Their Parenting Has Taken A Dive

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2019

(I am swimming at a public pool. I have just come up from under the water, and I hear a woman berating a lifeguard by the diving board.)

Lifeguard: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to keep people safe.”

Woman #1: “Show me where it says in the rule book! It doesn’t say! People were doing it yesterday and no one said anything!”

Lifeguard: “I wasn’t here yesterday, so I don’t know about what happened then. But I know our training covers that this is not allowed.”

Woman #1: “Show me where it says in the rule book! If it’s against the rules, it should be posted!”

(After a few more minutes of arguing, the lifeguard goes to get the rule book. The woman beside me shares a look with me.)

Woman #2: “I saw the whole thing. Not only did they have someone waiting in the pool to catch the kid, they had someone else on the diving board because the kid was too small to really jump! If your kid is too young to be on the diving board himself, what makes you think it’s a good idea to throw him off?”

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H2Oh My

, , | Right | October 25, 2019

(The pool where I work is having a swim meet against a wealthier neighborhood pool. The concessions stand is incredibly swamped, except for at this very moment.)

Customer: “Hi! Could you fill this cup up?” *puts cup directly into my hand*

(We give out cups of ice for free and the customers fill them up at the water fountain themselves.)

Me: “Oh, sure. I’ll be right back!” *leaves and fills it up*

Customer: “Did you just fill this up at the water fountain outside?”

Me: “Yeah, we use that water because it is colder and tastes better than the tap water in here.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s why it tastes awful! Do you have any bottled water?”

Me: “Yes, for $1.25. The cup of ice is free.”

Customer: *sighs and storms off*

Me: *turns to my coworker who just overheard this* “The h*** was that for?”

Coworker: “Snobby rich parents require gourmet water, I guess. She should have just brought some from her own d*** pool.”

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Unfiltered Story #163264

, , | Unfiltered | September 16, 2019

(I work at a water park as a lifeguard. For safety reasons, we do not allow swimmers to wear face masks or goggles that cover the nose. During this interaction I am sitting on stand watching the wave pool.)
Guest: Why did you make my kid take off her goggles?
Me: Goggles that cover the nose are not allowed.
Guest: WHAT?!?! I didn’t see that rule anywhere! It said online that goggles are allowed!
(At this point the waves turn on and we are required to stand. It is very difficult to talk to someone while watching the wave pool so I signal my supervisor to come over.)
Supervisor: What’s going on?
Me: This man is angry because his kid can’t wear a face mask that covers the nose.
Supervisor: Sir, we do not allow face masks because, if your child drowns with the mask on and the lifeguard has to give rescue breaths or preform CPR, removing the mask is an extra step that takes time and could cost your child their life. This is why we do not allow swimmers to wear them.
Guest: This is ridiculous! I bought these goggles so my child could use them at this water park! There are no signs or rules saying this anywhere in this whole park! My kid should be allowed to wear these goggles!
Supervisor: Sir, our website has the pool rules posted. We also have signs with all the rules posted at the entrance to the park and at the front of the wave pool. If you continue to use the goggles we will have to confiscate them and we will ask you to leave the park.
Guest: *storms off muttering about goggles*

Unfiltered Story #160082

, , | Unfiltered | August 11, 2019

Me (to a five-year-old) who is in the pool. ‘How old are you, sweetie?’

Boy: Five!

Me: And where is your grown up?

He starts pointing, then changes his mind, points again, and then just starts pointing randomly. We do not allow under eights in the pool on their own. He was out of his depth and clinging to the wall.

His father now takes notice and swims over from the other side of the pool.

Father: He’s with me!

Me: Yes, and he was here, out of his depth and clinging to the wall.

Father: But he is Level 10 at swimming!

Me: I don’t care if he is heading for the Olympics, you do not leave him on his own on MY WATCH!

As it turned out, if Level 10 was being able to doggy paddle, then the lad was a even crap at that. I then had to tell him to get out of the pool and then not get in the pool, all whilst his Father was completely ignoring him.

Plus, they were in the pool for about 4 hours so there was no escape! KIt was a very long shift.

Orange Is The New Black

, , , , , , | Learning | August 3, 2019

(I’ve been a swim coach for the past ten years, and every summer I get at least one moment that reminds me of how nine-year-olds always keep you on your toes. The swimmer is this story is a nine-year-old girl with a rainbow swimsuit and a pink glittery swim cap. Just a little bundle of bubbly girl power.)

Swimmer: “Coach, coach, I know what car is yours!”

Me: “Oh? What car?”

Swimmer: “The orange one, because orange is your favorite color.”

Me: *looking down and realizing I’m in my bright orange swimsuit and sunglasses today* “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Swimmer: “Why is orange your favorite color?”

Me: “Because it’s a happy color.”

Swimmer: “I like black.”

(Before I can ask why black is her favorite color, the nine-year-old swimmer flexes her arms and squats down as she scream-growls:)

Swimmer: “BECAUSE I’M METAL!”

(The swimmer proceeded to stand up, giggle, and run over to the pool to dive in like nothing had happened and leaving me to burst into fits of shocked laughter.)

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