No Hangups With Your Phone Style

, , , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(My first real job is at a bakery. I answer the phone, but hear the line go dead about halfway through my welcome message.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name].”

(The customer hangs up.)

Me: “We are not available to speak to you right now, so please speak slowly and clearly at the sound of the click.”

(I hang up. My boss literally stops with one foot in the air, looking HORRIFIED.)

Me: “Relax, man. They hung up.”

Boss: *sigh of relief, followed by a grin* “Whew. That was funny. Never do it again.”

Me: *salutes* “No problem! I work up a new gag each time.”

Breaking Bread With Bad Customers

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2018

(I’m using a bread slicer machine to slice a loaf of bread for a customer.)

Customer: “No, no. You did it wrong!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I show him the bread. He points out a small indent in the bread and says I need to slice another loaf while holding the top of the bread slicer machine up so it doesn’t squish the bread. I comply, and the bread comes out clean with no minor dents. I place the rejected bread on the sample board, and as the customer is checking out, he takes slice of the bread.)

Me: “So, the bread wasn’t good enough to buy, but still good enough to eat?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

(I wish I could have charged him for that.)

The Cake Price Is A Lie

, , , , , , , | Right | January 28, 2018

(I do cake decorating as a hobby and will do occasional jobs to fund it or just for some extra spending cash. I tend to be a bit expensive because I make everything by hand, from the cake to the frosting, and use fresh ingredients like butter and fresh fruit instead of oil and frozen stuff. I have a mother-in-law who is a pain in the rear; she likes to volunteer me for stuff, and then gets mad when I wont do it. My mother-in-law calls me and lets me know that someone at work is getting married, so she gave her my number to make a cake. I don’t normally like to bake for strangers, but I could use a little extra cash. The girl calls me and goes through what she wants. She has a wedding with over 300 guests. She wants a multi-tiered, very elaborately-decorated cake, and a groom’s cake — this is normally an extra, small, chocolate cake on the side of the wedding cake. So, I go through my calculations.)

Me: “Okay, for what you want, the cost will be $450.”

Caller: “WHAT?! That’s ridiculous! That is way too much. Why would it cost so much? I could get a cake from [Big Box Store] for much less!”

Me: “Oh, yes, you most certainly could. But I use fresh ingredients and make everything from scratch, whereas the stores use frozen cakes shipped in, and decorate them with machine-made icings. Plus, they cannot make the elaborate designs you want.”

Caller: “Well, that is ridiculous. Your mother-in-law said it would only run me around $30 or $50. You will do a deal for me.”

(Honestly, it sounded just like something my mother-in-law would say, and I confirm later that the moron did just that.)

Me: “Well, then, you can get my mother-in-law to make it for you. Honey, $30 won’t even cover the ingredients for the groom’s cake, much less the wedding cake. My wedding cake prices start at $100, and what you want is not a $100 job.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you do it as a wedding gift for me? Your mother-in-law said you do that for people.”

Me: “I did that for my sister and a dear friend. You are a complete stranger. It will be $450 for you.”

(She was very mad and hung up. Twenty minutes later, my idiot of a mother-in-law called, all upset, DEMANDING I make the cake for $30. I told her unless she was willing to give me $450 in cash up front, she could tell her coworker to go to the big box store for her cake. Yeah, my mother-in-law is a pain and an idiot, but she never did that again because it embarrassed her at work. Really, who the heck expects an elaborate wedding cake for $50?)

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Your Memory Is Totally Baked

, , , , , , | Working | January 23, 2018

(During a supply order, my manager comes over to ask if we need anything.)

Me: “Oh! I’m glad you reminded me. We need… uh… the… the…”

Manager: “Piping bags?”

Me: “No! It’s the… Um… Crap!”

Manager: “Refills for the airbrush? You were using that a lot today.”

Me: “No! I… It’s a food thing!”

Manager: *laughing now* “Well, I should hope so; we work in a bakery! I’m glad I didn’t hire you for your memory.”

Me: “I can’t believe this!”

Manager: “Well, don’t stress it. If you can’t remember it today, we’ll order it next week.”

(I sulk for a while, frustrated at my brain freeze. It’s like a complete and total blank. Then, five days later, while my manager and I are doing the dishes together and talking about something completely unrelated to work…)

Me: *wide-eyed, shouting and interrupting her* “BAVARIAN CREAM!”

Manager: *looking startled and afraid* “What?”

Me: “That’s what I wanted to say we needed last week! I just remembered!”

Manager: “Oh. Well… Good! I think that might actually be discontinued right now, though. We’re probably going to use something else.”

Me: “But… I remembered!”

Manager: *affectionately and only a LITTLE patronizing* “You sure did, honey.”

(Sigh.)

Unfiltered Story #103838

, , , | Unfiltered | January 17, 2018

(I work at a coffee shop/cafe/bakery and I am training a new employee on register. We also happen to sell bread we make in house daily. There are a lot of different types and daily specials which have a different cost than the regular $10 we charge. It is quite busy and the line is long. I am overhearing this exchange from the espresso machine.)

Customer: “Can I get a loaf of sourdough bread?”

(This happens to be a special loaf sold for $6, and my coworker doesn’t know that. She clicks “bread loaf- $10” and walks to the shelf where it is kept.)

Coworker: *when she gets back with bread in hand* “Okay, sir. That will be $10.88 with tax. Will you be paying with cash or card?”

Customer: “$10?! It’s supposed to be $6!” *my coworker realizes her mistake*

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir; that is my fault. This bread is a special and costs less than the regular loaf. I will change that immediately.”

Customer: “This is supposed to be a professional business! If one thing says $6, it should be $6!”

Coworker: “I agree, sir, and I apologize for my mistake. I would be happy to get you a free coffee for any trouble.”

Customer: “I don’t want anything for free, but I certainly don’t want to be charged extra for something not even worth $6!”

(My coworker is clearly getting flustered although she is handling it very well. I stop the drink I am making and step in.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I was buying this loaf and she tried to charge me extra! Then she refused to change it!”

Me: “Sir, from what I heard that was not the case. The loaf you ordered was a special and she was unaware, so she thought it was normal priced. When this was brought to her attention she apologized for her mistake and offered you a free coffee. We are very busy right now; please either buy the bread or leave.”

Customer: “I’ll buy the d*** bread but I sure as hell am not paying $10.88 for it!”

Coworker: “Sir, we aren’t asking you to. We are asking you to pay the regular price of $6.53 with tax.”

Customer: “Fine! Get me the f****** bread! And here’s your f****** money! That’s what you get for hiring a woman!”

(The customer grabs the bread and throws his money at us.)

Me: “That is very unusual, [Her Name]. I’m sorry about that. You handled it very well.”

Coworker: starts laughing really hard* “That guy was crazy! Oh my god, ok, I’m good.”

(The day continued nicely and now she is one of our best employees and one of my good friends. We joke about it to this day!)

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