They Want To Do Everything Except Understand The Problem

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

I’m currently running merchandise to the floor after my stock team has processed it off the truck. We process items in a certain order: clothes and smaller home decor items, then large home items (ottomans, furniture, art, etc.) and pillows, comforters last. I’m stocking the bathroom aisle when a customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Do you have any bed pillows or decorative pillows coming out?”

Me: “They will be out later this morning since we process those items last.”

Customer: “I need y’all to process them faster so I can buy some.”

Me: “They are going as fast as they can. It’s only 9:00 am and our truck arrived at 8:15.”

Customer: “Well, it seems they have some lazy workers. I would be able to get that stuff out faster.”

Me: “All right, I’ll go get you a job application from the office and you can apply; we would appreciate the help.”

Customer: “What? No, I wasn’t offering to work here. I’m just asking for y’all to get the stuff out faster because I am an early shopper.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, like I said, we have to process everything before we can put it out, which may take some time. So, usually around 12:00 pm to 2:00 pm, everything should be out.”

Customer: “I AM AN EARLY SHOPPER!”

Me: “Oh, well, in that case, we have most things from yesterday’s shipment out unless they have been bought. But like I said, we have to process everything before it can come out.”

The customer starts looking angry as I bid her “good day” and walk back to my stockroom.

Customer: “MANAGER, NOW!”

Pushing my cart through the stockroom door loudly to act like I didn’t hear her, I turn and say:

Me: “Have a great day!”

I stayed in the stockroom until she was gone.

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Meet Uncle Yikes

, , , , , | Related | July 28, 2021

My uncle has “views” on the topic of tattoos and piercings. Specifically, he believes that they are ugly, gaudy, unnecessary, and that anyone who gets them is a vain idiot. He is very vocal in expressing these views, much to the annoyance of the rest of our family.

I have accepted an offer to attend college at a fairly well-known liberal arts college, which convinces my uncle that I’m going to get “inked up” and come home a hoodlum, etc. He tries to convince my parents that they should bar me from going, but they are both very supportive of me and so ignore his “advice.”

After my first semester, I come home for Thanksgiving and our extended family is all there, including [Uncle]. That leads to this moment in the middle of our living room.

Uncle: “All right, [My Name]. Let’s go check you out.”

Me: “What?”

Uncle: *Standing up* “Come on. I’m going to make sure you’ve been keeping your skin clean.”

Mom: *Walking in* “Excuse you?!”

My uncle starts to launch into his typical rant about tattoos and how “no niece of his” is going to mess herself up with them. My mom turns around, lifts up the back of her shirt, pulls down the hem of her jeans, and reveals a small butterfly tattoo on her lower back, which I (and most of the family, apparently) had no idea was there.

Mom: “You can kiss my a** if you think you are going to go anywhere with my daughter to ‘check her’ for tattoos.”

[Uncle] exploded, ranting and shouting. He ended up hauled out of the house bodily and thrown onto the lawn, giving my dad and younger brother some bruises in the process. After some of the things he said then and in the next couple of weeks, most of our family has cut ties with him, with only our grandma (his mother) still keeping in actual contact with him.

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They’d Like To Complain To The Fire

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2021

Guest: “Why are there so many d*** doors everywhere? I can never tell if I’m going through the right one!”

Employee: “Ah, I’m sorry, that’s to comply with fire code so guests can exit quickly. The main doors are right over there.”

Guest: “Jesus. Can’t you afford a better fire code?”

Employee: “Can’t we… what?!”

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The Upgrade Was Worth The Gross Discovery

, , , , , , , | Working | July 9, 2021

A few years ago, I booked a one-bedroom suite in a beautiful, old, upscale hotel in midtown Atlanta. I had stayed in this hotel a few times before but hardly enough to be considered a regular since I’m only in the area once a year.

When I got up to my room, it didn’t seem to be up to prior standards, but since I had been sleeping in a mountain cabin for a week, I just wanted to shower and go to bed. I walked into the bathroom and was greeted by a pair of black lace crotchless panties. I went back down to check-in and asked to be moved to another room. The manager on duty walked back to the room with me and looked around the room. She told me to hold tight and they would get me moved to another room.

Shortly afterward, a bellman came to pick up my luggage to take me to a new room. He took me to a two-bedroom penthouse suite with a full kitchen and a bathroom that seemed larger than the entire one-bedroom suite I had booked.

I didn’t need that much space, but I certainly felt like hotel management had listened and taken my concerns seriously. I can’t imagine staying anywhere else in Atlanta in the future. This is how you develop a loyal customer base.

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Tomorrow Is Yesterday

, , , , | Right | July 2, 2021

To add a little flair to the health crisis, our library’s air conditioning breaks in the hottest part of the summer. Our director gives us permission to close early each day once the heat inside gets too unbearable to work, so during the two weeks the repairmen need to find a part, we close between 1:00 and 3:00 pm every day. 

I am stationed at our front door handling our curbside service as patrons are not currently allowed in the building. A woman comes to the door and I fetch the books she wants.

Patron: “Oh, and I called earlier and they said you were closed yesterday, but here you are.”

Me: “That’s right. We closed yesterday at around one. Our air conditi—”

Patron: “No, you see, you were open all day yesterday. That girl on the phone tried to tell me you were closed, but here you are, open!”

Me: “Uh… we actually closed at one yesterday because our—”

Patron: “No, you were open yesterday. That girl said you weren’t, but you were because you’re open today.”

Me: “We’ll probably close today because it’s getting too hot.”

Patron: “But you were open yesterday! I know because you’re here today. Anyway! Thanks for the books!”

And she went off to her car, leaving me confused about why she was so insistent that we were open all day the day before.

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