Has A Crush On Candy

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Working | January 16, 2017

(After working in candy stores for nearly ten years, I’ve got a few stock responses to some of the more frequent questions and comments I get about working versus eating.)

Customer #1:  “Do you ever eat anything when nobody’s looking?”

Me: *extremely shifty* “Nooo… Of cooourse nooot…”

Customer #2:  “Wow, I don’t know if I’d have the willpower to work here without eating everything!”

Me: “My willpower is frequently replaced by chocolate.”

Customer #3:  “How are you not constantly eating candy?”

Me: “I AM constantly eating candy!”

Customer #4:  “Do you get free candy working here?”

Me: “No, but that doesn’t stop me.”

Daddy’s Little Money Mogul

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Related | November 22, 2016

(A man comes up to the register with his young daughter. I give him his price and he pulls out his wallet to pay.)

Girl: “Daddy, wait! I got money. I got… Daddy, I got money! Wait!”

(She makes him wait until she pulls out a dollar from her purse and puts it on the counter. He slides it out of her sight and passes me a ten while she’s not looking.)

Dad: “Don’t close your purse yet! You’re getting change back!”

(He gives her all the change, as well as the dollar she’d initially attempted to ”pay” with. She didn’t see anything amiss with getting almost five dollars in change from a single dollar and happily walked out with her candy.)

Sharing Is Conniving

| Salem, NH, USA | Related | November 11, 2016

(Most of the candy in our store is priced by weight, and a single bag can hold up to five pounds depending on what you pick.)

Customer #1: *to [Customer #2]* “I came in here with [Girl] a while ago, and made the mistake of not watching her. So about ten minutes later she comes up and says ‘Daddy, I filled the bag!’ and yup, she had filled it to the TOP. I asked her why she had gotten so much, and she said ‘so I can share with [Boy]!’ and how am I supposed to tell her no to sharing? So I bought the whole thing…”

Lady Said So

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Related | October 14, 2016

(A family of four — a parent and three children — are browsing the store. The youngest, a toddler, tries to reach her hand directly into a bin of loose candy.)

Me: *in a gentle sing-song tone* “No-no, sweetie! No-no!”

(She looks at me, and after another “no-no” she takes her hand off the bin. She rejoins her siblings, watching as one of them picks a wrapped candy off a shelf.)

Toddler: *very softly* “Lady said no.”

(I have to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing. The family continues shopping for a few more minutes, punctuated every so often with a tiny “lady said no” until they check out.)

Infantile Inflation

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Working | September 15, 2016

(I am teasing a customer’s daughter, who is absolutely not falling for my lies.)

Girl: “How much is the candy?”

Me: “A million-billion dollars.”

Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

Me: “Yup… million-billion dollars.”

Girl: “No, it isn’t!”

(A few minutes later, she notices one of the items on the shelves behind me.)

Girl: “What are those?”

Me: “They’re jars to put candy in. They cost five dollars, plus the price of candy.”

(She nods.)

Me: “And the candy is a million-billion dollars.”

Girl: “It is NOT!”

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