Warning: “Beep Test” Flashbacks May Occur

, , , , , , | Learning | June 24, 2020

If you’ve never heard of the “Beep Test,” consider yourself lucky. In New Zealand, some genius decided that a good way to test if children were fit was to make a test where they had to run between a marked distance between the beeps. The beeps would get progressively faster, and the level at which you could no longer cross the line between the beeps was your “fitness level.”

Sounds fun, right?

In my younger years, I had an accident where I’d injured my knee. Nothing permanent, not even a scar, but afterward, I found that I was never able to run as fast as I could before. I’d been a sprinter, but now I was a marathon runner

This meant that no matter how hard I tried, after a certain point, I literally could not run fast enough to get between the beeps! And since that meant a low score, you had to give up your lunch to keep running to get a better score.

My stubborn counter to this was that no matter what, I kept running. I wouldn’t get over the line fast enough, but the fact that I continued to run told the teachers I was fit “enough” for purposes, just not fast enough.

I had to do the beep test at least once a year, as required, but I never had to stay in for a lunch with my direct and stubborn ability to stay running for the whole test.

I continue to be angry in adulthood that someone figured that speed was the same thing as being fit.

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Unfiltered Story #197585

, , | Unfiltered | June 24, 2020

(We work on a main street and as such we get a lot of customers who ask us for directions. I have very mild dyslexia, and can’t tell left from right. In order to combat this, I always point to direct people.
Despite this, my colleagues and I have noticed that no matter which one of us provides directions, customers always leave and head the wrong way.
This happens over a space of 5 minutes)

Customer 1: “Hi, do you know where [store] is?”
Me: “*Pointing left with whole arm* Head to the corner, and then turn up [Streetname] and its 100m up.”
Customer 1: “Great! Thank you! *Promptly turns, walks out, and heads right”.

Customer 2: “Do you know how to get to [store]?”
Me: *Stands up, and points with whole arm* “Sure, its 6 doors up the road in this direction”.
Customer 2: “Cheers!”
*Walks out and heads the wrong direction. Entire store cracks up with laughter.*

Unfiltered Story #197549

, | Unfiltered | June 22, 2020

At school, when I get a phone call from client wanting a Photoshoot.

Client: “HI there is this [name of my small business]?”
Me: “It sure is! How can I help?”
Client: “I would like some head shots done at the [local marae] would you be able to do this? and how much is a sitting?”
Me: “$50 for a one hour sitting.”
Client: “oh. Travel money?”
Me: “That’s covered.”
Client: “really? You don’t need anything else?”
Me: “Nope.”
Client: “really?”
Me: “yes. Really.”
Client: “really… REALLY?”
Me: “Yup….”
Client: “IT’S JUST SO CHEAP!?”

We’re Probably All Going To Come Out Of This With Gray Hair

, , , , , | Romantic | June 13, 2020

Our country has been on lockdown since late March. It’s now mid-May, and we’ve only just had some of the severe — and incredibly necessary — restrictions lifted, meaning my lovely hairdresser is once again taking appointments.

By the time I get there, it will have been almost three and a half months since I last had my hair done. Not really a big deal, in the grand scheme of things, but I have noticed a few unwelcome changes.

I also have a running joke that I’m getting old, even though I’ve only just cracked thirty-one.

Me: “Oh, man, I’m so old, my greys are showing! Look!”

Partner: “I really can’t see anything.”

Me: “It’s right there!”

Partner: *Stares intently* “Don’t worry; that’s white, not grey.”

Me: “…”

Partner: “Uh, I mean…”

Me: “Yeah, that didn’t make it better, thanks.”

Partner: “No! It’s fine! You don’t even notice it!”

Me: “Mmm-hmmm.”

I totally don’t care — I’d love a white streak a la Claire Saffitz –but watching my partner trying to backtrack made me giggle which, during this rather scary time, is always welcome.

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PIN-Headed, Part 11

, , , | Right | June 11, 2020

I work in a petrol station and it’s about 5:00 pm. I overhear this conversation between my coworker and a customer.

Coworker: “Hi. Do you have a loyalty card? Would you like to use your discount today?”

The loyalty card gets you six cents per litre off your fuel.

Customer: “Yes, I have one.”

Coworker: “Would you like to use your discount today?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

The coworker puts through the discount and gets the screen ready for payment.

Coworker: “Was that cash or card today?”

Customer: “Card, please.”

The customer swipes their card and stares at my coworker.

Customer: “Is it Cheque or Savings?”

Coworker: “I don’t know what your account is, sorry.”

The customer puts in a number and it declines.

Customer: “Why did it do that?”

Coworker: “You put in the wrong PIN number. Did you want to ask your husband to come inside and do the transaction for you? Your card will be locked if you get it wrong again.”

The customer goes out to her husband in the car and comes back in.

Customer: “The PIN number is—”

Coworker: *Cutting her off* “Let’s swipe your card again and choose your account.”

The customer does so and the rest of the transaction goes through without a hitch. The customer leaves and my coworker turns to me.

Coworker: “Why didn’t the husband just come in?”

Me: *Shrugs* “Maybe he’s giving her free reign of the funds?”

Coworker: *Laughs* “At least she won’t spend too much if she doesn’t even know her account.”

PIN-Headed, Part 10
PIN-Headed, Part 9
PIN-Headed, Part 8

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