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We Hope One Of Them Wasn’t Electrocuted!

, , , | Right | September 20, 2021

Me: “I’m calling about an overdue electricity account.

Customer: “You can’t cut me off! I have three or four children!

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Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2021

I work as a manager at a fusion bar/restaurant in a very affluent area and, understandably, this means we get some incredibly entitled people with very strange complaints or requests — especially from the “old money” types who swing by.

I’m managing a dinner shift one night. Our first question when diners are seated is whether they’d like chilled tap water or a bottle of sparkling water from the bar chiller. It’s a warm summer night and we’ve just sat an older couple on the porch area of our venue and poured out two glasses of the sparkling water they requested.

Server: “Umm, the lady from the couple we seated just dropped her glass of sparkling water and wants us to replace it and speak with you.”

I fill a water glass of soda water and head over. I spot the lady with an obviously confused frown on her face. The offending spilled water has already been wiped from herself and the table, and the broken glass has been cleared away.

Me: “Hi there. I’ve just got a replacement for the sparkling water you dropped. Is everything all right?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! Your glasses are just far too slippery! I just went to take a sip and it just slipped from my hand. Completely unacceptable.”

Me: “Oh? Slippery? As in greasy? I’m so sorry, that is completely unaccepta—”

Customer: “No, no, no! It wasn’t greasy! It was just covered in water! Look at the one you’ve just put down! It’s already covered in water!”

She points to the chilled soda water I’ve placed on her table that has slowly begun to form condensation.

Me: “You mean the condensation on the outside of the glass?”

Customer: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a warm evening and our glasses are room temperature. Our tap and sparkling water are kept chilled and of course, condensation will occur on the outside of the glass. Would you prefer a room temperature bottle of water, instead?”

Customer: *Makes a disgusted face* “Warm water?! No, of course not! It’s been such a hot day! I just don’t understand why the glasses are wet!”

This was the exact moment that I died inside.

I then spent five minutes briefly explaining the laws of thermodynamics to a lady in her late sixties while her poor husband watched in silence. In the end, she still didn’t seem to understand and didn’t touch her water for the remainder of her dining experience but seemed happy to take multiple, uneventful sips of her chilled glass of Pinot Gris which was, of course, covered in condensation.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 2
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here

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Designer Is Nice, If You’re A Potato

, , , | Related | September 6, 2021

I have a lot of sensory issues. One thing I can’t stand is the way a lot of fabrics feel slimy or prickly on my skin, so if I touch a fabric and it “feels” bad, there is no way I am wearing that piece of clothing. My mother thought I was being fussy or awkward for my entire childhood, and even since I moved out to live my own life, she still seems to hold this belief. She is also convinced I don’t know how to dress “professionally” since every time I am at her house, it’s a weekend.

Mum: “I have this lovely new top; I got it from a great designer. I think you’ll love it.”

Me: *Instantly wary* “Oh?”

Mum: *Brightly* “Yes, let me get it. You can try it on.”

I know I will be badgered relentlessly if I don’t.

Me: “Let me see it first.”

Mum runs off and brings back something to this day I will only describe as a potato sack. It is dull brown and coarsely woven, has NO shaping, and has these tiny little snippets of fabric that might be sleeves? They are at most an inch long on top, with no under to the arm at all, with a thick wedge of thread from attachment in the armpit. I touch it and confirm that it doesn’t just LOOK like a potato sack, it FEELS like a potato sack, too!

Me: “I am not putting this on.”

Mum: “But… it’s designer.”

I look at it, look at her, and look at it again.

Me: “No.”

Mum: “But it’s perfect! It’s a designer shirt.”

Me: “Absolutely not.”

She did eventually wear me down enough to make me try it on. It was even worse wearing it than it had been looking at. That was when I found out how thick and rough the thread used was. My mother kept insisting that it was designer! As if that made it magically stop chafing and itching so awfully.

For those fearing for my sanity and my mothers’, I soon after introduced a long-needed “no means no” policy, where I informed her that if she was going to keep badgering me after the first no, I would get up and leave. It only took enforcing once before she stopped trying to force me into such awful clothes. She had found that not only do I stick to that, but it means if she finds something I actually do like, I will say yes! It also means now if she asks me to try on a costume for her new home-run museum, I can actually say yes, knowing that if she pulls something I hate out, my “no” will be accepted.

