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An Unnatural Use For Natural History

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2022

I’m working at a natural history museum. I see a little child running toward a model of one of our dinosaurs. They are eagerly admiring it and I can’t help telling them a few fun facts. Suddenly, their mother runs over and pulls them aside.

Mother: “No! Remember, I told you, no dinosaurs!”

The mother then narrows her eyes at me.

Mother: “And you! You should be ashamed of yourself, poisoning young minds into thinking dinosaurs were real!”

Me: “But ma’am, they were.”

Mother: “No! Dinosaur bones were put into the ground by the devil to confuse people and make them believe in evolution.”

Me: “I… Ma’am, if you believe that, then why are you at a natural history museum?”

Mother: “I wanted my child to see the volcano exhibit.”

Me: “Oh, that’s great. Just up these stairs.”

Mother: “Come with me, [Child]. You need to see what Hell will look and feel like in case you start straying again.”

Zero Respect At Ground Zero

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2022

I wanted to give my fiance, who had never been in NYC before a quick tour of Manhattan before we finished packing up my home and moving halfway across the country.

One of the places we wanted to go to was the 9/11 Memorial. I passed it daily on my way to and from work, and had never gone. Having vivid memories of that day, and knowing people who had been killed in the Towers, it was a somber self-guided tour. There is a room that has small plaques of each victim that light up and a short announcement made of the person’s name, where they were from. There had been eight people from my tiny hometown village killed, including one of our councilmen. I wept, not just there, but in several other areas.

My emotions were raw, and flashbacks to that day were hitting. We entered a large room where there were mangled fire trucks, police cars, rescue vehicles, etc. Most had scorch marks, interiors grey with ash, etc. They were all behind rope barriers, with multi-language signs saying ‘Do Not Touch.’

Ahead of us was a tall man with a small six-or-seven-year-old child, appearing to be father and son. The child scampered off ahead of the father, ducked under one of the ropes surrounding a mangled police car – a door was missing, the front hood caved in, and the trunk popped open. The child climbed right onto the car, and started playing on it like it was a playground jungle gym.

The father not only didn’t say anything, but encouraged his son, and started taking photos. They were talking and laughing with each other in some European-sounding language. I wanted to smack the father, but my fiance dragged me out of there and found a security guard to go extract them out of that room (hopefully out of the Museum altogether).

I was appalled at the disrespect shown to the memories of the 2736 people killed at that very spot.

Jesus And The Paparazzi

, , , , , , , | Right | May 5, 2022

I am a tourist at an art museum in Rome. I am admiring paintings that are hundreds of years old and most containing Christian themes. As I go around the room and look at the paintings, I notice a woman behind me, huffing and tutting, camera in hand.

I notice that she is trying to take pictures of all the paintings containing Jesus, and as I admire the paintings slowly, I keep getting in her way. This keeps happening, and eventually, a security guard notices.

Guard: “Madam, no photos allowed.”

Tourist: *Scowling at me* “I wouldn’t have been so obvious if he hadn’t been hogging all the Jesus!”

There’s A Lot To Unpack Here…

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2022

I work in a natural history museum. An elderly woman (maskless) is berating a coworker, so I get closer to see why.

Old Lady: “Why do you sell bugs in candy?”

Coworker: “We have a vending machine that has scorpion pops, chocolate crickets, and other candied insects because they’re good for the environment and tasty.”

Old Lady: “But don’t you know that the Jews are making people eat bugs to turn the world flat?”

Me: “…”

A Member Of The Entitlement Club

, , , , , , | Right | April 14, 2022

When working at a museum, you get to deal with members who think that paying anywhere from $90 to $140 a year entitles them to the LITERAL WORLD. Having a museum membership is not like being a member at a yacht club; it’s more like being a member at a Costco. You get a lot of superficial complaints that are easily solved. I especially love it when an annoying member winds up correcting their own problem. 

It’s a busy Sunday afternoon. A member comes to me with a complaint.

Member: “Your website does not state that members need a timed-entry ticket for the travelling exhibit.”

Me: “Yes, sir, it does. I’m sorry for the confusion. Let’s get you entry for right now.”

Member: *Raising his voice* “This is ridiculous! Your homepage states members don’t need timed entry!”

Me: “I apologize, sir, but timed entry will be permanent for all traveling exhibits going forward. I’ll get you a ticket so you can begin your visit.”

Member: “This is no way to speak with a member. Pull up your website, right now!”

I pull up our homepage and turn the monitor. Nothing is listed to confirm what he says, so he orders me to click a bunch of random tabs. Eventually, we come to the part he is looking for, and he’s reading the rules thinking he’s “hot stuff”.

Member: “See, it says, ‘General admission tickets are no longer timed entry and are valid for the entire day of your visit. Special ticketed exhibitions still require a timed-entry ticket for all visitors and members.'”

He stops and just stares at me. I put the last nail in the coffin.

Me: “What time would you like the enter the exhibit, sir?”

To add insult to injury, he ran out of free member passes for the traveling exhibits. I got him in anyway just so he would leave me alone!