OMG-yn!, Part 2

, , , , | Healthy | January 23, 2019

(I wake up feeling sick. There are explosions of pain in my right side. I try to walk it off but after a few hours my boyfriend decides it’s time to stop playing hero, and he takes me to an emergency room. A receptionist is sorting patients according to their suspected diagnosis — broken bones and physical injuries are sent to the surgical ER, ob-gyn problems to the ob-gyn ER, toothache to the dentist ER, etc. We think it’s appendicitis, so I end up in general ER because we actually don’t know what’s wrong. I am four months pregnant and it’s already starting to show.)

Doctor: “We need to do a test to see if you are pregnant.”

Me: “I am pregnant.”

Doctor: “Riiight. So, we will do the test to see if you are pregnant…”

Me: “I am pregnant.”

Doctor: “Sure. So this test–“

Me: “Which part of ‘I am pregnant’ don’t you understand?”

Doctor: “This test will determine if you are pregnant.”

Me: “Okay, last time: I am pregnant. I’m 17 weeks along. In your right hand is my pregnancy card which confirms my pregnancy, includes all the tests, results, and every check-up I’ve had. I am four months pregnant!”

Doctor: *pause* “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “Arggggh!”

(She sent me to ob-gyn ER since “irritated pregnant women aren’t her problem.” At the ob-gyn ER, I was told my baby was fine, and since they also agreed it might be appendicitis, they sent me to the surgical ER where they determined it wasn’t appendicitis, but that the cause of the pain was my baby. I had a slightly irritated and swollen appendix, and the position of my son allowed him to kick it, which caused the explosions of pain. Two days of an icepack on my right side and liquid diet, and I was fine.)

He’s About To Get A Chile Reception

, , , , , , , | Legal | December 12, 2018

This story happened to my sister. We are from Chile, but she was traveling in Europe when this happened. She got onto a train in Prague and a random guy got into the compartment where she was, and started to talk very fast in English. He told her that he had to go to the next city because of an emergency and that he would have to leave his wife alone without a penny. They only had one credit card he would need for the trip, so he needed cash. He promised my sister that if she gave something, he would return it when they arrive at the next station.

My sister realised that this was a scam from the first moment, but she was afraid that he could do something to her, as she was traveling alone. In that moment she remembered that she had some Chilean money, so she took her wallet and timidly said, “I only have Chilean money on me right now; I would love to help you, so here you go,” and she handed him 1000 Chilean pesos — a little more than a US dollar.

When the guy saw the 1000, he got the biggest smile of victory and hurried down the train never to be seen again.

To this day we laugh at the guy, thinking about his face the day he went to the money exchange and they give him just a Euro.

Dressing Up The Vulgarity

, , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I work in a quite expensive clothing store. Today an American couple comes in. The lady chooses a bunch of expensive dresses she would like to try on. Most of them are not the best choice for her figure. She chooses dresses that look good only on someone who is model-like flat. The lady is very unhappy about how the dresses look on her, but refuses any options we present to her, which would look really gorgeous on her. Because the dresses she tries on and refuses are starting to pile up, I ask my coworker to take them away and put them on the racks again. The whole time, she is really rude, calling us names and accusing us of giving her wrong sizes. The man with her calls us nothing but “third worlders.”)

Woman: “Where are you taking them?”

Me: “Just back to the boutique. I thought you didn’t like any of them. I am sorry if I was mistaken. Do you want to keep any of them?”

Woman: “No, I don’t like any of those skinny-a** b****y-as-you dresses!”

Me: “All right, is it then okay to take them back?”

Woman: “NO! I tried them on, you stupid b****; you cannot put them back!”

Me: “I am sorry?”

(I am taken aback, as I did not expect this and I am not used to people swearing on me.)

Woman: “Can’t you speak English? That’s the only good language! Don’t speak that bulls*** of yours!”

(We have not been speaking in Czech because customers are sometimes unhappy about us speaking anything they cannot understand.)

Me: “I apologise, madam, but since you do not plan on buying any of those, what would you like me to do with them? There might be some other customer that would like them and—”

Woman: *interrupts me* “C***, I tried them, b****. No one else can try them now, b****! They can’t wear them; I did!” *spews a bunch of vulgar words*

Me: “I am deeply sorry, madam, but if you are not going to buy them, anyone else can. We cannot just dispose of these dresses just because someone tried them on and did not like them.”

Woman: “I am not buying anything here! You are just a useless little c***!”

Man: “These f****** third-worlders are for nothing! We are leaving your s***-covered store!”

(They left. Up to this day, I have never had a customer like this. They can be snotty and think they are better than us. But no one has ever been so vulgar to me.)

Unfiltered Story #131264

, , | Unfiltered | December 4, 2018

(I’m a cashier in a large supermarket. The last person in my queue is a twenty-something girl who seems to be too lazy to take a basket; her arms are full of stuff like bottled water and bread and plastic bags with fruit and vegetables are hanging from her fingers. She has an electronic reader out and she is reading throughout the whole time I am ringing out other customers. One of my transactions takes slightly longer than usual and it is time for me to close my till, so I turn my light off, just as the reading girl reaches the conveyor belt. Without raising her eyes from her book she completely ignores the sign as she starts unloading her items from her arms.)

Me: “Not you. This register is now closed.”

Customer: *only now looks up, with a wounded-gazelle look and in an annoying fake-surprised voice* “I should leave?”

Me: “Yes. This register is closed.”

(She picks all her stuff up again and moves the five meters to the next open register, but not before giving me another tortured-animal look and obviously trying to guilt-trip me into giving in to her.)

Don’t Lecture Him About His Forgetfulness

, , , | Romantic | October 3, 2018

(My husband and I just had an adventure that was 35 years in making. He is smart, but scatter-brained, and often forgets things overnight. Before he had a smartphone and me to keep schedules, things were tough for him. When he was in grammar school, his class was scheduled for a field trip to an astronomical observatory. My husband, an astronomy geek, was looking forward to it, but he forgot and went to normal lessons, while the rest of class was already on the train. Well, at least everyone had a good laugh about it. Then he went to high school… and the scenario repeated itself to the last detail. So, thirty years later we decide to treat ourselves and go on a trip, ending at the observatory. My husband is ecstatic, despite a bout of migraine, and keeps repeating that he finally is going to see the lecture. So, we buy the tickets, sit in the lecture hall, the chair rests lower themselves, lights go dim… and my husband falls asleep, waking up after the lecture, rested and refreshed, but none the wiser about the lecture.)

Husband: “Why didn’t you wake me?”

Me: “I tried. But honestly, you clearly needed a nap.”

Husband: “Well, I am clearly cursed. God doesn’t want me to see the lecture.”

(Pause.)

Husband: “What was it about? C’mon, people will ask me and I will look like idiot! Again!”

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