Dealership Slip

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(For about a month, I have been getting calls from some random guy looking for a local car dealership. Whether I am at home, in class, at work, or out with friends, he keeps trying. My cellphone number is exactly the same as theirs apart from the last number, and this guy always dials mine. One day, he calls again. I immediately recognize the number and decide to have some fun because I am so fed up with it.)

Me: “[Car Dealership]. This is Frank. How can I help you?”

Guy: “Finally! I’ve been trying to reach you guys forever, but I kept getting some kid.”

Me: “Well, that’s unfortunate. What can I help you with?”

Guy: “I’m looking for [Car], but I’m not really sure what to get.”

Me: “Not a problem. I can talk you through our options and get you into something you like.”

Guy: “Great!”

(I proceed to go to the dealership’s website and go over every feature available. By the end of the call, I have “sold” him a car, with everything he wants, for a great price. And for the record, I NEVER take any money-related information from him.)

Me: “All right, sounds like you got a great car there.”

Guy: “Oh, my God! Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome. Just come on down to the dealership and ask for me, and we’ll get everything squared away.”

Guy: “Excellent! I’ll see you in about an hour. Bye!”

Me: “See ya!”

(I then immediately called my carrier and changed my number. I don’t know what happened to him, but I imagine he was quite embarrassed when he arrived.)

Breaking Bread With Bad Customers

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2018

(I’m using a bread slicer machine to slice a loaf of bread for a customer.)

Customer: “No, no. You did it wrong!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I show him the bread. He points out a small indent in the bread and says I need to slice another loaf while holding the top of the bread slicer machine up so it doesn’t squish the bread. I comply, and the bread comes out clean with no minor dents. I place the rejected bread on the sample board, and as the customer is checking out, he takes slice of the bread.)

Me: “So, the bread wasn’t good enough to buy, but still good enough to eat?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

(I wish I could have charged him for that.)

Unfiltered Story #104366

, | Unfiltered | January 26, 2018

Customer: (Angrily puts her bag on the counter) You know, I came here last night at 5 PM and you were closed, and I was out of cat food. When did you change your hours?

Me: We’ve always closed at 4 on Sundays. (I hand her a business card) Here, this has our hours on it.

Customer: (Ignoring me) Well, I had nothing to feed my cat last night and I couldn’t just have my dinner in front of him, so I didn’t eat either. I’m starving.

(She pays for her food, gives me the death glare, and leaves)

This Joke Only Has One Foot To Stand On

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 22, 2018

(My girlfriend’s a little on the short side, about five-foot-two. Also, as a result of diabetes, she has had her right foot amputated. One day, as I stand up:)

Girlfriend: “When did you get so tall?”

Me: “Well, you did lose a foot.”

Hey, Google, What Kind Of Cancer Do I Have?

, , , | Healthy | January 18, 2018

(I stop in a pharmacy to pick up some medication. I hear the following from a lady next to me.)

Woman: “I want to buy this!”

(She points at medicine on the shelf behind the pharmacist.)

Pharmacist: “That’s prescription medication. You can’t buy that. I’m sorry.”

Woman: “I NEED IT!”

Pharmacist: “Okay, well, we still can’t give you the medication. You need a prescription.”

Woman: “No! WEBMD SAID I HAVE CANCER AND I NEED THIS!”

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, I recommend you see your doctor before you get a self-diagnosis off of the Internet.”

Woman: “You’re a doctor! And I KNOW I HAVE CANCER!”

Pharmacist: “Actually, I’m not a—”

Woman: “YOU ALL WANT ME TO DIE OF CANCER! I AM REPORTING YOU TO THE POLICE!”

(She then proceeds to run out of the store, knocking down several displays and screaming “I NEED PENICILLIN! I HAVE CANCER!”)

Me: *mumbling* “How does she think penicillin will cure cancer, anyway?”

Pharmacist: “That’s not even penicillin.”

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