The Fats Fit The Facts

, , , | Healthy | January 19, 2019

(I am a larger woman, between a size 12-14. I have PCOS which means it can be very hard for me to lose weight. I also exercise four to six days a week (what can I say? I have an endorphin addiction) and eat fairly healthy. I’m just fat, and the weight doesn’t come off unless I absolutely starve myself. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t believe this, some of which are in the medical industry. Fortunately, my doctor is more than happy with my health. At the beginning of my annual physical, I notice she has gotten a new nurse. The new nurse enters the room, sees me, and stops dead in her tracks. She looks at the file she has with my blood work, and she looks at me. Back to the blood work, back to me.)

Nurse: “Are you [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She frowns and excuses herself. Unfortunately for her, she doesn’t close the door all the way, so I can hear her talking to my doctor in the hall. She is telling the doctor she thinks my blood work has gotten mixed up because there is no way I can have the stats I have! My doctor corrects her saying I have a largely healthy body, but all the organs in my lower abdomen hate me. And that was how her nurse learned that fat people sometimes aren’t fat for lack of trying, and that sometimes our stats are just fine, thank you.)

Unfiltered Story #137045

, , , | Unfiltered | January 19, 2019

(I am working one of the front desks, checking in patients and answering questions. A girl who barely looks sixteen, but is holding car keys approaches the desk.)
Me: “Hi, are you here for an appointment?”
Teen girl: “No, my aunt told me to make her an appointment with you.” (she hands me a sheet of information about her aunt. (Neither the name, address, or phone number come up in the system.)
Me: “Hm. Okay, do you know which doctor she usually sees?”
Teen girl: “Um, I don’t think so.”
Me: (figuring I can narrow it down) “That’s not a problem. Did she say what she needs an appointment for? What’s been bothering her?”
Teen girl: “She said she wants to see her doctor because her veins are too close together or something.”
Me: (perplexed, still trying to get a firm answer) “Has she been diagnosed by a different doctor? Does she have a prescription or anything to help her? Like a cane or orthotic shoes?”
Teen girl: “I guess, it’s not like, pills but she wears special socks for it.”
Me: (putting the pieces together) “Okay, so she needs to see someone about the veins in her legs? We have a lab downstairs that’s just for issues like hers, or there are the primary care doctors on this floor for general appointments.” (I begin to reach for a printout of our primary care staff, but she interrupts me)
Teen girl: “No, no she said she has to see a special vein doctor. She told me she only wanted to come back here because a woman doctor was in charge. My aunt doesn’t trust man doctors, I dunno, she’s old so she doesn’t like anyone.”
Me: (lightbulb goes on, there is only one female doctor in our lab, the other females being lab technicians and nurses) “Okay, then she wants to see Doctor ‘Name’. I’ll put in a request in to the lab, they should give you a call later today.” (Still trying to get a more specific answer, I catch her attention before she leaves reception.) “Just to make sure, under ‘Reason for Visit’, she’s having circulation problems in her legs?”
Teen girl: “Yeah, they should know that. I mean, they saw her before. My aunt just said to come here and make her an appointment with the vein doctor. I don’t know what kind of problem she has. Like, I asked her why, but she was trying to hurry me so she kept saying she has very close veins and the doctor can fix it.”
Me: *blinks and keeps a straight face* ……Ah, okay. I’ll send the request to the lab, and someone should call you in a few hours with the time of the appointment.”

(Although “very close” veins could become an issue, I don’t think varicose veins are caused by circulatory snuggling.)

Just Kill Two Livers With One Drink And Make It An Espresso Martini

, , , , , , | Healthy Right | January 18, 2019

(I’m assisting our cardiologist today, rooming patients and doing EKGs and such. One patient comes in with a complaint of palpitations. I do an EKG on him which comes out normal, but there’s something off about this guy — he’s practically bouncing off the walls with nervous energy. The cardiologist goes in to see him and I move on to other patients. About half an hour later, they both come out and the patient leaves. The doctor comes over to me with a look of disbelief.)

Doctor: “That guy drinks eighty ounces of coffee a day. Eighty. Eight-zero.”

Me: “Holy cow. No wonder he was jitterier than a junebug.”

