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Referred To Nowhere

, , , , , , | Healthy | April 29, 2026

After about a decade of trying to get my family doctor to take me seriously, that my menstrual periods were/are a bloody nightmare (pun fully intended), finally, and honestly, probably just to shut me up. He decides that if I “just” get an IUD, all my problems will go away. Right? Sure, okay.

I actually did not want an IUD for several reasons, none of which he listened to, but whatever. I booked the day off, my sister drove me so we could also do lunch afterwards, and we set off to the “specialty fertility clinic” that my doctor had booked my appointment to, mostly because I’d hoped that, even if I wasn’t going to have an IUD placed, perhaps this new doctor could give me some different/better help besides, “Oh, just take an Advil if you have cramps.” (An Advil? Singular? Lol, that’s cute.) This new doctor? Was not helpful. At all.

First red flag? I showed up about fifteen minutes before my scheduled appointment time, and they could not find my referral. I show my ID, I give them my family doctor’s name, and it still takes two separate people to find my name, apparently buried in their system. I’m told that I will be having an ultrasound, and to make sure my bladder is full. Okay, no problem. I refill my water bottle, chug it, sit, and wait.

And wait.

My appointment time is a distant memory. Then, I’m called back for the ultrasound, and Things Get Wonky.

I’m ushered into a room, and am told by someone (a tech? a nurse? who knows, because they did not say a single word of greeting or introduction to me) to strip down so they can do my ultrasound. There are no robes or sheets provided, or even nearby on a shelf anywhere in this room.

I try to ask a few questions, but there are a few people coming in and out of this semi-darkened room, and [Anonymous Woman] is more interested in chatting with them than answering me. They get angry with me for having a full bladder because they were actually planning on doing an internal ultrasound. They don’t listen when I tell them I was told at their own front desk to chug water. They send me to the bathroom, and when I return, they do finally listen to me, but the answers I give irritate them further, because now it turns out that they can’t do the internal ultrasound, just the regular on-the-belly kind. But I’ve just been to the bathroom, so now [Anonymous Woman] rolls her eyes and gets me to drink a literal pitcher full of water again.

I am hydrated. I am annoyed. I am physically uncomfortable. My sister sends me a text, jokingly asking if they’re just sterilizing me now, because at this point, I’ve been in here for no joke, two and a half hours. I text her back, and then, finally, the ultrasound must be finished, because [Anonymous Woman] stands up and tells me to follow her, leaving the room while I’m still buttoning my jeans.

After all that, I’m left in the doctor’s actual office for about ten minutes, where honestly, I had a good little cry, because what the f*** is going on here?! The doctor walks in, asks me some questions and literally does not actually listen to a single one of my answers (which Very Much Include not wanting an IUD, and also not being able to afford one because I only have our regular, provincially-covered health insurance), because the last thing he says to me as he’s standing up to leave the room is, “Okay, well, here’s the prescription for the IUD, you can pick it up from your local pharmacy, then call us back to set up the placement appointment.”

Out of curiosity, I later took that script to find out how much it would cost me, and it was exactly $404. Out of pocket.

On the way out, I stop at the reception desk, wanting to tell them thanks but no thanks, I won’t be having anything else to do with this office, and generally needing to get the hell out of there. The receptionist handed me a plain prescription bottle with two small tablets in it and instructed me to “take them an hour before you come back for your next appointment.” There was a label on the bottle with the name of the medication and tablet strength, but absolutely zero instructions or any personal info whatsoever. They hadn’t even typed my name on it.

When I get back in the car, my sister takes one look at me, wisely decides not to crack any jokes, and instead asks me about the pills. Three Google searches later, we find out that the pills I’d been given were medications meant to soften the cervix before having the IUD placed. If I’d just swallowed them, the most likely side effects were, essentially, internal bleeding from holes being made in body parts that aren’t supposed to have extra holes in them. Like your stomach, or one of your intestines.

I took those pills to my local pharmacy for safe disposal, called that specialist back to cancel the appointment they had already booked without my approval, and tried to forget about the whole miserable time.

Twelve years later: an ER visit, four appointments with a Nurse Practitioner who I’ve come to adore, three proper, non-traumatic ultrasounds, and one MRI later, I got a consult with a surgeon who took one look at me, asked to gently prod a few spots, and confirmed that this isn’t just my period being “heavy” but is, in fact, a giant fibroid that’s basically taking over a large percentage of my abdomen. I’m due for a near-total hysterectomy in a few months, and while I’m nervous about it, I’m definitely looking forward to not having to deal with all this nonsense!

Doctor Who?

, , , | Right | April 26, 2026

Caller: “I need to make an appointment.”

Me: “Do you have an account with us?”

Caller: *Deep sigh.* “Yes.”

Me: “…Could I have your name and account number?”

Caller: “I just need to make an appointment.”

Me: “I just need a name to put the appointment under.”

Caller: “Doctor Smith.”

Me: “Can I get the account number?”

Caller: “Why?!”

Me: “Because our customer database covers all of the USA and Canada, and there are a lot of Smiths, sir.”

Caller: *Deep sigh.* “It’s [account number].”

Me: “Thank you, Mr. Smi—”

Caller: “—Doctor! Doctor Smith!”

Me: “Thank you, Doctor Smith. When would you like an appointment?”

Caller: “Tomorrow afternoon.”

We get his appointment set up.

Caller: *Deep sigh.* “That took forever. You should just be able to set appointments without all that stuff at the beginning. You need to hire Elon Musk to make your place more efficient!”

Me: “As a doctor, how often does your office staff make appointments to see you with absolutely no information?”

Caller: *Click.*

No Longer Golden… Or Delicious

, , , | Healthy | April 20, 2026

I’m talking to a surgeon I work alongside, about a surgery he’d completed that morning.

