I work at a gift shop at a museum. A little boy with his grandma is deliberating between a toy lizard and a toy dragon.

Grandma: “Pick which one you want; you can only have one today.”

Boy: “But I want both!”

Grandma: “I know you do, sweetie. We can get another one next time. But just one for today, okay?”

Coworker: “They’re both really cool. But you have to make sure you pick one you really, really love. So, take a look at them and figure out which one you love the most.”

Grandma: “Which one do you love more? I think it might be the dragon.”

Boy: “I think it might be the dragon… and the lizard!”

Grandma: “No, just one.”

Boy: “I WANT TWO TOP PREDATORS!”

In the end, neither the boy nor his grandma would relent, so he ended up with zero top predators.

I am working near our “touch” tide pool. A mother is there with her children.

Mother: *To me* “Would it be okay for my kid to pop one of the hermit crabs out of its shell so he can take the shell home?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

Mother: “How disappointing.”

Me: “It would be even more disappointing for the crab!”

Our museum has an indoor tropical butterfly house, and one of my shift positions is to monitor the flow of visitors entering the house and make sure they understand the rules. After reciting my spiel about not touching butterflies and picking flowers, I ask if the guests have any questions. A guy raises his hand and loudly calls out:

Guest: “Is this where the whales are?”

Me: *At a loss* “In the butterfly house?”

Guest: “Yeah, there were whales in the fountain outside, so I figured the whales must be around here somewhere.”

Me: “Sir, do you mean the orca statues?”

Guest: “Yeah, sure. Just tell me where the whales are.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we aren’t properly equipped to house whales in our facility.”

Guest: “Then why do you have statues of them in the fountain?!”

Me: “I believe they are for decoration… like the dinosaur statues that are out there, as well.”

Guest: “Well, it’s deceptive, that’s what it is.”

He then stormed out with his family in tow, muttering about going to find somewhere in the city that did have whales.

I work at the information desk in a history museum. A flustered-looking guest approaches, dragging a gaggle of children with her.

Guest: “Excuse me. Where are the original Bibles?”

Me: “All our historical Bibles are in the east wing, ma’am.”

Guest: “No, I’ve been there, and they have all these books in Latin and stuff. I need the original Bibles.”

Me: “Well, those are the oldest Bibles we have. You’d have to go to other more famous museums for older manuscripts.”

Guest: “Yeah, but where is the first one written by Jesus?”

Me: “Written… by… Oh, dear.”

Guest: “I need to see the original Bible written in American by Jesus!”

I start looking around for the hidden camera because surely this can’t be real. Thankfully, a coworker jumps in.

Coworker: “Sorry, ma’am, we don’t have any copies of the original American Bibles. You’ll want to go to some of the museums in Salt Lake City for those.”

Guest: “Hmph! They shouldn’t be translating the Bible into all these foreign languages, anyway!”

With that, she trots off with her brood while I just stare at my coworker.

Me: “Oh, my God.”

Coworker: “At least once a month!”

I’m on vacation to Rome with my best friend from the USA. After a long visit to the Vatican Museums, it’s time to visit the gift shop. My friend wants a replica of the Keys of St. Peter’s, so I pick them up and try to pay in contactless form with my card, but the transaction is refused. I try to pay with my card by inserting it into the machine, but it’s still refused. At this point, the shop clerk pipes up.

Clerk: “Are you sure your card is enabled for abroad transactions?”

Me: “No, it’s not, but how’s that— Oh!”

And that’s how I managed to claim the Vatican was part of Italy in front of everyone! My friend had to pay for it herself, but she was gracious enough to accept the offer of a sandwich to make up for it.