Getting To The Heart Of The Story

, , , , | Related | February 12, 2018

(As part of my advanced English course, I am writing a short story. I turn to my father for tips and advice; he is fluent in English and an avid writer himself.)

Father: “I like it, but your main hero is too perfect. Believable characters need some flaws.”

Me: “He is not perfect. He suffers from extremely fragile bones and is in constant pain.”

Father: “Uh… What was his name again?”

Me: “Sydney Hart.”

Father: *perfectly calm* “So… Your story is basically about achy, breaky Hart?”

Me: *long pause* “Okay, Percy Hamish it is. Also, I hate you, Dad.”

Father: “You are welcome, honey.”

Unfiltered Story #104001

, | Unfiltered | January 21, 2018

(A guy over 6’5″, invites himself into my car on his first day, does pay me regular fee everyone else does for driving them. Every time I’m left alone with him in car he starts saying sexist stuff about me being fertile woman, uneducated in the field and too young anyway – I’m 23 at the time, history art graduate doing well, good office job in IT company. That day The guy tries to invite himself into my car again over e-mail, I’m not reacting. He comes over, looking at his phone as he speaks to me)

Guy: At four as usuall?

Me: Me? Yes.

Guy: (simply stating) Okay, I know I said I’ll pay the debt today, but I’ll pay tomorow, with today’s fee.

Me: Sure thing, it’s [leaving today’s fee for ride out]

(He finally looks up from his phone, does the quick math and frowns a little)

Guy: Plus [today’s fee for the ride]

Me: No.

Guy: What do you mean no?

Me: Because I’m not driving you anymore.

(He frowns, actually confused)

Guy: Why?

Me: Because I don’t want to.

(a short pause, he’s even more confused)

Guy: Why?

Me: Because you keep presenting your sexist opinions on woman even through I asked you not to a few times already and said I ‘d like not to talk about such things with you.

(Not gonna lie, Adrenalin rush is a thing)

(The guy is staring at me, silent and confused)

Me: It’s [leaving today’s fee for ride out].

(He pulls out the money and leaves them on my table before leaving without another word.)

My coworker: I think I’m scared of you a little now. I wouldn’t have the balls to tell him the truth. Wow.

(not my first time dealing with sexist idiot)

(a moment later a Boss from the office next door comes and asks who talked to The Guy, our boss points at me nearly 5 feet tall petite girl, the Boss from next door starts laughing really hard and says he’s sulking at his table. Turns out nobody is happy with him or his work and that he refeses to take orders from the boss, who is a woman and does as if he did not hear her. Later on he misses the bus, calls me desperately, begging me to drive him for the last time. I refuse of course, because I’d be scared to do so anyway after all this too. Later he is seen CRYING near the office building back exit. He got kicked out the following week after making some remark about another lady boss in whole different district office.)

Unangelic Behavior

, , , , , , , | Related | December 21, 2017

(It’s nearly Christmas and we are finishing the decorations in our living room, including our so-called “Angelic quartet”. It’s a local variation to American “Elf on the Shelf,” with four winged plaster statuettes, nearly the size of newborn babies, sitting and playing, so you can arrange them on the furniture around the Christmas tree, and creep the hell out of any normal guy like me. I make a throwaway comment:)

Me: “I could really do without these dead children.”

(Later, at lunch, my nine-year-old granddaughter suddenly turns to my wife, and asks:)

Granddaughter: “Grandma, why does Grandpa call the little angels ‘dead children’?”

Grandma: “Yes, honey, why do you call them that?”

(The ungrateful bunch of cockroaches I call “family” put down their utensils and look at me expectantly, stopping short of grabbing popcorn.)

Me: “You know, some people believe that if a little baby dies, they immediately get wings and become angels, so they can fly to visit their families any time they feel sad and alone.”

(My granddaughter looks at me, pondering, then turns to my wife:)

Granddaughter: “Grandpa is also a bit of a joker, right?”

(I still call it a win!)

Unfiltered Story #100572

, , | Unfiltered | November 20, 2017

(I just moved to night shift. Our unofficial team leader (he was the most skilled guy there but didn’t have title of TL) is showing me some differences on night shift:)

Not-Team-Leader: “And the last thing. If you forget to lock your screen when you will go for smoke do not worry. We are not like day shift, we do not touch each others machine. We are straight men. We might be pr*cks and di*ks but we are not f****** a**-holes.”

This Relationship Is A Train-Wreck

, , , | Romantic | August 3, 2017

I am teaching English in the Czech Republic with my boyfriend. After talking me into moving overseas he is hating living there and I am loving it. We are invited to a party with a few other teachers and a bunch of other students.

After 15 minutes (of watching me have a fantastic time), he insists we leave and go on an impromptu road trip to Germany in the shitty little car he insisted we buy while we are there.

As soon as we cross the German border we come across a set of railroad tracks with the border bars coming down. He is confident we can beat the train and against my screaming for him to stop, drives the car under the bars.

The car stalls on the tracks. As we watch the train blaring toward us I am furiously trying to unbuckle my broken seat belt while he is trying to start the car. At the last minute, he makes it.

After thanking God we made it alive, I promised god I would dump him, and I did.

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