Surgeon: “It was to remove an apple from his bowels.”

Me: “Wow, did he like, not chew or something?”

Surgeon: *Long stare.* “It didn’t enter via the mouth, [My Name].”

Me: “Huh? Oh. Oooooooh. Eww.”

Surgeon: “It was a Granny Smith in case you were wondering—”

Me: “—I really wasn’t!”

Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 25

, , , , | Healthy | March 13, 2026

A few years ago, my wife fell and broke her arm. It was serious enough to require surgery, so we made an appointment with the trauma surgeon. On the day of the appointment, with my wife’s arm all bandaged and in a sling, we make our way to the doctor’s office. We were getting off the elevator with one other person, and she decided we weren’t moving fast enough. The woman basically pushed past us to get in line at the front desk, in front of us. It is about 2:15 in the afternoon. Our appointment was at 2:30.

Impatient Woman: “My name is Mrs. [Impatient Woman], and I have a 3:00 appointment with [Same doctor we are seeing], but I have other appointments today, so I need to see the doctor immediately!”

Young Nurse: “Well, we can check you in; however, the doctor’s schedule is full today, and, as of now, he is running about thirty minutes behind. So, you can either wait or reschedule.”

Impatient Woman: “This is ridiculous that I should have to wait that long.”

Young Nurse: *Very politely.* “I’m sorry, ma’am, we can reschedule if you’d like.”

Impatient Woman: “I’ll wait, but you have no idea how much of an inconvenience this is!”

She huffs away and finds a seat.

My wife and I check in without any problems and sit down. The waiting room is almost full, and the only seats next to each other are right next to the check-in desk. About twenty minutes later, [Impatient Woman] approaches the desk again, and I can hear everything.

Impatient Woman: *Rudely.* “Exactly what time is the doctor going to see me? I have other appointments today. I have been waiting over an hour!”

A more seasoned nurse steps up to the desk.

Seasoned Nurse: “What was your name?”

Impatient Woman: “Mrs. [Impatient Woman]!”

[Seasoned Nurse] does a little typing.

Seasoned Nurse: “Ma’am, I see you checked in at 2:16, so you have been waiting about twenty minutes. [Young Nurse] explained to you that we are fully booked today; we are behind schedule, and offered to reschedule. You can reschedule or wait. Those are your options.”

Impatient Woman: “When is your next opening?”

Seasoned Nurse: “[Date two weeks from today].”

Impatient Woman: “WHAT?!? I made this appointment over a month ago!”

[Seasoned Nurse] does a little more typing.

Seasoned Nurse: “Ma’am, I show you made this appointment on [date], which was six days ago, so, again, you can wait or reschedule.”

I am trying not to stare, although other patients are, but I can see her getting more and more frustrated that she isn’t getting her way.

Impatient Woman: “Fine, I’ll wait!” She goes and sits back in her chair, crosses her arms and legs, and is muttering something to herself.”

About 3:00, my wife and I get called in (ahead of [Impatient Woman]). I am helping my wife up to make sure she is comfortable; we start to make our way to the door. I can see [Impatient Woman] staring daggers at us. She storms back up to the check-in desk.

Impatient Woman: “I am very upset! I checked in before them (pointing at us), and they get to go in first?!?”

Seasoned Nurse: *Very calmly.* “Their appointment was before yours, so yes, they will go in before you, that’s how this system works.”

[Impatient Woman] was arguing some more, but I didn’t hear her because we made it to the doctor’s office. After we saw the doctor, we had to schedule a follow-up appointment, which meant going back to the check-in desk in the waiting area. [Impatient Woman] was gone, so I don’t know if she gave up or finally made it in. I made sure to thank both nurses and compliment them on their patience. I’m sure it’s just another day in the office for them!

Related:
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 24
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 23
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 22
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 21
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 20

What A Diabeetus, Part 15

, , , , | Healthy | March 2, 2026

The phone rings on a busy afternoon, and I answer with my usual script.

Me: “Thank you for calling the clinic, this is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Patient: “Hi… I’m feeling really sick. Nauseous, super thirsty, and my breathing feels weird.”

Her symptoms are setting off alarm bells, so I pull up her chart while I keep her talking.

Me: “Okay, I’m going to take a look at your file. Do you have any medical conditions I should know about? Diabetes, anything like that?”

Patient: “Nope, none.”

That’s… not what I’m seeing on my screen.

Me: “Alright, I’m just looking here, and I see you were prescribed metformin recently. Can you tell me about that?”

Patient: “Oh yeah, I had diabetes. But I took the medicine already.”

I pause, waiting for the rest of that sentence. None comes.

Me: “You… had diabetes?”

Patient: “Yeah, the doctor gave me a month of metformin, so I took it. I felt better after, so I figured it fixed it.”

Me: “Just to clarify, are you still taking the metformin?”

Patient: “No, I finished it. They gave me like, a month.”

There’s a long pause while my brain reboots.

Me: “Diabetes isn’t like an infection. The medication manages it; it doesn’t cure it.”

Patient: “Wait… so you’re saying it didn’t go away?”

Me: “I’m saying it very much did not go away, and based on your symptoms, you need to go to the ER right now.”

Patient: “Oh. Wow. But when they gave me something for my strep throat, it went away, and so I stopped taking it.”

Me: “Diabetes is not strep throat.”

Patient: “So, how much longer do I need to take the medication?”

Me: “How about we get you into the ER first, and you can ask the doctor all those questions?”

Patient: “Ugh… fine.”

Related:
What A Diabeetus, Part 14
What A Diabeetus, Part 13
What A Diabeetus, Part 12
What A Diabeetus, Part 11
What A Diabeetus, Part 10