Spongebob Must Have Been Here

, , , | Working | May 24, 2021

I’m doing a task that, due to my size and weight, I don’t really like: clothes shopping. I pull a pair of pants off the rack to check their size and find that they are split from crotch to pocket.

Instead of jamming them back in the rack, I take them to the front desk girl.

Me: “I found these on the rack and they were torn. I figured I’d bring them up so no one mistakenly buys them.”

Rude Employee: “Did you try these on?”

Me: “No, I found them like that when I was looking for my own size.”

The pants I’m handing her are a nine and I’m clearly pushing a thirteen, by the store’s standards.

Rude Employee: “So, you tried to get into these and you ripped them?”

Me: “No. I was sifting through the rack and I found these like this.”

Rude Employee: *Growing more patronizing* “That will be $13.95.”

Me: “For what? For bringing you pants that I found destroyed?”

Rude Employee: “No, for trying to shoehorn yourself into these pants that clearly are too small for you and destroying store property.”

I’m fed up and just drop them on the counter.

Me: “You know, I tried to be nice and turn these in, but if you’re going to be rude, I’ll shop elsewhere.”

A wild manager appears.

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

Me: “This woman is accusing me of damaging—”

Rude Employee: “She refused to pay for merchandise she destroyed!”

Me: “I know I’m a thirteen, so those pants can’t have been on my fat a**. I was just turning them in because I found them this way.”

This went back and forth for about two minutes, during which I flatly refused to shell out the $13.95 I didn’t have for a product that I didn’t damage.

Apparently, the manager just decided that he was done with our drama and asked/told me to just leave the store.

I stared at him for long enough to make him uncomfortable while memorizing his nametag out of the corner of my vision, then turned and walked away.

I placed a phone call to the higher-ups and filed my complaint, naming names. I received coupons and a gift card by way of apology. I never saw the employee nor the manager in that store again.

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Getting Shirty About The Obvious Lies

, , | Right | May 13, 2021

I work in a suit shop. We sell a range of shirts which are piled on tables, folded along the sides. A woman comes in and starts rearranging the shirts by ninety degrees so that they barely fit along the table.

Me: “Can I help you, miss?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are told how to arrange our shirts by our area manager, and you can’t move them around.”

Customer: “It’s okay; I’m the manager.”

Knowing this is a lie, I go and get our manager to talk to her.

Manager: “Sorry, miss, but we are told explicitly how our shop should be laid out by our area manager, so we can’t have them rearranged. Can I help you look for a shirt you’d like?”

Customer: “No, I’m not looking to buy anything. I’m the manager.”

Manager: “No, I am.”

Customer: “I mean I’m the area manager.”

Manager: “Oh, your name is Tom? That’s weird, you look different from how you did last Tuesday. Did you shave your beard?”

Customer: “Fine. But you’re not going to sell any shirts this way.”

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Their Bad Behavior Is In The Bag

, , , , , | Right | May 8, 2021

My friend makes one-of-a-kind accessories such as bags, belts, jewellery, etc., which she sells online and at local markets. I have one of her handbags which I use every day, and I often get random people commenting on it. 

One day, I’m shopping in a smallish independent clothing store. There are only two other customers, a mother and her teenage daughter, and the cashier in the shop.

Girl: “Oh, I love that bag.”

Me: “Thanks. I do, too.”

Girl: “Where are they? I want one.”

Me: “Sorry, but this isn’t from here. My friend made it.”

Girl: “Give it to me.”

She holds her hand out.

Me: “No, I’m not giving you my handbag. You can find similar ones at some markets, or she sells them online. Each one is a one of a kind.”

Girl: “No, I want that one. Give it to me now!

Me: “Yeah, not happening.”

I turn away to look at something and she grabs hold of my bag and pulls on it. I just swing my body away, causing her to stumble.

Mother: “What the h***?! You just assaulted my daughter. Give her the bag now!”

Me: “Look, your daughter tried to take my handbag. I didn’t touch her.”

Mother: “So, she wants the bag. You need to give it to her. You can get another one.”

Me: “Lady, I’m not giving her my handbag. Now back off.”

Mother: *Screaming* “Help! This b**** just assaulted a minor and stole her bag. Help!”

Cashier: “You! You’ve both been warned before about causing problems in here. You both need to leave.”

Mother: “What?! She just assaulted my baby and stole her bag. Call the police. I’ll have you both arrested and the shop shut down.”

Cashier: “I saw the whole thing, and so did the cameras which also record audio. Now you both need to leave unless this young lady wants to press charges for attempted theft.”

The daughter started crying while the mother turned some interesting shades of red before pushing a display over and grabbing her daughter by the arm, and they both ran out the door.

I helped clean up the display but decided against pressing charges. After speaking more with the cashier who turned out to be the owner, I found out that they’d only just been allowed back in the store after harassing an older lady over a pair of glasses that the mother wanted. I was given a discount on my purchases and passed along my friend’s details. Now, the shop sells my friend’s accessories and I work part-time in the shop.

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Taking The Twins To Meet The Queen

, , , , , | Related | May 2, 2021

I am shopping in town with my nine-year-old son in tow. Perhaps it’s not such a good idea, but I go into a shop to get myself some new underwear.

We’re in the area where they sell oversized underwear and my cheeky monkey of a son points to a rack of some of the larger items and says in his high-pitched and penetrating voice:

Son: “Look, Mum! Hats for twins!”

And he scampered off, sniggering.

Trouble is, I couldn’t stop laughing. I was still tittering when I got to the checkout, and unfortunately, I set off the member of staff. They say laughter is infectious. I infected the entire store, basically.

When we got outside I gave him one of my famous punishments that aren’t really punishments.

Me: “Just for that, we aren’t going to go up to Buckingham Palace to meet the Queen this afternoon.”

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Retail Staff Have To Shoulder Many Burdens

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2021

A woman comes storming out of the dressing room while I am browsing a rack nearby. She gets right up in the face of the attendant.

Customer: “Your clothes are broken! It says it should fit but it’s not fitting, and I’ve tried everything! It isn’t working!”

She continues to shout in this vein for about half a minute, not letting the attendant get a word in edgewise. Finally, she pauses to take a deep breath, and the attendant is able to speak up.

Attendant: “Ma’am, it might fit better if you straighten the shoulder.”

The woman just stares at her blankly, possibly confused that her verbal punching bag was talking back. The attendant reaches over and fixes something about the shoulder of the shirt the woman was trying on, leading to the lady continuing to stare for a few moments, before finally rebooting.

Customer: *Very cutesy voice* “Oh… Well, that’s much better. See!”

She then turned around and stalked back into the dressing room, while I shared a commiserating head-shake with the attendant.

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