I work at a well-known, kinda pricey clothing brand (not super expensive like Prada, but still up there in terms of individual item cost).

A woman comes in and presents to me a knockoff of one of our items. A really, really bad one.

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “This broke. I want a replacement.”

When this happens, we’re not allowed to outright say to the customer that they have a fake knockoff, so we just state:

Me: “This is not one of our products.”

Woman: “Yeah, I know, I got this at a flea market from some Chinese lady for like, fifty bucks.”

Me: *Surprised she just came out and said it.* “So… you understand why I cannot replace this.”

Woman: “Yeah, but your brand doesn’t want people out there thinking that they’re bad quality, so you should take this one off the street, and put a real one out there, with me, to make your brand look better.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think there’s a way for you to make our brand look better.”

Woman: “That’s how you talk to customers?”

Me: “No, because customers buy something.”

She walked out with her flea market knockoff. I don’t think she was in danger of damaging the brand with it.

I’m the fitting room attendant. A customer has been using our fitting rooms for over an hour, trying on a lot of clothes. She walks up to me with another pile of clothes that she’s tried on, putting one into the ‘buy’ pile and the rest to be discarded.

Customer: “By the way, I’m getting hungry. Do you do lunch orders?”

Me: “Uh, we’re a clothing store, ma’am. There’s lot of food options in the mall.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I want to keep trying on clothes. I’m gonna buy a lot with you guys, so I’m thinking lunch. A turkey sub would be good.”

Me: “Ma’am, just to make sure I’m understanding you, are you asking us to order you some lunch?”

Customer: “Yes! So that I can keep trying on clothes uninterrupted! I’m going to spend big with you guys, so it’s in your interests to keep me in the store trying on clothes!”

Me: “That’s not a service we offer, ma’am. If you’re hungry, you can leave your clothes with me to hold while you get some lunch in the mall, and then you can come back and—”

Customer: “—When I’m gambling in Vegas, the casinos bring drinks and snacks to me at the slot machines to keep me there.”

Me: “This is not something we do in Cleveland, ma’am.”

Customer: “If I leave this store to go have my lunch, there’s a risk of me not coming back. Do you want that on your hands? I’m a big spender!”

We’re a famous and popular international chain, with most of our clothing items costing between $20 and $50. Her big spender total (seven items) came to about $200 so far.

Me: “I can live with that risk, ma’am.”

Customer: *Drops the clothes on the floor.* “This is terrible service!”

She walks out and, as far as I can tell, never comes back. I’m pretty sure she was only interested in trying to get a free lunch and figured we’d just… go with it?

I worked at Victoria’s Secret for years and got lots of dumb questions. The one that stands out most:

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re out of your size in the color you want.”

Customer: “Can you check in the back?”

I go back for her even though I know we’re out of stock. I come back and tell her as much.

Customer: “While you were back there, you could have at least asked the people in the back how long it would take to make one for me!”

A customer is buying a shirt and is shocked at the price on the register.

Customer: “Why is the total more than what it says on the price tag?”

Me: “That’s the price with tax not included.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why do I have to pay tax?”

Me: “…Because everyone has to. Government regulations.”

Customer: “Well then, if I have to pay tax, I want a 10% discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we currently do not have any sales in the store right now; I can’t give you a discount.”

Customer: “How can you justify making me pay tax and not give me a discount!?”

Me: “No one is making you pay tax, as you don’t have to buy the shirt.”

Customer: “So the government says pay tax or go topless?!”

Me: “If that’s how you want to interpret it, sure.”

She storms off without buying anything, but stays by the exit, ranting that our store was asking customers to remove their clothing to avoid paying tax. I had to explain to my manager how many mental hoops the customer had jumped through to get to that conclusion, before she politely asked the customer to leave.

Manager: “If it were that simple, I’d be in my birthday suit all day to save me some tax money!”

I worked in the women’s changing rooms (let’s not begin on the horrors I saw there), and was putting jeans back on the racks. Now, we all wear these obnoxious blue t-shirts that say ‘I LOVE [STORE NAME]’ across the back. You know, in case anyone thought I was putting away stock for s***s and giggles. So, we’re easily identifiable.

A woman in a “can I speak to the manager?!” haircut comes up to me.

Customer: “Excuse me.” *Holds up a pair of jeans that are on sale.* “I need these for my daughter.”

Me: “Sorry, but those are a sale item, so if you can’t find the size you need on the rack, then we don’t have any more available.”

Customer: *Starts to glow red.* “Well, I need them, go and check the back!”

Me: *Having been on since 8 AM and so, so done with this shift.* “Sorry, we don’t have any out back. They’re a sale item, so any left will be out on the rack.”

Customer: *Getting redder.* “That makes no sense! The item is on sale, so you should have more! Because you’ll sell more!”

Me: “No, it’s on sale for half price because it didn’t sell well. It wouldn’t make sense to order more.”

Customer: “But that’s stupid! You should have more because it’s cheaper!”

Me: “Again, it’s cheaper because it didn’t sell well. It wouldn’t make sense to order more when it didn’t sell in the first place.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have clothes that don’t sell well!”

Me: “Probably not. Excuse me.”

So, the point of the story is that if you have an item on sale because it didn’t sell well, you definitely should order more! Sigh.