I used to work in a McDonald’s kitchen. We were experiencing a large number of new starters due to high turnover, mostly because the store manager was awful. It was 7 AM, and it was our last hour before the store picked up traffic.

Two of my friends/coworkers are wrapping up the morning setup when a new girl walks in. She sheepishly stands at the back and washes her hands while the manager introduces her.

Eventually, she is told to put a hair net on. We don’t see her for a while.

Me: “Where’s the new girl?”

Coworker: “I thought she was putting on a hair net and then coming back?” 

We both peek around the corner (the kitchen was an ‘L’ shape), and we see the new girl, looking flustered, with about thirty hair nets on her head.

Coworker: “Uh… [New Girl], what are you doing?”

New Girl: “These things take forever to put on! How do you all do this?!”

Coworker: “Because we only wear one?”

New Girl: “Huh?”

The new girl, in her first-day nerves, saw the hair net pack and didn’t realize it was a pack of sixty. She thought it was just one ‘set’ and was trying to pull all of them over her head. She had long hair and thought it required some weird patchwork quilt of hair nets to hold it all in.

Me: “No, no, like this.”

I remove my single hair net, toss it in the trash, take a fresh single hair net, and pull it over my head, tucking in all my hair at the back.

Me: “See, just the one required.”

New Girl: “I knew I had to be doing something wrong!”

We all laughed, and then we showed her how to work her station, frying the hash browns.

Coworker: “Now these you CAN all fry at once. Don’t fry one at a time.”

New Girl: “D*** it, I’ve been here an hour, and I already have a ‘thing’.”

She later went on to be fairly good at her job!

I’m the new guy at a bar in a fancy hotel.

Boss: “Okay, we get customers who order all kinds of fancy wines with no idea what they’re ordering. Also, they don’t know how to pronounce them. Don’t correct them, just make sure you get them the right drink. Don’t make them feel stupid.”

Me: “Yeah, I got it. I’ve had so many customers pronounce the ‘t’ in Merlot and the ‘s’ in Chablis.”

Boss: “Yeah, but can you keep a straight face like I did when Châteauneuf-du-Pape became sh*t-on-the-roof-du-poop?”

A new hire is looking and feeling tired after a long shift on the checkouts. They had a slew of terrible customers one after the other:

Manager: “Remember [New Hire]. About 5% of the customers will be wonderful. But they will generally glide almost seamlessly through your day. About 5% are going to be idiotic jerks. There’s nothing you can do or say to fix an idiot, so basically smile, pat them on the head, and get them out of your life as quickly as possible.”

New Hire: “That’s actually pretty good advice.”

Another coworker, one checkout lane over, says:

Coworker: “I just keep repeating my personal affirmation: Illegitimi non carborundum.”

New Hire: “Oooh, what does that mean?”

Coworker: “Don’t let the b*stards wear you down!”

Okay, so it’s mock Latin, not real Latin, but it’s still effective!

I work in a fancy coffee place in the middle of a rich suburban neighborhood with multi-million-dollar homes and celebrity customers. 

Most of the rich clientele are fine, but I’ve noticed that when some of them are bad, they’re the worst. 

A new barista is working the register, and they came across as quiet and timid during training, so I’m keeping an eye on them in case I need to step in.

Customer: “I’ll get the mango cooler, no ice.”

Since this is a pre-mixed drink, the new barista can pour it right there for the customer. I see her perfectly measure it out and give her half a cup of drink. Without the ice, the drink only goes halfway up the cup, so this is correct.

Customer: “Uh? Helloooo? I wanted it filled all the way up.”

Barista: “Without ice, that is filled all the way up. Unless… you wanted two drinks for the price of one? I’m new here; I don’t know of such a sale.”

Customer: *Turning beet red, but not backing down.* “It’s not a sale, it’s common courtesy! Your drinks are already a rip-off, so—”

Barista: “I’m sorry, who made you come here? I’d hate to think you’re being forced to come here when the prices are out of your reach! Would you like me to call someone? Are you in trouble?”

Customer: “F*** you b****!” *Turns heel and storms out.*

Barista: *Calling out to the customer.* “Ma’am, don’t you want your lukewarm “iced” drink?!”

Yeah, I think the new girl is gonna be juuuuust fine.

I’ve been helping a customer buy a TV. After we’ve figured out what one he wants, we get to the payment stage, and his card is declined. He’s angry at me as if it’s my fault.

Customer: “You’re really bad at your job!”

Me: “I wish I had the power to accept your card, sir, but that’s between you and your bank.”

The customer eyes up a 99-cent candy bar we have at the checkouts. This customer thinks to salvage his pride by insisting I comp him one.

Customer: “Gimme one of these for free to make up for it.”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

He mumbles angrily as he pulls out a dollar.

Me: “Okay, with tax, that’s $1.06.”

Customer: “Then comp me the six cents!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Ain’t there nothing you can do?”

Me: “I can accept full payment for items that we sell.”

Customer: “It’s just six cents!”

Me: “Sir, this is literally my second day on the job. They don’t trust me to give discounts, and I’m not calling a manager over on my second day to give you six cents.”

He literally tosses the candy bar at me and storms out. That went from a potential thousand-dollar TV purchase, to a dollar purchase, to a tantrum over six cents, all on my second day in retail.