Doctor:And he says he drinks three liters of vodka a week!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh. His poor liver.”

Doctor: “So, obviously, I told him he needs to stop doing that. And you know what he said? He doesn’t want to stop, and he’d rather just take medication for the palpitations!”

Oh, Crimea River

, , , , | Working | January 18, 2019

(My husband and I are visiting an ear-nose-throat doctor for the first time because we’re having allergy problems after moving to a new area. For convenience’s sake, we’ve scheduled ourselves back-to-back and we go in together. I have kept my own last name. It is now the end of our appointments.)

Doctor: “[Last Name]… What nationality is that?”

Me: “It’s Ukrainian.”

Doctor: “Oh, man, you Ukrainians are having a rough time, huh?”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I suppose. But really I’m American.”

Doctor: “So full of strife for so long!”

Me: “Um, yeah, well, we’ve been in America for a very long time — at least three generations, probably longer. I’m really not sure.”

Doctor: “You poor Ukrainians. Tell you what; I’ll only charge you for one appointment today.”

(It was super awkward but hey, free money.)

If You Want To Stay Sick, Just Cough

, , | Healthy | January 18, 2019

(Over the festive season, I had become quite ill for a period of about three-four weeks. I visited my doctor, received medication, and got better; then my partner became ill and I became ill AGAIN three days later and had to go back to my doctor. I visited two different doctors working in the same center. Unfortunately, my visits with them have left me a bit… surprised. On my first visit, my doctor is very young, seems a bit spacey, and is new to this practice. My medical aid receipts show her visits are charged at less than half the rate of your standard doctor’s visit, so I am a bit wary. My previous doctor was INCREDIBLE, but had just emigrated overseas, and this is her new replacement that I was referred to.)

Doctor: “So, what seems to be the problem today?”

Me: “I have [symptoms], but I’m most worried about my cough. I’m coughing to the point that I’m crumpled on the floor, until I can’t breathe, and I’m basically just vomiting air.” *I indicate to my ribs* “It’s so bad that my ribs feel bruised from coughing so hard.”

Doctor: “Hmm… All right, I’m going to prescribe you some antibiotics, and some of this [gastro medicine] for your stomach problem.”

Me: “Wait, what? What stomach problem?”

Doctor: “You pointed to your stomach and said it hurts, so I’m giving you [gastro medicine]!”

Me: “I said my ribs are bruised… from the coughing? My stomach is perfectly fine, but I’m really worried about this cough. It doesn’t feel normal.”

Doctor: “Oh… okay, then. You don’t need this. Instead, I’ll give you this.”

(He highlights the cheapest and most generic brand of cough syrup on the market, that I’ve already finished two of in the days leading up to my visit. The next doctor’s visit is almost two weeks later, with a different doctor in the same center. I’ve bought myself generic over-the-counter cough medicine up until I could visit the doctor again. I wait over half an hour for my appointment, by which time their offices should be closed, before I’m called in. At this stage, my cough has returned, and I have hurt my wrist, as it hurts when I put pressure on it.)

Doctor #2: “How can I help you today?”

Me: *explains all my symptoms again* “—and I appear to have hurt my wrist. It hurts when I apply pressure; I’m worried it might be sprained.”

Doctor #2: “Well, that’s simple. Just don’t apply pressure to it, then!”

Me: “All right? And for my cough? It’s really getting worse, and none of my medicine seems to work.”

Doctor #2: *puts a bottle of a smaller version of the cheapest generic cough medicine on the counter* “You can take this.”

Me: “Um… I’ve had basically four bottles of this in the last three weeks, and it hasn’t worked. I even have a bottle of this in my bag still. Do you not have anything more specialized, for a deep cough like this? My throat is now raw, I still struggle to breathe because it hurts, and my rib area is still bruised.”

Doctor #2: *huge smile* “Nope! It’s just for symptomatic relief, anyway. This will be fine!”

(I’m still sick, my wrist is still injured, and I’m moving on to my fifth bottle of cough syrup. I’m planning on finding a new doctor soon. For those concerned, the cough syrup is very generic, suitable for toddlers, with no codeine or DXM in it.)

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