand why you can’t just help me!”

Me: *More sternly* “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She scoffed and walked off.

It dawned on me after she walked away that she probably thought I worked there. But the thing is, I was in all black while the employee uniform at the time was a red T-shirt with the store’s logo on it. Also, there’s always an employee at the cash register at the entrance of this store who greets every customer who walks in. She would have seen what the employees wore when she walked in, or at least when she was stomping around the store.

I’m sorry her boyfriend cheated, but she shouldn’t take it out on me.

We have a guest who regularly stays with us on business trips and for occasional weekends with his wife. We know she is his wife as during those stays she is always booked in under her name (same last name as his), and one time she paid to have a forgotten item returned to the same address as the named guest, authorized as his wife.

When he stays on weekdays on business trips, he will sometimes bring a lady friend up to the room with him. Usually, all guests have to be registered, but because he is a super shiny platinum member and his affairs are none of our business, we don’t press him on the matter.

At least, not until recently.

The guest is also an absolute jerk. He is rude and entitled, and his platinum member status makes him think he can say whatever he wants to us and get everything he asks for without giving a crap who he offends or how many bellhops he makes cry.

I am checking him in again today for a business trip.

Me: “Welcome back, Mr. [Guest]. I see you’re staying for two nights in our deluxe king room?”

Guest: “What? No upgrade? Platinum members automatically get upgrades.”

Me: “Yes, but those are subject to availability. Unfortunately, we are fully booked this week.”

Guest: “Then bump someone on a lower loyalty tier than me. Platinum deserves upgrades.”

Me: “Again, sir, upgrades are not guaranteed and are subject to availability. I cannot upgrade you for this stay.”

Guest: “Listen here, you [slur for Hispanic people]. I don’t know if it’s because your English is s*** or you’re a [slur for disabled people], but I am platinum status! Pla… ti… num! That means I tell you what I want and you get it for me!”

Me: “Sir, I am from this country, and I am understanding you just fine. It is you who is not understanding me. I have no available room to upgrade you to.”

Guest: “How dare you?! You think you can talk back to me like that and get away with it? Get me your manager! You’re so fired!”

I call the manager, and even though he explains the same thing I did, the message is still not going through. This a**-hat actually logs into our online portal on his phone to check for rooms for this evening.

Guest: “Ha! See! You have a suite available to book for tonight!“

Manager: “That is the Presidential Suite, sir, which is excluded from the free upgrade system.”

Guest: “You will upgrade me, or you will be getting a scathing letter from corporate and I will have both of your jobs.”

My manager has access to the booking system for the Presidential Suite, which is actually available — but for $20,000 a night. My manager calls the district manager, explains the situation, and reluctantly lets this d**k-wad have the room.

Guest: *Smugly* “See? I always get my way. Remember that for next time if you’re still lucky enough to be working here.”

For the next two nights, this guest sneered at us as he went in and out, parading his victory in our faces, and even more so when his “lady friend” visited on the second night.

After he checked out, housekeeping found some lingerie bottoms and a stick of lipstick. They noted their findings as it was obvious that they were expensive and from designer brands. They were placed in a sealed container — still underwear, gross!

Normal procedure would be to call the guest to alert them that items were found in their room after checkout and to arrange a delivery to return them. This time, however, I was able to contact the guest’s wife directly, thanks to her details as co-guest being on his account.

She was very surprised to hear that she had left some extra sexy lingerie and expensive lipstick in her room this past week, considering it was a business trip and her husband “travelled alone”. She assured me that her husband would be even more surprised when he got home to THAT conversation.

She asked for the items to be sent to her as evidence, and I shipped them next-day delivery, and I sent them free of charge instead of billing her for it — you know, for good customer service.

That guest still comes in on his business trips, but the “lady friend” has disappeared, but interestingly, so has his wedding ring.

Honestly, we didn’t care about the affair. All he had to do was not be an a**hole, but he couldn’t even do that.

This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2023 roundup!

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Customer: “I was on the YouTube the other day and they said that A.I. could make the picture bigger and show what was missing.”

Oh dear. It never goes well when people start with “The YouTube.”

Me: “Well, there are some programs that can extrapolate based on the edges of the photograph, but it’s just a guess.”

Customer: “Can it do it for this?”

He gets out an old-looking photo of a group of people at a party.

Me: “Did you want it to extend the room, or…?”

Customer: “I need to know if my sister was in the kitchen making out with my boyfriend! We got married twenty years ago and they both deny it, but I know they did!”

Me: “There’s no kitchen in this photo.”

Customer: “It’s about five feet to the left. Can you expand the photo?”

Me: “Uh… no. That’s not how it works.”

Customer: “But I thought this new A.I. stuff could do all that!?”

Me: “I said it could guess based on whatever is in the photo.”

Customer: “Well I am in the photo, and I just know what they’re doing in the kitchen!”

She did not get her photo ‘expanded.’