Not What They Ordered, Not That We Care

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2021

We have two shifts for waitstaff: a lunch and early afternoon shift and then a late afternoon and dinner shift. Each server covers a specific “zone,” and you hand off to another server at the end of your shift. That means that if someone comes in right when things are changing over, the person who brings them their food or brings them the check can be a different person than the one who took their order.

I’ve come in for my shift to find I have a group of six already seated with their order taken. Their meal comes up quick, and I take it out to them. They don’t seem to notice that I am a different person, but I am able to ask who had what and I get five of the six meals laid out. On the sixth, however, we hit a snag.

Me: “And here is [meal] for you.”

Diner #1: “This isn’t what I ordered.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. What did you order?”

Diner #1: “I dunno, but this isn’t what I ordered.”

I check the receipt to confirm that the meals all match what was ordered.

Me: “Okay, did anyone else actually order the [meal]?”

The table all either ignore me as they’ve started chowing down or give little shrugs.

Me: “Well, this is what is on the order form. Are you sure that you didn’t order the [meal]?”

Diner #1: “No.”

One of the other diners looks over from her food.

Diner #2: “[Diner #1], you did ask for [meal].”

[Diner #1] gives a sort of shrug. I’m getting rather annoyed because more people are coming in, and I have more orders I need to go take, but I work to keep my smile up.

Me: “All right, well, this is the [meal] that you asked for. I’m sorry if it doesn’t look like you thought it would, but this is what was on the order ticket. There is a menu there if you want to look up something else. I have to run. Let me know if there is anything else you need.”

I then left the meal in front of her and hurried off before she could claim it wasn’t what she had ordered again. I mentally wrote off that table as far as tipping goes, but one thing I’ve learned is that it doesn’t pay to bend over backward for one customer when it means leaving several other customers neglected.

Of course, when I came back by, her plate was half-devoured and she was eating it quite happily. She didn’t mention the order being wrong again, and they tipped just fine.

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A Heart-worming Tale

, , , , , , | Related | February 26, 2021

My teenage son and I have just finished checking out. He takes the receipt and starts to toss it in the trash.

Son: “I should just throw the receipt away, right?”

Me: “No, we have to keep it.”

Son: “Why? You can’t return food.”

Me: “You can if there’s a worm in your celery.”

Son: “…”

Me: “I once got some celery, and when I cut into it, a worm had eaten all of the inside parts. I put the worm in a jar, took the celery back, and asked if they wanted the worm, too. They exchanged the celery but didn’t want the worm.”

Son: “So, did you keep the worm? Love it? Nurture it? Raise it as your own?

Me: “Well, this wasn’t how I wanted you to find out, my little celery worm.”

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No Outside Food Or Bad Attitudes Allowed

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2021

I’m a lifeguard at a lodge, and before people walk into the water park, we have to check their bags for anything that isn’t allowed in. There are signs on all four doors to get in that say, “Outside food and drink prohibited,” real big.

An older lady walks up with her granddaughter and I greet them.

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. Can you open up your bag for me, please?”

She opens the bag and inside are five bags of chips.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but outside food isn’t allowed in the water park. You can leave it here with us — there’s a security camera watching the area — or you can take it back to your room.”

She makes a really ugly face.

Older Lady: “Well, I’m not leaving it here with you!”

Me: “You’re welcome to take it back up to your room, then, or out to your car.”

Older Lady: *To her granddaughter* “C’mon, we have to go back up to our room because she won’t let us in.” *To me* “It doesn’t say that anywhere! We were never told that!”

Me: *Pointing at the doors* “Ma’am, it’s—”

She stormed off before I could say anything, and good thing, too, because I was about to tell her it was on all four of the doors. About ten minutes later, she came back with a now empty bag, shoved it in my face saying, “THERE!” and then marched into the water park.

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A Porch Choice Of Seating

, , , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2021

There are a few outside tables spread out for social distancing. A customer wanders indoors.

Waiter: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have any indoor seating.”

Customer: “Oh, I know, but no one came by to give us menus, so I wanted to see if we’re supposed to order inside or something.”

Waiter: “I’m sorry about that; I’ll bring your menus right out. Which table are you at?”

Customer: “The one on the porch.”

Waiter: “The one… Can you point it out to me?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t see it from here. On the porch, around to the left?”

Waiter: “Around to the left… Ma’am, that’s not part of [Restaurant]. I’m pretty sure that’s just someone’s house.”

Customer: “Oh, God! The waitress said we could sit anywhere, and I guess we just… we might have taken that too literally.”

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Hellfire Is What You’ll Get

, , , , , , , | Working | February 5, 2021

Several members of the IT staff are ex-military, but I’m not. This has led to a lot of pranks and jokes between the IT techs.

I notice a technician passing through a hallway one day when our printer isn’t working.

Me: “Hey, [Tech], printer two is down again.”

Tech: “Ugh. We need to get that repaired for real.”

Me: “I’m putting in an order for parts for a few new monitors. Want me to add anything?”

Tech: “Yeah, add in, um… a new AGM-114.”

He leaves without explaining what that part is. I dutifully submit the order with “Part: AGM-114” and “Purpose: printer repair.” Ten minutes later, an IT higher-up comes storming into our office waving my order.

IT Supervisor: “What smarta** ordered a Hellfire missile for the printers?!”

We are no longer allowed to order parts from IT by serial number only.

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