The Chaos Chorus

, , , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2020

(I’m a volunteer at a museum. The volunteers and staff carry radios so we can coordinate. We have different channels for different groups so, for example, the tour guides can coordinate tours without bothering the rest of the staff. Our radios are also always simultaneously tuned to a second channel called “general,” which is only used for announcements. The museum is closed for today while we change exhibits. Notably, a site safety staff member is also testing out the PA loudspeakers.)

Site Safety: *on general* “Heads up, loud noise coming.”

Site Safety: *on PA* “THIS IS AN AUDIO TEST OF THE— GOOD LORD, THAT’S LOUD. HOW DO I LOWER THE VOLUME?”

Site Safety: *on general* “Sorry, folks… That’s a bit louder than expected. We’re gonna look into that.”

(A few minutes pass:)

Unknown #1: *on general* “Szz fn mph… fllf.”

Supervisor: “Ah, darn it, someone’s leaning on their transmit.”

(Someone’s accidentally transmitting on general without realizing it, usually caused by leaning up against a wall and hitting the PTT button.)

Supervisor: “Hot mic on general.”

Unknown #1: “Fzz whll… mm.”

Supervisor: “Hot mic on general!”

Unknown #1: “Hll?”

Unknown #2: “Hot! Mic! On! General!”

Unknown #1: “Snzzz whrr…”

Unknown #3: “HOT MIC ON G**D*** GENERAL.”

Supervisor: “Hey, keep it professional on the radios!”

Unknown #1: “Shvvv br.”

(Pretty soon, a chorus of voices pop up, all calling in, “Hot mic on general.” Then, suddenly:)

Site Safety: *on PA* “HOT MIC ON GEN– OH, S***, WRONG BUTTON, THAT’S THE PA. SORRY, FOLKS.”

(Long pause:)

Unknown #3: “Uh… hot mic on g**d*** PA.”

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Unfiltered Story #186870

, , | Unfiltered | February 13, 2020

(I work as a volunteer at a natural history museum in Oklahoma. I’ve been working there for 5 years. On the day this particular incident happened I was manning the discovery cart in the museum’s fossil hall. The discovery cart allows visitors to touch and even hold some fossil casts and also some real fossils. Usually, I tell visitors the most up-to-date things on dinosaurs. However, as I found out, even the famous T.rex can be unknown to certain people.)

Me: *notices group of senior citizens* Good morning. How’s your visit been?

Senior Male: Great! *points to cast of a T.rex tooth* What’s that?

Me: This *picks up T.rex tooth* is a T.rex tooth. It was the primary tool T.rex used to hunt and kill his prey.

Senior Female: T.rex? What’s that? Is that a type of dinosaur?

Me: *visibly mortified* Yes. T.rex was a type of meat-eating dinosaur that lived in North America 68 to 65 million years ago.

Senior Male: *notices my discomfort* Thank you, we’ll be moving on.

Me: No problem. Have a nice day.

(On my break, I went into the volunteer office and assumed a fetal position while rocking back and forth in front of one of the walls. Luckily, I snapped out of it and was able to continue volunteering that day.)

Realization In Horrific Harmony

, , , , , | Learning | February 6, 2020

(Our Boy Scout troop is visiting a museum. One of the boys is diagnosed with ADHD, but his parents don’t like him being on medication and regularly have him go without it. As a result, he can be a handful to deal with at times. At the end of the trip, we’re all in the gift shop when a friend and I notice the boy with ADHD grabbing a harmonica from one of the racks and walking with it over to the cash register. Realizing what will happen later, we both exchange horrified looks and immediately turn to one of the assistant scoutmasters who drove up in his own car.)

Me: “Say, is it okay if we ride back with you?”

Assistant Scoutmaster: *confused* “Umm… okay, I guess?”

(So, while the rest of the troop loads up in the van to head back, we get in the car with the assistant scoutmaster. Halfway back, we stop off at a gas station. My friend’s mother, who came along with for the trip and has been riding in the van, gets out with a very annoyed look on her face.)

Me: “Let me guess. [Boy With ADHD] was playing the harmonica the entire time?”

Friend’s Mother: *through clenched teeth* “Non… stop.”

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Unfiltered Story #186470

, , | Unfiltered | February 6, 2020

(I work at a small museum that has a few dinosaur skeletons)

Woman: Exuse me, where are your dinosaurs?

Me: Our skeleton display is down the hall, second room to the left.

Woman: No, I don’t want to see skeletons. I want to see the living ones.

Me: (trying not to laugh) Dinosours are extinct. It’s impossible to see a living one, but you can see the skeleton display we have.

Woman: (suddenly becoming angry) I PAID GOOD MONEY TO SEE SOME DA*M DINOSOURS AND I WILL SEE THEM!! NOW TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE OR I WILL GET YOU FIRED!

(I tried to explain that Dinosours are extinct again but she just got even angrier)

Woman: YOU STUPID B*TCH!

(She then slapped me. It didn’t hurt because it wasn’t very hard, but if someone gets violent with us we’re required to call security. While I was radioing security she kept screaming about getting me fired)

Slack Jaw About The Jackdaw

, , | Right | January 31, 2020

(I work as a summer guide in an old museum church. The wooden church has no electricity and it’s pretty much in the same condition as it would have been 100 or 200 years ago. A lot of jackdaws live on the roof and in the bell tower and they get pretty loud sometimes. A group of customers is leaving and they stand on the stairs outside while I stay inside behind the counter. We have this conversation through the open door:)

Customer #1: “Are those jackdaws?”

Me: “What? Oh, the noise. Yes, they are jackdaws.”

Customer #1: “Some kind of tape.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: “A tape.”

(I begin to wonder if there is tape left by the gardeners in the churchyard, though I don’t remember seeing any when I arrived to work.)

Me: “Umm… What?”

Customer #1: “There’s some kind of tape.”

Me: “…?”

(Finally, her friend joins the conversation:)

Customer #2: “No, they are real birds.”

(Apparently, the customer thought we have a recording that starts playing jackdaw noises when someone walks the stairs.)

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