The Cake Is A Cold Lie

, , , | Right | January 18, 2020

(A customer pulls a cake out of our freezer, after which he heads straight to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Customer: *holds up the cake he just pulled from the freezer* “Is this an ice cream cake?”

Me: “No, sir, that particular one is a regular cake.”

(The customer pauses before he asks this brain-twister of a question.)

Customer: “Is it frozen?”

Me: “The cake you just pulled out of the freezer? Yes, sir, it certainly is frozen.”

(He stared at the cake seemingly in deep thought for a moment before putting it in his carriage and walking off.)

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She’d Better Fly To Colombia, Then

, , , | Right | January 16, 2020

(I work at a bakery and coffee shop in my hometown. It is one of about five locations in the city. Our bakery specializes in freshly made cookies and various cakes and bars, along with a pretty good selection of coffee flavours and espresso machine drinks. One afternoon, I’m working at the store with my shift partner when a lady comes up to order a latte. I go on to ask about the type of milk she wants and if she wants a flavour shot or cinnamon or chocolate powder on the top. The conversation that follows is a head-scratcher.)

Me: “Okay, so, a medium latte with 2% milk and no toppings.” 

Customer: “Ooh, I have to ask. Are your beans fresh?”

Me: “The beans come in a vacuum-sealed bag, and the machine is filled from the bottom up every day to ensure the beans never sit in the machine for too long.”

(The machine dispenses beans from the bottom so the beans are never old as we add new beans to the top unless the machine has been idle for a few days, at which point we toss the beans and wash the container out before refilling it with fresh beans.)

Customer: “No, no, I mean when were the beans made? Are they fresh, as in picked recently? I only want the freshest beans!” 

(At this point, I’m slightly confused and show the lady the bag of beans we use, pointing out the “best before” date, which is something like eight months from now, and the packaged date, which is a couple of weeks ago, which is pretty good considering the beans are picked in COLUMBIA and packaged in some small town in ITALY and then shipped to CANADA.) 

Customer: *throws her hands up* “This is unacceptable! I only drink the freshest coffee and espresso. Cancel my order; I’m going to the coffee shop that I know has fresh beans!”

(My coworker mutters behind the lady’s back after she leaves:)

Coworker: “Have a nice trip; don’t come back!” 

(We were beginning to think the lady was expecting us to pull out this coffee plant from the back garden and roast and grind the beans right there. Some people.)

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This Will Be The Day That I Rye

, , , | Right | January 8, 2020

(I work at a bakery inside of a large grocery store, where we bake our breads from scratch every day. As a result, sometimes we don’t have all of our breads ready by the time the store opens.)

Customer: “I’m looking for some rye bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry, they haven’t been baked yet, but they’re the next breads to go in the oven. It’ll be about an hour before they’re baked and cool enough to put into a bag. If you have a lot of shopping to do, or live nearby, you’re welcome to come back then, or we can take an order for you today to make sure we have one ready for you the next time you come in.”

Customer: “I’ll be back.”

(Ten minutes later:)

Customer: “I’m back for my rye bread.”

Me: *checks the clock* “Sorry if I wasn’t clear before, ma’am. The rye bread has just gone into the oven now, so it will be almost an hour, about fifty minutes, until it’s done baking and has cooled down enough to bag or slice for you.”

Customer: *sighs and walks off*

(Finally, the customer comes back when the rye bread is ready.)

Me: “Welcome back, ma’am! All our rye bread is ready. Which kind did you want?”

Customer: “Which one is fresher?”

Me: *losing my patience* “They’re all still warm.”

Customer: “Well, what kinds do you have?”

Me: “We have it with or without caraway seeds in both regular and deli-style.”

Customer: “Deli-style with seeds.”

Me: “Great! Did you want that sliced?”

Customer: “Yes! This is an awful lot of questions for a loaf of bread!”

(I sliced her bread and was happy to send her on her way. Maybe next time, she could try not to blame the person behind the counter for her total inability to listen and get the concept that if she doesn’t know exactly what she wants, she’s going to get asked questions until we can figure it out. I won’t hold my breath.)

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Not Always Right, But Sometimes

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2020

(A coworker is running the counter where we sample our products for the first time. My boss tells me to help her when she needs it, which I have no problem with. I’m friendly with the coworker, and she understands my sarcastic humor, so I joke with her as soon as the boss walks away.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. You’re on your own.”

Customer: “NO, SHE’S NOT! YOU’RE GONNA HELP HER!” *glares*

Me: *laughs* “Yes, I absolutely am.”

(My coworker and I had a laugh at how the customer thought I was serious. I couldn’t even be angry at getting yelled at, since it was actually nice to see a customer try to stand up for the right thing.)

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Sugar Is Only Bad For You If You Eat It

, , , , , | Working | December 24, 2019

This is one of the reasons why I loved working late nights at the supermarket, especially the bakery section.

The day before Christmas, we’ve baked a ton of the local traditional breakfast/lunch bread. All six of us are now packing them, and each one is packed with a complimentary sugar packet.

Naturally, some of these get damaged, so on the bench where we add these, an impressive layer of powdered sugar has accumulated.

Normally, our shift would end when the store closes at 10:00 pm, but around 11:30 we’re finally getting started on the last batch.

We’re tired, and getting a bit bored.

One coworker says he knows a way to get a little boost. He grabs one of those big bread knives, scrapes a bunch of the powdered sugar into a line, taps the knife across it as though he’s cutting cocaine, bends towards it while closing one nostril… and the manager walks around the corner!

The manager looks at him, gives a sarcastic sigh, and says, “Do whatever you have to, as long as those breads are packed before you leave,” and walks on.

Once we can breathe again without laughing, we finish the work and go home feeling fantastic.

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