Making A Light Joke

, , , | | Right | May 13, 2019

(I am a fairly tall male — 6’2” — and I have a very deep and resonant voice. When interacting with customers I always speak in a much higher tone so that I sound more friendly and approachable. I’ve just finished bagging up a customer’s purchase when the following happens.)

Me: “You’re all set to go. Thank you for shopping at [Store] and have a great day!

Customer: “You know, you’d sound a lot more friendly if you tried to lighten your voice some.”

Me: *drops my voice a couple of octaves down to my normal speaking voice* “Yeah, I thought so, too.”

Customer: *opens mouth to speak, thinks better of it, and leaves without another word*

Unfiltered Story #148879

, , | | Unfiltered | May 4, 2019

A woman comes in to return two dresses and a pair of heels.  She has trouble finding the receipt, so I pull up the transaction on our computer. It turns out that it’s past our return period, which means that she’s supposed to get store credit worth the current selling price of whatever she’s returning.  We often have managers override this if it’s less than a week past the return-by date, but the computer won’t show us that.  The shoes are currently selling for less than what she paid, so in case of trouble I call the manager over while she continues to look for her receipt.

Woman: You know, I wore the other dress I bought with these to a party in New York.

Me: Really?

Woman: Yeah, it was thrown by [Prominent Mob Boss].  You’ve heard of the [Prominent Mob Family], right?

Manager and Me: Yes…

Woman: The dress I wore was by this designer [points to tag], and while I was there a man came up to me and asked, “Are you wearing a [designer] dress?”  I said I didn’t know, and he said, “I think you are, because I designed that dress!  That dress is by [designer]!”  And then he took me up to [Prominent Mob Boss’ Wife] and said, “You have to meet her, she’s wearing my dress!”

Manager and Me: …Very cool…

Woman: Yeah, yeah, it was.

Manager: I’m afraid this is past the return period, though, I can’t put it back on your card AND give you back the full price.

Woman: [Launches into tirade about our terrible return policy even though she has no receipt.]

She ended up getting some of her money back on the card, and some of it in store credit, which is the sort of compromise we often do.  I don’t realize that she might have been trying to intimidate us with the mob story until the next day.

Unfiltered Story #148212

, , | Unfiltered | April 30, 2019

(I was at the cash station ringing up a customer’s purchases when another lady queued up behind her ready to make hers. There was only her and the woman I was currently ringing up. My manager is behind me busy with visuals for the store. There are 4 registers but at most we’ll open a second if it starts to get really busy and there are more than 4 people in line.)
Woman: (to my manager) Can’t you open a second register?
Manager: We’re not currently able to.
Woman: Gosh it’s like (large chain store) you have a bunch of registers but only one is open.

(this is clearly making the customer ahead of her uncomfortable. The customer in front of this woman is pretty much done with her purchase by now anyway.)
Customer: Finally.
(I ring through her purchase and it gets to the payment screen. I have to ask for debit or credit because it’s difficult to see the cards they use. She says it’s debit, but later I realize she needed credit. Her purchase wouldn’t go through. She left in a huff without making her purchase of one item… )

One Piece To Keep The Peace

, , , , | Working | April 26, 2019

(We’re in the year 2000 or close. As a teenager, I’m slim and “nicely built” — or so I’ve heard — yet I am VERY modest, especially in the chest area, and my family know its and respects it. I don’t mind girls who wear low-cut clothes — I think it’s really great if they enjoy it and I HATE slut-shaming — yet I’d rather be slapped or punched than show the slightest part of my “parts.” Up until now, most girls and women have worn one-piece swimming suits on the local beaches, and I’ve loved it. However, bikinis are coming back into fashion and my mom wants to buy me one of those. I accept, thinking she’ll find me a modestly cut two-piece or something that’ll cover everything I want to cover. She makes me try a dozen bikinis on. All of them are too low-cut for my tastes, and the shop assistant — male — is staring.)

Me: “Mom, I don’t feel good in any of those.”

Shop Assistant: “Are you sure? Because you look great in all of those!”

Me: “I don’t feel good. I’d like to try something more modest, please.”

(The shop assistant comes back with a swimsuit that is even more low-cut than the previous one. I’m running out of patience.)

Me: “I’d like to try a one-piece on!”

Mom: “But you look so much better in a bikini!”

Me: “Mom, everyone looks good in one-pieces! They hide all the flaws!”

Shop Assistant: “Which flaws? Your mom’s right; you have a bikini body!”

Me: “It’s my body and I want to try a one-piece. I just prefer stuff I can swim in without ever losing the straps.”

Mom: “Try this one on first.”

(I try it. It’s still too low-cut for my tastes.)

Me: “I’d prefer a one-piece.”

Shop Assistant: “One-pieces are for grandmothers. Is that what you want to do: look like a granny? That would be a waste!”

Me: “I’d like something that’s not that low-cut, please.”

Shop Assistant: “Why? You have beautiful breasts.”

(He was staring at my cleavage, and I was just a girl. I felt dirty. To all shop assistants who read this: if a customer ever tells you she wants something more modest, just give her something more modest. Don’t make her try sexy things on “for her own good” if she doesn’t want to, especially if she’s a teenager. Prude-shaming is just as wrong as slut-shaming.)

Unfiltered Story #146872

, , , | Unfiltered | April 12, 2019

I work at a large clothing store. Please note that I’m a tall woman with very short hair.

(middle-aged woman comes up to help desk)
Me: How can I help you, Ma’am?
Her: Excuse me, but…it’s embarrassing. Can I please talk to a woman?
Me: I can help you, in that c-
Her: No, I need a woman.
Me: Ma’am, I am a woman.
Her: No you’re not! Stop trying to butt into this!
Me: Ma’am, listen to my voice. Does this sound like a man’s voice?
Her: HELP! I HAVE A PERVERT HERE!
(store manager comes over)
Manager: Excuse me, ma’am?
Her: (pointing to me) He’s trying to creep on me when I said I only want a woman to help me!
Manager: First of all, that “he” that you’re talking about is a she. Second, she wasn’t creeping on you, she was just trying to help you with your problem. And third, she told you that she was a woman numerous times. Why did you not believe her, if you don’t mind me asking?
Her: I…uh….well…*lost for words*
Me: NOW can I help you, Ma’am?
Her: Y-yes, of course!

(As it turns out, she was trying to find out how to get her daughter’s period stains out of her clothes.)