(I work in a bakery that takes a lot of large orders. We usually send invoices to customers for these large orders. I am in charge of dealing with emails. One customer wants me to add an extra $1800 fee to his invoice, and then forward the cash to his event planner. I tell my coworkers about it, and the following happens:)

Me: “It’s a scam.”

Coworker: “How do you know?”

Me: “Have you never heard of that before? People try to do this all the time. He even tried to offer an $80 tip, even though I told him there’s an extra gratuity included.”

Coworker: “But how would it be a scam? He’s giving us money and we’re giving it back to him.”

Me: “It’s probably a stolen credit card, or it would somehow work out that his payment wouldn’t go through after we gave him the money.”

Coworker: “I don’t know; it doesn’t make sense to me.”

(Not even two weeks later…)

Coworker: “A customer just called and asked if we could add a fee to her card when we charge her, then give cash to someone else. Can we do that?”

(The library I work at is moving locations, and many items have been left behind by the previous owners of our new site. One of these items is a very nice, spacious desk. One look at it, and my coworkers and I fall in love with it and want to make use of it.)

Coworker #1: “I just saw something similar to this one in [Office Supply Store]. It costs at least $700!”

Coworker #2: “And look what good condition it’s in. There’s not even a scratch on it.”

Me: “I think we should keep it. I’d like to have my breaks back here on it.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, me, too. It’s really nice. Look at all these drawers we could put our craft supplies in.”

Coworker #1: “We could even set up a computer back here for when we need to do confidential work.”

Me: “Great idea! Let’s tell director we want to keep it.”

(We all go and find the director.)

Coworker #2: “[Director]? Can we keep the desk that’s in the back workroom?”

Director: “Absolutely not! We’re moving our table back there, instead.”

(She gestures to a table we’ve had for the past decade. It was previously in the middle of the library for anyone to sit at. The corners are all damaged from chairs and carts hitting it, and the surface is scratched and marked from children doing crafts on it. Other than that, there is nothing interesting about it because it is a basic, generic, brown table. We all just sort of stare at her.)

Me: “Did you see the desk, though? It has lots of drawer space we can use. And it fits in the room better. This table is really big, and it would take up half of the workroom.”

Director: “We didn’t pay for that desk, so we’re getting rid of it!”

Coworker #1: “But didn’t this table only cost us like $200? That desk is worth at least $700. We’d be gaining $500 worth of furniture if we keep the desk and throw out the table.”

Director: “We are not throwing out the table! We paid for it!”

Me: “But the desk is in better condition. And all of us who are going to work here every day would rather work off the desk than the table.” *all three of us nod*

Coworker #1: “The desk is the more valuable piece of furniture, and it’s newer, too.”

Coworker #2: “And we can use it for storage and stuff. The table doesn’t have any drawers.”

Director: “This conversation is over! We’re throwing that desk away! We didn’t pay for it! I am not wasting my money by throwing away the table I paid for!”

Me: “Maybe we can put the table somewhere els—”

Director: “NOT ONE MORE WORD! We didn’t pay for that desk. We paid for this table! WE’RE KEEPING THE TABLE!”

Coworker #2: “If you’re going to just throw out the desk, can I have it?”

Me: “I could use it, too!”

Coworker #1: “I’d make space for it at my house. It really is a nice desk.”

Director: “Get back to work! NOW!”

(We all dispersed. The director had the maintenance staff disassemble the desk with a saw and crowbar so it was completely unusable for anyone. They had to cut off one inch of the table to get it to fit in our workroom. It’s ugly and bulky, and now it has a rough edge from where they sawed it, which I have already cut myself on.)

(I am talking with a coworker about classic cars whilst working the coffee machine. A customer has just come in, so I serve while he finishes off the last few orders. When you face the coffee machine, you have your back to the till.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a latte, please.”

Coworker: “I tell you what I do like: midgets.”

Me: “Umm, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Sure, you have to smack them when they stop working, but they are sexy little things.”

Me: “[COWORKER]!”

Coworker: “WHAT?!”

Customer: “Hello!”

(My coworker peers over the counter to see a dwarf man standing there.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry! We were talking about classic cars, not people with your… um… condition?”

Customer: “It’s okay.” *laughs* “First time I’ve ever had another man call me sexy.”

(The customer took his drink and we laughed about it for the rest of the day.)

(I have just sneezed four times in a row.)

Coworker: “Bless you. Are you okay?”

Me: *trying to be funny* “Yeah, I’m just allergic to Wednesdays.”

Coworker: “Then, you’ve got a real problem, because today is Thursday.”

(We are invited to a family party by my in-laws. As usual, they only remember to call on the day of the party. I work most weekend nights and am not able to attend as I have to give more than two weeks notice. I mention to a coworker that I am missing out on a party and that I wish it could have been held the next weekend when I have the Saturday night off.)

Coworker #1: “You should do what I do; you should have just called in sick and gone to the party.”

(I go to work the following Sunday. I notice that I am working with a different staff member.)

Me: “Oh, is [Coworker] sick?”

Coworker #2: “You didn’t hear what happened?”

Me: “No, is she all right?”

Coworker #2: “She got fired last night. The idiot called in sick so she could attend her boyfriend’s staff Christmas party.”

Me: “Um… Doesn’t her boyfriend work here as security?”

Coworker #2: *nods yes* “And the party was held here, and our management was invited, too.”