The Gift-Wrap That Keeps On Giving, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2020

I work at a bookstore that provides gift packing for your order. Packing something costs about €2. We also have online orders to be picked up at our store. On our website, you can order gift packing and you have to pay at the cash desk. I’m always doing gift packing and then answering orders so customers can pick it up and already have it packed.

Customer: *Walks to my cash desk* “Good afternoon, I’m here to pick up my order.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”

There are two of my coworkers at that time.

Customer: “My name is [Customer].”

I start looking for his order. When I find it and show him his order, he seems to be angry.

Customer: “I didn’t want it to be packed. I need to put something inside this book.”

Me: “Well, you ordered gift packing and we do it immediately. You could write it in the notes that you want it to be packed later.”

Customer: “Well, can you unpack it, so I can put it in?”

I do what he wished for. My coworker approaches me and whispers.

Coworker: “Put it twice in his price.”

I scan his order and put packing twice in his price.

Me: “It will be €14.”

Customer: “Why that much?”

Me: “You had it already packed, but you wanted me to do it again. It’s for the double work and material.”

Customer: “I don’t get it. Why do I have to pay this much?”

Me: *Trying to be calm* “I already said it’s for the work and material I had to use.”

Customer: “I’m not paying for that.”

I delete the packing, as I haven’t repacked it yet.

Me: “It will be €10.”

Customer: “Where’s the packing?”

Me: “You said you were not going to pay it, so I deleted it.”

Customer: “But I want packing.”

Me: “Then you have to pay €14.”

Customer: “That’s too much.”

My coworker comes up to help me.

Coworker: “You made her pack it twice, so you have to pay it twice. Do you get it?”

The customer then paid for two packings and left without saying goodbye.

The Gift-Wrap That Keeps On Giving

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We’d Definitely Rather Have The Chicken

, , , , , | Working | August 10, 2020

I have a quite stressful job at quality assurance in our factory. Luckily, we are a great team. One of my coworkers, otherwise a silent, nice guy, is a bit of a walking Wikipedia, and from time to time, he decides to entertain us with bits of trivia he finds interesting. Despite how it sounds, he comes out as the opposite of annoying as those little bits, completely unrelated to our work, are like little tea breaks for our high-strung brains.

One day, I am venting about our cafeteria, which is not good at all. Basically, there is only some sort of chicken, five days a week. My coworker lets me calm down, and after some time, he starts:

Coworker: “[My Name], you know, there are very interesting bugs, called Dermestidae, often called skin beetles or museum beetles. There are about 1,600 species of them and some are considered pests because they eat grain or clothes, but overall, they are very useful, as they get rid of dead organic matter. In the show Bones, they use them to clean the bones of the corpse! And there is one subfamily of them called Thaumaglossa. They are very specialized, as they only eat ootekas — egg containers — of mantids. Really, the only thing they eat is ootekas.”

Me: “Is that so?”

Coworker: “Yes! So, why do you complain about having to eat chicken?”

My colleague was genuinely startled when the whole office exploded into laughter, as he did not realize that our colleagues listened to him. We all agreed that this one took the cake for a surprise ending. The cafeteria is still crap, though.

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They Share It In Half-Hour Shifts

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2020

For health reasons, everybody has to cover their mouth and nose. A woman wanders in to the store with her boyfriend, who doesn’t have a face mask.

Me: “I’m sorry, but you have to cover your face.”

Woman: “We are here together!”

Me: “…”

This story is part of our Anti-Masker roundup.

Read the next Anti-Masker roundup story!

Read the Anti-Masker roundup!

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A Mouthful Of Either Will Silence A Coworker

, , , , | Working | July 2, 2020

I work for a company which mostly deals with international clients, which means we mainly communicate with our clients via email or phone, but sometimes we have foreign visitors who don’t speak Czech.

[Coworker #1] is a serious gentleman in his sixties; [Coworker #2] is a quiet woman in her fifties. We have an open space office, and both of them sit in the row next to mine and neither of them speaks any foreign language.

There are two visiting Finnish engineers sitting right next to my table. The word “paska” in Czech means “duct tape,” while in Finnish it means “s***”. The whole conversation is in Czech.

Coworker #1: *Yelling* “Hey, does anybody know where the ‘paska’ is?!”

The Finnish engineers raise their heads and give him a deer-in-the-headlights stare.

Coworker #2: “I think there is ‘paska’ in the office kitchen.”

The Finnish engineers look shocked.

Coworker #1: “Is there a ‘paska’ in the kitchen?!”

Someone: *Yelling from the kitchen* “No, the ‘paska’ isn’t here! Have you checked the supply closet?!”

The Finnish engineers now look like two scared owls.

Me: “Guys, can you please stop yelling ‘paska’? Our guests seem to be shocked.”

Coworker #1: “Why?”

Me: “Because ‘paska’ in Finnish is ‘s***’. I’ll explain it to them. Please use ‘izolepa.’

“Izolepa” is another word for duct tape.

I explained to the engineers that my coworkers weren’t yelling, “S***!” at each other, just looking for duct tape. They were understanding and found it funny, especially when they looked at [Coworker #1], who gave them a sheepish smile and said, “Sorry?” with a very strong Czech accent.

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The Money Is Fine, But The Karma Is The Real Bonus

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2020

My boss, the CEO, calls me to his office. Our company has a policy that if you speak a foreign language, you get a bonus, but you have to have an official certificate to prove it. I can speak several languages, but since I don’t “have a paper” to prove it, no money for me.

CEO: “[My Name], on Monday there will be a meeting with one of our suppliers from Italy. We have some problems with late delivery of the material and I think they are bulls***ting us. I want you to attend the meeting and tell me what they say in Italian.”

Me: “Boss, you know I’m not paid to speak Italian. I don’t have a certificate to prove my language skills, and [Human Resources Director] said—”

CEO: “Don’t gimme that bulls***. You studied and worked in Italy for a year. But don’t worry; I spoke to [Human Resources Director] and you’ll get a one-time bonus for it, and another one if you find out something useful. [Human Resources Director] wasn’t very enthusiastic about it, but we really need some leverage; because of them our schedule is late and we may have to pay some fees to our customers.”

I give him a wicked smile.

Me: “As you wish, my lord.”

I attend the meetings as “a person responsible for writing the minutes of the meeting” and find out that while our supplier prepared our purchased material, right before the shipping they sold it to our competitor at double the price, but their official statement for us was that there were some problems at the forgery and they had to postpone the production because of a broken machine.

I send my findings to my boss by email and he is very pleased. He uses this information — packed in some fairy tale about how he found out about it — during two days of negotiations and the Italian side isn’t very happy that we know. They apologize a lot and pay some hefty fee for breaking the contract with us.

Also, because I stayed in the meeting room during the breaks, I heard that they did the same thing to us before and to our sister company, as well, and I heard about some other problems they have.

After the last meeting, the head of their delegation is in the corridor on his phone telling the results to his boss. Unknown to me, an agent from a different Italian supplier has come to visit us. He is an older man and very fond of me since he found out I could speak Italian — as the only person in the whole company. I’m passing by the Italian on his phone when I hear a familiar voice.

Agent: *In Italian* “Oh, my dear, how are you, sweetie?!” *Hugs me*

Me: *Also in Italian* “Hello, [Agent], I’m fine. How about you? How was the flight? Let’s go to my office and grab some coffee.”

The head of the delegation stares at me, completely shocked. 

Head Of Delegation: “F***.”

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