Coffee Shop | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.)
Customer: “F***! This isn’t right. I want it with really sexy foam.”
Me: “Okay…”
(I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.)
Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!”
Me: “Okay, so less?”
Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!”
(I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.)
Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!”
Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”
Coffee Shop | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)
Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”
Little old lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”
Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”
Little old lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”
Retail | Los Angeles, CA, USA
Me: “Hello sir, what can I get you?”
Customer: “Um… can I please have a mocha latte?”
Me: “Sure. That would be $3.50, please.”
(Five minutes later…)
Me: “Here you go, sir.”
Customer: “What is this? Why isn’t the cup red?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Customer: “The cup. It’s usually red!”
Me: “I’m sorry, that is only around Christmas time.”
Customer: “What?! THEN MAKE IT CHRISTMAS TIME!”
Coffee Shop | El Paso, TX, USA
Me: Good morning, what can I get for you?
Customer: “Did you go to church today?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.”
Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.”
Customer: “Get your manager!”
Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.”
Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.”
Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.”
Coffee Shop | Queensland, Australia
(A very angry customer brings a small bag of instant coffee to the counter.)
Customer: “HOW DARE YOU STOCK THIS?!”
Me: “Um, I’m sorry… can I help you, sir?”
Customer: “This is Australia! How dare you support some French s*** in our country?!”
Me: “Excuse me, sir?”
Customer: “THIS!” *holds the bag out* “See! Right here: ‘Proudly Supporting Jun’ar Ne’ball In Australia.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it actually says, “Proudly supporting Junior Netball in Australia.”
Coffee Shop | Northern VA, USA
Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?”
Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.”
Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].”
Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian.
Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee?
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t grow anywhere in America except Hawaii. And we don’t carry any Kona.”
Customer: “Damn [yet another racial epithet]! Don’t want any of their coffee either. I just want some good old American coffee. That’s what I got last time.”
Me: “I’m sorry. Like I said, we don’t carry any coffee grown in America. Coffee doesn’t grow in the continental United States.”
Customer: “God d*** commies!” *storms off*
Coffee Shop | San Jose, CA, USA
(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)
Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”
Customer: “But I want my round lid!”
Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”
Customer: “Ooohhh…”
Coffee Shop | Rockville, MD, USA
Customer: “I don’t want a lid.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.”
Customer: “This is stupid.”
Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–”
Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.”
Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.”
Related:
Behind Every New Sign Is Someone Stupid
Coffee Shop | Denver, CO, USA
Customer: “What do you have to eat here?”
Me: “Whatever you see in the pastry case is to eat; we mainly serve drinks.”
Customer: “What’s that up there? ”
(He points to one of the boards behind me and I turn around to see what he’s pointing at. I hear a rustling noise; when I turn back around all the money in my tip cup is gone.)
Me: “Sir? Could you do me a favor?”
Customer: “Uh… what?”
Me: “Look up.”
Customer: *looks up*
Me: “Okay, wave!”
(I start waving at him and, completely confused, he starts to wave back.)
Me: “Sir, that’s a camera up there.”
Customer: “Uh… and?”
Me: “You better put the money back.”
Customer: “What money?”
Me: “You know very well what money. Now, put it back and leave.”
(He puts the money back and pouts the entire way out the doors.)
Coffee Shop | Alpharetta, GA, USA
Me: “Good afternoon! What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “I’ll have a Grande Mocha Frappucino, please.”
Me: “Alrighty, that’s gonna run you $3.42.”
Customer: “Alright.” *begins to dig around in her purse*
Me: “I’m going to go ahead and get this started for you.”
(As I start to make the drink, I turn to look at the woman and notice that she is slowly making her way behind the counter.)
Me: “Uh, ma’am…”
(The woman proceeds to walk behind the counter, walk to a sink, wash her hands, wipe her hands, throw the paper towel away, and then walk right back around the counter and straight out the door. As my coworkers and I attempt to figure out what just happened, we watch her walk by the drive-thru window, around the building, around the building NEXT to our store, and then back into the store. The woman then approaches the counter.)
Customer: “So, what do I owe you?”
Me: “Uh, $3.42, please.”
Customer: “Sure.”
(An incredibly awkward silence follows.)
Customer: “So, what just happened?”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “What just happened?”
Me: “I’m really not sure, ma’am!”
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