Deaf To Your Wit

, , , , , | Friendly | June 13, 2018

(My mother is a children’s librarian at the public library. Sometimes I volunteer to help out during story time. My mother’s coworker has the day off, and she and her six-year-old daughter come in. The little girl has a hearing impairment that requires her to wear hearing aids. As I’m supervising the kids during crafts, I hear this gem:)

Little Boy: *running around before he stops and taps her on the shoulder* “Hey, what are those things on your ears?”

Coworker’s Daughter: *turns around to address him* “They’re my hearing devices. They help me listen. You could probably use some.” *turns back around and goes back to her craft*

Looking For An Opening

, , , , , , | Healthy | June 10, 2018

(I work for a doctor’s office that will work some Saturdays. However, on the Saturdays that we are open, only one doctor, the dermatologist, is there. The phones go straight to the answering service because we do not have the majority of the front office working. I am working phones this day. A patient calls in on February 4th.)

Patient: “Was [Doctor] working on January 23rd?”

Me: *after checking schedule* “Yes, ma’am, he was here that Saturday.”

Patient: “I tried to call and didn’t get an answer.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, our phones are never open on Saturdays.”

Patient: “Why didn’t someone call to tell me he was open?!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Patient: “There was a threat of snow!” *which didn’t happen* “No one called me and we—” *her and her two daughters* “—missed our appointments!”

Me: “We have a system in place where we call the patients if the office is closing due to inclement weather, but we remained open.”

Patient: “HALF OF ATLANTA WAS CLOSED; WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL?!”

Me: “Because we remained open, ma’am. Would you like to reschedule your appointments?”

Patient: “What are you going to do about this?”

Me: “I can reschedule your appointments, but there is not much else I can do.”

Patient: “You aren’t going to tell the doctor? Don’t you think he would want to know?”

(This eventually had to be transferred to my manager, who informed her the doctor was quite aware he remained open and even though “HALF OF ATLANTA” was apparently closed, the other half was not.)

Donuts Aren’t A Reason, They’re THE Reason

, , , , , , | Related | June 9, 2018

(Growing up, my dad religiously attended an antique show that set up one weekend a month, every month. As a teenager, though I wasn’t the antique-er he was, I had become obsessed with the mini donuts that were sold in one of the booths. They were made on an old machine that punched the dough, dropped the rings into a river of oil, and floated them down two at a time, to be gracefully flipped over by a comb so that the other side could cook. After the flip, another comb would scoop them up and flip them off the machine into the tray below. It was hypnotizing to watch, and after being sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, they were absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, when I moved out of my parents’ house, I was unable to go with my dad anymore. However, my mother started getting into the habit of going with him. One weekend, I’m visiting, and I’m telling her about a local festival that I recently attended.)

Me: “We were walking around the concession area, and they had a [Same Brand as the antique show’s] donut maker! I was so excited! We managed to get some right before they closed for the day. [My Boyfriend] finally got to see what I’ve been telling him about!”

Mom: “Cool! Dad and I went to [Antique Show] last weekend, and I got some.” *makes a face* “He ate most of them, though; I had to get more. Hey, when was the last time you went to [Antique Show]?”

Me: “It’s probably been about two or three years.” *quietly, kind of embarrassed* “You know, those donuts were probably about 50% of the reason I went with Dad. Not that I don’t like spending time with him, but…” *shrug*

Mom: *scoffs* “They’re pretty much the only reason I go with him. Antiques are boring. I’m not afraid to say it.”

What The Check Are You Playing At?

, , , , , | | Right | June 8, 2018

(I’m an assistant manager. We can accept out-of-town checks, but we can’t accept out-of-state ones. This has something to do with the way out-of-state checks are handled when they bounce. Basically, if a check from an out-of-state bank bounces, then it is handed over for a criminal fraud charge, as opposed to a local bank where we just hold the bounced check for several days before trying again, and if it fails then, take the person to civil court for the funds. A lady comes into the store to purchase some items, and is paying by check. Since all checks require manager approval, and I am the only one on duty at that time, I head over. When I get there, I see it’s drawn on a Florida bank.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but store policy is that we can’t accept checks from out of state. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “G**d*** you, I need this for my Christmas! You’re going to accept that g**d*** check, or I’m going to call the police on you! It’s legal tender!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, a check is just a promise to pay. However, if you write that check, and it bounces, then you would be facing criminal charges and arrest. I’d wager that would ruin your Christmas more than me not accepting it.”

Customer: “Well, [Large Retailer] takes it!”

Me: “Yes, they’re a multi-state company, and they can afford to do it, since they have locations just about everywhere. We, on the other hand, only operate in Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina. So, it’s the policy.”

(The woman is beside herself, and storms out the store, pausing only long enough to knock over several racks of clothing, shove one of the other clerks, and several boxes of shoes. Another customer comes up to me.)

Other Customer: “Hi, I’m an off-duty cop and saw everything. Would you like to call it in? I can speak with the lady; I can see that she’s sitting in her car.”

(I do, and he brings her back in with other officers. We head back to the office, where she’s going on and on about how a check is legal tender, until one officer tells her that it’s not true, and spells out the Georgia law that I’m trying to protect her from.)

Officer: “What do you want to do?

Me: “I want her escorted from the store, and barred from shopping here ever again.”

(He agrees, informs her of this, and escorts her out. Fast forward exactly one year. I’m the store manager now, and I notice in reviewing my checks that someone on my day off took a check from Florida that bounced. I call the young clerk into the office and explain what she did wrong. She relates how the woman had noted that she’d had problems in the store the year before, and had only came back after a previous assistant manager had quit — I hadn’t quit, just been promoted. I describe the lady from before.)

Clerk: “Yes, that’s her. And I saw her again today, looking through the jewelry department!”

(Thinking fast, I told the clerk to stall the customer, while I called the police. Once the police arrived, I handed over the check, and noted the previous incident. The officers and I headed up, only to have the lady turn around and see me. The moment our eyes met, she dropped everything and took off running for the front door. Somehow she misjudged where the door was, and instead ran face-first right into the window beside it, knocking herself out. She ended up cuffed for fraud, as well as shoplifting; she had pocketed several bits of jewelry. A couple weeks after Christmas, I got a call from my district manager about the whole thing. Not only was the lady wanted in two states for fraud, she’d bilked the company out of several thousand dollars. She’d go to various stores and pull one of two acts, either playing innocent, or using the “[Large Retailer] does it” ploy and get clerks to accept the checks. The problem was, the checks were forgeries, and the bank they called on didn’t even exist. The lady was facing some SERIOUS jail time as a result of it.)

Not Even A Nugget Of Consideration

, , , , | | Right | June 6, 2018

(A small grocery store near where I used to live sometimes sells bags of frozen chicken nuggets that are EXACTLY like [Fast Food Place]’s nuggets. They usually only get a small shipment in, and they sell fast; they only get four boxes, each with four bags of nuggets. A friend and I arrive early and manage to get some; my friend gets two and I get one. A bit later, as we continue shopping, we hear a woman asking the man who stocks the nuggets…)

Customer: “I need all the nuggets you have left!”

Stocker: “I have six bags left, ma’am.”

Customer: “Is that all you have? I have a lot of kids to feed! I wanted all of them!”

Stocker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these sell out very quickly. Do you want them or not?”

Customer: *frustrated* “Yes, I want them!”

(As we are passing her on the way to the checkout, she glares at us when she sees we have some of the nuggets in our cart.)

Customer: “I needed those nuggets! You people are just so greedy!”

Friend & Me: “…”

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