A Tour Of The Mind Of An Angry Customer

, , , , , , | Right | April 7, 2020

(A customer is upset because her child isn’t able to participate in a program because of an age restriction. She is mad and feels that she was given incorrect information, and she is yelling at me about it as I try to figure out the situation.)

Me: “Okay, we can go ahead and issue a refund since it sounds like there was some confusion when you purchased your tickets.”

Customer: *yelling* “And I suppose it will take several days for the refund to go through? How long will it be until I get my money?”

Me: “It can take three to five business days for the refund to process.”

Customer: *still yelling* “So, they can’t go on the tour and now I can’t get my money for three to five days. So, I’m just out that money for the next three days?!”

Me: *in my head* “Weren’t you going to be out that money forever if they went on the tour?”

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You Can National Trust There To Be Some Good Stories

, , , , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I volunteer under the National Trust at a property where visitors to the house are given tokens to give to us at the door as proof of payment. These tokens are about the same size and shape as a 10p coin.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Property]! Do you have your tokens for me today?”

Visitor: “Oh… yes… Hang on, they’re in this pocket… Here.”

(He holds out a token and a 10p coin. I joke with him, as I do every time this happens:)

Me: *laughing* “Ah, is this my tip?!”

(Immediately, the man pulls back his hand in horror and stares at me.)

Visitor: “We have to tip the volunteers? But… I didn’t tip the one at the gate? Was that rude? Should I go back? [Daughter], why don’t you run back and give the man on the gate—”

Me: “No, sir, no, I didn’t– Just the other token, please. It’s just a joke I do; a lot of people mistake change for the tokens.”

Visitor: “Oh, thank God! That really scared me! Don’t scare people like that! Why would you say that? You’ll get complaints!”

(I have done it since and no one else has had a reaction like that… or complained! Other stories I love:)

Tiny Little Girl #1: “Are there any ghosts here?”

Me: “Apparently a couple, but wouldn’t you be scared of them?”

Tiny Little Girl #2: “No! We’re ghost hunting!”

Me: “Ah, well, there are some in the study–“

Tiny Little Girl #2: “WHERE IS THE STUDY?”

Tiny Little Girl #1: “Has anyone died here?”

(Also: a drunk man drains his entire mini bottle of Prosecco in the entrance hall.)

Drunk Man: “Where can I put this?”

(And finally:)

Man: “This place really needs some newer furniture.”

Me: “This house was built in the eighteenth century.”

Man: “Exactly!”

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A History Of Violence

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2020

Working in a small military museum in London, I’m used to hearing a lot of stupid questions from tourists, but the crowning glory had to be from one little old American lady who asked me, “Does your museum have anything violent in it?”. She was clearly missing the point that members of the military, throughout their history, do tend to engage in a fair amount of violence!

Don’t quite know what she expected to find in a regimental museum of a British Army regiment that’s been fighting since the 1600s!

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Jumping Through Life Ten Centimeters At A Time

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(I’m at an Olympic Museum in Germany, as a tourist. The museum encourages people to try out a lot of things. I spot a girl, three to four years old, ready to try the long jump — an event where you run toward the white line and jump as far as you can. I don’t speak German, but this was very easy to understand.)

Little Girl: “Four, three, two, one… Get ready, set… Go!”

(She ran as fast as her little legs could, showing concentration. She reached the white line and… stopped. She gathered her strength and jumped as far as she could! It was about ten centimeters. The girl threw her hands into the air and started cheering. I couldn’t help but applaud the little girl.)

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When You Don’t Suffer Fools, You Attack Them

, , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I work in a museum, and one of my colleagues told me this story. He’s known for being a kindly man with an impeccable work ethic. He is, however, not known to suffer fools gladly. A woman is about to change her baby’s nappy — diaper — right in the middle of an exhibition area, on the floor.)

Colleague: “Excuse me, madam, we have a baby care room nearby. Let me show you where it is.”

(The woman stares crossly but lets my colleague guide her to the baby care room without saying a single word. After a while, she exits the facilities with the dirty nappy in her hand. She dumps it in a dustbin in the exhibition space. The whole room starts to reek instantly. She hurries away.)

Colleague: *calling after her* “What kind of pigsty did you escape from, madam?!”

(On another occasion, a visitor is trying to figure out how our BCI — brain computer interface, a technology that allows you to control software with your brain waves — exhibit works without our assistance, which he clearly needs because he has no clue what he’s doing. He shoves the two large signs that block the access to the computer aside. The signs inform our visitors that they have to book an appointment if they want to try the BCI because the whole process is lengthy and not all employees know how to operate it. He puts on one of the BCI caps and is rummaging around, trying to find the rest of the equipment. The caps look like bathing caps with lots of colourful plastic bits on them and look kind of funny. My colleague approaches him.)

Colleague: “Well, somebody clearly didn’t read the signs.” *points toward the signs, laughing*

Visitor: *gets startled, scurries away with cap and all, looking hilarious*

Colleague: “Hey! Punch! Get back here with that cap!” *still laughing*

Visitor: *returns with the cap, fuming* “Did you just call me ‘Punch’? This is outrageous! I will not be treated in this disrespectful way!” *throws the cap at my colleague*

Colleague: “Then don’t make a joke of yourself, sir.”

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