To Pea Or Nut To Pea

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 3, 2020

There’s a boy in my shop class who is very allergic to peanuts. For some unknown reason, there has been a large container of peanuts in our classroom since before I started at this school. Why it remains has been a consistent mystery, and every time we think it is gone one of us will find it in a cabinet somewhere.

During finals, our shop teacher gives us a free day. A lot of people are spending the class either playing games or studying for the finals of other classes, but our classmate with the allergy somehow slips out of the main classroom and into a side room. A minute or two after he leaves the room, another classmate looks up towards the door and rushes out. 

I, along with some other students, follow to see what’s going on. There’s a lot of yelling, and as I turn into the side room, I see a larger classmate holding our allergic classmate off the ground while a girl is trying to wrestle the jar of peanuts out of his hands.

Turns out that, for some unknown reason, our allergic classmate decided it’d be better for him to trigger an allergic reaction and go to the hospital than it would be for him to just study and take his English exam next period.

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The Book Thief

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(While browsing at a bookstore, I am vaguely aware of a man at the other end of the aisle of shelves. A bookstore employee passes the aisle and pauses on my end.)

Employee: “You need to put those books back on the shelf right now.”

(I stare at her, but as she sounds deadly serious, I begin to put the book I am looking at back on the shelf. Then, I notice she is looking past me at the other customer.)

Employee: “Sir, you need to put those books back. This minute.”

(Her voice is IRON. The man pauses and then pulls a paperback out of his shirt and sheepishly sets it back on the shelf.)

Employee: All of them.”

(Two more paperbacks are pulled out of the man’s shirt and reshelved. The man goes past sheepish into anxious, as the employee is glaring murderously at him.)

Man: “I’m really sorry.”

Employee: “Not as sorry as I’m going to be marking those books as damaged returns. Leave the store.”

Man: “But I was going to—”

Employee: “Leave now, and I will not tell my manager that I watched you jam three books under your shirt.”

(The man almost runs toward the exit. The employee watches until he is gone, sighs, and refocuses on me.)

Employee: “Can I help you find anything?”

Me: “Your iron will?”

Employee: “I was a librarian for five years. He’s lucky I didn’t peer over my glasses at him; he would have melted.”

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Actually, English Mastiffs Are The Biggest… Wrong Time?

, , , , , | Related | March 23, 2020

(My brother has always had a way of getting people to their breaking points of frustration and anger with little to no effort. I don’t remember what this argument was about since it was so many years ago, and my dad was always the “talk things out” parent, so the fact he confided in me years later that he’d been uncomfortably close to pulling over and hitting my brother meant he was SERIOUSLY at his limit.

I’m in the car with my brother and my dad and they’ve been arguing. I’ve never seen my dad so mad before or since. There’s been a tense silence in the few minutes after their argument when my brother decides there’s a very important and unrelated question he needs answered.)

Brother: *as if he hadn’t just been arguing with my father* “Hey, Dad? What’s the biggest dog you know of?”

Dad: *in the angriest tone I’ve ever heard him use* “A SAINT F****** BERNARD.”

(Dad, I very sincerely love how, even at the angriest I’ve ever seen you, you still took the time to sincerely answer your son.)

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An Abundance Of Weird Spellings

, , , , | Related | March 17, 2020

(My name, while common, uses one of the more uncommon spellings — for my area at least. For sake of ease, let’s say it’s Kathryn instead of Catherine. They did the same with my middle name. My dad has decided to write me a check while we’re sitting in the bank parking lot. He pauses partway through writing the check, looking at me somewhat ashamed.)

Dad: “How did we spell your name again?”

Me: *jokingly* “You had twenty years to learn this, Dad. K-A-T-H-R-Y-N.”

Dad: *laughing along as he finishes out the check* “Good thing I don’t have to put your middle name on here; I’d get that wrong, too!”

(Thanks, guys.)

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Unfiltered Story #189097

, , | Unfiltered | March 13, 2020

I’m a hostess at a restaurant that runs almost entirely off reservations, Saturday’s especially. We are a chain and have another location in Wilmington, NC, that people mistakenly call all the time, a party of 6 did just that one Saturday night.
Costumer: Hi! Reservation for [name].
Me: I’m sorry sir, I don’t see your reservation, could it be under a different name?
Costumer: No! No other name, I called and made a reservation about a week ago
Me: I’m sorry, you’re not in our system, you could have possibly made a reservation at our Wilmington, NC location, it happens very often.
I tell the party at this point we can get them in in about an hour and a half, which the older getleman scoffs at and says no way, even after we offer to comp their dessert.
Another member of the party comes to the hoststand, the grandfather holding his 3 or 4 year old grandson: This is f***ing ridiculous! How do you not have our table? We called and made a reservation! I demand you seat us!
Me: I’m sorry sir, but all of our tables are currently reserved, let me call the other location to see if they have your reservation.
At this point I call my manger over, who proceeds to tell the party the same thing. I call the other location, turns out they made the reservation for Wilmington, NC, not our location.
Me: Sir, you’ve made your reservation for the Wilmington, NC location, which I’ve told them to go ahead and cancel, but I’m sorry an hour and a half with free dessert is the best I can offer you at this point.
Costumer: This is completely unprofessional, you should be ashamed! We’ll never eat here again!
They storm out, while my manager simply stares after them.
Manager: if they come back in an hour and a half, asking to be sat, DO NOT seat them. Come and get me and I’ll kick them out.
We have never, not once, kicked a costumer out…