We Don’t Need Your Business (Class)

, , , | Right | December 5, 2019

(I work for the Elite/VIP line at an airline call center in Prague. While most of our passengers are polite and understanding, sometimes they are just entitled jerks.)

Me: “Good morning. Welcome to your [VIP line]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “I need to be on the next flight from Paris to New York. One-way, business class, quickly.”

Me: “Sure thing. Let me look at what we can offer you.”

Caller: “The price on the website is outrageous; I hope you can do better than that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we are almost fully booked and the departure is in two hours; the best price I can offer you is [horribly high last-minute price].”

Caller: “WHAT?! I FLEW FOR FOUR TIMES LESS SIX MONTHS AGO! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I WANT TO TALK TO A SUPERVISOR.”

Me: “I understand, sir, but she will not do that. Looking at your booking from six months ago, you purchased the ticket four months in advance. You cannot expect the same price for a last-minute business-class ticket.”

Caller: “But I’m a [second-highest tier] passenger; I should get cheaper prices!”

Me: “That’s not how it works.”

Caller: “Your program is useless. Frequent flyers are not rewarded enough.”

Me: “With your additional bag, your extra-comfortable seat on the [arguably the best passenger plane in the world]’s top deck, as well as the shuttle to the airport, all free of charge on both legs, you saved more than €300 on your previous booking.”

Caller: “I didn’t… I mean, this is normal, but I expect more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like the last seat on this plane was booked by another passenger since we did not confirm it early enough, and the next ones for today are already overbooked. If you wish, I can put you on tomorrow’s flight, same time.”

Caller: *curses, then hangs up*

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Spy Games

, , , | Related | November 20, 2019

(Our granddaughter is now at camp. Because it’s November, it’s not taking place in the woods, but in a nice old mansion in the suburbs. My wife and I are taking an evening stroll and just happen to be in the vicinity. My wife pulls herself up to the fence.)

Wife: “I see them all! [Supervisor] is there, [Granddaughter’s Friend] is there, and look! There is [Granddaughter]! They seem to be playing some board games. Everything looks fine!”

Me: “Honey, you do realize it is perfectly legal just go inside and ask questions?”

Wife: “Are you crazy? I would be awkward to keep checking on her!”

Me: “And what exactly are you doing now?”

Wife: *beaming* ” I am spying! Totally different!”

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They Should Have Czeched Before They Traveled

, , , , | Right | October 21, 2019

(I have a summer job at the reception of a hotel in Prague’s city centre, and our guests are mainly tourists. It is July 3rd. We have two national public holidays coming up, one on July 5th and second on July 6th. Neither is really celebrated unless it’s an anniversary year. The guests are clearly Americans; one of them has an American flag around his suitcase. There are four guys in total, somewhere from thirty to forty years old. They are generally pleasant and cooperate during the check-in.)

Me: “All right, you are all set. Can I help you with anything else? Any places you would like to visit and need directions for?”

Guest: *with the American flag on his suitcase* “Where are the celebrations? What is a good spot to watch the fireworks?”

Me: “Oh, the holidays are on July 5th and July 6th. Unfortunately, there won’t be any festivities. Only some places might be closed, and others might have different opening hours. But definitely nothing major.”

Guest: “What?!”

(He has been really nice up to this moment; however, he starts to raise his voice.)

Another Guest: “The fourth of July.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the American Independence Day?”

Guest: “YES!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m afraid that here in the Czech Republic we do not celebrate the American holiday.”

Guest: “But we came here to celebrate it!”

(After that, the manager came down to the reception and dealt with them. All four guys seemed to be genuinely perplexed that there wouldn’t be any festivities to mark American Independence day in the middle of Europe. However, my manager was quick on his feet and suggested that they look for some Facebook group for expats living in Prague to find some Americans living in Prague that might be celebrating. When I asked my manager about the idea, it turned out they were not the first ones to ask about it.)

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Unfiltered Story #168970

, , | Unfiltered | October 5, 2019

A very nice young man comes every morning to my cafeteria for breakfast, usually a bagel or salad. If there is no one in line, he always asks about my health or what have I done during weekend. Now, as the summer ended, we replaced the ice cream machine with a grill, and we are selling deep fried pork. He can´t have enough of it. Today, just as he was putting another heaping on his plate, he shot me a look:
Customer: “Mrs.(My name), did anybody every referred to you as “femme fatale”?”
Me (taken aback): “Uh…no…never! Why?”
Customer (in tragic voice): “Because my fate is apprently to die of overeating AND IT IS ON YOU!”

Surveying The Fast Food Landscape

, , | Right | July 30, 2019

(At my restaurant, we get surveys we have to hand out to customers; they go on our website and give us feedback. We often get some strange ones, like:)

Answer: “The food was great, the cashier was smiling, tables and floor were clean, all around nice, but since you are fast food you can’t be a good restaurant.”

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