Harry Potter Has A Sister

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2018

I was at the doctor’s office for my appointment, and I just got finished. When my Mom and I were up at the desk to schedule another appointment, the receptionist was on the phone. I don’t know how the conversation started, but the receptionist thought the person on the other end said “cellar.” After a few times, saying “cellar,” she realized that they said “SHOWER.”

So, she stated to the person, “Well, that probably explains why you were confused, when I said, ‘I hope you’re feeding her down there…'”

Paleo And Keto Diets Safe, As Depression And Anxiety Not Deemed Suitable Weight-Loss Alternatives

, , , , , | Healthy | November 8, 2018

(My doctor’s surgery does an annual check-up with the practice nurse for all patients with long-term conditions. I go to mine.)

Nurse: “You’ve lost 13 kg since we last saw you!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, depression and anxiety is an amazing diet.”

Nurse: “Your weight and BMI are well within the guidelines now.”

Me: “Oh, um, great.”

Nurse: “Do you want me to refer you to [Famous Weight Loss Club]?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “We have to ask everybody.”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “We do have to ask everybody.”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “I’ll take that as a no, shall I?”

Me: “…”

Nurse:Anyway, let’s check something else, shall we?”

Me: “Yes… let’s.”

Unfiltered Story #124841

, , , | Unfiltered | November 8, 2018

Our doctor’s office has three doctors, one of whom has just moved to this building from another clinic. The clinic used to be a bank, and has doors that open on to the street, but because there is a step and a bus stop directly in front, we have those doors locked and a sign indicating patients to use the back door, so that there is wheelchair access.
One of the patients from the doctor’s old clinic arrives for the first time at the new clinic and approaches the desk. She is rather upset.
I am sitting next to my co-worker, who is this doctor’s receptionist and I witness the following;
Patient: “Why is the front door locked? I tried and tried and I couldn’t get in! Why do you use the back door? That makes no sense!”
Receptionist: “I’m sorry you were confused, there is a sign there, and we need to use the back door to accommodate patients who can’t use stairs.”
Patient: *sighs and grumbles* “Winnipeg! Anything goes here!”
She gives her name, signs in and sits down. There is a sign asking people to please remove their footwear as the weather in Winnipeg is terrible and people wearing shoes inside makes everything a mess. This is not uncommon in Winnipeg, many clinics have places to leave your shoes. The patient sits for a few minutes, then sees the sign.
Patient: *suddenly screaming* “TAKE OFF MY SHOES?! NO ONE IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO TAKE MY SHOES OFF!! WHAT IS THIS, A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY?!?”
My co-worker and I are blown away and just sort of sit there, stunned.
Patient: “THAT’S IT! JUST CANCEL MY APPOINTMENT! I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN!!”
Receptionist: “Okaaaaayyy…”
The patient storms out and we cancel her appointment.
Several hours later, the phone rings.
Patient: “I MUST speak to Dr (name)!”
Receptionist: “I’m sorry, the doctor is in with patients right now and can’t take phone calls. Can I take a message?”
Patient: “I was in earlier and I left because it was so silly, why is the front door locked? I must speak to Dr. (name)!”
Receptionist: “The doctor doesn’t take phone calls from patients, ma’am. He can’t speak to you.”
Patient: “I NEED TO SPEAK TO HIM RIGHT NOW!”
Receptionist: ” You had your chance to speak with him when you had your appointment, but you chose to leave. You have been very rude. You can find yourself a new family doctor. Goodbye.”

New Mothers Express Confusion, As Doctors Follow The Same Old Tired Formula

, , , | Healthy | November 6, 2018

(I give birth to my son, and through some great support from my local breastfeeding support group, I’m able to successfully breastfeed him without supplementing with formula. When he is eight months old, I visit the paediatrician for a check-up.)

Doctor: “What formula does he have?”

Me: “He is breastfed.”

Doctor: “What milk does he have?”

Me: “Breast milk.”

Doctor: *sighing irritably* “WHAT FORMULA DOES HE HAVE?”

Me: *confused* “He doesn’t drink formula; he is breastfed.”

Doctor: “Okay, okay. What follow-on milk does he have?”

Me: “He doesn’t; he drinks breast-milk.”

Doctor: *glares at me as if I’m being difficult* “What… yogurt-y drinks does he have?”

Me: “HE… IS… EXCLUSIVELY… BREASTFED!”

(The doctor slammed the notes shut with irritation, and then blinked at me when he realised my son had been feeding this whole time!)

Suffering From A Secretarial Disease

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I’m the stupid one in this story. I’m having a difficult day at work, I’m tired, and my arm is hurting. I call the doctor’s office to schedule an appointment. After a few minutes on hold, where my brain apparently takes a hike, this conversation takes place.)

Secretary: “This is [Medical Clinic]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, this is [My name]. I… erm… You need my social security number, don’t you?”

Secretary: “That would help, yes.”

(I give my social security number.)

Secretary: “Okay, [My Name], how can we help you?”

Me: “Well, my elbow has been hurting a while. I think it’s minor, but it just won’t go away.”

Secretary: “Okay, how long has this been going on?”

Me: “One or two weeks. But I think before that, I hit my elbow, and it was sore to the touch for ages.”

Secretary: “Well, we—”

Me: “It seems to have the full range of motion, but…” *the secretary tries to cut in, but I keep rambling* “…I lose nearly all my strength when trying to lift something away from my body with my arm straight.”

Secretary: *finally gets a word in* “I’m sorry, but the first available time we have is in two weeks, on [date].”

Me: “Two weeks? There’s an epidemic going down?”

Secretary: *not laughing* “It is really busy right now.”

Me: “Oh… Right… Let me just check my calendar. Right, that’s doable… Wait… You said two weeks… That’s… I’ve got time off from work by then, so I am free all day.”

Secretary: “We… uhh… We still only have that single appointment time, nothing earlier in the day.”

Me: “Oh… Right, right. I… uh… I’ll take it.”

Secretary: “See you then.” *hangs up*

Me: “Did… I just try to have the secretary diagnose my arm over the phone?”

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