(A teenage girl enters the library.)

Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

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23 Crazy Stories About Customers Who Struggle With Reading And Comprehension

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(A day camp comes to my pool every weekday. The kids are on average seven years old.)

Girl: “I’m a mermaid!”

Me: “That’s nice.”

(Next day…)

Girl: “I’m a vampire! Gaaargh!”

Me: “But yesterday you were a mermaid.”

Girl: “I’m a vampire mermaid! Gaaargh!”

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(A six-or-seven-year-old boy comes into the children’s bookstore, his mother trailing behind him.)

Mother: “Go on, then! Ask! She won’t know what you’re talking about and then you can stop wasting my time!”

Boy: “Hello!”

Me: “Hello.”

Boy: “I want a book.”

Me: “Well, you’re in the right place.”

Boy: “It’s about a boy. Who lives with a caveman. He’s got a funny name beginning with ‘S’.”

Mother: “There. Now you know there’s no such book.”

Me: “That wouldn’t be ‘Stig of the Dump,’ would it?”

Boy: *jumping up and down* “Yes, yes, yes! I told you, Mummy!”

Mother: “Don’t contradict me in front of my son!” *starts walking her son out of the shop and still talking to me* “You read too many books!”

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(“Where The Wild Things Are” has just been released at the cinema. When movies come out, the book usually skyrockets in popularity.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Patron: “Hi, I was wondering if you have a copy of Where The Wild Things Are?”

Me: “I’m sure we do, but I have to warn you that since it has just come out at the movies, there will probably be a waiting list.”

(I look up the book, and sure enough, there are twelve reservations)

Me: “I’m sorry, there are currently twelve reservations in place. I can put you down for a reservation but you probably won’t get it for another four-to-six months.”

Patron: “What? That’s ridiculous! It’s such an old book. Why are people suddenly interested?”

Me: “Well, when a movie is made out of a book, people are suddenly interested in reading the book.”

Patron: “That’s stupid. I don’t see why they should want to read it just because the movie has come out.”

Me: “Why did you want to read it?”

Patron: “Because the movie has just come out!”

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(A customer in her late teens approaches me in the bookstore.)

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell the Twilight books?”

Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”

Customer: “Have you read them?”

Me: “Yes, I have.”

Customer: “Didn’t you just LOVE them?!”

Me: “Well, actually, they aren’t really my type of book, so–”

Customer: *suddenly furious* “Are you f***ing serious?! These are the best books ever written! I’m going to tell Edward to come and bite you and drink all your blood!”

Me: *backing away* “Have a nice day, ma’am…”

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