The Race Card Is Two-Sided

, , , , , , | Working | July 17, 2018

(As the administrative assistant, I hear a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that usually just makes me roll my eyes. We have a new hire that really isn’t pulling their weight, but they are still new, so most of us are hopeful. I end up overhearing this gem between the new hire and a worker who’s been here a while.)

Worker: “I don’t know… There’s just something about you that I don’t like.”

New Hire: *indignantly* “It’s because I’m black, ain’t it?”

Worker: “THAT’S WHAT IT IS!” *snaps fingers* “You’re racist!”

New Hire: *agape* “Why would you say that? How am I the racist?”

Worker: “I said there was ‘something’ about you… and you immediately jumped to race. I never said anything about your color. That’s racism. Honestly, as long as you pull your weight, I don’t give a f*** what color you are.”

(I did not hear the rest of the conversation… Probably a good thing.)

Not The Number One Solution

, , , , | Related | July 6, 2018

(With another family visiting us, we bring the children to a local water supply museum. Among other things, the guide tells us that it is the only water supply station in Europe that gets water from underground to collectors by vacuum pumps, which work similarly to sucking water through straw. He suggests we try that out ourselves later. So, back at home, we give each child one full and one empty cup and tell them to get all water from first cup to second through a straw. Some manage it sooner, some later, but one boy manages to just drink all his water.)

Boy: “Would it count if I now peed into the second cup?”

His Mom: “I don’t think the townspeople would care much for your solution.”

A Tornado Of Confusion

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(There is a tornado warning at the museum where I work.)

Me: “Your attention, please! There is a tornado warning for this area. Repeat: a tornado has been spotted in the area. Please come inside the building for your safety.”

Guest #1: “Do you think I can make it to the mansion before then?”

Me: “Sir, tornadoes are unpredictable. I advise you come inside the building immediately.”

Guest #1: “Well, is it open?”

Guest #2: “Can I bring my lunch?”

Me: “Yes, we’d just like you to come inside for your safety for the time being.”

Guest #3: “Where is the tornado?”

Me: “I don’t know. Please come inside the building, as one has been sighted in the area.”

Guest #4: “Can I go in there?” *points to the restaurant*

Me: “Sir, that’s a glass building. It’s not safe in case of a tornado.”

(After the warning lapses and I’ve gotten as many people inside safely as I could, it is then my job to go around telling people it is safe to leave, and also to enforce the food and drink rules. At this point, my voice is hoarse, and people have convinced me they have all the wrong priorities. Then, this conversation ensues:)

Me: “Hi, miss. The tornado warning is now over. Would you please leave your food and drink at the front desk?”

Guest #5: “NO! No, I paid eight dollars for this sandwich, and I’m keeping it with me! After I was herded in here?! NO, I won’t leave it at the desk. It’s my sandwich and I’m taking it with me!”

Me: “That was me, and I asked you to come in because there was a tornado in the area. It was for your safety. The warning is over, and now we have to protect the collection, but you’ll get it back when you leave.”

Guest #5: “Well, I’m not leaving it! So, if you tell me to leave it, I’m going to go!”

Me: “Okay.”

(The lady was only about ten feet from the desk. She stomped off, sandwich in hand.)

Maybe There Is A Reason She Stopped Saving You A Copy

, , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(Four times a year we get a free magazine that covers what is on over the whole of North Wales. We do not publish it; we simply get delivered a dozen copies to give out.)

Customer: “I’ve come to get [Free Magazine].”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but we haven’t had this seasons copy’s delivered yet.”

Customer: “I’ve come to get [Free Magazine].”

Me: “I’m sorry. But we don’t have them yet. They should be delivered in a couple of weeks.”

Customer: “But the girl always saves one for me.”

Me: “We haven’t had them delivered yet. Do you know the name of the person that saves one for you? When they arrive, I can remind her.”

Customer: “Lindsey. I want [Free Magazine]; the girl saves it for me.”

Me: “We don’t have a Lindsey who works here. Do you remember what she looks like?”

Customer: “Short grey hair. She always saves me a copy. Who are you, anyway? I come here all the time, and I’ve never seen you!

Me: “I’ve been here seven years. You used to come to the craft group we ran. I really am sorry, but I do not have a copy to give you. Sometimes the local supermarkets get the magazine in before we do. They are still free, so you could try there.”

Customer: “I’m not walking all the way there. THE GIRL ALWAYS SAVES ME A COPY!”

(This conversation goes around in circles for about 15 minutes before she storms out of the building saying the one thing that will get to anyone who works in customer service…)

Customer: “You know, you could try smiling!”


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Today Is All Sixes And Sevens

, , , , | Related | June 14, 2018

(It is my daughter’s birthday and she asked for a trip to a particular museum this year. This one requires an entrance fee. Children six and under are free. It’s a long shot, but I try to distract my precocious and overly friendly child while her father manages the tickets.)

Daughter: *to cashier* “It’s my birthday!”

Cashier: “Today? Well, then, happy birthday! How old are you?”

(My husband and I exchange glances. We know what is coming.)

Daughter: “I’m SEVEN!”

(My husband pulls out his wallet to pay.)

Husband: “Two adults… and one child, please.”

Me: “We should have come yesterday.”

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