I work in a hat store inside a department store, selling, among other things, sports caps. A customer shows me a Milwaukee Brewers cap.

Customer: “Can I shrink this hat by microwaving it?”

Me: *Admittedly pausing longer than I should have.* “Uh… no, sir. Definitely not. In fact, these hats are made with some metallic threading so I would absolutely not recommend that ever!”

The customer sighed, and not wanting to spend money on a new but correctly-sized hat, wandered away.

A few days later, a coworker comes to find me on my break to say:

Coworker: “Can you help with this customer demanding a refund? It’s got a big hole burned right through it, and he says it just happened on its own…”

Sigh…

Customer: “I’m colorblind. What color is this?!”

Me: “That’s Burgundy, so like, a wine red.”

Customer: “Will it go well with these shorts?”

Me: “That’s a matter of preference. I couldn’t tell you.”

Customer: “But you work here!”

Me: “I fold stock; I’m not a stylist. Also, I’m colorblind too.”

Customer: “How do they let you work in a clothing store if you’re colorblind?!”

Me: “Because I can read labels, including words like ‘burgundy’.”

Customer: “Well, that doesn’t help me!”

Me: “I’ll call over my manager, so it’s not the colorblind leading the colorblind.”

Customer: “If I’m not allowed to be a pilot, then you shouldn’t be allowed to work in a clothing store!”

Me: *As I’m paging the manager.* “Right?! Because those jobs are sooooo similar.”

My friends and I are passing a second-hand clothing store that specialises in designer brands. My friend spots a gorgeous peplum (blouse) top displayed in the window, so we go inside.

Friend: “Hi! Could I try on the top in the window?”

The saleswoman chuckles as though my friend has asked something ridiculous.

Saleswoman: “Oh, no. That top isn’t for sale.”

Friend: “It isn’t?”

Saleswoman: “No, we just put it there to lure customers into the shop.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Saleswoman: “Yes! People come in asking to try it on all the time.”

She laughs again, apparently delighted by how well her plan is working.

Friend: “So you advertise something people really want, then tell them they can’t buy it?”

Saleswoman: “Exactly!”

Me: “Well, congratulations. You successfully lured us in.”

Friend: “…And permanently scared us off.”

We leave and never shop there again. As we left, we could tell by the saleswoman’s demeanour that she thought her trick was a completely normal thing to do…

Years ago, working in an outdoor clothing/accessories shop, a woman came in and asked:

Customer: “I’m looking for something to keep my feet warm inside my boots.”

Me: “Let me show you our sock range—”

Customer: “—Not socks!”

Me: “Oh… do you mean like heated insoles? We don’t sell those but—”

Customer: “—Not those either!”

Me: “Well, then without socks as an option I don’t know what to suggest.

Customer: “You mean you don’t have anything?!”

Me: “What did you have in mind?”

Customer: “You’re supposed to tell me!”

Me: “Well, you could check out the one-use BBQs we have up front? Chuck a lump of burning coal in there with your feet and that should do the trick.”

Customer: “Do you think that’s funny?”

Me: “Trust me, I don’t think there’s anything funny about this conversation.”

She wouldn’t specify any type of product, just a warming solution that wasn’t socks. She left disgusted, and to this day I don’t know what she wanted me to suggest.

I’m working checkout. A mother parks her stroller beside my register without saying anything and starts to walk off. I naively thought she was just distracted and forgot to grab the kid out.

Me: *Calling after her.* “Ma’am! You… uh… forgot your baby!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I didn’t. He’ll be fine with you until I get back.”

Me: “Uh… no, he won’t, ma’am. I’m a checkout operator, not a babysitter.”

Customer: “It’s really hard to try clothes on with a baby and a stroller!”

Me: “We have larger changing rooms for this exact situation, ma’am.”

Customer: “He cries when I take him in there, and I can never relax enough to see if the clothes look good. He’s better off with you.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you think he’s better off with me, then I think he’s better off with the police. I will call them if you take one more step into the store without your son.”

The customer glares at me as she walks back over to my register, takes her stroller, and starts pushing it into the store.

Customer: “So does [Store] hate single mothers or is it you specifically?!”

She disappeared into the store before I could answer. When she came back through to pay for something, she chose the checkout lane furthest from me.