She Stole My Books, Not My Brain

, , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2020

(I am sharing an apartment with a now ex-friend. We get along well until one day, without warning, she ends up taking around $200 worth of my stuff and selling it off so she can have some pocket money. I am, naturally, really upset with this. The police get called, and we recover about two-thirds of the stuff, and she ends up being required to pay the difference. Among the stuff we manage to recover are a few older books that were a gift from my late grandfather, which were the things that I was most afraid to lose. After this, I cut ties with that friend very thoroughly. However, we have mutual friends that still are in contact with each other. I never tried to force them to cut ties with her or anything, but I likewise never shied away from being up-front about what she had done.)

Mutual Friend: *via text* “Hey, [My Name]. Do you have a copy of [Book]?”

Me: “Yeah. I have the whole series.”

Mutual Friend: “It’s a series?”

Me: “Yep. It’s really good.”

Mutual Friend: “Cool. Hey, can [Ex-Friend] borrow it? We were talking, and she mentioned how much she enjoyed it when she was living with you.”

Me: *kind of shocked at what I’m reading* “Are you kidding me?”

Mutual Friend: “What?”

Me: “She stole from me! This was one of the things she tried to steal! Why would I ever lend it or anything to her?”

Mutual Friend: “Oh. Well, that was a while ago, though.”

Me: “No no no no no no no. I am not lending her anything.”

Mutual Friend: *after about twenty minutes of silence* “Could you lend me the book?”

Me: “Are you planning to turn around and hand it to her?”

(Total silence after that, and that particular mutual friend is now looking like another ex-friend, as she has stopped speaking with me. Sooo sorry for being defensive after being burned by a thief in the past.)

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A Cent’s Worth Of Satisfaction Is Priceless  

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2020

(I have recently been hired at a chain store in a small town. I’m manning the cash register on a very busy day. My current customer hands me a $10 bill to pay, and I pause to see if she starts digging for change.)

Me: “Out of ten?” *punches buttons on register*

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *starts counting out change*

Customer: “Here.” *hands me a nickel*

(I’m not good at mental math, and this random nickel confuses me enough that I lose track of my counting.)

Customer: “You need to give me $3.02. I’m an accountant.”

(I try and fail to do the math in my head, partly because the customer keeps repeating that I owe her $3.02 because she’s an accountant. After several long seconds, I give up and pull out a pen and scrap paper.)

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “I told you, I’m an accountant! I know this, and you owe me $3.02!”

Me: *finishes calculations* “Okay, ma’am, your change is $3.03. Have a good day.”

(The customer actually flounced out of the store in a huff. One cent isn’t much, but I admit to taking some small satisfaction in the accountant being wrong in her math.)

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It’s All In The Broken Wrist

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2020

(I am a pharmacy tech. A man comes up to the counter cradling his right hand.)

Customer: “Can you tell me which of these braces would be best for this?”

(He gestures to his hand, which is bruised, swollen, and has a large cut between two of his knuckles.)

Me: “I’ll be honest; it looks pretty broken.”

Customer: “Yeah, I think it is. It feels like there are rice krispies in there. The wrist ones don’t really help much, so I need one that goes all the way up. So, which one do you think would be best?”

Me: “I recommend going to a doctor and having it professionally set. None of the braces are going to do anything except help it heal wrong.”

Customer: “So, none of them?”

Me: “No, you need to be seen by a doctor.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He then wandered back over and looked at the wrist braces some more, all the time holding his broken hand limp by his side.)

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A Charitable Reaction

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2020

(I have an uncommon name; people either say it’s lovely or they make a joke. I work as a cashier, and I wear a name tag as part of my uniform.)

Customer: *reads my name tag* “You know, people are always asking me what my favorite Charity is. I think I just met her.”

Me: *highly amused*

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Unfiltered Story #181185

, , | Unfiltered | December 31, 2019

(Note: I work for a well known phone corporation.)

Me: “Welcome to *******, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to check about an upgrade.”

(After talking to her and logging on I see she can get a new phone. I noticed she was kind of fidgety and just really uptight.)

Customer: “OK, well how much is this phone.”

Me: “If you do a standard upgrade then the phone will run you $200.”

Customer: “$200! I saw online the other day that I could get that cheaper.”

After 20 minutes of her searching up and down on her phone, while people are waiting around for help, she couldn’t find anything that matched

Customer: *In a tone* “Ok… Well how much would this stuff be”
*Grabs a few things*

Me: “That will be **.**”

Customer:”I could definatley find that cheaper online” *Customer proceeds to look online for cheaper prices once again*

We back and forth like this for about a little over an hour. With the line of people waiting.

We try and negotiate a price for everything and finally get her settled down some.

Customer: “OK then… Sorry if I was seem really out of it, but I got in a car accident 6 months ago, it messed up my pituitary gland”
*The customer jabs herself in the forehead excessively with quite a bit of force for the later half of the statemnt.*

(Note: The pituitary gland helps control growth and hormones and is located toward rear base of the brain.)

Me: *trying not to burst out laughing* “Sorry to hear that.”

Customer:”Thanks, well that was everything I needed to know.”

The customer leaves just like everyone that was waiting in line earlier.

My coworker and I look at eachother and lose it.

Now when we get a customer who isn’t quite there or just not that smart we poke ourselves in the forhead.