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With The Anti-Maskers, The Gloves Are Off

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2022

I work in a bakery. I’m packaging up some bread when a customer asks me to box her up a cake from the cold case. I tell her I’ll be right there and go to change my gloves.

As soon as I turn around to where the gloves are, she starts ordering. I’m too far away to hear her.

Me: “Oh, sorry, one more second. I just need new gloves.”

Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to do that for me.”

Me: “I have to comply with the standard food safety rules.”

Customer: “I’m not worried about all that [health crisis] stuff. Masks don’t work, so I don’t care about any of that.”

Me: “I need to change my gloves because of cross-contamination. If I’m bagging up bread, I can’t use the same gloves for your cake.”

She said something else because she just had to have the last word, but I stopped listening. Did she think food prep workers wearing gloves started because of a disease?

Both In Line And Out Of Line

, , , | Right | January 3, 2022

I go to a wonderful bakery to pick up breakfast for my family. This bakery is very long and thin, with a line that snakes along a long counter, a door to the sidewalk in the front, and a door to the parking lot in the back.

I enter from the back door, working my way backward along the line until I see that today the line is long enough that it winds all the way out the front door and down the block. I go to the back of the line, and after about ten minutes, the line has advanced enough that I’m now just inside the front door.

While I’m standing there, [Customer #1] appears to be doing the same thing I did: she came in the back door, and she’s walking backward next to the line to find the end of it. But instead of exiting the front door and joining the sidewalk queue, she gets in line right behind me, since I’m at the end of the indoor portion of the line. It’s an easy enough mistake.

Me: “Oh, sorry, this isn’t the end of the line. It goes out the door and down the block.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but I’ve been waiting for ten minutes already! I was waiting inside, and they told me to go over here!”

It’s possible that she was waiting at some random spot, maybe the coffee pickup zone inside, thinking it was the right place, and the staff didn’t notice her for a while. I feel slightly bad that she wasted time standing in not-a-line, but all the same, it’s pretty arbitrary to then say that your mistake entitles you to join the line in a random spot.

By this time, the customer who was originally behind me in line (and who is now two spaces behind me) has come in the front door and has heard the conversation. [Customer #1]’s behavior affects her more than me because [Customer #1] technically cut in front of her, but behind me.

Customer #2: “Yes, but they were probably pointing you to the end of the line, and that’s outside.”

Customer #1: “But I’ve been waiting for ten minutes!”

Me: “We all have. So have some of the people outside.”

At this point, the man who’s been standing in front of me the whole time, [Customer #3], speaks up.

Customer #3: “It’s okay. She’s with me.”

Me: “Oh. Uh… okay. Then I guess that’s fine.”

[Customer #1] smiles and cuts in front of me, happily joining [Customer #3]. I mean, if he’d been holding her place in line, it’s probably not a big deal if she joins him… though it is weird that she tried to cut elsewhere in the line instead of joining [Customer #3] to begin with.

And, as I suspected, it soon becomes clear from overhearing their conversation that these two customers either don’t know each other at all or are at best distant acquaintances who did not plan to go to the bakery together. The last straw is when they place their orders — two separate orders. Clearly, [Customer #3] thought he was generously doing [Customer #1] a favor by pretending she was with him.

As I’m leaving, [Customer #2] turns to me.

Customer #2: “That was bulls***, wasn’t it?”

Me: “Yup.”

A Beary Well-Earned Bit Of Chow

, , , , , , , , | Working | December 20, 2021

I’m visiting family in a small town and I stop by a local bakery.

Employee #1: “Oh, hey. You’re [Dad]’s kid, right?”

Me: “Hey, yeah, I’m [My Name].”

Employee #1: “Great, great… So, you’re the biologist, right? Mind helping us settle a little dispute?”

I’m expecting a question about vaccines or masks, and I’m about to start explaining that I can’t help when the second employee whips out her phone. She opens a picture but doesn’t show it to me yet.

