I’m shopping at a certain red-themed retailer. Across the aisle is the electronics section, where a young man is calling out to people trying to sell phone plans with a major provider. I overhear him reach out to a woman who did not sound like she was in the mood.

Woman: “Sorry, not interested.”

Seller: “Can I ask why you might not be interested?”

Woman: “Because I live in a part of the state that doesn’t have cell coverage.”

Seller: “And where could that be?”

Woman: “Fordville.”

Seller: “Is that in North Dakota?”

Woman: “Yep.”

Seller: “Oh…” *In a joking tone.* “Is that the place where all the Fords come from?”

I wish him the best of luck on his journey as a salesman.

I work on repairs and maintenance at a busy resort hotel. I regularly have to polish scratches out of elevator walls while they are actively in use. Every time I did this, I embraced my impromptu role as an elevator boy with remarks such as:

Me: “You know, you’ll be… floored with the results when we’re done.”

Me: “This job does have its… ups and downs.”

Me: “Oh, I’m definitely… moving up in my career. Taking things to the next level!”

Me: “Sorry, am I… pushing your buttons a bit with all these jokes?”

Me: “I’m your onboard entertainment for today! The guy doing live paint drying performances was unfortunately busy.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was mainly the dads who laughed at my jokes. The wives and kids more often groaned, rolled their eyes, and hid smiles. I felt very validated by that.

Some friends and I are at a pub. One of them is talking about a job she just left.

Friend #1: “I couldn’t stay at that job any longer. I’m too gullible, and the boss kept gaslighting me! It wasn’t a healthy combination.”

Friend #2: “Actually, it’s pronounced jas-lighting. You’ve been saying it wrong this whole time.”

Friend #1: “Oh my god! Really?!”

Friend #2: “Uh… no. That was a joke.”

[Friend #1] thinks about it for three seconds and then finally gets it.

Friend #1: “Oh my god! That was terrible.”

Friend #2: “Sorry.”

Friend #1: “I’m not sure if that was more gaslighting or mansplaining.”

Friend #2: “Actually, it’s called man-explaining.”

Friend #1: “Shut up!”

The family has taken a trip to the zoo. My husband is showing our kids one of the tigers while I deal with the fussy baby.

Husband: “Look, kids! It’s a Tiger!”

Kids: “Woooow!”

They’re marvelling at the Tiger, majestic even though he’s sleeping.

Husband: “I think that’s a Himalayan Tiger.”

Youngest Kid: “How can you tell?”

Husband: “Because him-a-layin right there.”

Youngest Kid: “Dad… don’t ruin Tigers.”

Customer: “What’s Final Destination: Bloodlines?”

Me: “It’s a horror movie. It’s the sixth in the series, but you don’t have to have seen any of the others to understand what’s going on.”

Customer: “Wait, so they have a film series called Final Destination, and this is the sixth one? Doesn’t sound very final.”

The customer laughs like he just made the best joke ever. I don’t know what to say, but the customer’s friend comes to the rescue.

Customer’s Friend: “Aren’t you currently playing a game called Final Fantasy 16?!”

The customer stopped smiling and got tickets to the eighth ‘Mission: Impossible’ movie.