CONTENT WARNING: Gross, Sexual References

It’s my first day at the sandwich store, and I am starting as a dishwasher for now.

Coworker: “Oh… gaaaaaaaahd. He’s back.”

Me: “Who’s back?”

Coworker: “Listen to this order. You won’t forget this.”

My coworker starts serving a customer.

Customer: “I’ll get the hot ham and cheese sub with extra mayo.”

That sounds normal enough, but as my coworker starts adding the extra mayo, the customer goes:

Customer: “More, please.”

They add more.

Customer: “A little extra.”

They add more.

Customer: “Extra still.”

The extra was never enough. He kept instructing my coworker to add mayo until it was basically a mayo sandwich with some ham and cheese parts floating around in it. It actually squelched as it was wrapped.

All my coworkers called it “the semen demon”.

Related:
A Big Mayo No No, Part 9
A Big Mayo No No, Part 8
A Big Mayo No No, Part 7
A Big Mayo No No, Part 6
A Big Mayo No No, Part 5

Customer: “Can I get [meal] to go?”

Me: “This is a food truck. All of our meals are to go.”

Customer: “Oh, yes, of course, but… I don’t like Styrofoam. Can you just put my food on a plate and wrap it with plastic wrap? I’ll bring the plate back tomorrow or the day after. Thanks.”

Me: “Uh… I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why? Is it because you hate people who have sensory processing disorders?!”

Me: “No… we literally don’t have plates. I could… kinda… smush your meal into a plastic cup?”

Customer: “Ew! Gross! No way!” *Storms off*

I work in a library, and I typically arrive at work about an hour before we open to the public. When I come up the front steps, a man is waiting by the door.

Me: “Hi, sir, just to let you know, we won’t be open until 9:30 today.”

Patron: “I just need to pay a fine.”

Me: “Okay, sure thing! You can come in as soon as we’re open, and we’ll look up your card at the circulation desk to get everything squared away.”

Patron: “Oh, it’s not my fine. It’s for my friend.”

Me: “In that case, let them know they can come in any time we’re open, or give us a call any time, and we’ll talk the situation over with them.”

Patron: “No, I just want to pay the fine for her. Her name is [Common First Name].”

He doesn’t say a last name.

Me: That’s nice of you! We’ll still need to talk to her since it’s her account. We’ll talk to her about any fines on her card, and once she gives us permission to take payment from you on her behalf, we’ll be golden.”

Patron: “You’re being so difficult! You know, she’s scared to come here because she owes a big fine, and she’s worried you’ll arrest her.”

Me: “I promise we won’t do that, sir. However, I legally can’t give you any information about her account or take your money for her fines without her giving us direct permission. We have a responsibility to maintain our patrons’ privacy.”

Patron: “How can you be so heartless? I’m just trying to do a favor for a friend! I want to surprise her! She says she owes $20!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with this right now. If she wants to talk to us about her account, she can call us any time at [library phone number]. If you need any help with your own library card, please come back when we’re open.”

Patron: “I don’t have a library card. I’m not giving you guys my personal information.”

Later on, I learned that he’d complained to my boss about my refusing to help him. My boss backed me up because I’d done the right thing; we are very careful about personal information, even stuff that doesn’t seem personal like fines.

When I was being trained in my role, my boss himself told me a story about a staff member who had accidentally given a patron’s books to her ex-husband who was stalking her. He held the books hostage until her account was frozen for overdue items and then tried to hold the “favor” of paying the fines over her head.

Do I think this guy was doing the same thing? No, but I wasn’t about to put some lady’s privacy in jeopardy just for a whim. Also, I would have needed her last name to even look her up in the first place.

Several years ago, I interviewed at an office for a job. The interview started okay in the beginning, and then the office manager surprised me with these questions.

Office Manager: “Are you single, married, divorced, or widowed?”

Me: “Divorced.”

Office Manager: “Do you have any children? If so, what are their ages, what grades are they in, where do they go to school, and who takes care of them?”

Me: “May I ask how this is relevant to the job?”

Office Manager: “We don’t like to hire single mothers who have young children and no babysitters. If your child gets sick, we expect you to have a backup for them. We don’t want anyone missing any work for their kids. We don’t allow anyone to bring their kids to work. It would cause chaos, and no one would be able to get any work done. Also, we expect you to come in sick. If you need to go to the doctor, it will have to be done after work. No exceptions.”

Me: “Okay. I don’t wish to answer your questions as they are not relevant to how I can perform the job. I will end this interview now.”

I got up and walked out. A few weeks later, I got another job at a different office, and thankfully, they didn’t ask these questions or say those other things about getting sick. They said if you are sick, you should stay at home and don’t bring whatever you have into the office.

At the new office, I met a girl who told me she had previously worked for the first office where I’d interviewed, and it was horrible.

She went on to tell me that the office manager fired people for anything. The girl told me she got fired for leaving work early when her toddler son fell and hit his head at daycare and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. The office manager said, “I hired you to work for me, not your son. If you need to see your son, you can do it after work.”

Another person was fired for getting into a car accident on the way to work and being taken to the hospital with a concussion. She was fired for not calling to report that she would not be in prior to 8:00 am.

Lastly, another person was fired for going to the post office to pick up the office’s post office box mail. The manager timed how long it took each person to make the trip, and it averaged twenty minutes. This person took like 28 minutes (due to a wreck) and was fired because the office manager decided that they must have stopped off somewhere for personal reasons.

The office with the terrible office manager is a law firm, and the office manager is the managing attorney’s wife.

The girl said that the office manager would bring her four-year-old grandson to work almost every day as her son (who worked for another company) was a single dad with no babysitter. The child spent all day being disruptive toward everyone, and the office manager didn’t do anything about it.

I’m so thankful I walked out of that interview.

I have heard that they closed a couple of years ago.

I’m a middle-aged woman, and I volunteer at my kids’ school library once a week. One time, the regular librarian was gone and there was a substitute librarian. I’m not sure where she was from, but her accent suggested a region of the world known for being homogenously Christian (as in, a different one other than Alabama). We were alone in the library and started chatting.

Substitute Librarian: “And you do this every week? You’re such an angel! I can surely tell that God sent you to this school to witness through your good works…”

She went on in that vein for a while, and I mostly just nodded and smiled; I was raised Christian, but I’m no longer exactly practicing. I don’t remember what her exact question was that led to this, but then we had the following exchange.

Me: “Then, my wife and I moved here—”

Substitute Librarian: “Your wife?”

Me: “Yep.”

Substitute Librarian: “You’re married to a woman?”

Me: “Yes.”

Substitute Librarian: “But you said you have kids! Were they…” *makes a weird hand gesture* “You know, needle babies?”

Me: “Oh! No, actually, my wife was my husband for fifteen years first, before she transitioned, so they’re our biological kids. She’s just a woman now.”

Substitute Librarian: “But… how?”

She seemed genuinely curious and more baffled than judgmental (and the library was still empty other than the two of us), so I ended up basically explaining Queer 101: how transitioning works, how you can be bisexual even when monogamous, how transitioning doesn’t actually change your genitalia unless you opt for additional surgery (which many trans people don’t, my wife included).

Normally, I don’t answer intrusive questions like that, but I think she legitimately had no idea that this whole world existed! In the end, her conclusion came down to:

Substitute Librarian: “Well, I still think you are a wonderful person doing God’s work. It’s good that you’re staying with your husband even though he’s… going through some things… because divorce is a sin and too many people just give up.”

Sigh… So close!