From Desk ‘Til Sawn

(The library I work at is moving locations, and many items have been left behind by the previous owners of our new site. One of these items is a very nice, spacious desk. One look at it, and my coworkers and I fall in love with it and want to make use of it.)

Coworker #1: “I just saw something similar to this one in [Office Supply Store]. It costs at least $700!”

Coworker #2: “And look what good condition it’s in. There’s not even a scratch on it.”

Me: “I think we should keep it. I’d like to have my breaks back here on it.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, me, too. It’s really nice. Look at all these drawers we could put our craft supplies in.”

Coworker #1: “We could even set up a computer back here for when we need to do confidential work.”

Me: “Great idea! Let’s tell director we want to keep it.”

(We all go and find the director.)

Coworker #2: “[Director]? Can we keep the desk that’s in the back workroom?”

Director: “Absolutely not! We’re moving our table back there, instead.”

(She gestures to a table we’ve had for the past decade. It was previously in the middle of the library for anyone to sit at. The corners are all damaged from chairs and carts hitting it, and the surface is scratched and marked from children doing crafts on it. Other than that, there is nothing interesting about it because it is a basic, generic, brown table. We all just sort of stare at her.)

Me: “Did you see the desk, though? It has lots of drawer space we can use. And it fits in the room better. This table is really big, and it would take up half of the workroom.”

Director: “We didn’t pay for that desk, so we’re getting rid of it!”

Coworker #1: “But didn’t this table only cost us like $200? That desk is worth at least $700. We’d be gaining $500 worth of furniture if we keep the desk and throw out the table.”

Director: “We are not throwing out the table! We paid for it!”

Me: “But the desk is in better condition. And all of us who are going to work here every day would rather work off the desk than the table.” *all three of us nod*

Coworker #1: “The desk is the more valuable piece of furniture, and it’s newer, too.”

Coworker #2: “And we can use it for storage and stuff. The table doesn’t have any drawers.”

Director: “This conversation is over! We’re throwing that desk away! We didn’t pay for it! I am not wasting my money by throwing away the table I paid for!”

Me: “Maybe we can put the table somewhere els—”

Director: “NOT ONE MORE WORD! We didn’t pay for that desk. We paid for this table! WE’RE KEEPING THE TABLE!”

Coworker #2: “If you’re going to just throw out the desk, can I have it?”

Me: “I could use it, too!”

Coworker #1: “I’d make space for it at my house. It really is a nice desk.”

Director: “Get back to work! NOW!”

(We all dispersed. The director had the maintenance staff disassemble the desk with a saw and crowbar so it was completely unusable for anyone. They had to cut off one inch of the table to get it to fit in our workroom. It’s ugly and bulky, and now it has a rough edge from where they sawed it, which I have already cut myself on.)