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No Need To Fish For Compliments, But She Swims Like One!

, , , , , , | Learning | June 19, 2022

I’ve been teaching swimming lessons for over twenty-five years now. I pride myself on seeing the best in children, but last week I was humbled… by a five-year-old.

A new season starts and I meet my new group. I’m fairly small, and most of my students are about my height or surpass me. Suddenly, I spot a girl who barely reaches my waist.

Me: “Oh, hello! Are you new?”

The child nods.

Me: “And are you in my group?”

The child nods again.

Me: “And what is your name?” 

I check my list and she’s not on there. 

Me: “You’re not on my list, but don’t worry; we’ll sort this out! We’ll find out which group you’re in, in no time! [Teacher], can you take over while I go to [Administrator] and get her to her class?”

I take the girl to the administrator, who seems to know every kid and where they swim by heart. 

Me: “[Administrator], I’ve got a lost child here! This is [Child] and she thought she was in my group.”

Administrator: “Oh, hello, [Child]! Well, she’s right. She is in your group.”

Me: “What? Are you sure?”

Administrator: “Yes, of course! Did I forget to put her name on your list? I’m so sorry, that’s my mistake. But don’t worry; she’s absolutely in your class.”

Me: “Oh… eh… sure.”

While we walk back, I start thinking about how I should adapt my lessons so she can keep up with the older kids. I thank the other teacher for taking over and give the first assignment.

And, as you guessed… the kid is wonderful! She keeps up with everyone and is even faster than some! My jaw almost drops.

At the end of the class, I always compliment the children on their efforts. Then, I turn to my new five-year-old.

Me: “And you… you probably didn’t know it, but you taught me a lesson today! I hope I can be your teacher for a long time!”

I wasn’t, by the way. She was too good for my group and I handed her over to the next one, which was more challenging for her.

She Pushed You Out Of The Way Of A Bullet

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 4, 2022

Back when I was fourteen and my sister was nineteen, she took me to the community pool. I was just learning how to handle my womanly cycles, so I wasn’t really comfortable getting in the water during that time. Still, when I saw my crush, I had to say hello. I sat beside him at the water’s edge. We talked for a few minutes when a woman, who turned out to be his mom, came up.

Mom: “Hi, who are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m [My Name]. Nice to—”

Mom: “Oh, do you go to school with [Crush]?”

Me: “Yeah, we have English together.”

Mom: “Why don’t you get in the water, [My Name]?”

Me: “Ahh, I’m not in the mood to swim.”

Mom: “Oh, but it’s the pool! Everyone swims!”

Me: “No, I’m okay.”

Crush: “I’m gonna get a soda.”

Me: “Oh, me, too!”

I stood up and almost immediately ended up in the water. When I resurfaced, I saw [Crush] and his mom at the edge of the pool.

[Crush] laughed as I grabbed onto the side of the pool.

Me: “What just happened?”

Crush: “She pushed you! You should see your face.”

My sister came over.

Sister: “[My Name], I thought you weren’t swimming today?”

Me: “I was pushed.”

Sister: “What the f***? Who pushed you?”

Mom: “I didn’t hurt her. She—”

My sister shoved [Mom] in the water and pulled me out. [Mom] resurfaced, sputtering.

Mom: “What is wrong with you?!”

Sister: “Oh, you didn’t want to go in the water? It didn’t matter when [My Name] didn’t want to go in.”

[Mom] went to a lifeguard and complained about being pushed in against her will. My sister told the lifeguard that she only did it because [Mom] pushed me first. We were all banned from the pool for the rest of the summer. That was the moment I realized what an a** my crush was and lost interest in him.

Pooling Together Their Excuses

, , , , , , | Right | January 17, 2022

I work at a small hotel. The hotel has a pool that is fenced in and the two gates to it are locked when it closes at 10:00 pm. The fence and gates are about six feet tall. I am working the audit shift and get a call at around 1:00 am from a room.

Guest: “There is a lot of noise coming from the pool area.”

I walk from the lobby building to the pool area and see four people — two men and two women — in the pool. I stand just outside the pool area.

Me: “The pool is closed and you need to leave.”

Pool Guests: “We had no idea that it wasn’t open.”

I reiterate that they need to leave the pool. They try to stall, claiming that they need some time to grab their stuff. They also ask me to unlock the gates. I am still not sure why, but I decide to be petty.

Me: “If you can get in with the gates locked, then you can get out with them locked. You have ten minutes to vacate the pool, and if you don’t, then I will be calling the police.”

I walk back to the lobby building and check to make sure everything is still okay there and do a few minor tasks. About fifteen minutes later, I walk back to the pool area, and they are still there, in the pool, making no attempts to leave.

Me: “I will be calling the police now.”

They ignore me and make no moves toward leaving. I call the police and go back to the lobby building. Two minutes later, an officer arrives and confirms what is going on with me before heading to the pool area.

About six minutes later, he returns to the lobby.

Officer: “The pool is now empty, but I went to their two rooms and informed them that if they are caught in the pool or cause any other issues for you, I’ll be back to arrest them. The couple in the first room apologized and promised they’d behave. The second room was a different story.”

Me: “How so?”

Officer: “This man in the second room stood dripping wet at the door and insisted that they had never been in the pool and they were wet because they had just taken a shower. I asked if he always showered with his clothes on and he said he forgot to take them off. Then I told the man that I’d followed his wet footprints to his room. Then he told me the footprints belonged to someone else! I told him to just go to sleep and stay out of trouble.”

I documented all of that in our logbook and made notes in their folios. The rest of the night was blissfully quiet.

The Rules Were Made To Be Broken

, , , | Working | January 17, 2022

The local community center had an indoor pool. It was mostly for lap swimming, but a few hours a week, kids could use it. There were large locker rooms right next to the pool for showering and changing. The other wing of the building had meeting rooms, basketball, racquetball, and one individual bathroom without a shower.

My three-year-old son (ADHD/mildly autistic) enjoyed swimming, but the community center kept adding more rules. One rule said everyone had to shower before using the pool. Given his age and ability, I needed to help my son in the locker room. Then, they added a new rule: three-year-olds weren’t allowed to accompany a parent of the opposite sex into the locker room.

Were they really expecting all children that age to change and shower by themselves? In a room of adult strangers? After trying that just once — with me yelling through the doorway and sending random guys in to check on my son, and lost clothing and towels — I called to find out if there were any other options.

Me: “So, there’s a rule that you have to take a shower before entering the pool?”

Worker: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: “But what if my three-year-old needs help? The other rule says he can’t come in the locker room with me.”

Worker: “That’s correct. Anyone needing help can use the single bathroom at the other end of the building.”

Me: “But there’s no shower there, so then we’d be breaking the first rule. And it’s kind of far to walk while dripping wet after swimming.”

The worker tries to explain the same two rules to me a few times.

Worker: “Just break one rule or the other and see if anyone complains.”

After that, we didn’t renew our membership, and we tried to find other pools that were more kid-friendly.

Were… Were The Toilets Broken?

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2022

I was a lifeguard with cleaning duties. Two kids pooped in the boys’ locker room sink.

But they were short, so one of them must have been on the shoulders of the other to actually get the poop into the sink. Either that or they pooped in their hands and put it in the sink.

We used a whole jug of bleach cleaning that mess!