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Her Demand Goes Up In Smoke

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2021

We have a regular customer who is an absolute pain when it comes to buying cigarettes. She wants to know what’s sold the most and wants to look at each individual packet for some unknown reason. She will also try to return cigarettes and has been told multiple times that we cannot do that. She comes in one day when I have a different coworker working with me than normal and said coworker starts processing the return.

Me: “[Coworker], we can’t return cigarettes.”

Coworker: “Oh, okay.” *To the customer* “Sorry, I’ve been told we can’t return these.”

Customer: “You can do it for me. The girl who sold them to me said I could return them.”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t return cigarettes under any circumstances. You have been told this before.”

Customer: “Oh, but it’s not a return; it’s an exchange.”

Me: “Nope, still can’t do it.”

Customer: *Yelling* “I’ve been told to exchange these for health reasons.”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t return cigarettes for any reason, as you’ve been told before.”

Customer: “You mean you are going to make me keep these un-smokable cigarettes?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t return cigarettes for any reason.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not leaving until I get my cigarettes.”

The customer continued yelling the same things over and over and I also kept repeating myself. [Coworker] and I kept serving other customers as this went on because it was the dinner time rush. Most customers just ignored her or backed us up.

Eventually, the customer went outside as her friend was getting impatient, so I sent a different coworker out the back with my phone to let the store owner know the situation. The store owner came down and trespassed the customer as I was not the only supervisor to have had issues with them.

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How Do They Have Any Employees Left?!

, , , , , | Working | July 28, 2021

The bank I work for is always attempting to cut costs and implementing strange new policies to catch people out. Every year around bonus and pay evaluation time, a slew of people are always “let go” due to infractions. We are always led to believe that the infractions are so serious that legal and the police are involved.

Rumblings are starting around our department of staff having to have meetings about their behaviour and stats while on calls. I’ve seen the best of our call center in tears as he was absolutely cut down by a team from human resources for referring to someone as “Ms.” instead of “Mrs.”

As we are a bank, security questions are essential, BUT all answers are input by human beings, and sometimes things are just wrong.

One fateful day, I am called into a meeting with three managers and two human resources people to answer for my indiscretion.

Human Resources: “On Monday [date] you had [Customer] call in, and you had to ask him the identity questions. He answered three questions correctly and the last one incorrectly, and yet you granted him access to his account details. Can you tell us why?”

Me: “Can I review the call transcript?”

This is provided to me, and I can see that the last question I asked him was to verify his email address. When entering it in person, someone had transposed two letters in the domain of the email address.

Me: “It’s an obvious spelling mistake.”

Manager: “Yes, but you can’t prove that”

Me: “Well, I can, and I did by using the notes. The previous calls all note that there was a spelling error in the email address. The branch had been notified of the issue, too, and I left my own notes and details to the branch to fix it.”

Manager: “Well, it’s not good enough. This is reason enough for us to terminate you, on top of your excessive sick leave.”

Me: “Wait, what? What excessive sick leave? And why is this being brought up in front of managers who are not my direct reports?”

The human resources people blanch and provide me with the documents… where I have one day more than my entitlement, after the head manager’s kids came in with pinkeye and gave it to 75% of the staff, including me.

Me: “This looks like a blatant attempt to get rid of me. Can I have a break for five minutes?”

Human Resources: “It won’t help you, but go ahead.”

Unfortunately for them, the union rep is on my team and is able to come back into the meeting with me in under two minutes flat. I bring the union rep up to date in front of the managers and human resources. He is getting angrier and angrier as the details are provided to him and the managers and human resources are becoming more and more concerned.

Human Resources: “Look, why don’t you two discuss this while we have a meeting for five minutes and discuss our options?”

All the managers and human resources skedaddle, and the union rep is livid. It’s the tenth meeting in a fortnight he’s been brought into. After ten minutes, only the human resources reps come back, the managers having something else to do very suddenly.

Human Resources: “Well, we’ve decided that we’ll let you stay only if you forfeit your yearly bonus for the next two to five years and attend vigorous retraining at a 25% pay decrease.”

I looked at the rep and walked out. I quit immediately. The rep was so incensed that he and the union brought action against the bank, but by that stage, I was so over it I didn’t care!

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