It was 2014, and I had just lost my job. I was in the process of looking for a new one, but didn’t have much money saved to pay bills in the meantime, so I asked my father if I could borrow $1200 just to get me through to the next month, and I would pay him back as soon as I started working again.

He sent the money, I paid my bills, and got a new job shortly after. As soon as I had the money to pay him back, I used my bank’s online bill pay option to send him a check. I sent him a text and told him it was on the way, and just assumed that was the end of it.

Well, a week went by, and he hadn’t gotten it. I thought maybe it took a few days for the bank to actually process the bill pay option because I hadn’t used it before. I asked him to just wait a few more days and see if it came.

Several days later, it still hadn’t gotten there, so I called the bank and asked them, and they told me I could stop payment on it for free, so I did. Then I just wrote a personal check and mailed it. I just assumed something went wrong with the online bill pay.

About two months later, I got a check in the mail from a medical facility in the state my father lives in for $1200.

I called and asked them about it, and they told me, on a recorded line, that it was an overpayment on an account my father had with them, and it was a legitimate check and was mine to keep.

At that point, I didn’t associate it with the bill pay thing I had tried to do a couple of months before. I did call my father to ask about his accounts with this place because there was no reason they should have my address to send me an overpayment if he had actually made one. He had no idea what was going on because he hadn’t used that facility in a few years.

I looked up the place on Google, and finally it dawned on me what had happened.

My father’s address was on ‘Saddlewood Drive’ at that point in time. But when I typed it into Bill Pay, my phone autocorrected it to ‘Sandalwood,’ and it just happened to be the same numerical address, and because my father’s name was listed as the payee, they erroneously attempted to apply it to his account.

So that’s where my check had gone.

I tried to call them again and explain what happened, and the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me. She told me, “I’ve already talked to you about this. I don’t know why you’re calling again. We sent you what we owed you. This account is settled, and we will not be talking about it again.” Again, this is a recorded line. I asked if she was sure they owed me this money. She practically shouted, “YES!” And I just smiled and hung up the phone.

I deposited the check into my bank that day. They didn’t try to call me back until about six weeks later. I had been wondering how long it would take. The person who called me was a different lady, and she called to tell me that a mistake had been made and that I owed them $1200.

I told her she was misinformed and that she should go back and listen to the recorded calls that I had made to their office, and gave her the dates. I had been reassured multiple times that the money was mine and that I was in the clear to cash that check. And then I hung up.

I haven’t heard a single thing about it since then.

The phone rings on a busy afternoon, and I answer with my usual script.

Me: “Thank you for calling the clinic, this is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Patient: “Hi… I’m feeling really sick. Nauseous, super thirsty, and my breathing feels weird.”

Her symptoms are setting off alarm bells, so I pull up her chart while I keep her talking.

Me: “Okay, I’m going to take a look at your file. Do you have any medical conditions I should know about? Diabetes, anything like that?”

Patient: “Nope, none.”

That’s… not what I’m seeing on my screen.

Me: “Alright, I’m just looking here, and I see you were prescribed metformin recently. Can you tell me about that?”

Patient: “Oh yeah, I had diabetes. But I took the medicine already.”

I pause, waiting for the rest of that sentence. None comes.

Me: “You… had diabetes?”

Patient: “Yeah, the doctor gave me a month of metformin, so I took it. I felt better after, so I figured it fixed it.”

Me: “Just to clarify, are you still taking the metformin?”

Patient: “No, I finished it. They gave me like, a month.”

There’s a long pause while my brain reboots.

Me: “Diabetes isn’t like an infection. The medication manages it; it doesn’t cure it.”

Patient: “Wait… so you’re saying it didn’t go away?”

Me: “I’m saying it very much did not go away, and based on your symptoms, you need to go to the ER right now.”

Patient: “Oh. Wow. But when they gave me something for my strep throat, it went away, and so I stopped taking it.”

Me: “Diabetes is not strep throat.”

Patient: “So, how much longer do I need to take the medication?”

Me: “How about we get you into the ER first, and you can ask the doctor all those questions?”

Patient: “Ugh… fine.”

Related:
What A Diabeetus, Part 14
What A Diabeetus, Part 13
What A Diabeetus, Part 12
What A Diabeetus, Part 11
What A Diabeetus, Part 10

I work security at a hospital. On this day, I was posted in one of the lobbies when an older woman came storming in angrily.

Lady: “Give me my keys!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have your keys. What can I—”

Lady: “—Yes, you do! I gave them to you!”

Me: “I haven’t taken keys from anyone this morning. Please, let me try—”

Lady: “—Not today, Saturday! I was just released from Emergency!”

Me: “You came in on Saturday? What time did you—”

Lady: “—Six-thirty in the morning! I gave you my keys when I came in!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, this lobby was closed on Saturday, and I was in a different spot—”

Lady: “—I gave them to someone!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t help you if you won’t let me speak. The guys at the Emergency desks right now weren’t here Saturday, and I was at a different post. Valet is closed on the weekends.”

Lady: “Then who has my keys?!”

Me: “I don’t know who you gave your keys to. Have you asked the guards at the desks if they’re there?”

Lady: “They’re useless! I’m calling the police! My house and car keys were on there!”

Me: “Go for it. While you’re at it, explain to them that you gave your keys to a random person instead of asking Security to hold them or holding on to them yourself.”

She left to go back to Emergency to use the phone. About ten minutes later, I saw her get into a car and leave. I called one of the guards in Emergency, and he said they were in the Security safe in a bag labelled “found in triage on (date).” She should be glad that whatever random person she gave them to chose to turn them in instead of stealing her car and raiding her house.

I worked for a medical insurance company at their call center.

Caller: “I need an increase in my meds. I’m in such pain.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have an updated prescription from your doctor?”

Caller: “No, I’m in too much pain to go. I’ve taken more than was prescribed, so I need more.” 

I get calls like this a lot.

Me: “Well, since you’re in such pain and taking more than directed, I’ll be happy to call the doctor for you to get this straightened out.”

The key is to act very innocent and be quite ready make that call. They shut down very quickly. It’s the only way to get them off the phone. I went from an average of forty-minute calls with drug seekers to two minutes.

I work for Medicare and get all kinds of calls. Most calls are fine, but there are some instances where things go off the wall. From mental issues to entitled family members who think being married/children/parents of an individual on Medicare gives them access to the person’s record. (HIPAA says no, BTW).

Obviously, there are instances where things go so far off the wall that they break through the other wall and go right into ‘what is wrong with you’ territory. This is the most notable to me and was the first time I’ve had extreme racism thrown at me for no discernible reason.

I pick up the call and give the standard Medicare greeting, which includes asking for their name and Medicare number.

Caller: “Not giving you any of that, tell me why my claim was denied!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not able to do that without opening your file; to do so, I need to get either your Medicare number or SSN per HIPAA requirements.”

Caller: “Oh, heck no! You stupid [N-word]!”

I stopped paying attention at this point, not having expected someone to bring out THAT word at me, and it knocked me off kilter. Luckily, we have a script for that, and I brought that up, gave them the lone line I needed to warn them that their behavior was unacceptable, and ended the call right after.

As part of the process of ending the call like that, we also have to report the calls to a team that investigates them. It turned out that this caller had done similar things before and is now permanently banned from ever reaching a live agent any time they call Medicare from their phone number. They have to leave a message and have a senior agent call them back, who has full authority to hang up on them any time they decide to get uppity.

You have to REALLY mess up to get to this point, as the government agency Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services has to actively make the decision to blacklist you from reaching a live agent first contact.