Employee #2: “So, I was hiking recently, and I got this picture. Now, I don’t want to bias you in any way, so I’m not gonna say what the argument is just yet, but can you tell us — exactly and scientifically — what kind of animal is… this?

She flips around her phone, showing a very clear picture of a bear.

Me: “I’m the wrong kind of biologist for that, but… I’ve got a friend who does wildlife bio. Let me send him a picture and we can get an expert opinion.”

Me: *Texting* “Hey, [Friend], can you tell what kind of bear this is?”

Friend: “Hmm. Black bear, Ursus americanus, but I can’t tell the subspecies. Let me ask [Professor].”

Me: *To the employees* “Okay, he’s going to bring this to an expert.”

Employee #1: “If you can give us a definitive answer, then you get a slice of pie on the house.”

We chat for a bit, but they refuse to tell me any more about the picture until a final judgment is made.

Friend: “Okay, I have your answer. It’s a good picture, but it’s hard to tell from this angle. However, I showed it to [Three Professors and Two PhD Students] and we compared photos online. Almost certainly Ursus americanus, the Eastern black bear. [Professor] thinks it’s male, but we can’t determine for sure. That’s all assuming this was taken locally. If it’s not in Maine, let me know.”

Me: “Okay, we’ve got an opinion from the experts. But first, do you know where the picture was taken?”

Employee #2: “Yeah, about twenty miles due north from here. I can point it on a map if that helps.”

Me: “No, they just wanted to confirm it was in Maine. I give you… Ursus americanus, the Eastern black bear.”

Employee #2: “Knew it! So, what kind of pie would you like?”

Me: “Pumpkin, please. [Employee #1], what did you think it was?”

He folds his arms and doesn’t answer.

Employee #2: “And here’s one slice of pumpkin pie for knowing the difference between a bear and a Chow Chow.”

Her Cake Order Is A Lie

, , | Right | December 14, 2021

I’m a cake decorator. An older customer had ordered a half-sheet cake with a filling and decorations and has come to collect it.

Me: “That will be $40.”

Customer: *Upset.* “I swore I ordered a quarter sheet.”

She hadn’t, but…

Me: “I can remake the smaller cake with a last-minute fee.”

She agrees and leaves. I make her cake and her new cake is $37 with the fees for filling, decoration, and the late fee. She comes back and I give her the price.

Customer: *Screaming.* “I’m paying $25 for the cake because that’s what I paid two months ago for [different cake]!”

She wouldn’t stop throwing a hissy fit stomping her foot, screaming, and almost crying like a toddler until the store manager gives in.

Manager: “Okay, I will give you the cake for $25.”

The customer gets a smug look of satisfaction.

Manager: “But you’re also banned from the store.”

The smug look disappeared.

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 13

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2021

My mom and I are next in line to order bagel sandwiches at a popular bagel shop for lunch. A lady walks in with a bag from the shop and goes straight to the counter.

Customer: “I have a complaint.”

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “You guys messed up on our order from this morning.”

Manager: “I’m sorry about that. Do you mind letting me know what was wrong?”

Customer: “You put the lox on the wrong bagels and gave us bagels we didn’t even order.”

Manager: “I’m really sorry. It looks like you brought the food back. We can remake it for you.”

Customer: “The one thing in here is a bagel we didn’t order that no one wanted. We ate everything else, and I didn’t have time to come back. I don’t want the food remade.”

Manager: “I can offer you a refund for the bagels we messed up on.”

Customer: “What about the ones you gave us that we didn’t order?”

Manager: “Consider them on the house.”

Customer: “So you won’t give me a refund for those?”

Manager: “Well, since you did eat them and didn’t pay for those ones, no.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You messed up on our order and won’t do anything about it?”

Manager: “We can remake the bagels we messed up on or we can give you a refund for those ones.”

Customer: “Forget it. You gave us bagels that we didn’t even ask for and now you’re not going to do anything about it.”

She storms out of the shop.

Me: “Did she really just complain about free food?”

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 12
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 11
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 10
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 9
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 8