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He’s About To Get A Chile Reception

, , , , , , , | Legal | December 12, 2018

This story happened to my sister. We are from Chile, but she was traveling in Europe when this happened. She got onto a train in Prague and a random guy got into the compartment where she was, and started to talk very fast in English. He told her that he had to go to the next city because of an emergency and that he would have to leave his wife alone without a penny. They only had one credit card he would need for the trip, so he needed cash. He promised my sister that if she gave something, he would return it when they arrive at the next station.

My sister realised that this was a scam from the first moment, but she was afraid that he could do something to her, as she was traveling alone. In that moment she remembered that she had some Chilean money, so she took her wallet and timidly said, “I only have Chilean money on me right now; I would love to help you, so here you go,” and she handed him 1000 Chilean pesos — a little more than a US dollar.

When the guy saw the 1000, he got the biggest smile of victory and hurried down the train never to be seen again.

To this day we laugh at the guy, thinking about his face the day he went to the money exchange and they give him just a Euro.

Dressing Up The Vulgarity

, , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I work in a quite expensive clothing store. Today an American couple comes in. The lady chooses a bunch of expensive dresses she would like to try on. Most of them are not the best choice for her figure. She chooses dresses that look good only on someone who is model-like flat. The lady is very unhappy about how the dresses look on her, but refuses any options we present to her, which would look really gorgeous on her. Because the dresses she tries on and refuses are starting to pile up, I ask my coworker to take them away and put them on the racks again. The whole time, she is really rude, calling us names and accusing us of giving her wrong sizes. The man with her calls us nothing but “third worlders.”)

Woman: “Where are you taking them?”

Me: “Just back to the boutique. I thought you didn’t like any of them. I am sorry if I was mistaken. Do you want to keep any of them?”

Woman: “No, I don’t like any of those skinny-a** b****y-as-you dresses!”

Me: “All right, is it then okay to take them back?”

Woman: “NO! I tried them on, you stupid b****; you cannot put them back!”

Me: “I am sorry?”

(I am taken aback, as I did not expect this and I am not used to people swearing on me.)

Woman: “Can’t you speak English? That’s the only good language! Don’t speak that bulls*** of yours!”

(We have not been speaking in Czech because customers are sometimes unhappy about us speaking anything they cannot understand.)

Me: “I apologise, madam, but since you do not plan on buying any of those, what would you like me to do with them? There might be some other customer that would like them and—”

Woman: *interrupts me* “C***, I tried them, b****. No one else can try them now, b****! They can’t wear them; I did!” *spews a bunch of vulgar words*

Me: “I am deeply sorry, madam, but if you are not going to buy them, anyone else can. We cannot just dispose of these dresses just because someone tried them on and did not like them.”

Woman: “I am not buying anything here! You are just a useless little c***!”

Man: “These f****** third-worlders are for nothing! We are leaving your s***-covered store!”

(They left. Up to this day, I have never had a customer like this. They can be snotty and think they are better than us. But no one has ever been so vulgar to me.)

This story is part of the Swearing roundup!

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Read the Swearing roundup!

Don’t Lecture Him About His Forgetfulness

, , , | Romantic | October 3, 2018

(My husband and I just had an adventure that was 35 years in making. He is smart, but scatter-brained, and often forgets things overnight. Before he had a smartphone and me to keep schedules, things were tough for him. When he was in grammar school, his class was scheduled for a field trip to an astronomical observatory. My husband, an astronomy geek, was looking forward to it, but he forgot and went to normal lessons, while the rest of class was already on the train. Well, at least everyone had a good laugh about it. Then he went to high school… and the scenario repeated itself to the last detail. So, thirty years later we decide to treat ourselves and go on a trip, ending at the observatory. My husband is ecstatic, despite a bout of migraine, and keeps repeating that he finally is going to see the lecture. So, we buy the tickets, sit in the lecture hall, the chair rests lower themselves, lights go dim… and my husband falls asleep, waking up after the lecture, rested and refreshed, but none the wiser about the lecture.)

Husband: “Why didn’t you wake me?”

Me: “I tried. But honestly, you clearly needed a nap.”

Husband: “Well, I am clearly cursed. God doesn’t want me to see the lecture.”


Husband: “What was it about? C’mon, people will ask me and I will look like idiot! Again!”

Working Overtime On This Relationship

, , , , | Romantic | July 31, 2018

(Our company offices are located in a small town near the city where I live. Because of a business meeting with our Korean partners, I get stuck at work way overtime. My boyfriend of four years borrows my car that day, so I call him to pick me up.)

Boyfriend: *obviously just woke up* “Um, hello?”

Me: “Sorry to wake you up. Can you please pick me up at work? We just finished.”

Boyfriend: “Ugh, what time is it?

Me: “It’s 11 pm. The last bus left twenty minutes ago.”

Boyfriend: “Why not take a car? You have a car.”

Me: “You borrowed my car, remember? You promised to pick me up when we finish.”

Boyfriend: “Take a taxi. I’m in bed.”

Me: “It’s Friday night, and there is a music festival nearby. My boss already tried to call a taxi, but everyone is busy.”

Boyfriend: “Then walk. And can you sleep on a couch tonight? I don’t want you to wake me up again when you get home. You know I need sleep more than you. “

Me: “You want me to walk eight miles through the forest and fields at night? What—” *click*

(He hangs up on me. I stare at the phone, then try taxis again without any luck. I call my brother.)

Brother: “Hey, sis, what’s up?”

Me: “Hey, are you home?”

Brother: “Not yet. My train was delayed so I’m still on my way, but in five minutes I should be in the city. What’s wrong?”

Me: “Can you please pick me up at work? I had overtime, the last bus to [Town] already left, taxis are fully booked because of the festival, and our parents are at [Uncle]’s party. Mum’s car should be at home because they took a bus.”

Brother: “No problem, but it will take me around an hour to get to your office if I’m lucky and catch a night bus from the station to home. What happened to your car?”

Me: “It’s in front of my house. [Boyfriend] borrowed it because he had a day off, and now he is asleep and doesn’t want to pick me up.”

Brother: *pause* “I’m not going to comment on it, but you know what I’m thinking right now. See you in an hour.”

(Later, when I repeated my call with my boyfriend to my brother, he was so furious he even forgot he hates driving and offered to help me to pack my boyfriend’s stuff. I got home around 12:30 am and really slept on the couch, because otherwise I would have just suffocated him with a pillow. I told him to pack his stuff couple weeks later when he left me sitting on the floor with a possibly broken arm and went back to play his PC game.)

You’re Locked From The Solution

, , , | Right | June 13, 2018

(I work tech support. After standard verification, we ask for the issue.)

User: “I need to unlock my computer.”

Me: “Okay, just give me a minute; this should be a really easy fix.”

(I look at usual tools for unlocks, because that usually means that user’s account is locked.)

Me: “That is strange; I cannot see anything locked there. What is the application you are trying to access?”

User: “It is not an application; my computer is locked.”

Me: “Do you mean that your computer is physically locked?”

User: “Yes.”

Me: “Like in a box with a lock on it?”

User: “Yes, exactly.”

Me: “Did you set some code for it? I would guess it would be something like year of your birth, or something like that.”

User: “No, they gave me that with a code.”

Me: “Give me a moment. I will look for a locksmith in your area.”

(My colleague suggested that user should request blowtorch or sledgehammer.)