Making A Dramatic Entrance

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | July 14, 2017

(The pool I work at has two accessible entrances. One is for patrons and has a cashier booth, the other is for staff, and goes through the manager’s office. Sometimes people start to come in through the patron door, but once they see people sitting inside they come up with a lame excuse and go to the staff entrance. I am sitting in the office on break chatting with one of the managers one day when a lady comes CHARGING through the staff entrance.)

Manager: “Excuse me, but this is the staff entrance. Please go in through the cashier booth.”

Patron: *continues charging through room, almost running over my coworker that is standing in the doorway* “Oops! Pardon me, I must have gone the wrong way! But my friend is on her way and I have to reserve our chairs!”

(She then proceeded to PUSH my manager out of the way so she could get through the door to the pool. The manager then proceeded to chase her down, all while she ignored him. It finally took four of us to surround her before she acknowledged our presence. We escorted her to the cashier booth where she paid, all while complaining about our terrible customer service. Then when her friend arrived she did the EXACT same thing.)

When Someone Is A Complete D*ck It’s Breast To Ignore Them

, , , , , | Friendly | July 2, 2017

(I have a summer pass to a nearby public pool, and I go pretty often. During mid-June, I notice there is a woman and her baby who are there regularly. We don’t really talk, but I do make a few comments on how adorable her little girl is. The baby couldn’t have been more than a few weeks old. I saw her breastfeeding the baby a few times, but no one ever commented until one day in early July. Her baby starts crying, so the mother begins breastfeeding her. A man goes up to her, and just watches for a few seconds, then speaks to her.)

Man: “That is so disgusting. I can’t believe you’re doing that in public.”

Mother: “I’m just feeding my child.”

Man: “Well, at least don’t pull out your f****** t*ts in public! There are children here!”

Mother: “I’m not exposing anything, and I must feed my child. Please just mind your own bus—”

Man: *interrupting her* “I can see almost your entire t*t, you wh**e. So, if you can just whip out your t*t in public to feed that thing, does that mean I can whip out my d*** in public and—”

Me: *interrupting him, and VERY loudly* “YOU FEED SEMEN TO YOUR INFANT CHILDREN?!”

(Many people heard me, and almost all of them turned to look.)

Man: “What?! No. I would ne— I– I’ve never done— I wouldn’t do that.”

(He then scurried away, looking quite embarrassed.)

Coffee Clubbed To Death

| Canada | Right | May 25, 2017

(There is a certain day of the week where you have to prepare coffee if you open. The coffee is free and it starts out as a small initiative for customer appreciation. Unfortunately, a group a seniors take this out of hand and create the most ungrateful coffee club in existence. First of all, they have a “seating order” for those who come for coffee and if you’re not in the club, you can’t sit with them. Secondly, some people just come to have the coffee, not even work out, and act like they can order around the other patrons who want coffee. Lastly, they complain about the coffee every time, no exaggeration, and it’s free. My last straw with them happens when I take an opening shift on this day for the first time in awhile. I am surprised to find two coffee machines there instead of the one I was familiar with, so I decide on using the bigger one I am used to. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I had no complaints all morning. When they come, I watch them call over my co-worker, who relays this message to me:)

Coworker: “So they’re not happy with the coffee.”

Me: “Oh, what’s wrong with it?”

Coworker: “Well, personally, I think nothing is wrong with it, but they said and I quote ‘did you fill the machine with pool water’?”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Yup, they wanted me to tell you that you should use the smaller coffee machine because they gave money to this place specifically so they could buy a new one. The big one is apparently too old and that’s why the smaller one was purchased.”

Me: “Oh, I had no idea; I’ll go apologize.”

(I did just that and they “forgave me,” but wouldn’t stop talking about how they used their money for this new machine and they didn’t like that it wasn’t being used. When my boss came in later, I told her my story in case she received a complaint.)

Me: “…and so I used the bigger coffee machine, not realizing that they had purchased the smaller one and wanted—”

Boss: “Hold up, what? Say that again?”

Me: “Uh, I wasn’t familiar with the smaller one they bought for this place, so I used—”

Boss: “Oh, my god, they told you they bought that?”

Me: “They didn’t?”

Boss: “Absolutely not. That was purchase made through the centre.”

Me: “But they went on about how they bought it specifically for their club.”

Boss: “I’m sure in their eyes they think they did using only their seniors discount on their membership.”

(To make matter worse, I am talked into doing the same shift the next week and, because I wasn’t familiar with the machine, I don’t realize it isn’t brewing coffee until 30 minutes after we open. I fix this issue by the time one of the people from the club come in, so I just warn them to wait a few minutes.)

Me: “Hi there, just a heads up. There were some issues with the machine this morning but there will be fresh coffee for you guys in just five minutes.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

(A few minutes later, another coffee club member joins her.)

Customer #1: “So, there’s no coffee today.”

Customer #2: “What?”

Me: “No, there is. There was just some technical issues this morning. You just have to wait a few more minutes until it’s brewed.”

Customer #2: “Oh, okay.”

(Customer #3 walks in.)

Customer #2: “Did you hear?”

Customer #1: “There’s no coffee today.”

Customer #3: “What?”

Me: *face palms*

(They did this for EVERY member of the coffee club that walked in, even when they got their coffee. I never took that shift again.)

Been Running This Shift For Too Long

| Canada | Right | May 24, 2017

(At pools everywhere, the number one rule is no running on the pool deck. I have seen people hurt themselves terribly doing that, and even heard of an instances where people have broken a few bones doing this. Still, kids can’t contain themselves sometimes, so the number one thing I am always yelling across the pool is “WALK.” On this one day, I have done an open at 5:45 am and I am guarding a school group that is in later around 11 am. We have turned on the slide, and I see this one kid booking it to get to the deep end where this is happening. For some reason, in urgency my brain failed me and this is what happens:)

Me: “RUN!”

Kid: *stops running and looks at me confused*

Me: “…I meant WALK, but that got your attention, didn’t it?”

That Was Swimmingly Obvious

| The Netherlands | Learning | April 11, 2017

(I am a volunteer at the swimming club, where I teach the kids who already have their basic diplomas more advanced things, like butterfly stroke or handling a water polo ball. This is the first time we’ll be using water polo balls, so I always cover the safety rules, just in case. The ages vary between 6 and 12. The kids know I tend to be either silly or sarcastic and they are used to my expressions. I always tell them to think for themselves.)

Me: “When we go into the water, we will not be holding the ball.”

Kid #1: “Can we dive in?”

Me: “Do you want me to take your teeth out for you, or will you let the ball do that?” *kids laugh* “Nah, for obvious reasons, we do not dive in with balls!”

Kid #2: *with a wicked grin* “So, how do boys do that?”

Me: “…You win that one.”

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