Customer: “Gimme one tall coffee.”
Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”
Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream, or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”
Me: “Sorry, sir. What flavor would you like today?”
Customer: “Sumatra.”
This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup!
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(A woman is several places back in line with her son who is about eight years old.)
Customer’s Son: “Mom? I don’t feel good.”
Customer: “Hang on, honey. Mommy is going to get her coffee and then she will take you to the restroom.”
Customer’s Son: “Mom? I feel really sick.”
(I look up and see the boy is very pale and breathing heavy.)
Me: “Ma’am? If you would like to take your son to the restroom, we will save your place in line.”
Customer: “No, it’s okay. We will wait.”
Customer’s Son: “Mom. I really need the bathroom. I don’t feel good.”
Customer: “Honey, just wait. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”
Manager: “Ma’am, please take your son to the restroom. We’ll make your drink while you are in there. On the house. Please!”
Customer: “No! He will have to wait.”
(The customer’s son begins to gag and the customers near him move away from, all of them begging her to take him to the restroom immediately. A few even offer to take him themselves.)
Customer: “I said no! He is just doing this for attention. If you ignore him he will stop.”
Me: “Ma’am, for the last time. Please take your son to the–”
(The customer’s son bends over and begins vomiting on the floor.)
Manager: “Please! Get him out of here!”
Customer: “But I don’t want to lose my place in line.”
Manager: “Ma’am, either get him to the restroom or get him outside. Now!”
Customer: *in a huff* “Well, fine! He’s only doing this for attention!”
(The customer comes out five minutes later leading her fully-recovered son by the hand. As I finish mopping the boy’s breakfast off the floor, she collects her free coffee drink, smiles, and leaves, calling out…)
Customer: “Thank you very much. See you all tomorrow!”
This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!
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Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”
Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”
Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”
Me: “Alrighty.”
This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
13 Reasons Why Healthcare Workers Should Rule The World
Read the next story in this roundup here!
Read the roundup itself here!
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Customer: “Where’s your normal coffee?”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “I just want a bag of normal coffee, not flavored. Where’s your normal coffee?”
Me: “Oh, all of the coffees on the left side of the shelf are unflavored.”
Customer: “No, they’re all flavored. They all say different flavors, like ‘Ethiopia’.”
Me: “No, those aren’t flavors. All the ones with a country name are just normal, black coffees like you want. The country name is where the coffee was grown.”
Customer: “What! There’s no such country as Ethiopia!”
Me: “Well, it’s very far away, in Africa.”
Customer: “If you say so. So the ones with country names aren’t flavored?”
Me: “Nope.”
Customer: “Fine. I’ll take the stuff from France.”
Me: “Coffee doesn’t grow in France…”
Customer: “Yeah, that French Vanilla.”
This story is part of the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!
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(The power has gone out in the cafe.)
Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the Wi-Fi, anyway.”
(He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)
Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”
Me: “No, sir. The power is out, so the Wi-Fi won’t work until it comes back on.”
Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”
