Unfiltered Story #163264

, , | Unfiltered | September 16, 2019

(I work at a water park as a lifeguard. For safety reasons, we do not allow swimmers to wear face masks or goggles that cover the nose. During this interaction I am sitting on stand watching the wave pool.)
Guest: Why did you make my kid take off her goggles?
Me: Goggles that cover the nose are not allowed.
Guest: WHAT?!?! I didn’t see that rule anywhere! It said online that goggles are allowed!
(At this point the waves turn on and we are required to stand. It is very difficult to talk to someone while watching the wave pool so I signal my supervisor to come over.)
Supervisor: What’s going on?
Me: This man is angry because his kid can’t wear a face mask that covers the nose.
Supervisor: Sir, we do not allow face masks because, if your child drowns with the mask on and the lifeguard has to give rescue breaths or preform CPR, removing the mask is an extra step that takes time and could cost your child their life. This is why we do not allow swimmers to wear them.
Guest: This is ridiculous! I bought these goggles so my child could use them at this water park! There are no signs or rules saying this anywhere in this whole park! My kid should be allowed to wear these goggles!
Supervisor: Sir, our website has the pool rules posted. We also have signs with all the rules posted at the entrance to the park and at the front of the wave pool. If you continue to use the goggles we will have to confiscate them and we will ask you to leave the park.
Guest: *storms off muttering about goggles*

Unfiltered Story #160082

, , | Unfiltered | August 11, 2019

Me (to a five-year-old) who is in the pool. ‘How old are you, sweetie?’

Boy: Five!

Me: And where is your grown up?

He starts pointing, then changes his mind, points again, and then just starts pointing randomly. We do not allow under eights in the pool on their own. He was out of his depth and clinging to the wall.

His father now takes notice and swims over from the other side of the pool.

Father: He’s with me!

Me: Yes, and he was here, out of his depth and clinging to the wall.

Father: But he is Level 10 at swimming!

Me: I don’t care if he is heading for the Olympics, you do not leave him on his own on MY WATCH!

As it turned out, if Level 10 was being able to doggy paddle, then the lad was a even crap at that. I then had to tell him to get out of the pool and then not get in the pool, all whilst his Father was completely ignoring him.

Plus, they were in the pool for about 4 hours so there was no escape! KIt was a very long shift.

Orange Is The New Black

, , , , , , | Learning | August 3, 2019

(I’ve been a swim coach for the past ten years, and every summer I get at least one moment that reminds me of how nine-year-olds always keep you on your toes. The swimmer is this story is a nine-year-old girl with a rainbow swimsuit and a pink glittery swim cap. Just a little bundle of bubbly girl power.)

Swimmer: “Coach, coach, I know what car is yours!”

Me: “Oh? What car?”

Swimmer: “The orange one, because orange is your favorite color.”

Me: *looking down and realizing I’m in my bright orange swimsuit and sunglasses today* “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Swimmer: “Why is orange your favorite color?”

Me: “Because it’s a happy color.”

Swimmer: “I like black.”

(Before I can ask why black is her favorite color, the nine-year-old swimmer flexes her arms and squats down as she scream-growls:)


(The swimmer proceeded to stand up, giggle, and run over to the pool to dive in like nothing had happened and leaving me to burst into fits of shocked laughter.)

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Oof, And Also Yikes

, , , , , | Friendly | August 1, 2019

I recently overheard this at the apartment pool:

“I told him I wished he’d die in a car accident, and then he died in that car accident? I meant it, but I didn’t mean it mean it.”

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Unfiltered Story #154733

, , , | Unfiltered | June 12, 2019

I’m volunteering at the pool (recording swim test scores, tidying up gear, fixing lane lines), and I happen to be wearing a red bathing suit. A mom waiting to pick up her kid starts talking to me:

Mom: Lifeguard red! Is it fun being a lifeguard here?

I try to explain to her that I am a volunteer and not a qualified lifeguard. She is having none of it. She continues to try to make conversation about my status as a lifeguard.

Me: I am just a volunteer! I’m not even legally an adult, so I can’t be a lifeguard.

Mom: …oh. Are you a junior lifeguard?

Me: NO! No. I’m not. I’m not really into that kind of thing. I’m just working at the pool for the morning.

Mom: Well, you should really sign up for Junior Lifeguards.