Throw You For A Group

, , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I man the front reception desk of a medium-sized local museum, take bookings, greet visitors, man the gift shop, and so on. I’m in my late 20s, but I look younger, and I’m a lipstick-wearing girly-girl at work. On one quiet day, an elderly man walks in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to come here with a large group next Wednesday. We’ll be twenty or thirty people, so we want the group discount. We want to see [Exhibition] and we want [Male Colleague #1] or [Male Colleague #2] to show us.”

Me: “We’ll be very happy to welcome you! However, I’m sorry, sir, we do not give group discounts. Also, I can not guarantee which guide you will be given, as I don’t know who will be here on that day. Most likely, I will be your guide.”

Customer: “What? But I got a group discount last time! I only want to pay half price!”

Me: “I am sorry, but as I said, we do not give group discounts. When was the last time you were here?”

Customer: “Fifteen years ago! And they said I could have a group discount then!”

Me: “Well, we have new owners now, and no group discount.”

Customer: “This is an outrage! I’ve never been so offended in my life! I want to talk to the person responsible for bookings!”

Me: “That would be me.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want to talk to the person who is responsible for bookings!”

Me: “Sir, that is me. I am responsible for the bookings.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Do you mean my director? She is not here today, but you can call her.”

Customer: “I’ll make sure you never get to work here again! And you will not be guiding us, I want [Male Colleague #1] or [Male Colleague #2]!”

Me: “Would you not rather prefer [Female Colleague], who actually designed the exhibition?”

Customer: “You are so rude! I want to talk to the person in charge of this!”

Me: “As I said, sir, that is me. I am in charge of this. I am in charge of bookings. I am in charge of entrance prices. If you ask my director, that is what she will say, too. If you wish to bring your party somewhere else, you are of course free to do so. We will be happy to receive you, but at the standard price and with the available guide.”

Customer: “Well… why didn’t you just say that?! And you can’t expect people to take you seriously, not when you’re wearing that lipstick!”

(In the end, he came back with a party of thirteen. They paid the full price, I showed them the exhibition, and they were all really happy with their day out. One of the ladies even complimented me on my lipstick!)

Total Eclipse Of The Brain

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(I work at a science museum, and we have nearly 5,000 people come through the doors for the eclipse on August 21, 2017. We are vastly underprepared for this many people, and have provided 800 pairs of free eclipse glasses which sell out in fifteen minutes. A lot of guests are upset and take this out on the staff:)

Coworker: *working at the front gate* “We’re very sorry, but we do need to let everyone know that we have unfortunately run out of eclipse glasses—“

Guest #1: “This is unbelievable! You’re telling me I f****** stood in line for almost an hour and there are no more glasses? You’re a f****** piece of s***!”

Coworker: “I know it’s inconvenient and I do apologize, but if you head on in, there are plenty of staff who will be more than happy to share eclipse glasses and pinhole projectors—“

(The guest swears profusely at my coworker for several more minutes, then storms away, but not before grabbing the stanchions and flinging them angrily to the ground, just like an angry child.)

Next Guest In Line: “Wow, dude, way to act like an adult.”

Guest #2: *angrily* “Why didn’t you have enough glasses?! Doesn’t [Museum] care that all these people are going to go blind from looking at the eclipse without them?”

Me: *thinking* “Yes, because we are physically forcing you to stare directly at the sun.”

Guest #3: *while standing outside, in the sun, in the courtyard with 4000 other people* “Excuse me. Where can I go to see the eclipse?”

Me: “Um… anywhere you can see the sun, ma’am.”

(I personally answered this question about six times in two hours; my coworkers all reported the same.)

That Poor Boyfriend

, , , , , | Romantic | March 29, 2019

(My museum is hosting an event with representatives from several organizations given tables to talk with guests about their services. My male, married coworker is assigned to help one of the tables and is talking to a young lady running her organization’s activities.)

Coworker: “All right, looks like everything is ready. If you need anything else, let me know.”

Lady: “I have a boyfriend.”

Coworker: “Good for you? Let me know if you need… water or something.”

Meet The Obvious Family

, , | Right | March 21, 2019

(I work in a museum selling admission tickets. A man on his own approaches my desk to pay for his ticket.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Museum]!”

Customer: *silent*

(Usually customers will tell us straight away how many tickets they need and which price bracket everyone in the group comes under, but this guy is determined not to speak so I prompt him.)

Me: “How many tickets would you like today?”

Customer: *rolling his eyes* “A family pass, of course. I’m OBVIOUSLY not here alone, am I?! My wife and children are just in the bathroom.”

(Once again, he was completely on his own at the admission desk. I guess he thought I had X-ray vision and could see through solid walls to see who was accompanying him?)

 Related:
Meet The Camouflage Family
Meet The Theoretical Family
Meet The Blunt Family

Not Watching The Projectiles Is Actually Even Less Safe

, , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(I work in an open-air museum. During the summer, we always have a visit from a British living history society, who bring reconstructions of Roman artillery pieces with them, which they actually use for demonstrations. However, most people don’t seem to understand how dangerous these things can be if used incorrectly. Every day, when doing such a demonstration, we have to get all visitors to the safe side of the field where the demonstration is being held. And every day, we have the same discussion with at least one person:)

Me: “Would you all go to the far side of the field, please? Just for your own safety!”

Visitor: “Oh, I’m not going to watch the demonstration.”

Me: “You don’t need to watch it. You just have to get out of this area, because otherwise you might get killed by a projectile.”

(Not to mention all the indignant faces people make when you tell them to get out of the danger zone.)

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