Friendship Is The Best Kind Of ‘Ship

, , , , , | Romantic | March 25, 2018

I had a tough time keeping friends as a kid because of my temper and my dark sense of humor. By middle school I was pretty much a loner. By pure chance, that ended up being the year I met the girl that would be my best friend. She was (and still is) a quirky, innocent type, sweet, kind, and really funny, but she also didn’t always get why her jokes were funny. She also wasn’t an aggressive person, always choosing to let something go rather than risk starting a fight over it. Even though we were really different, we got along great and I feel like I really grew as a person with her by my side.

In sophomore year, I started dating a guy I really liked. He seemed really nice and we had a lot of fun together. After we’d been dating a year, I stupidly agreed to sleep with him, since I was sure that we were in love and had a real chance for a future together someday.

Something changed afterwards. We still hung out like normal, but he didn’t seem as into our relationship as he was before. He would show more interest if sex was involved, but it was always a temporary solution. My friend suggested that my boyfriend and I go to an upcoming school dance together, along with her and a few people we knew. It was going to be a fun night of fancy outfits and partying. When I brought up the idea to my boyfriend, he seemed okay with the idea, and plans were made to meet up there.

When I got to the dance, I was doing great. I looked good, I felt good, and I was pumped to have a good time with people I cared about. And that’s when I walked into the dance hall and saw my boyfriend dancing and kissing his new girlfriend. I yelled at him for a bit before I had to run away in tears.

I made it to the entrance hall before I collapsed into a corner. I just wanted to die, I was so upset. My friend arrived, saw me huddled over in tears and ran to me, asking what was wrong. She gave me a blank stare as I explained. When I finished, she pulled me in for a hug before she stood back up, told me to stay put, and began walking away. Confused, I decided to follow, anyway.

In a fantastic moment I wish I had recorded, she walked right through the gym doors, straight up to my now ex-boyfriend, and slapped him. As he stood there in shock, she stared him dead in the eyes and said, “You are a bad person, and you should be ashamed of yourself.” She then turned around and walked back toward where I was standing, grabbing a cup of punch and a cookie from the snack table for me on her way. That was 15 years ago, and we are still best friends to this day.

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It’s Not Working Out

, , , , , | Romantic | March 20, 2018

(My boyfriend and I have been going to a gym regularly for the past several months, so we have a pretty well-established routine. I’ve been stretching for maybe a minute after getting there when my boyfriend comes up to me, an odd expression on his face.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, we need to talk.”

(I’m not usually one to jump to conclusions, but anyone in a relationship that hears those words combined with an odd expression on the other person’s face is bound to have a little heart attack. But, seeing as how the past few weeks have been wonderful between us, and he hasn’t given any indication of anything amiss, I figure he might be about to ask to stay at my house, since it is snowing very badly and he lives more than half an hour away. He leads me to the gym lounge that’s right next to the entrance of the building, and breaks up with me. In a gym. Not even after we’ve finished working out, but before. In a very public setting. I go to the bathroom to process what had just happened, and to bawl my eyes out for a bit. After a few minutes, I text him about taking me home, since I don’t exactly feel like working out right now, and he is the one that drove me there.)

Me: “Hey, can you please take me home? I’m not exactly up to doing anything right now.”

(A few minutes pass without response.)

Me: “Did you start working out?”

Now-Ex Boyfriend: “Yeah, but I can take you home.”

(So, to recap, he broke up with me, in a gym, not after we did what we came there to do, but beforehand, and still expected to go on like nothing happened. Am I being sensitive, or was that basically the relationship equivalent of polishing a crystal vase with a sledgehammer? And, on top of all that, the snow was so bad that he did end up staying the night with my family and me. I think it was a real contender for awkward dinner of the year.)

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A De-Graded Friendship

, , , , , , | Learning | March 13, 2018

(I’m in sixth grade and we are about to have math class for first period. Our homework was to have a parent sign a test and our math teacher is VERY strict about signatures.)

Classmate #1: “I forgot to have my parents sign my test!”

Classmate #2: “Oh, my God, same!”

(They sign each other’s tests, attempting to replicate each other’s mother’s signatures. A few minutes later, class starts and our teacher comes around to check the tests. He stops suddenly at my two classmates’ tables.)

Teacher: “Did your mom really sign this?”

Classmate #1: “Yes. Of course.”

Teacher: “Are you sure? This doesn’t look like her signature.”

Classmate #1: “No, I’m sure.”

Teacher: *to Classmate #2* “Is that really her mom’s signature? If you lie you’ll get an infraction.”

Classmate #2: “Wait, she signed it! I didn’t do anything! Give her the infraction!”

Classmate #1: “Her mom didn’t sign it, either. Why should I get blamed, too, if you won’t blame her?”

Classmate #2: “F*** you!”

(This is how you break a friendship. They both got infractions, and their moms weren’t too happy. Just put up with the bad grade. It isn’t worth it.)

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Getting Shirty About The Shirt

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 6, 2018

(My girlfriend and I are waiting in line to check out at a store. We’re in our late 30s, and while I’m into a lot of geeky things, she’s not. While in line, a rather attractive younger woman comes up behind us. She’s wearing librarian glasses, a [Popular Old Video Game] pendant necklace, and a t-shirt printed with one of those parody [Role-Playing Dungeon Game] alignment charts. I can’t help but notice and start to read her shirt, which means I’m staring directly at her chest. My girlfriend notices after a moment, grabs my sleeve, and gives me a nostril-flaring death stare.)

Me: *doesn’t get it at first* “What?” *gets it* “What? I was reading her shirt!”

Young Woman: *also doesn’t get it* “Oh, you like?” *pulls shirt out a bit making it easier to read*

Me: “Yeah, that’s really cool. Have a great day!”

(The girlfriend and I get through the register quickly, fortunately. Let’s say that her driving on the way home is a bit, um… aggressive. After she takes a turn that screeches the tires:)

Me: “I really was just reading her shirt. It was a [Role-Playing Dungeon Game] alignment chart, but with [Popular Space Movie] characters.”

Girlfriend: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “No, see, there’s this idea of a grid that your character can fall into, and that determines what you..”

Girlfriend: *cutting me off* “SHUT UP!”

Me: “But that’s–”

Girlfriend: *cutting me off again* “SHUT. THE. F***. UP. NOW!”

(After getting home, she shut herself in the bedroom. I have a feeling I’m sleeping on the couch tonight, all because I couldn’t not know that whole chart.)

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Too Little, Way Too Late

, , , | Romantic | February 22, 2018

(After seven months, I completely fall out of love with my boyfriend, and I decide to break up with him. All of this happens in a fairly calm conversation, with a few tears here and there. There is one part I will never forget, though.)

Me: “A big problem for me was that you are always late. Always. Like, guaranteed, at least ten minutes late.”

Boyfriend: “You know I can’t help it.”

Me: “You know I used to have a problem with being late, and I told you how I fixed it.”

(We had numerous conversations about this.)

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I know; I remember. I never tried those methods, though. I was just hoping it would get better on its own.”

Me: *shocked*

(Three days later, he forwarded an email his mother sent him in response to our break-up. She said she couldn’t believe I had called him “unreliable” and she strongly disagreed. Yeah, that’ll make me take you back.)

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