Nothing Never Tasted So Good

, , , , , , , | Related | June 11, 2018

(I am visiting my cousin and niece at their house. They are in the kitchen while I am in an adjacent room.)

Niece: “Daddy, can I have some ice cream?”

Cousin: “Sure thing. Don’t tell anyone else about this, okay?”

(At this point, I need something from the kitchen, so I walk in, just as my cousin is opening the freezer and taking out an ice cream carton.)

Me: “Hey there, [Niece]. What are you doing?”

Niece: “We’re getting… nothing from the freezer.”

(She held her arms out, as if to block me from seeing my very tall cousin prepare an ice cream cone.)

Has Him Foaming At The Mouth

, , , , | Right | June 7, 2018

(I work at a large chain arts and crafts store. I’m usually at the fabric counter, but tonight I am working registers. My coworker, the only other person on registers tonight, gives me that “Dear God, please save me” expression. She has a middle-aged man with a large slab of green upholstery foam in his cart at her register.)

Coworker: “This guest wants to know if we can ring up this foam for him.”

Customer: “I have the barcode for it right here.” *he shows me the image on his phone*

Me: “I’m sorry; you need to take that back to the cutting counter so they can measure and price it for you.”

Customer: “But I have the price right here!”

Me: “I noticed. But it still needs to be taken back to the cutting counter so we can make sure it’s two and a half yards long, so we don’t overcharge you.”

Customer: “You can’t just do it from this? It’s just $69.99.”

Me: “It’s store policy that our green foam is measured and cut by the counter.”

Customer: “You mean I have to stand back there with all those women?”

Me: *pause* “That is what that would imply, yes.”

Customer: *wheeling his cart back out of the till* “Just so you know, that’s a s***ty policy!”

Me: “He’s going to s*** a brick when he realizes that’s $70 a yard. Should I call out and tell our entirely female staff at the counter about this guy?”

Coworker: “Definitely.”

(As far as I know, he didn’t get his foam and hasn’t been back.)

It’s Good On Paper

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | May 13, 2018

My brother had just finished soccer practice in his senior year and decided to drive his friend home. On the way to her house, a distracted driver ended up rear-ending the two of them into an intersection, where the passenger side was hit by a van going 50 miles per hour. My brother broke four ribs in the crash and managed to roll out of the car. He stood up and tried to make his way back to help his friend, puncturing a lung in the process. Eventually, a bystander managed to restrain my brother so he wouldn’t be injured further. The girl was taken into intensive care, and we didn’t know what was happening with her for a long time.

I was in the same high school as my brother, and I was allowed to take a week off to stay with him in recovery. He was incredibly worried about his friend, and he was starting to get depressed. That’s around the time people started coming to see him. Throughout his stay he had nearly the entire school visit him, both students and staff. The nurses actually had to start getting involved to make sure not too many people were in the waiting room at a time. Each and every person brought him an origami swan.

We learned that the day after the accident the entire school shut down all its activities. Instead, everyone was taught how to make origami swans, which signify health and quick healing. Everyone spent the entire day folding them for my brother and his friend. My brother received over 3,000 swans. When he was finally released and he went back to school for the first time, we found the entire school covered in swans. They were hanging from the ceiling in nearly every room. One of his friends even managed to make a seven-foot tall swan that the school kept in the cafeteria.

My brother and his friend miraculously recovered. Even the doctors were baffled that there was no permanent damage to either of them. My school had those swans hanging in the hallways until the day it shut down. It might be silly to think little pieces of paper could make a difference in a life-or-death situation, but I can’t help but be thankful for each and every one of them.

Unfiltered Story #108250

, , , | Unfiltered | April 5, 2018

(I’m the customer in this story. My mother had sprained her back and had just gotten out of the hospital after it took them two days to figure out what the issue was. She’s told my dad she wanted fried chicken for dinner so I tag along with him to help if it. The cashier was a classmate and friend in high school and she recognizes me as we come up to the counter.)

Cashier: “Hey and welcome to [chicken place] what would you guys like tonight?”

Dad: “Can we get a bucket of chicken?”

Cashier: *glances to me and grins* “[My name], I can’t give you this whole thing of chicken. I know you love it, but this is excessive!”

Me: *without even thinking about how it sounds* “It’s not all for me [cashier], my mom just got out of the hospital!”

Does Not Compute, But Really Wishes It Did

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I work in a game store.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Can I pay you with this?”

(The man then hands me a tin of mints.)

Me: *very confused* “Sir, I really can’t take that as payment.”

Customer: “Just take it.” *shoves mints in my hand*

(I am about to retort when I realize there is something off about the pack of mints. I open it up and find a fully functional computer inside of it! The screen is very small, but it runs smoothly.)

Me: *laughing* “That is amazing! I honestly wish I could take it as payment, but we don’t sell computers here.”

Customer: “Aw, that sucks. I made it myself and I got kind of bored with it. Let me know if you find anyone who might want it!”

(He paid and left with his computer, but not before letting all the staff take pictures and get his contact info so we could spread the word for him!)

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