Should Have Czech-ed Before You Spoke

, , , | Right | February 4, 2021

Like many cities, Prague is filled with people trying to sell tourists random crap. I’m on the tram and looking on my phone when I see a man get onboard. I see him out of the corner of my eye and he holds something out, so I think he’s trying to get me to buy something. I keep looking at my phone and wave him away.

Me: “Ne, ne.”

Man: *In a booming voice* “ANO!” *Yes!*

I looked over and realized he was holding out a badge — not a trinket — that identified him as a metro ticket inspector. He death-glared at me and the entire car stared at me. I dove for my monthly pass for him to scan. The dude glared at me while he checked every other person’s pass.

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Making A Song And Dance About Your Relationship

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 24, 2020

During the last three months, my husband has spent more time on his computer than usual. He sometimes apologizes, and he says he is too busy with something unspecified. I do not think much about it.

Christmas Eve arrives, which is when the presents are exchanged in our country. We go to the tree, and I find several very nice gifts and an envelope with my name on it. Thinking it is some coupon for a wellness procedure, I open it and find a fancy, beautiful opera ticket! It is supposed to be a “detective opera,” named “CASE OF FALSE CAT or LITTLE WAGER ABOUT BIG LOVE.”

But then I look closely and see that the address of the opera house is… our house.

Me: “Erm… what exactly I am to do with that?”

Husband: “Well… use it!”

Then, he grabs my hand and takes me to our guest bedroom, marked as “Box No. 1,” where I find everything set for a puppet performance for an audience of one.

For the next hour, I am sitting, choking between laughter and tears, while my husband plays karaoke versions of every single one of my favorite operatic or musical songs, singing his own lyrics and sometimes adding “sound effects” by way of drum, triangle, marimbas, and ocarina.

I laugh most when he sings Puccini’s “Nessun dorma” aria, under the title “Don’t be formal,” and I cry most during his version of “Memories.” The opera is indeed a detective story, but mainly it is an ode to cats and cat ladies and how perfect they are. It is clearly about me. When he finishes, I realise this is the greatest Christmas present I have gotten in my whole life.

Me: “How did you get such an idea?”

Husband: “Honey, I wanted you to say, ‘I am a woman worth writing operas for, and I can prove it!’”

I do say that now.


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for December 2020 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

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Beware The Cat Lady And Her Hairy Husband!

, , , , | Friendly | October 11, 2020

I am living in an apartment with my three cats and my husband, a big, bearded guy. Yes, I am sort of a cat lady, and I am very happy that way, thank you.

Next door, just behind a thin wall, lives a young couple with a little son, who can be a bit noisy at night. We hear him quite often, but we make nothing of it as, frankly, we’ve had much worse neighbors.

One day, I meet the neighbor lady outside and we make small talk. In the middle, she drops this:

Neighbor: “I am so, so glad you and your cats live next door! It helps us immensely dealing with our little!”

Me: “How so?”

Neighbor: “Well, when he makes a ruckus in the night, I always say, ‘Shhh, you are waking up the kitties next door!’ and he usually goes quiet.”

Me: *Chuckling* “That is quite sweet.”

Neighbor: “And when that does not help, I add, ‘Be quiet, or the kitty lady’s husband will come to punish you!’”

My husband, the nicest guy I’ve ever met by a huge margin, was genuinely shocked that he was used as a bogeyman for little kids, but at the end… whatever works for you!

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You Gotta Make Them Want To Take The Survey

, , , , , | Working | September 30, 2020

Not sure if this is Not Always Right or Not Always Working. A bit of both, maybe.

I am last-minute shopping for some essentials. I take my purchase from the shelf and make a beeline for the cashier, trying to be in and out ASAP.

The cashier is sort of polite, says hi, and scans my purchase. But the moment she sees the receipt, she smiles like crazy and her tone is suddenly the overly nice one.

Cashier: “I hope you found everything just all right today! On your receipt, there will be a link to a survey.” 

Me: “Nah, thanks. Just give me the receipt; I’m in a hurry.”

I take my purchase — already paid for — and extend my hand for the receipt but the cashier sort of leans back to take it out of my reach.

Cashier: “Oh, it will be just a moment! I’ll explain it to you. I can write my name for you, so you can mention it.”

Me: “Either you give me the receipt now and I’ll just go or you’ll continue this nonsense and I’ll give you the worst review I can think of. What do you say?”

She then sort of threw the receipt at me and I left. And no, I did not leave a bad review for her.

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The Gift-Wrap That Keeps On Giving, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2020

I work at a bookstore that provides gift packing for your order. Packing something costs about €2. We also have online orders to be picked up at our store. On our website, you can order gift packing and you have to pay at the cash desk. I’m always doing gift packing and then answering orders so customers can pick it up and already have it packed.

Customer: *Walks to my cash desk* “Good afternoon, I’m here to pick up my order.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”

There are two of my coworkers at that time.

Customer: “My name is [Customer].”

I start looking for his order. When I find it and show him his order, he seems to be angry.

Customer: “I didn’t want it to be packed. I need to put something inside this book.”

Me: “Well, you ordered gift packing and we do it immediately. You could write it in the notes that you want it to be packed later.”

Customer: “Well, can you unpack it, so I can put it in?”

I do what he wished for. My coworker approaches me and whispers.

Coworker: “Put it twice in his price.”

I scan his order and put packing twice in his price.

Me: “It will be €14.”

Customer: “Why that much?”

Me: “You had it already packed, but you wanted me to do it again. It’s for the double work and material.”

Customer: “I don’t get it. Why do I have to pay this much?”

Me: *Trying to be calm* “I already said it’s for the work and material I had to use.”

Customer: “I’m not paying for that.”

I delete the packing, as I haven’t repacked it yet.

Me: “It will be €10.”

Customer: “Where’s the packing?”

Me: “You said you were not going to pay it, so I deleted it.”

Customer: “But I want packing.”

Me: “Then you have to pay €14.”

Customer: “That’s too much.”

My coworker comes up to help me.

Coworker: “You made her pack it twice, so you have to pay it twice. Do you get it?”

The customer then paid for two packings and left without saying goodbye.

Related:
The Gift-Wrap That Keeps On Giving

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